Chapter 9

3rd of Sun's Dawn

My friend,

If things aren't already as bad as they are! A few days ago, a woman was murdered butchered within the heart of the city! Who could have done such a heinous thing? Elda says it was a vampire but I don't think so. Calixto had stumbled upon the act as she had screamed for help but he said it was too late… Poor Isabella, even though she kept to herself she was kind. If he was only a few moments sooner maybe she could have been saved and the culprit caught.

I overheard the guards asking him questions but he became so emotional that he could barely speak. I can only imagine how he feels, I think I'll visit the temple for a bit - I know you have little issue with praying to the Gods for guidance but it is not something I do often. I find that I hate the silence and the loneliness praying invokes in me - but this time it won't be for me. I will pray for both of them.

Do you think I should cook something for Calixto? I can't imagine he will want to cook for himself and it's not like he has anyone to look after him. Poor man.

In regards to your last letter, no other strangers have come to town. The man you spoke of, I hate to intrude but, is he a danger to you?

Stay safe,

Susanna

8th of Sun's Dawn

Susanna,

While it was a relief to receive your letter, the news about a killer in Windhelm is deeply unsettling, especially with the vampire attacks as of late.

That man is not a danger to me, quite the opposite actually as I very much look forward to our reunion. And before you ask, no he is not my lover! I do appreciate your concern and wanted to respond immediately as you know I will be returning soon. Later than originally planned, I will be heading out within a few weeks after I have gotten my affairs here in order. My mentors will be signing off on documentation signifying my dedication to their teachings, I will be able to present that to the Jarl and hopefully be allowed work within his army. I feel like I'm getting steps closer to taking back my aunt's home and returning my cousin to where he belongs!

I wish I could discuss the situation with my cousin, I think it would help to know what his thoughts are on the situation. Would he want me to adopt him? I can imagine he would be upset to find that I have known about him but never tried to help him before now. Even if he was alright with it, would the city be safe for a child by then? I hope the guards do something soon, a murderer should not be allowed to run free.

I think making Calixto a hot meal would be welcoming. I cannot fathom what he must be feeling after having been too late to help that poor girl. It would at least be kind of you to offer.

Your friend,

Cassia

PS - I know this is not the most appropriate time, all things considered, but I don't have much choice but to just mention it now or I would suffer with this knowledge until we meet again in person and I cannot bear to wait so long. I met someone. A Companion. Remember when I mentioned Farkas? Well he has a twin brother named Vilkas. I think I may have found myself enamored with him. I feel silly, he is a friend. Just a friend. A friend that I have dinner with fairly often and speak with regarding just about anything. I'm not sure what to do, as I told you before–I am still legally married. A married woman shouldn't be putting herself in this situation. What am I doing? What should I do, Susanna?

Time seemed to slip away unnoticed for Lucretia, and before she realized it, the days had marched its way to the cusp of First Seed. Nearly three months had elapsed since she embarked on her journey to escape her husband's pursuit and find a new life in Skyrim. The passage of time had woven a complex tapestry of emotions within her, weaving threads of invigoration and terror into her very being.

Lucretia had not received a single trace or hint of Valerius, her ever strong-headed brother who followed her around like a duckling when they were children. His absence was as perplexing as it was unnerving, like a lurking shadow on the periphery of her consciousness. On the surface, she maintained a façade of composure and well-being, but beneath it all, a creeping sense of despair gnawed at her soul with each passing day. She was losing hope.

During the solitary hours of the night, when the temple's chambers provided her only sanctuary, Lucretia grappled with her inner demons. Her thoughts seemed to betray her, echoing with cruel voices that mirrored the relentless criticisms of her husband. Every facet of her existence became fodder for self-flagellation, from her perceived inadequacies in the fields of restoration and alchemy to her unspoken desires and yearning for connection.

One particular target of this inner torment was Vilkas, a presence that ignited her heart with an intensity she dared not acknowledge. Her very core trembled with every stolen glance, every racing heartbeat in his proximity, and the burgeoning eagerness to converse with him. But her inner tormentor, fueled by her own self-doubt, taunted her mercilessly for these unspoken desires, leveling them like a jagged knife against her throat.

