Title: jamais vu

A/N: For the Destiny's Embrace zine! Since it was flower-language themed, I went with: Sweetbrier (simplicity, wound to heal), Star of Bethlem (atonement, reconciliation), Spindle Tree (your image is engraved on my heart). The amazing mellekist drew spot art for this fic, please check them out!

Summary: It was not waiting, not really. Kairi spent her days keeping eye on the islands, keeping Sora's and Riku's memory fresh in her heart, keeping the spots they used to call theirs protected. If nothing else, she would make sure they had a home to return to.

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i.

The air was clear. Kairi gazed across the calm waters separating the mainland from Destiny Islands. When she had been younger, the distance had felt enormous, as wide as an ocean. Now she knew it as a small channel, a short canoe paddle away. The islands were close enough that she could spot the spindle trees that dotted the hills, the docks and the pirate ship that hadn't crumbled over time. A breath, and she smelled the acrid flowers, the musty wooden planks, the salty sea breeze. Straining her ears, she barely heard children's laughter as small figures raced one another across the white sands, repeating scenes from her own childhood.

If she squinted, she could see herself running too, her short hair tickling her neck as she tried to keep up with two reckless boys. Kairi, they called, turning around—

"Really?" Selphie broke her thoughts as she followed Kairi's stare and rolled her eyes. She snorted delicately before taking a lick of her blue popsicle, her lips and tongue already taking on an icy hue from the frozen treat. In the hot summer sun, she had rolled up her sleeves before she could make a mess of them. "Do you have to stare every time we pass?"

"I can't help it," Kairi replied, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from the islands. The image was gone, the two boys fading with every passing second. There had been a time when Selphie was eager to visit the islands all summer long, but that was years ago. Now, they were no longer children. Now, they were on the cusp of adulthood, between fish and fowl, and Selphie was more than eager to let go of that part of her past.

"Don't get me wrong, I get it." Selphie waved her free hand before raising her popsicle for another lick, stopping the melting treat from turning her fingers into a sticky mess. She glanced at Kairi from the corner of her eyes. "The islands are fun and so much better than boring homework."

That wasn't the reason Kairi still visited them, but she hummed along nonetheless.

"Still," Selphie continued, scrunching her nose slightly. "Aren't they kinda…I dunno, childish? I mean, only kids play there."

"I guess…" Kairi shifted uncomfortably and tugged her collar, letting in the cool breeze. Their summer uniforms did little to relieve them from the heat, and she wanted to be in a canoe, to sit in the water and let the cooler air surround her. Or better yet, on a raft, the wind playing with her hair, her hand tracing the sea. "It's not like I want to play, though."

Selphie raised her brow, forgetting her popsicle entirely. "Then what do you do there?"

"Just…" Kairi mulled over it, trying to find the right word. "Cleaning."

Her friend snorted, doubling over with laughter. "Cleaning? You? Have you seen your room?" She wiped the tears from her eyes, still chuckling. "You even trick our classmates into cleaning the classroom for you. You're so lazy."

Lazybones.

You're both lazy.

A memory, unbidden, rattled off. The two boys turned to look at her, the sun blinding her eyes. Kairi froze, trying and failing to grasp their faces, their names. Riku and S—but it didn't stick, blue eyes turning into the water the second she blinked.

She forced a laugh. "I know. It's weird."

How could she explain it to Selphie when she couldn't even explain it to herself? There was a memory of starlight, of tears, of someone asking her to wait. A promise etched in chalk. Darkness swallowing Riku. A smile as bright as the sun. There was a gap in her memories, in everyone's memories. An empty space that left behind too many remembrances to just be a dream.

"I just have to," Kairi continued, with a certainty she felt down to her core. She had promised to stay, so she would. The caves would be cleaned, the old spots would be left untouched, and she would wait.

Kairi was a protector, if only for these childhood places, these lost memories.

ii.

It was strange walking on Destiny Islands. Keyblade in hand, Kairi walked her old haunts—the beaches, the cave, the ship. Jamais vu, Selphie had called it, a sense of unfamiliarity in the familiar. Kairi knew all of these places like the back of her hand, yet they felt different, almost scary, now. Her memories had returned, and with it the monsters that lurked in the dark.

As Kairi passed through the cave, she brushed her hand against the wall. This was where it had all started: the Heartless, the Keyblade, the door to other worlds. Where Riku had fallen and Sora had risen and the door between worlds had opened. There were no signs of that anymore, just faded drawings on a cave wall, just litter from children sneaking out treats from beneath their parents' noses. Even her paopu drawing was smudged, newer drawings taking over it bit by bit.

Try as she might, her Keyblade could not open another door, could not bridge a path from her world to the next. The cave remained a cave. The islands remained isolated. And Kairi remained behind, as she always had.

