Chapter LXI

Dependency and Independence

Little by little, I regain hope.

Naruto will get rid of his attachment disorder towards me and will be able to do without me for longer and longer each day. He could be alone with Shikamaru, while being relatively calm. However, his fear of losing me still persists.

Shikamaru walks us back. I ignore the hateful glares thrown at me without the slightest embarrassment. To avoid making my student aggressive, I'm as impassive as possible, and it works. He doesn't ruffle any hair and remains firmly clinging to my arm, determined not to let go.

We agree that Shikamaru come tomorrow, in the afternoon, when Naruto is awake. I've given up on imposing my daily routine on him for the moment. As long as I can leave my apartment in broad daylight, I won't push it any further.

Naruto will refuse to board on his own, that's understood.

Once home, the sapphire-eyed boy starts yawning, but he continues to hold my arm instead of taking off his sandals.

"Naruto, let go of me. We arrived. You can go to bed."

Instead of complying, he just stares at me. Mechanically, I try to get my arm out of his hands… However, his fingers cling to my clothes, even when I suddenly brandish my limb upwards, pushing him to place himself on the tips of his toes.

"Naruto! I'm not gonna leave! So you let me go!" I grumble.

Naruto pouts before making a noise complaint. What does that mean? Is it because I left him alone that he refuses to leave me?

Annoyed, I wave my arm up and down. After a few shakes, his hands finally let go and Naruto hastily takes off his sandals. I stare at him, imitating him, but not without glaring at him out of the corner of my eye. He doesn't move and looks at me in a funny way, wagging his tail impatiently.

His sudden, weird behaviour is getting on my nerves. Usually, he wouldn't hesitate for a second to sleep and curl up in a ball. Obviously, he has an idea in mind…

I barely have time to be barefoot when Naruto roughly grabs my wrist, forcing me to follow him, to my room where he's taking me. In doing so, I almost lost my balance. With a sudden movement, I escape from his vice of flesh, and my skin is scratched in the process.

"You don't expect me to come to bed with you after sleeping all night?!" I snap, irritated.

I step back from him… But his tail curls and twists itself around my leg in the blink of an eye. Taken aback by his prehensile and powerful limb, I fall heavily on my back, expelling the air from my now empty lungs. I see the blond grabbing my ankles to pull me against my will into my room. Flabbergasted, I can't react; I can only stare at him as I'm dragged to my bed.

Naruto lets go of me and climbs on all fours in my bunk. He sits down while observing me with his big, blue eyes. However, my shin is still trapped by his tail. When I look to get rid of it by moving my leg, the latter tightens its grip as I try to free myself from it. I use my hands to unroll it, but I can't even slip my fingers underneath to have any grip.

I'm being held hostage by Naruto.

He wants me to lie down with him.

To the point of not giving me a choice.

"What the?!" I shout, trying hard to grab that damn tail stuck to my skin. "You're gonna let me go, yes?! If you wanna sleep, it's without me!"

To my dismay, Naruto hoists me agonizingly slowly into the bed. My pulse accelerates, including my breathing. I cling to the underside of the bed, and resist him with all my strength. I ignore the wild footprints that threaten to drive splinters into my fingers at any moment.

"NARUTO! STOP!" I order, shouting. "YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The teenager growls, his eyebrows as furrowed as mine. He grabs me fiercely by the jacket to pull me. His raw strength far surpasses mine, and so I let go. After a roll, I find myself on my back, on the sheets.

Prey to annoyance and growing panic, I push Naruto away from me using all my limbs… But my efforts are in vain. With his black tail, the blond ties my ankles and legs. He grabs both of my hands and places them above my head, before holding them with one hand. This time, I manage to keep my cool; I know what his intentions are … although my breathing is chaotic, too fast. This fight is lost in advance, and I stop struggling. Frustrated, I growl in annoyance.

My heart sinks into the depths of the earth when Naruto opens my jacket. Now unsure of what he wants from me, my throat tightens; nightmare memories bombard my head. My student carefully removes my shinobi headband and puts it on my headboard. Immediately, I close my right eye to open my left, ready to hypnotize him with my Sharingan the second eye contact is made.

I don't plan on letting him petrify me with his demon eyes.

No.

Out of the question.

I painfully wait as he looks into my eye, expecting the worst; my heart hammers my chest with pain, panic swarms under my skin… I jump when Naruto suddenly licks my forehead. I'm scratched by the little hooks that line the latter, although my skin isn't pierced. Immediately, I shake my head—which prompts him to remove his face from mine. While his filthy drool makes all sensations disappear, I fiercely seek to dive my gaze into his… To my misfortune, his wandering pupils avoid me like the plague.

'You're gonna look at me, yes?!' I grumble in my mind.