Nights of self-imposed exile within her dimly lit chamber beneath the temple's roof saw her cocooned within layers of furs and blankets. In the hushed solitude, Lucretia sent her fervent prayers to Kynareth, Akatosh, and the pantheon of Divines. She did not presume herself to be a beacon of significance, deserving of divine intervention. Yet, in the depths of her solitude, she clung to a faint hope that perhaps the gods would bestow upon her a fleeting sliver of blessed fortune, a respite from the arduous path she had chosen.

Despite the torrents of self-doubt, Lucretia remained resolute in her purpose. Her unwavering determination crystallized around her unwavering goals: to become a valuable asset to the world, to reclaim her abducted cousin, and to provide him with the safe, loving home he so desperately deserved.

As she huddled upon her bed, hidden from the world around her, Lucretia made an unspoken promise to herself. Regardless of the unpredictable, tempestuous outcomes that awaited her, she would press onward. Her journey was a relentless march into the unknown, a testament to her resilience and the strength of her convictions–regardless of how fragile she feels-she forcefully wills herself to maintain a hope for something more, something better than all the suffering she and her family have already been put through. With that profound hope that Valerius would soon find her, Lucretia clings to the thread of possibility, a slender lifeline amidst the dark tides of uncertainty that threatened to engulf her.

21st of Sun's Dawn

Cassia,

It has happened again. Another woman was murdered last night! This time it was Frigga Shatter-Shield, I don't believe you had the chance to meet her but her family are well-to-do citizens of Windhelm, controlling the trading shipping business. I can't imagine the grief her parents and sister are going through right now. How can the guards be so incompetent as to allow this to happen again?! Viola has taken to drafting letters to post throughout the city, she is calling this killer "The Butcher" and it's a fitting name. I think you should bring these Companions of yours with you when you return.

I think I'll head to the Temple again, a few people were there praying for Isabella even though she was an Imperial and Rolff and his goonies have accused her of being a spy—what a load of skeever shit, by the way—so I'm sure more will be there praying for Frigga. I am beginning to feel like I have to keep eyes in the back of my head, no woman is safe until this murderer is captured or killed. I wish the Jarl would do something.

Also you should write a letter to Honorhall in Riften. It doesn't hurt to try getting in touch with your younger cousin. He may very well believe he has no one left.

Stay safe my friend,

Susanna

PS - Oh by the Gods, that is exciting! Maybe you should have them both travel back to Windhelm with you, I would sure like to meet these Nords who have captured your attention in one way or another. I'm sure your husband would understand, he would want you to be happy - not miserable and mourning him for the rest of your life.

Lucretia's cot feels too hard, too cold, to bring comfort to her sore body as she sits there enduring it, her heart aches as she reads Susanna's latest letter. She had only seen Frigga or her sister in passing and at the time she didn't know who they were until one evening she overheard a conversation between Frigga's mother, Tova, and Viola, and now it would be too late. Not that Lucretia would know how to go about introducing herself as a distant cousin anyways, especially since the Shatter-Shield clan had made their distaste known for kin they consider as outsiders; Aventus is only a child and yet they spurned him when his mother died. Lucretia wants to hate them for it but now she could no longer find it in herself to have anything but pity and sadness towards them.

Her shift in the Temple is over for the night and all is quiet now so she decides to stow the letters in her bag before returning to the main room. She ignores the questioning look Jenssen gives her as she passes by one of the emptying beds he is cleaning up from an injured farmer who was well enough to leave not long after the end of her shift.

She beelines for the altar of Kynareth though as tired as she is she remains standing before it as she begins to offer her prayers for those killed by The Butcher and the people who have to live and suffer for it.

