I won't lie to you guys, this fanfiction has been weighing on my thoughts lately. Nothing bad, I promise. I love writing this story and being able to come back to it and you guys when I need a break (or if I'm on a deadline, idk how it works but my Blasper creativity just flows whenever I need to be working on something else) and to challenge myself to write different types of scenes. If you haven't noticed, RAVAGE and SAVAGE tend to shift from genre to genre (horror, romance, action, suspense) because it's what the story calls for, and I enjoy the exercise because it makes me write better when it comes to drafting my original works.

I sincerely appreciate those of you who have gone to check out my original co-written novel Once Upon a Lie on Wattpad. A sample of the work is going to remain online for free until my co-writer and I have time to work on finishing the novel. I also started posting RAVAGE on Wattpad. It's been crazy seeing how fast RAVAGE has blown up on there compared to my original work. I know Wattpad can lean into catering more toward fanfiction these days than original stories, but I sometimes worry that if I continue down this road of cross-promoting my fanfiction with my original work, I'll only really be known as getting my start writing a Twilight fanfiction when I've been writing for so much longer. Or that my fanfiction might be perceived as being better than my original work (this is what's been weighing on my mind lately lol)

BUT, you guys have been so supportive on my journey, I don't necessarily want to keep all of my original works separate from you and this story. At least, definitely not my first one!

I'm self-publishing the first five chapters of my debut novel, Saving Declan, September 29, 2023 on Kindle Vella, and will be updated every Friday. Pretty much exactly like Once Upon a Lie, I'm focused on publishing serialized content, but this time on a platform that will help me pay toward self-publishing expenses. This story started out as my take on a mafia romance, and has since blossomed into a fall-focused, dark academic, second chance romance, dude in distress, gritty citycore story that has my entire heart.

There's also superheroes, but make them... objectively horrifying.

If you're interested, check out the end author's notes or my profile.

And if you made it this far, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

AUGUST II

JASPER PREFERRED HIS SHOWERS SCALDING hot, especially after his runs into town. The steam of them would creep out from underneath the door and mist through the hallway. It'd make the air hazy and thick with microscopic droplets. Before tonight, I would try not to think about what he looked like behind the closed bathroom door, but I failed every time. It had been months since I had seen the sinewy lines of his bare chest, or felt the ridges and dips of his scars stretched over his torso, unobscured by fabric, and I wasn't sure if it was strange to admit missing it. I missed the physical closeness we used to share.

Meanwhile, Jasper spent these past months as a perfect gentleman, maybe even too much of a gentleman with the way he would act around me. Sometimes I thought he treated me too much like I was made of smoke. Like I'd disappear in a breeze if he wasn't careful. Like I was the mist that would start creeping out from underneath the bathroom door any minute now.

I knew it was because of me. James had torn me apart and Jasper found the pieces. He hadn't been able to do more than be my anchor, a force I could return to as I fell apart and put myself back together over and over again. He remained constant in his support, protection, teaching, and affection. He always let me know where he stood, but he never pushed further, always letting me make the decision or the first move. He wouldn't risk me, not when I was struggling to find my footing in my new body, my new world, my new feelings. He wouldn't risk me even after that, I realized. I had to be to the one to show him it was all right. That I was grounded enough to be sick of delaying the bond between us, and ignoring how it had been meant to bloom for some time now.

I just… didn't know how to go about showing him that, or explaining it, or even doing it. The only things I knew about sex came from an awkward talk with my mom when I was ten and what was said in the locker room before and after practice when I started playing on teams with girls older than me. They sometimes talked about how far they went with their boyfriends, and compared if they actually had an orgasm or not. It was the same within the groups of friends I had in Seattle in Forks, and those conversations only really started to hold more weight in junior year.

My bare feet pressed into the cool wooden floors of the darkened hallway. Chills ran up my spine, but they weren't from the cold. They were from the light shining from under the crack of the closed bathroom door, and everything else I knew would be waiting on the other side.

It wasn't like those conversations were useful to me now, anyway. All of my friends' experiences already paled in comparison to everything I ever had with Jasper Whitlock. It made sense, I guessed, since he wasn't the average high school boy. He had a hundred and fifty years to be… proficient in things. Which was terrifying.

What if I was bad at… it? What if I did something weird? What if Jasper was going to be stuck with a… a mate that was bad at sex, or even worse, was just weird? Forever? I suddenly, intimately understood the feeling of butterflies dancing in my stomach. They felt like fear, anticipation, and excitement all at once. Such human emotions the human version of myself would have felt just as strongly. And it was all because of Jasper, waiting for me on the other side of the door.

