"No morning run today?"
Steve jumps on his stool, head snapping up from his coffee cup.
"Oh, hey, Tony." Steve takes a second to notice the sunlight streaming through the windows. "Not in the mood."
Going for a run is for when Sam is with him—it wouldn't feel the same now. He looks back down at his dark coffee, feeling even worse than a second ago.
He doesn't usually have breakfast in the communal kitchen—he isn't usually staying at the Tower—but today he didn't want to be alone in his bare and luxurious kitchen—even his breath has an echo there. He wasn't really sure if anyone else was going to be here, though, and now that someone has showed up he's not sure anymore if he wants any company.
Steve listens to Tony putter in the cupboards and then he's sitting in front of Steve on the table. "I bet my Tower I know what you're thinking about."
Steve snorts humorlessly but gestures with a hand for Tony to go on. "Maybe we didn't get off to a good start when we met and we don't always see eye to eye…" Steve really hopes there's more to the statement. "But I know you better than you think."
Steve looks at him with skepticism. Tony barks a laugh at his furrowed face. "Look, Rogers, there was no way we could have known the Winter fucking Soldier was actually one of HYDRA'S many victims."
Steve keeps his frown in place.
"Come on! How were we going to draw that conclusion? That a guy who's killed tons of people, who you've even personally fought against and has gravely injured your friends, was actually doing it out of fear and conditioning.
"We never thought of the possibility that the Winter Soldier had zero agency," Tony points out, more somber than Steve has ever heard him be. "All our speculations came from judging the Winter Soldier as a person with his own will."
Steve decides to go back to staring gloomily at his coffee; at least it doesn't try to reason with him.
"There's nothing we can do now, Steve," Tony continues, his tone tilting from somber to slightly vexed.
"I spent days imagining his death," Steve confesses, unable to look Tony in the eye. He feels his face heat up with shame. "I imagined killing him with my own hands over and over." He snaps his mouth shut, afraid he's going to be sick.
"I'm sure you're not the only one." Steve looks up at that. "Nat's spent a lot of time in Wilson's room, looking murderous most of the time."
Steve lowers his head again. "What happened to Wilson wasn't your fault, either." Steve scowls at him and then down at his coffee, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I know that's why you aren't visiting him as often." Tony has a triumphant smirk because he knows he hit the nail on the head. Steve grumbles under his breath.
"His mother had to go back home." Tony continues ignoring Steve's expression. "Really nice woman, by the way, you would like her."
So Tony Stark himself has already met Darlene Wilson. Sam had talked a lot about his family and Steve had always felt a special interest in his mother; Darlene had reminded him a lot of his own mom from what he'd recollected from his conversations with Sam. From the first time he had realized this, Steve has feared—deep down—the day he would meet the woman, unsure of how he'll act. He doesn't want to see Sarah Rogers in a woman who is her own person.
Now that Sam is in a hospital bed, that fear seems childish and idiotic.
"I assume you already know of every one of Wilson's changes, but the doctors say he's getting better."
Steve nods, still staring into his cold coffee. His heart jackhammers into his chest, the same as every time someone mentions Sam and his medical condition. He just waits for Tony to finish with that specific line of dialogue. Tony gives a final sigh and digs into his breakfast.
They don't talk while Tony eats and Steve feels a knot in his stomach. He wants to discuss what happened with the Soldier—with James. He wants to talk about it and wants someone to point out that it's his fault, that as the captain he should have seen that something was wrong. He did, that's true, but he kept behaving like a bully. You hurt my friends so I have the right to terrorize you, that was his mind's reasoning.
"Don't forget our Avengers meeting," Tony reminds him when he's placing his plate into the dishwasher.
"I won't," he grumbles.
He feels morose and it's annoying even him. This morning he didn't want to get out of bed and that's why he made himself wake up at five past thirty in the morning. Still, he did the same thing as if he'd stayed under his warm blankets: sulk. Grudgingly, Steve empties his cup of coffee in one go and places it into the dishwasher. He can't—he shouldn't continue with this attitude or things will get ugly for him.
With this thought in mind, Steve takes the elevator straight to the gym and vows to train until it comes time to go to the Avengers meeting. It works for a couple of hours but then comes a moment when he can't ignore anymore the itch under his skin. There's something Steve has to do and he can't keep postponing it or he swears he will lose his mind.
He takes a long, cold shower before visiting Sam.