After some time, she hears leather-clad footsteps approach her slowly before halting a respectful distance away, finishing her prayer Lucretia finally turns to acknowledge Jenssen as he stood slightly abashed and looking more towards her shoulder than towards her face. Without a word, he lifts his hand and offers her a cloth but when she doesn't take it from him, he clarifies. "You're crying. I thought you'd want something to clean your face."

"Oh." Lucretia had realized her face was wet with tears but chose to ignore it and now that it was being acknowledged by someone else it is her turn to feel abashed as she reaches out and takes the cloth—it's clean and soft, not at all what they use in the healing halls for bandages, it's personal. After she quickly wipes her face, she barely has time to thank him for his kindness before he is walking away from her. With her heart still heavy, she returns to her room and to her cold, hard cot with the hope that she will at least have the fortune of having a dreamless sleep.

Come morning Lucretia resigns herself to a day of exhaustion as her mind would not rest and by the time she was falling asleep dawn was not too far off. As she pulls herself from her cot, she is quick to ease the pain in her back with a simple healing spell but refrains from wasting too much on herself when there are others who may need it more.

She shrugs on her plain brown robe given to her by Ahlam solely for working in the Temple and ties an apron, clean but long since stained, around her waist. She pulls her hair back into some semblance of a braid before wrapping a cloth over the bulk of her head to hold any stray hairs from her face. Once she tugs on her shoes she is fully dressed, she heads towards the main hall where in her approach she could hear some chattering from Danica and Jenssen as he was due to leave soon, he was likely filling the priestess in on anything of note from the night. Lucretia wouldn't be surprised if he already told her mentor about her emotional state last night.

As she fully enters and makes herself known, Danica's eye flickers over Jenssen's shoulder and meets her own. With the Priestess's attention diverted, Jenssen also looks back before dipping his head and quickly turning back to Danica with a final whisper before he nearly dashes off to what she could only assume to be his bed after a long night. Lucretia hopes she didn't offend him in some way to make him avoid her.

Whatever he said made Danica's brow furrow for just a moment before smoothing out as she watched him dash away. Turning back to regard Cassia, she gives her a more discerning eye as she said, "Blessings upon you, child. You look like you have slept for days."

"It feels like I haven't." Lucretia replies. "I assure you that I will be fine for the day though, I won't let a little sleeplessness hold me back, you said we were going to be training for healing in the field."

Danica doesn't argue with her, just simply nods and says, "Think of it more like surgery. You will have no access to your magicka and will be expected to clean and stitch wounds, dress them, cut off limbs if you must. Field surgery is about quick thinking and precision. Stay calm and collected, even in the midst of chaos." She begins to lead the younger woman out of the main hall.

Lucretia follows Danica to her own room, sitting at the small table as Danica rummages through scrolls and books on her bookshelf, collecting a few as she goes, and with a final collection of a roll of leather, she meets Lucretia at the table.

"This," she unrolls the leather and displays an array of metal tools, "this is to be your medical kit, it is your lifeline. Familiarize yourself with every tool and supply it contains. Sterilization is crucial. Make sure your instruments and hands are as clean as possible, given the circumstances."

Lucretia only has a brief moment to study the tools–they remind her more like instruments of torture, not healing–before her attention is pulled towards the literature that was also presented to her.

"These," Danica gestures to the books and scrolls she laid out, "will go into more detail about the various techniques that will be undoubtedly useful to you. Sutures, bandages, adhesive – know when and how to use each method for closing wounds. I have written in examples that you can use in a pinch should you lack the necessary supplies; sap and honey are useful and can be easily found in nature–should you have the time to harvest them. They work well by applying to wounds to prevent infection; this also includes abrasions, burns and other forms of damage on the skin. Always be mindful of infection. Even a small wound can become deadly if not properly treated."

"Honey - I can understand, my grandmother used to apply it to my brother's scraps, but sap? I never would have guessed it was used for more than just treating fabrics and leather for preventing water damage."

"Of course. Knowledge is your greatest tool. Study the body's anatomy," she opens a scroll that shows a man's body with specific details about each part - Lucretia ignores the drawing's lower region, "and the properties of herbs and remedies diligently, thankfully Arcadia has been doing an admirable job at that part. Many things one may consider mundane to the art of healing are in fact beneficial. Be wary though, sap is harder to remove and must also be kept away from fire."

