At four thirty in the afternoon, she sat in her car, staring at the building that contained Doctor Hannibal Lecter. She had shown up thirty minutes early out of caution and… What, fear? What was there to be afraid of? It was a consult. Hopefully he wouldn't ask for much, she really couldn't afford much more than that at the moment. At least Doctor Chilton had seemed fairly pleased at her organizing abilities, approving them and letting her leave early. No doubt he suspected something. Would he guess this? He analyzed people on a daily basis, almost hourly. Chances are that he would. She sighed to herself, getting out of her car and pulling her coat tighter around herself. She shut the door, locking it and entering into the lobby of Doctor Lecter's office. She hesitated before settling down into her chair, setting her cane against it. She could hear muffled voices through the door. Despite herself, she found that she was staring at the clock. Watching it tick by. Tick. Tick. Tick. She was usually fairly early to appointments and things, but this was a bit much. Did he know? How could he? He was occupied with another patient. Why didn't he have a secretary? Perhaps she should have applied here. But then it would have been a bit odd, considering that she was going to potentially become his patient. If she liked him. What was talking to a psychiatrist even like? If it was anything like talking to her boss, she wasn't sure she could do this.
She wasn't aware of Doctor Lecter opening the door, he noted that her eyes were unfocused and in thought. He also noted with satisfaction that it was indeed the young woman from the store.
"Miss Shaw?" He asked, to no response. "Miss Shaw?" He tried again, a little louder.
"What? Oh, hell, I'm sorry. I- You're the man from the store." Her eyes focused on him, stumbling through her words as she stood.
"You remembered. Yes, I am. Did you enjoy your dinner?" He had a feeling he knew the answer already.
"Yes, I did." It was a blatant lie, of course. It sounded fairly confident. At least to her ears..
Hannibal studied her for a moment before stepping aside. "Please, come in."
Eliana glanced around his office as she entered. It was… Impressive, to say the least. Doctor Chilton's book collection was put to shame by the amount that Doctor Lecter had on the second floor of his office. It was incredibly neat and well kept, a fire going in the fireplace.
"I, ah, should warn you that I don't really have much in the way of money." She spoke as she looked around, taking in the room. "If that's going to be an issue, I would rather you tell me now and I can go."
"Normally I charge eighty an hour. I'm told I am very good at my job, after all." He gave a soft chuckle. "However, for this consult? I won't charge."
Her eyes immediately went to his, her grip on her cane tightening. "Why would you do that? What do you want out of it?"
"Are you often suspicious of someone offering a favor?" He asked, shutting the door behind her and motioning to the chair. "Please."
"I am when I don't know what or if they want something in return. Doctor patient confidentiality only exists if I officially make myself your patient. You could share that information with someone before then, if you wanted. You-" She stopped talking at the look in his eyes. Was it amusement? Irritation?
"Please. Sit. I assure you that you can trust me, I would never divulge private information, patient or otherwise."
She could feel her cheeks burning as she sat, setting her cane beside her. "Trust must be earned, it isn't freely given. Tossed freely like a ball."
Doctor Lecter sat across from her, crossing his legs and gazing at her. "Tell me, what causes you to be so distrustful? Why seek psychiatric care if you have that mindset?"
Eliana hesitated, her eyes flickering away from his. "I… Nothing causes me to be distrustful, and I want to seek care because I killed a man in my home."
"It was in the news. It was self defense, was it not?"
"Yes."
"And how did killing him make you feel?"
Eliana thought about her answer, lightly running a finger back and forth across her cane. "It felt good knowing the threat was gone."
"So killing him felt good?" Doctor Lecter asked quietly. His eyes were intent on her.
"No!" She snapped at him before composing herself. "I apologize. I've not been sleeping well, all things considered. I killed a man in my home, was briefly a murder suspect before they decided it was self defense. Missed my first day at work, was immediately patronized by Doctor Chilton over the events that occurred at my home. He looks at me like I'm some potential criminal waiting to emerge." As she was venting, she had stood, pacing back and forth across the long space of his office floor. Hannibal watched her facial expressions.
"Doctor Chilton? What work do you do for him?" He knew Frederick, of course.
"I'm his secretary. Organizing papers. 'Unknown parentage, average skills' but qualified to organize his papers." She gave an almost bitter laugh.
"Unknown parentage. Tell me about that." Doctor Lecter said as he reclined in his chair. He looked graceful, comfortable.
"There isn't anything to tell, Doctor Lecter. I never knew my father and my mother gave me up at birth, adoption papers sealed. I can't legally access them. Why would I want to?"