She sighed as she spun on her heel, meandering a well-trodden path down to the beach, her eyes glued to the clear, blue skies. A war was being fought out there, Sora and Riku keeping the darkness at bay. Not that anyone could tell from here. There wasn't even a cloud in the sky. Across the still waters, her hometown looked as peaceful as ever.

No, not her hometown—she did not come from there.

It was still home nonetheless.

It was still hers nonetheless.

Kairi gripped her Keyblade tightly. Sweetbrier grew at the dune edges, the wild roses bordering the sand as though to keep it out. Beauty and thorns; she admired their strength and wished it were her own. A gentle breeze blew, her long hair falling over her eyes. She pushed it back, looping the strands behind her ear, remembering that once those hairs had tickled her neck instead of reaching her lower back.

It was funny to be here again, to be waiting. It was like nothing had changed since that starry night years ago, when she had reached out desperately to Sora as they parted worlds. Or when she had gathered driftwood during high school, her body falling into old patterns that her mind had forgotten.

Kairi stopped by the low-arching tree, running her fingers across the trunk. The three of them had sat here, once upon a time, imagining distant shores.

"We found out what's out there," she said aloud. "Didn't even need a raft to get off this island." Her nails dug into the bark. "You didn't come back with me."

Her words were met with silence. Riku and Sora were still on those faraway planets and she was still waiting at home.

The Keyblade in her hand warmed, reminding her that not everything was the same. Sora was no longer forgotten, Riku was found, and she had her own weapon in this ongoing war.

Wordlessly, she raised her blade as though to challenge. Let the monsters come—they would find this place would not easily succumb. Let the monsters know that there was a light in this patch of the universe, that the darkness would broker no hold here.

Let Sora and Riku fight across the universe, let them alter the course of worlds and fate. That was not her war. Kairi would protect their home, their haven, their memories.

And when her boys returned, bloody and broken and weary, she would protect them.

iii.

There came an end to every story, to every battle and war. A happily-ever-after, if you were lucky, and a final chapter if not. Of course, it was the case here, in this story of light and darkness, of princesses and fate.

The light had won. The shadows were gone. The war was over. Worlds were back in place, and so were the people displaced by years of loss and bloodshed. A key turned somewhere, a satisfying click that signaled that everything was done.

And at the end of it all, Kairi stood on the beach once more, her bare feet digging into the warm sand. Above her: a bright sun, stray white clouds drifting lazily with the breeze. Waves lapped the shore, the water choppy as though it too wanted to celebrate this moment. Tiny stars of Bethlehem grew stubbornly against the rocks and craggy grasses, their white flowers straining toward the sun.

Once again, Kairi was back on Destiny Islands, surrounded by her familiar haunts.

Once again, she was staring out into the distance, looking at her home.

Once again, she had her two boys by her side. Riku's large palm utterly engulfed her own, and Sora's skin was sweaty as he gripped her other hand tightly. The Keyblades were gone, the worlds at peace, and Kairi closed her eyes as she let herself just feel. The last time they had done this, they had been younger and shorter and oh so innocent. Her hair had reached her chin, Sora had been her height, and Riku had been cocky enough to take on the gods. Their eyes had ever been on distant seas, on horizons unknown.

Now she could feel the strength in their hands, calloused and rough from fighting. Kairi peeked at them—not that she had to. They were too distracted to notice her stare.

"It's just like how I remembered," Sora said quietly, too quietly. It was strange to have him so calm, his smile muted. He sounded almost shell-shocked. Part of her expected him to tug her, to race across the sands to the docks, but he didn't move a muscle.

For once, Riku did not mock him. He merely grunted, his hand squeezing Kairi's in agreement. He didn't move either, except to turn his head this way and that, processing everything.

"The ship's still there," Sora added, swallowing hard as he watched three kids climb the mast.

"Where would it go?" Riku said bluntly, but there was no bite in his words. His gaze was locked on the docks, as though he had forgotten what they looked like.

"And the tree!" Sora continued, still whispering, still awestruck.

It was like watching blind men given sight, parched travellers drinking from an oasis. Their hands didn't leave hers no matter where they turned.

I saved it all, Kairi didn't say. I kept your memories, she didn't remind. There was a time and place for everything, and unlike in her younger days, Kairi had learned to control her need to boast.

This wasn't the time for glory.

No, this was the time for healing, for remembrances, for simply being. They were together again, and there would be plenty of days ahead for her to fill them in on exactly what she had been doing over the years.

"There's more," Kairi said, breaking the silence with a bright smile. She glanced at Sora, at Riku, and squeezed their hands. When they squeezed back, she took a step forward, gently leading them down familiar paths. "The caves, your rooms, our canoes—they're all still here."

It was like she'd pulled a trigger. Sora picked up the pace, pulling her forward eagerly. "Race you to the docks."

"Is it a race if you always lose?" Riku taunted, keeping up with him.

Kairi burst into laughter as they all but dragged her into their competition, their hands still clinging to hers like a lifeline.

Her boys were home.

Her wait was over and they were home.