That was the only thing that gave me the courage to close the space between me and the bathroom. My emotions may have felt human, but they translated into a burst of wild vampiric energy. I opened the bathroom door too fast, and too hard. It careened toward the wall with a force that would have carved a hole in it if I didn't grab the handle in time. I stumbled to catch it, because so much for vampiric dexterity, and something in me started singing when Jasper's voice echoed throughout the bathroom. "Blaire?"

The way he said my name was always so reverent, even when it was posed as a question. I straightened up just as fast as I entered, my gaze sweeping through the bathroom. The water's temperature hadn't reached his preference yet, but it would only be a matter of minutes until steam filled the space and the air became too thick. Jasper stood in front of the shower, his shirt pulled halfway off of him. It was bunched comically around his shoulders, his arms crossed over his chest with his fingers curled around the hem. I couldn't help but look at his exposed torso, couldn't help but let my eyes rake up and down the planes of his chest and abdominals and all the scars littered across it. Those joyous butterflies suddenly turned vicious, slamming into all sides of me, drowning me. I was in over my head.

Jasper finished pulling off his shirt, his hair landing around his head in disarray, just as messy as when we would chase each other around the forest and cliffs. It felt familiar. His amusement brushed against me, even a little flattery at the way I was so obviously checking him out. He loved being the center of my attention as much as I loved being his.

My emotions, on the other hand… I could barely keep up with them all, except for want. I wanted everything, to give and take it all, and I hoped Jasper would meet me step for step. I hoped I wouldn't ruin it.

I crossed the space between us and reached up to untangle a few messy strands of his hair. It had become thicker in the salty air and sunshine, his curls tighter. His smiles were also different since coming here. They were softer, and they revealed themselves more often. He was so happy, even now in spite of his confusion. I wanted him to feel this way forever. I wanted him to feel this way about me forever.

Rosalie said it was a struggle to come to grips with eternity, but I knew I wouldn't ever let myself forget this place, his eyes, this moment in time, for as long as I lived.

Gently, I wrapped my hand behind his head and pulled him down to me. He met my kiss like molten honey, sweet and hot and smooth against my lips and war-torn heart. It was addiction in its purest form. I cupped the side of his face in my other hand, desperate for the connection, to hold him against me. He opened his mouth against mine, tongue gently drawing along my lower lip, coaxing my own to touch his. It should have been strange – weird – but the kiss suddenly felt deeper. More primal. As if it had always been this way between us and always would be.

My fingers tightened in Jasper's hair. One of his arms wrapped possessively around my waist while his other hand moved up to my face. His fingers trailed along my cheek, past a ticklish spot on my ear, before carding through my hair. His emotions exploded within me as soon as his hand settled behind my head and at the nape of my neck: want and wicked greed to take, a desperation for all of me that I would give, coiling itself around me like a snake and pulling me even closer to him.

This was it. It had to be. It was so perfect, he was so perfect. I could do this. I had to. It would be all right.

I let my hand fall from his face so I could touch his chest. I could feel the muscle woven just underneath his marred skin, all of him broad and hard, so different from me. I could feel myself losing my edge at what else would be different too, and quickly let my hand drift lower, testing the planes of his body –

Suddenly, my back was supported by the wall next to the shower. The mirror hanging over the sink rattled. Jasper's hand was between us, long fingers wrapped around my wrist, holding my hand in place against the waistline of his pants. "Shit, darlin'," he laughed – he laughed? It was a sharp sound, slicing through the haze of my thoughts and the steam curling into the air around us. The shower was still on.

I was frozen, terror making everything void, but humiliation and irritation were quickly crawling into the empty space. Did he – Was this weird? Why was he laughing? "What?" I demanded, but it sounded far too meek.

"Sorry, sorry," he said, but he was smiling. His shoulders shook with repressed mirth. I glared at him. "I just, uh, wasn't expecting that, I guess."

I was going to die. Like actually. Vampires only thought they were indestructible, but I was going to prove firsthand that they could die of embarrassment. "Just forget it," I said, yanking my hand out of his, pushing against his chest, desperate for escape. Ruined. Everything was ruined. It was too late. I was weird –

"No, I'm sorry, I'm done," Jasper said, doing his best to pull himself together while I wanted to melt into the floor. So much for it being the perfect moment. "What, um… What were you trying to do there?"

"You'd know better than me," I shot back. His brows rose in response, and any bravado I'd managed to scrape together for the retort disappeared in the same instant. "This is what… we're supposed to do now… right?"

"No," he said. "It's something we can do when we want to in our own time. I told you before that I liked the pace we set. I don't think we need to rush it."