Then, the blond frees my hands and squeezes my chest tenderly. He embraces me and wraps his arms around me; at that, he lies down on me. His body pressed against mine makes me blush with discomfort. Incomprehension mixed with fear, I stand still. I don't know how to react. As for Naruto, he hums abstract songs.

What does that mean? Everything implied a hostage-taking which was turning into a nightmare, an indecent and inevitable assault. Only my useless legs remain tied up by his tail.

I wipe my forehead before pushing Naruto away … but he ruffles his hairs as he stops his melody transformed into a growl. He crushes me in his vice of flesh as I miserably try to escape.

"Naruto, you let me go! It's an order!"

My student turns a deaf ear, and his growls increase in aggression. His awakening veil of electricity causes unpleasant numbness throughout my body.

"NARUTO!"

Angry, he rumbles like a noisy and infernal mechanical system. A few lightning bolts escape from his skin; like a stab, I receive an electric shock that makes me flinch. I fall back heavily, now numb. Crushed in his embrace, I struggle to breathe; I painfully fill my empty lungs, which didn't like at all this electric current in my muscles.

When I stop moving, Naruto is silent and as still as me; he waits to see what I'm going to do… After a breath, as if nothing had happened, he hums again and stops crushing me.

He wants me so much that he's ready to electrocute me to keep me with him…

I let out a long, painful sigh, rolling my eyes. I don't have the energy to fight or persist with my student, who is determined to keep me hostage in my bunk. I reach out to grab a book to pass the time… Maa, until he falls asleep so I can escape.

"If you bite me to poison me and force me to sleep, I'll never forgive you, got it?!" I coldly warn Naruto who becomes silent again.

- XxX -

Fortunately, Naruto returns to his usual behaviour when he woke up.

I wait for my release. Deeply immersed in reading, I don't leave my bed immediately … until he starts drooling all over me while snoring like a forge. His separation anxiety disorder is still in effect… It's the only explanation I can find for what happened. He electrocuted me… Apart from his nightmares, this had never happened to me before.

Naruto is too dependent on me, and his fear of losing me doesn't help the situation if he's so clingy every time. This puts me in significant discomfort and embarrassment. It's only by getting him used to be without me that he will be able to get rid of it, enough to no longer experience so much distress. Since I've had custody of him, I've been pleading of entrusting him to anyone. I desperately need to be alone; I miss the solitude.

This Naruto, who shares my daily life too much, creates this emotional mess in my heart, which adds to my daily torments.

- XxX -

The next day, I wait impatiently for Shikamaru. He must bring me the medicine promised by Lady Tsunade, in addition to "walk" my student without me.

I didn't sleep well last night. The sapphire-eyed boy was very reluctant to poison me when I fed him my chakra. His desire to make me a nocturnal creature pushes him to limit his amount of venom. As a result, I could dream and be woke up, especially when he started scratching.

Not wanting to be bitten a second time, I told him to stay quiet before curling up in a ball, hoping to sink again. However, Naruto climbed into my bed and delicately stroked my hair… That said, I fell asleep at some point despite these caresses that I unconsciously appreciated. Although the bad weather implied an impending storm, the sky didn't burst.

The sky is still grey, of course, but it's less intense than the day before.

True to his internal clock, Naruto wakes up around noon. Thinking ahead, I made him some tea. For once, he takes his time instead of wolfing it down in a few gulps. He stares at me with his deep blue irises, while I just ignore him, my nose buried in my book. His gaze suddenly focuses on my door, wagging his tail enthusiastically.

Shikamaru is here.

I hasten to open the door, before he even knocks against it. I took him by surprise since his fist is brandished in the air.

"Yo!" I greet him. "If you're wondering, Naruto felt you coming."

"No need to say it, I guessed…"

Meanwhile, I hear Naruto approaching me, his drink in hand. He smiles shyly. At first glance, he's happy to see him.

"Hey, Naruto!" greets Shikamaru with a wave. "You look well today!"

Taciturn, my student doesn't respond, although his smile deepens.

"Naruto, get dressed," I tell him. "You're going out today."

Without hesitation, the blond downs his drink in one go, then disappears into my apartment. He's excited to set foot outside… However, I hope he doesn't back out because I plan to stay here. In the meantime, I give my report in exchange for the precious medicine.

"You look exhausted," Shikamaru points out. "Did you sleep last night?"

Unable to prove him right about Naruto's suspicious behaviour, which I ignored like an imbecile, I resolve to lie to him. "Not much to tell the truth. I read a little too much and was late feeding Naruto last night."

Shikamaru arches an eyebrow, but nothing more; he's convinced that the blond has bad intentions regarding my sleep—which is true since he insists on putting me back on his nocturnal cycle…

"Where do you plan to take him?" I ask.