"I think somewhere inside the young woman I see before me is a child, a young girl missing the family she never knew. Wondering how her life would be different." Hannibal said in such a matter of fact tone that she stopped pacing to stare at him.
"I could give two shits about the people who gave me up. My life is fine without them." Eliana gave a slight grunt of pain, resting a hand on her leg at a spasm of pain.
"Miss Shaw? Are you alright?" Doctor Lecter stood, approaching her in quick, measured steps.
"Yes… Just a muscle spasm, probably from pacing." She looked away from him. The way he stared at her. Psychoanalyzing her.
"Sit, please. It wouldn't do to have you collapse under my watch." He said gently, Eliana hesitating before giving in and returning to her chair. He sat across from her. "Would you kill again, if you had to?"
"If… I had to defend myself, or someone I cared about, I suppose the chances are high that I would." She admitted. "But there are very few people I care for. I build walls to keep them out. Safer that way."
"Safer because it lowers the chances of being abandoned like your parents abandoned you." Lecter said quietly.
"For a consult, you're going rather deep into my personal life…" She gave an almost bitter chuckle. "Anything else you want to know, Doctor?"
"Why have you not tried locating your father? All it would take is a DNA test, most everyone is registered in the system."
"What good would it do? Ask him why he abandoned me?"
"Some men leave once they find out about the pregnancy, others have no idea. You've simply no way of knowing which it is for you. Would you risk that hurt if it could provide you with answers?"
Eliana sat and stared at him. His expression was unreadable. He only moved to make the occasional note. She was usually such a cool, composed woman. Why is it that he was capable of driving her to such anger?
"Do you try and piss off all your potential patients?" She found the words went out of her mouth before she could stop them.
"Perhaps your response to my questioning is merely proving that I would be a good fit for you." He replied. He had already begun a journal for her, he knew her answer.
"There is the matter of paying you." She pointed out after composing herself. "I told you I can't afford it."
"We can discuss that at a later time, perhaps after your hospital fees are paid. Was there any interior damage?" He questioned, glancing at the fading bruises on her neck.
"I…" She exhaled, staring at him. He was studying her, gauging her. She pushed herself up from her chair, pacing around the room again. She lightly brushed a hand along his curtains. "Red and white is a striking combination."
His eyebrow quirked at the change in conversation, glancing at his watch. They had plenty of time left in their hour. "How do you figure?"
"White stains easily. Red is often the cause of stains. Red blood dripping onto white carpet or hardwood floor…" She frowned to herself, still softly running a hand along the curtain. She found her mind wandering. Red. Blood. Red, there was so much red… Why didn't she feel bad? She should. Sticky red blood. Blood pouring from the wound she caused. It was everywhere. Why didn't she care?
Hannibal was watching her, his eyes intent. He knew that she had most certainly slipped back into her mind and likely into whatever had occured in her home. It was only their first session, dare he prod? She had not yet signed paperwork, either. And yet that look in her eyes. That delicious fear that comes from realizing how beautiful it is to take another life.
"What do you see, Eliana?" His voice was soft, he made a quick note.
"Him… That man from my home. Dead. People bleed an awful lot." She frowns, twisting her hand in the curtain.
"Does it bother you?" Hannibal asked her.
"It smells like metal. Thicker than water. It's awful…" She frowns, her head turning to him as her eyes focused. "What answer are you hoping for?"
"No answer in particular. I simply wish to gauge if there is a large amount of trauma from this event."
"I am not traumatized." She frowned.
"You took a life. Do you not feel traumatized?"
"I feel alive." She hesitated. "Not in a sensual way, just… He's dead. I'm not. That's it." Did she catch a flicker of something in his eyes? It was hard to tell, he was very good at keeping his expression neutral.
"How often do you feel you should see me?" He asked, switching the topic.
"Every two weeks?" She ventured. "I am not traumatized."
"And yet you saw a reason to seek psychiatric care." He pointed out. He passed her the usual paperwork to fill out, he would file it away later."Our hour is up, Miss Shaw. Please." He motioned towards a different door than the one she had come through. She stood, walking towards it. He stepped ahead of her enough to open the door for her, giving a polite smile. "I will see you two Wednesdays from now, Miss Shaw. Have a good day."
"Right. Thanks." She sighed and walked past him.
Hannibal Lecter stared after her, his mind pondering the conversation. She did not regret her actions, but that could simply be her trauma causing her mind to suppress it and the emotions connected to the event. She had also been rude. He frowned slightly. Twice now she had been rude. Perhaps he misjudged her. He opened the paperwork she filled, glancing down at her address and telephone number. He could easily pay her a visit at some point, should it come to that. His appointment with Franklyn was coming up next…