Steve's hand trembles around the door handle and he curses his weakness. His grip tightens and he pushes the door open. The room looks exactly the same as the first and last time he visited. Except… Except Sam's respiration isn't being assisted by a machine and he's also now progressed to parenteral feeding.
Steve's feet carry him to Sam and he notices that his face looks less swollen, too. It does nothing for his rising nausea. His heart is hammering, his palms sweating, his throat closes up, and his stomach churns… He feels like a criminal returning to the crime scene.
Steve sits by the bed and lets silence fall over him. It does nothing for his thoughts and Steve finds himself taking Sam's right hand into his own palms and rests his forehead against it. He tries to hold back a whimper but a second later he's crying through gritted teeth.
"So…" Natasha is the first one to say a word after they have each taken a seat around the conference room table.
"Let's address the elephant in the room," Barton follows. He's sitting sideways on his chair and Steve wonders how that can be comfortable with the armrest digging into the man's back. Natasha is sitting on his left and nods her agreement.
"Yeah, the guy we have in my hospital wing right now who, wow, seems is not a cold-blooded killer but another person HYDRA fucked over."
"They've outdone themselves," Steve comments, head lowered.
"Maybe not a cold-blooded killer," Barton says, "but he is cold-blooded. Right?" He looks at Tony and then turns so he can look at Natasha since he's with his back to her, legs dangling from the opposite armrest.
"Yeah, he is," Tony confirms, his head nodding along. "His body has a really low temperature; any normal person and they would have already died of hypothermia. There can be many different reasons causing it but the most probable is HYDRA's knock-off serum."
"Steve." He looks at Tony at the head of the table when he's addressed. "Your body runs hotter since you got your own serum, right?"
Steve doesn't know where Tony got this piece of information—he's probably been searching into S.H.I.E.L.D.'s archive again—but either way, he nods a confirmation.
"Well." Tony lifts his hands palm-up as if everything is clarified. "I wouldn't be surprised if HYDRA's shitty magic potion has side effects like… I don't know, needing to sleep upside down."
Tony scowls as Natasha rolls her eyes at his crack.
"Either way," the scientist adds, "I wouldn't lose much sleep over it; he's not going to die."
"It can't be pleasant," Steve has to point out. He can't prevent but direct a glare in Tony's direction, hackles rising just watching the man's unconcerned posture. Steve is already familiar with the engineer's happy-go-lucky façade but the knowledge does nothing to mitigate the jarring feeling of hearing him talk like that about the Soldier.
James. His name is James.
Steve hasn't had a lot of opportunities to use the name so he believes it will take him a bit of time to get used to it.
Tony is looking at him now. He's not trying to provoke Steve but just waits for him to continue. Steve lets out a deep sigh and reminds himself that this is a serious matter and he can't let his own feelings—be it his guilt over Sam's state or James'—fog his mind.
"So the W—" Steve huffs an irritated breath. "James' body can't regulate its temperature," he states out loud. He nods at his own words, absorbing the bizarre information. "Is there something we can do?"
"I told you," Tony says, trying to mask his annoyance. "There's little one can do against the supersoldier serum, even if it's a Target edition. I've already sent samples—"
"Tony," Natasha has to stop him before he gets too carried away.
"What?"
Natasha points at Steve with a hand.
"I meant what can we do so he will feel more comfortable," Steve elaborates.
"Oh." He taps a finger against his chin. "I already increased the temperature in his hospital room." Steve is glad to hear that Tony hasn't actually ignored James' odd condition. "I don't know how much it's helping him, though; we'll have to ask him what will make him feel better."
Steve is nodding his agreement when Natasha speaks up. "I'm not sure we will get much of an answer." She lets a second pass as all eyes turn to her. "If he really is a HYDRA prisoner and he's been one for a long time, how many times do you think someone has asked him about his well-being?"
Natasha lets that sink in. "His notion of how things work may be a bit askew by now."
"What do you think will happen if we ask him 'hey, man, what can we do so you're not cold all the time?'" Barton questions before Steve can. He turns in his seat and lets his feet hit the floor. He looks just as curious as the other two men.
Natasha gives a slight shrug with a shoulder. "I cannot know." The three men deflate. "Maybe he'll be confused, maybe he'll think we're trying to trick him."
She leaves it at that but Steve feels discomfit now. He goes back to his last few interactions with James and tries to find something he's said that could have confused the Soldier—James. There are a lot of factors to take into account and most of them Steve doesn't know since he doesn't know what has been James' reality with HYDRA. Either way, Steve is convinced he's fucked up a few times when speaking with James.