"Not too far, that's for sure. I have an idea… And it'd be better if you stay here."

"Indeed. Naruto calmed down when I stopped moving. With all these rumours… I'll wisely stay at home."

Dressed in his orange outfit and his forehead protector, Naruto quickly returns to my side. I point his sandals. My student glances at my feet, then stares at me, confused. He expects me to come too. I insist silently with a nod. The blond continues to look at me askance, even though he obeys me.

Shikamaru waits patiently for Naruto to put on his shoes, then he opens an arm to invite him. "Are you coming, Naruto? I'd like to show you a place that you'll love!"

Naruto blinks while staring at the other teen; the swirls of his tail betray his sincere desire to accept his invitation. Gently, he takes my arms. Of course, I resist him. In response, Naruto freezes, perplexed.

"You'll have to make a choice, Naruto. Since I haven't slept much, I'm gonna stay here and rest. If you want to outside, it's without me."

His hands remain clinging to my arms and tense; at that, his sapphire eyes wander anxiously over me and Shikamaru. He lowers his head, pouting. As for me, I smile while ruffling his golden mane.

"You want to go, Naruto. Go ahead! You don't have to worry. I won't move from here. Besides, it went well with Shikamaru last time, remember?" I pause. I bring my face closer to his, looking into his eyes. "That would make me very happy, you know? I trust him. I know Shikamaru will take care of you."

A veil of sadness and a touch of disappointment darken his face. He hesitates with pain, to the point of holding his breath.

"Come!" Shikamaru urges, waving his hand. "You won't regret it. I'll take you home whenever you want, does that work?"

Time stands still. Naruto dissociates himself from the sense of sight and falls deep into his thoughts. However, he's thinking. I exchange a brief look with the youngster who suppresses a sigh. All in all, the fact that the blond didn't throw himself at me is a pretty good sign.

Maybe he will be more inclined to accept since I emphasized my words, telling him that I'm tired. I indirectly insinuated that it was his fault. I don't like to manipulate him emotionally, even if it's the truth in some way. But since he does it with me, and without the slightest scruple, I regret nothing.

After an eternity, Naruto hugs me preciously. Mechanically, I embrace him back, and that hug barely lasts. With difficulty, he separated from me. To my great relief, he joins Shikamaru and pins on his sleeve. I show a sincere smile, and Naruto smiles shyly in return.

"Glad you're coming with me, Naruto!" Shikamaru exclaims before slowly starting to walk. "You'll see, you'll want to go back afterwards!"

His legs have difficulty moving, not to mention that Naruto is unable not to look at me. All in all, he follows the other teenager.

Nonchalantly, hands in my pockets, I go outside. I see them gradually disappear and I smile. I hear Shikamaru reassuring him that I'm not going to mysteriously disappear in thin air. Slowly, his voice becomes a distant echo. From then on, my dark iris sweeps the greyish sky. I observe two birds on the electric wire, cleaning each other's plumage with tenderness.

When I return inside, the peaceful silence rocks the place. The electric heaviness, to which are added the aromas of burning, engulfs the stifling air; the unpleasant and unique body odour has permeated all my walls, leaving no room for any other smell than this; the soft penumbra, vainly lit by the subdued glow of a dark day, offers abstract shadows as decoration; numerous hairs pile up here and there, ranging from black, blond to grey; the claws marked the wooden floor almost everywhere; this minimal place, once so small, seems gigantic to me now.

All these things that I've become accustomed to come back to life, reminding me that I no longer live alone. I can't describe this sudden emptiness that invades my heart, in which an evil that I can't translate into words is sown.

With a clumsy gait, I sit down on the edge of my bed. I half-open the curtains and the window. A warm wind penetrates this place, carries away the odours, and makes the last flowers still alive, in this vase placed on my headboard, ripple. A petal breaks away, finds a place on my sheets, very close to me. Uselessly, I think about Obito and Rin.

I miss these precious moments shared in my childhood home, and that saddens me. Nostalgia poisons me, regrets too. I realize that Naruto fills the void they left with their untimely and cruelly unjust death. Not only that… Naruto manages to silence the ghosts of my past and chase away these dark memories with his presence alone…

I can't explain why or how.

I'm helpless when facing the unknown.

- XxX -

Ever since I was given custody of Naruto, I'm finally alone with myself. As I'm so used to, I stare into the void for a little too long, while getting lost in my thoughts. After an infinite amount of time, I try to eat something and do a bit of exercise to train my now sluggish body.