"Plenty of people our age were having sex at Forks High," I said, recalling Jessica Stanley and her blasé rambling about whether she'd "give it up" for Mike Newton at prom or not. I remembered thinking that she was so mature for weighing that kind of decision for herself. After everything I experienced, I was definitely old enough to do the same thing for myself. "Things are a little different than the 1860s. No one really waits for marriage anymore. I'm not some – some – innocent flower –"

Jasper broke out into another laugh, which only infuriated me, but I stopped short when I noticed an undercurrent of worry with his amusement. "That's not it. I'd like to think I've moved on from any mindset forged by that time."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I said. "I'm just… trying to understand."

He sobered a little, but he was still smiling. "Some of those people may have been doing more at Forks High, but I also know some of them felt obligated, too. Like they were on some sort of timer, under some sort of pressure." He tapped my forehead. "I'm getting that from you right now. And the fact that you said this is what we're supposed to do. It shouldn't feel like that. Whatever happens between us shouldn't feel like… like some kind of hurdle you have to get over."

"I'm fine," I said.

Jasper's deadpan look was enough to let me know he wasn't convinced. "And while we're on the subject, those kids at Forks may have been your age, but they weren't mine." He grabbed my hips and hoisted me up on the sink's counter to put us at eye-level, suspiciously mirroring our positions from earlier. On instinct, and maybe a little more vindictiveness, I spread my legs wider so I could draw him in. Jasper followed my ploy, but his eyes seemed to go darker. Those eyes and his accompanying resolve asked me to test him further. Assured me that whatever I wanted, he would give. He would not deny me. It reminded me that this male who I was going to spend the rest of my existence with had been alive for so much longer, experienced so much more. It made me uneasy. "I know it's something we've talked about before," he went on, "but it's also a fact about me that's not going to change."

"There are other facts about you that aren't going to change, either," I pointed out. My hands drifted back up his chest. I was tempted to run them through his hair, pull his mouth back down to mine. He was starting to look at my lips, anyway. I liked that even though we were having this conversation, he was still so open about showing his attraction to me. I knew it really would be all right if we didn't push our physical relationship further than where it was now, but I was so tired of waiting – "I'm not going to shy away from them. I love you. I'm not scared –"

"Don't lie to me." He wasn't mad, necessarily, but it felt like a warning. His gaze on me was level. Intent. To be known the way Jasper and I knew each other was a gift, but it also meant there was nowhere to hide. No way to lie.

I sighed. "Maybe I am. A little. Isn't that normal?"

"Yes," he acquiesced, "but it shouldn't be… an uneasy sort of feeling. It shouldn't feel like a challenge. It should be something you feel ready for. Like…" He sighed, too. Needles of his awkwardness and anxiety skittered over me, letting me know that even if he had been alive so much longer than me, at least he was a little nervous about this, too. "What I mean to say is you should feel safe. With me. That's what I want above all else. I know we'll get there, which is why there's no rush. I just got you, Blaire. I'm not going anywhere."

"But what if you do?" I whispered. "What if I do? Every time, when we've been so close, something always gets in the way. It tears us apart. I don't want to lose you – I can't –"

"You won't," he said. "You can't. Please understand me when I tell you this is how close I want to stay with you until the end of time." He moved one of my hands over the mottled gash that had once been torn out of his side. My eyes drifted down to see the scar there. "Please understand when you see these wounds, when you feel them against you, that they're the proof I have faced every pain, every horror, to be this close to you. Now that you know my past, understand that I would endure it – that I would slaughter thousands – as many times over as it would take to keep you with me for as long as you wish it."

He tilted my chin back, forcing my gaze to meet his. "You are mine. As I'm yours. One day, you'll understand my devotion for you runs darker and deeper than any amount of blood either of us could shed."

If I hadn't already accepted the bond, his blistering sincerity would have seared my soul to his. It still did. His words burned inside of me, and made me realize there was so much more behind his eyes. There was still more of his heart that had yet to open for me. So much more he was holding back. His longing, my realization, our love ricocheted off each other. There was so much more. His hand trembled against my skin. All of him trembled, I realized. It was subtle, but in the stillness of the room around us, I could see the lines of his body shiver. "You're shaking," I murmured.

"For you," he assured me, eyes never leaving mine. Then he leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine. "Sólo tu." Another kiss, but he didn't pull back far. His mouth barely touched mine as he spoke again. "Siempre tú."

I suddenly, deeply, intimately understood the phrase wanting to eat someone alive.

I could tell Jasper picked up on my mood with the subtle arch of his brow, and the shadow of a smirk ghosting his lips. His knowing made it all the more unnerving. Thrilling.