"Steve." His head snaps up when he hears Natasha's accusatory tone.
"What?" His face heats up. He feels like everyone can see displayed over his head all the unforgiving things he's done to James since the moment he set foot into his prison cell.
"Stop thinking," Natasha instructs and Steve is sure she already knows what's been roaming his mind. He tries not to feel like a little kid who got scolded for not paying attention in class.
"By the way," Barton says lifting a hand in the air to get everyone's attention. "Do we already know who he is? James who?"
"We don't, no," Tony admits.
"I actually have an idea of how we could find out," Steve offers. Tony raises an impressed brow and Steve doesn't know if he should be offended. "Before his operation,"—Before I sedated him without his consent and let him smash against a wall, part of him wants to add—"we heard him saying something."
"Oh, right," Tony says as if he'd already forgotten.
"I'm pretty sure it was his serial number," Steve clarifies.
"He's a fucking P.O.W.," Barton breathes out when the words register. Steve nods.
"You remember the numbers?" Tony asks him, phone already in hand.
"I do." He recites them: 32557038. They've been wandering his mind since he heard them, and even if his memory weren't enhanced he knows he would still remember them.
"I'll look into it. J, make a note."
"Done, Sir."
Steve lets them drift into silence before he starts with another item of interest.
"I consider it better if we don't tell anything to S.H.I.E.L.D. for the moment." Steve studies their expressions, looking for a reaction. He has the vivid memory of trying the same thing the first time he asked them for help with the Winter Soldier. In the same way as that day, Barton is the only one not trying to mask his confusion.
"Cap, we work for S.H.I.E.L.D.," Barton states as if he's forgotten.
"I know, and I know I'm asking a lot but S.H.I.E.L.D. has been as set on capturing the Winter Soldier as we've been these past weeks." Steve puts an emphasis on James' code name, hoping they'll understand what he means: no one else knows of the existence of a real person under the Winter Soldier's mask.
Steve is assaulted by an unpleasant thought: James was probably forced into the dark mask and goggles.
"Not really if we were the firsts to find him," Tony comments off-handedly and Steve doesn't know if there's a different message encoded in the words. He decides to ignore it.
"Look," Steve is intent on getting the message across, "S.H.I.E.L.D. will need proof that James hasn't been killing people of his own volition but that HYDRA has been using persuasion so he would do their dirty work."
"We will need HYDRA documents to prove that," Natasha contributes. "HYDRA likes to keep a record of their procedures, be it how they build their weapons or how they torture their traitors."
"I have taken a look at the pen drive," Tony voices, looking at something in his phone. "Haven't had a moment to take a proper one but it seems to have information about how to take proper care of a weapon. How to clean the asset, how to calibrate the asset…"
"The asset?" Steve feels his blood turn to ice.
"That's what I said. What is it?" Tony's gaze feels heavy.
"What did it say?" Steve questions, urgency coloring his tone. He forces himself to stay in the chair and not jump to his feet, energy pulsing through him.
"I kinda just read the index. Why? You look like you have an idea of what the asset is."
"Is it that dangerous?" Barton asks with worry.
"Is it a nuclear weapon?" Natasha fires next, a note of unease in her tone, too.
Steve manages to shake his head. He opens his mouth and tries to speak but his voice falters. He clears his throat and tries to chase away the images that try to form into his head. "James called himself HYDRA's asset."
His words plunge the conference room into a charged silence. Natasha leans back in her seat but Steve has the feeling that the news hasn't taken her by surprise as much as her teammates.
"Tony, could you bring up the pen drive's content?" Steve requests, voice and expression controlled now, so much that he feels like the skin of his face will crack any second.
Tony nods wordlessly and asks J.A.R.V.I.S. to show the documents on a hologram. He selects a folder that opens up to show numerous documents and recordings with different titles. Steve selects the first document and skims it.
The Asset must not be left alone at any moment while thawed…
The Asset acts unpredictably when thawed…
The Asset possesses high pain tolerance but must be tested every few months…
The Asset must be punished when…
"Shit," Barton hisses. The man gets to his feet, hands running through his hair as he starts walking the length of the room.
"Shit indeed," Tony concurs as he closes the document and makes to select one of the videos. Steve feels his muscles spasm with the instinct to stop him but knows they have to make sure this is what they're looking for. They need all the evidence they can find that shows James has been forced into killing for HYDRA.
The video starts into a room poorly illuminated and empty. Steve needs only a few seconds to recognize the setting and his stomach twists painfully.