With these prolonged periods of inaction and convalescence, all my muscles lost their usual tone. My weight loss, including my perpetually devoured chakra, isn't helping me. All fights would be difficult … to the point of becoming a burden. Naruto's power could make up for it, but given his very fearful nature, I doubt he'd be useful. He might freeze with fear, unable to react to anything.

Other anxieties find their way into my mind. Naruto's first outing without my presence puts me on edge; I'm too anxious to read. I fear Shikamaru will lose control, or Naruto will succumb to his feral instincts. It will soon be an hour since they left. The fear that something has happened, especially with all these rumours and this gratuitous hatred, worry doesn't leave me—on the contrary, it increases over time.

I have an idea regarding the place Shikamaru chose. Given Naruto's new interest in flowers—rather, their smells, I'm sure that he took him to this small garden not far from my home, and maintained by a sixty-year-old.

I'm trying to read. I stare blankly at these scribbled pages, tapping my fingers impatiently. I wonder if I should meet them just in case… With his vile body odour, I'll easily find him, and I can always summon Pakkun if necessary.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear distant and quick noises. I barely have time to get up when my door opens wide, with such violence that it crashes against the interior wall, making me jump. Naruto comes hastily towards me and hands me a bouquet of flowers of all kinds, with a smile on his lips.

Confused, I flutter my eyelashes while Naruto brings the flowers to my face, wagging his tail enthusiastically. Silent, I frown and take the bouquet…

Without warning, Naruto throws himself at me and takes me in his arms, hugging me with all his limbs; in doing so, he crushes me in sweet pain. It's so abrupt that I lose my footing and fall backwards. To add to my ordeal, he's stuck to me and hums unspeakable songs.

At the same time, Shikamaru quickens his pace before stopping; he heard my fall to hasten like this. I must look ridiculous with flowers in my hand, on my back, and Naruto on top of me, rubbing his face against my chest in a rather disturbing way…

"Are you okay?" Shikamaru asks, suppressing a laugh.

I let out a long sigh as I sit down … with misery, since the blond is clinging to me like a real tenacious leech. "...Everything went well, I presume...?" I ask, ignoring his pointless question.

Shikamaru nods, smiling from ear to ear. "I understand why it takes you so long to move him," he sighs, crossing his arms. "I met Chōji on the way. Other than breaking my arm, Naruto didn't react much more than that. He listened and looked at him in silence."

Shikamaru glances at his arm. "I haven't looked, but I'm sure I have some bad bruises."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Knowing that the only exchange he had with him was that night when we tried to capture him, that's good news," I note, observing the bouquet. "Tell me… He didn't pull out all the flowers at least...?"

A silence.

His pout is enough of an answer to my question. "There's not much left… I'm gonna get my ass beaten up…"

"I see, sorry," I laugh flatly, running a hand through my silver hair.

"If I had let him, he would've come back with the entire garden… Besides, he didn't want to cooperate when I asked him to stop."

Shikamaru rolls up his sleeve to show me his left forearm. It's injured with cuts, caused by my student's sharp nails. His wounds aren't too serious, but the pain must be throbbing. If Naruto wanted to continue his ravages, stubborn as a mule, it hardly surprises me that he had a bit of an argument with Shikamaru.

"Should I be worried?"

"The scratch went away on its own," he says. "He stopped when he hurt me."

"I see."

"I'll be back tomorrow, at the same time, and try to introduce him to the others. If it went well with Chōji, it should go well with the others. I have to go to the infirmary and report to the Hokage… And have my ears pulled for the garden…"

I nod and bid Shikamaru a goodbye… However, when he greets Naruto, he's completely ignored. In a sick way, the blond only has eyes for me. We sigh. Shikamaru leaves my house shrugging his shoulders.

Although I'm happy with Naruto's first outing, his invasive and far too clingy affection makes me very uncomfortable… I'm now convinced that he's not aware of time. I feel as if he hasn't seen me for days, even weeks. He won't let me go for a single moment. He will force me to lie down with him again when he's ready for his second daytime sleep.

However, the immediate thing is to positively reinforce this. I will have no choice but to be patient, hoping that his attachment disorder will ease over time.

"Naruto."

He raises his head to return my gaze.

"Well done, Naruto," I congratulate him, ruffling his porcupine hair. "I'm proud of you."

The effect is immediate.

He wags his tail happily while emitting many silent laughs. He slips his arms around my neck, embraces me, placing his head in the hollow of my collarbone. He strokes my hair without scratching me while chanting his useless sounds. Only now do I realize that he recently started expressing his joy with his quiet voice.

Could it be possible that he finally gets rid of his silence? I hope so. He could offer us valuable information regarding his condition as a chakra devourer, in addition to clarifying this whole story…

Of course, this will happen when he's ready to confront his traumatic memories, which prevent him from remembering who he really is.