"Maybe I'm not ready for… everything," I finally admitted, "but I… I didn't like it when you left me like that. I thought I did something…"

"What?" His brows furrowed. "No. I'm sorry. It was a lot for me, all at once. Between your emotions and mine, I knew I wasn't going to stand a chance if we kept going. If I'm being honest, I don't think I'm ready myself."

My arms had found their way to winding around his neck, my fingers interlocking with themselves. "Do you want to?" I asked.

Jasper sighed, then dropped his head against my shoulder. "Probably more than I should," he said into my skin. I couldn't even think straight when the gravel of his voice tickled at every nerve ending. Couldn't he feel how much I wanted him? The longing, the need, my own love – it all pulsed within me so hard it ached under my skin.

Jasper let out a shuttering sigh. More air rushed along my skin. "Where – Where does this leave us then?" I asked.

The air was getting too thick, too blurry, but it was from the shower. Jasper noticed it too, and finally released me so he could turn it off. The sudden separation was jarring. He cut off the water, sending an abrupt silence into the foggy room. It left my question hanging there, exposed between us.

He was looking at the faucet under his palm. "I mean…" More of his awkwardness danced between us. "There are other things we could do."

I arched a brow. "What? Like make out?"

Jasper shrugged, but then he broke into a small, smug smile. "And other things. This isn't the 1860s anymore, you know."

If I could've blushed, I would have. "What about your shower?" I asked as he was walking out of the room.

"Probably ran through all the hot water," he said, his drawl deeper than usual, smoother, making my body hum in delicious new ways. "Gotta let it reheat."

He was in the kitchen when he spoke again. "Besides, I just thought of a better way to spend my night."

My brows shot up. I was off the bathroom counter and halfway down the hallway in half a second. I stepped out into darkness. Well, not total darkness, anyway. There was a shaft of cold light that barely traced the lines in the cabin – even for my own enhanced eyes. It came from my laptop, sitting on the ledge in front of the bed, painting Jasper's arms in sharp contrasts of white and shadow. He looked over his shoulder when I approached. "Wanna watch a movie?"

We would do no such thing, but I rolled my eyes and played along. "Sure," I said. Jasper had already loaded a DVD into the disc player before he stood up, and my excited butterflies took flight when his dark gaze settled on me. They fluttered softer than before, less chaotic. He held his hand out. I took it, and didn't stop walking until I felt the edge of the flooring end under my feet, then let myself drop the remaining distance between me and Jasper.

His arms wrapped around me, supporting my weight with ease, kissing the space between my jaw and my neck. "Tell me what you don't like," he whispered, his breath rolling down my collarbone and causing goosebumps to form. "Tell me what doesn't feel good, if you want to slow down or stop."

I nodded as his lips moved further up my jaw. "As long as you do that for me, too," I told him before leaning into his kiss.

He smiled against my mouth. "I think I can manage that."

I leaned back, pulling him by the fabric of his newly donned shirt. He had to know that would be coming off in short order. I let myself fall again, this time into the sprawling bed beneath us while Jasper pressed "play" on our movie before returning to me.

We were two beings who had finally found each other in the dark.

V

I do want to apologize if there's any frustration with this update.

I know I was saying "spice, spice, SPICE" all during my author's notes in the last chapter, and it's still coming, but... idk it just did not feel right to have Blaire jump into that scenario yet lol. Maybe Jasper's rubbing off on me, because I loved the idea when I was plotting it, but then when I started writing Blaire and her nervousness, I felt like I was rushing things. As someone who first became enthralled with the idea of romances between immortal/mortal characters from Twilight, I was stoked to expound upon the complexities of that kind of relationship in this story (and as I'll inevitably do with a few of my original works as well). At the end of the day, there is still a MASSIVE age difference between Blaire and Jasper, massive differences in experience and maturity, and Jasper's ability to read and dissect Blaire's emotions make it all the more complex.

Also, did you know "vindiction" is not a word? That was news to me when writing this chapter.

FINAL NOTE

If you enjoy this story and my writing, please consider reading and supporting my original works. Writing is my passion, and I want to make a career out of sharing my stories with others. Upvotes, unlocking chapters, reviews, and even sharing my works and recommending them to others gives me more exposure and opportunities.

ONCE UPON A LIE (YA, fantasy, romance) is published on Wattpad! Follow my account on Wattpad (CressandLeigh) to read it! A sample of this novel is available and free to read.

SAVING DECLAN (M, SFF, romance) will be launched on Kindle Vella 09.29.23 with weekly updates. The first three chapters of this story are free, and additional chapters are unlocked by using tokens that can be purchased through Kindle Vella.

Of course, I also appreciate your comments here. Your words have the power to make my day!