"Shit," he hears himself say. His face has probably turned green but he can't look away.
Everyone recognizes the Winter Soldier when he enters the room. His metal arm is already missing
("They even took the shoulder port," Tony comments with a mix of stupefaction and horror. "I-it's where they would have attached the bionic arm," he explains when everyone turns to stare at him. "There was no need for them to take it off.")
and he's only in a pair of boxers. Even when they all know how cold it must be there, he isn't shivering; Steve believes it's a consequence of his rigid posture. He remembers then the moment James' body had started shaking uncontrollably in the medical bay and how it had suddenly ceased when James had woken up. He must be consciously controlling the spasms. Constantly.
"Turn to the wall," orders a female voice but no one else enters the frame.
The four Avengers observe as the Soldier doesn't do as said and instead blinks and turns his neck so he can inspect the room. "Why?" the man asks after a while, face scrunched in concentration. A shudder runs over Steve's body at the broken yet soft voice and he watches enthralled as the man blinks repeatedly, like someone just waking up.
Everyone watching the recording can tell that the silence is caused by astonishment at the man asking a question. It must not be a usual occurrence.
"Have you ever heard him say anything?" whispers a male voice off-camera. Steve doesn't hear any answer so it must have been given with a gesture.
"Turn," the female voice repeats the order with more authority in her tone.
James blinks and stays still. Steve can almost see the woman's gears turn when she has to make a decision. She finally comes into view. They can see James' eyes travel to her truncheon but he doesn't move away when she steps into his space.
"Turn to the wall. NOW!"
Even confused, James starts turning. The woman lifts her truncheon and places it on James' lower back. Steve feels a hand reach inside his chest when he realizes it's not a truncheon but a stun gun. James shouts in pain but stays on his feet. His arm trembles slightly when he places it on the wall at head level. The woman takes a shackle from his right and uses it on the man's wrist which she positions behind his back, whereas the other shackle is fastened around his neck—if he tries to move his arm he will choke himself. Steve notices James' bleeding stump.
"Maybe you should fast forward it," Steve says when the chain that secures James' arm is secured to another chain that hangs from the ceiling.
Tony does just that and they all can see three people in the room. Two are the HYDRA technicians they have in custody while the other one is wearing a mask. Tony stops the recording a few times but it doesn't seem like he talks at all. On the other hand, the two technicians explain throughout the video everything they're doing to "the Asset."
"I think it's enough," Steve croaks. He clears his throat and gets to his feet.
"I think we have enough just with this," Tony points out, voice devoid of its usual energy.
The tension is obvious in the room and Steve believes he's not the only one that feels like shit for spending weeks trying to catch the Winter Soldier. There was indeed no way for them to know this but Steve knows there is nothing that will make him forget the violent images his brain had concocted.
Everyone else seems to agree with Tony but Steve has to interject. "I don't think it will be beneficial for James if we just... entrust him to S.H.I.E.L.D." When no one contradicts him, he continues. "He doesn't talk, for starters, but most importantly he doesn't trust us."
Steve runs a hand down his face and paces the room. "He didn't even tell us he's a prisoner."
"Maybe he doesn't know he's one," Natasha pipes in.
Steve along with his other two teammates regards Natasha with intrigued eyes.
"HYDRA is very good at brainwashing," is her only explanation.
Shit, Steve thinks to his insides. This is getting worse with every passing hour.
"More reason not to hand him over to S.H.I.E.L.D.," Steve insists.
"S.H.I.E.L.D. has really good therapists, Cap," Barton adds his two cents but doesn't sound like he will defend a posture pro S.H.I.E.L.D.
"He needs some time."
He feels desperate to make them understand. When he woke up from the ice, being surrounded by dozens of specialists studying him wasn't what he needed to find his footing in the future. He hasn't spent enough time with James, especially since he found out the truth about him and HYDRA, but Steve believes he could help him… if James were to accept his help.
"All right," Natasha agrees and after her follows Barton's own agreement. Tony nods when they lock eyes.
After that follows Natasha and Barton's report on the two HYDRA agents, Vivian and Xin. As already stated the day before, they aren't important pieces of the organization. They had said it had been the first and only time they'd worked with the Winter Soldier. They didn't know why Maggie Clarke had been wanted dead by the organization.
As a final point of discussion, Steve asks Tony if he got rid of James' nurse. He leans back against his chair when he gets an affirmative answer.
Once the debriefing has ended, it's already six in the evening and the four head to the communal kitchen.