Lucretia relishes the new knowledge, she wonders if Vilkas knows this. "What else?" she says with vigor.

Danica appreciates her apprentice's excitement, even in the face of exhaustion, and chuckles, "Plenty more. Honey, or sap, can also attract insects that may do more damage so you will need to know how to prevent that as well. But for now, let's start somewhere simpler first. Here," Danica picks up the first book and flips a couple pages to find what she was looking for and hands the book to her apprentice, "this may be a good starting point. I will discuss everything as we go but read the books, study the scrolls, you can keep these - consider them a gift for being a good student - they are tools that will be at your disposal."

"Thank you so much!" Lucretia beams with gratitude.

Danica's eyes met Cassia's, and she smiles. "Remember, healing is not just about potions and remedies. It's about understanding the world around us, respecting its gifts, and sharing them with those in need. Comfort the wounded both physically and emotionally. A reassuring word can also do well to ease their pain."

Lucretia nods, absorbing every word like a sponge thirsty for knowledge. The weight of her sleepless night begins to recede, replaced by a newfound determination to excel in her training. She understands that what lay ahead will not be a simple path, but she is eager to embrace it.

As Danica delves into the intricacies of field surgery, Lucretia follows her mentor's instructions with diligence and dedication. She learns about the different types of wounds, their treatments, and how to maintain composure amid chaos. Each piece of information feels like a precious gem, adding to her growing repertoire of healing skills.

"Listen carefully, Cassia," Danica says, her voice steady but tinged with an urgency. "In a battlefield, time will be your enemy. As a healer, you won't have the luxury of endless magicka, possibly even supplies. Your patients may be as tough as nails, but they will need you. Remember, in the field, you will often be the beacon of hope for those in despair. Your skills can save lives and inspire courage but it comes with a heavy price. You may be forced to make tough decisions, some of which others will not agree with–save the life of one brother, sacrifice the life of a different brother–it will never be easy but learn from every experience. Successes and failures alike are valuable lessons in the art of restoration."

A thought stops Lucretia for a moment and leaves her also nervous to ask but she forces herself to shake it off. "Danica - you are not old enough to have fought in the Great War, right?"

"Hmm." Danica's eyes flint in the candle light and for a moment Lucretia feels a chill run down her spine before the older woman smiles again, looking as calm as she did before the question.

Lucretia releases the breath she's holding and lets the thoughts and questions die on her tongue. After all, who is she to question someone to clearly doesn't welcome those types of questions when Lucretia has her own that she would rather no one question her on.

"Let us continue. Where were we? Oh - another important thing to remember: never forget the importance of teamwork. In the field, you often rely on others for support and assistance, even those who are not healers can help you with tasks such as collecting water, holding a patient still, anything you can think of that will require an additional set of hands that are not your own. Make use of that."

"What if they won't help me?" A genuine worry she has, the Nords angry with the Empire have their distaste for Imperials, she expects resistance regardless of how she wants to help.

Danica's countenance softened as she observed the genuine concern reflected in her young apprentice's eyes. Her voice carried the wisdom of years as she responded, her words imbued with a comforting reassurance. "You bring up a valid point. In times of strife, emotions can run high, and not everyone may be willing to cooperate. However, it's essential to remember that healing transcends politics and loyalties. When someone is injured and suffering, their need for aid often supersedes their grievances."

With a deliberate pause, Danica's gaze locked onto Cassia's, underscoring the gravity of her message. "Your role as a healer is to serve as a beacon of neutrality and compassion. Speak with actions, not words. Show through your deeds that you are there to help, not to further any political agenda. Over time, people will recognize your genuine intentions, and resistance may lessen."

Leaning in closer, Danica's voice dropped to a gentle whisper, as if sharing a precious secret. "Yet, you must also be prepared for the potential dangers that lie ahead. Some situations may pose risks to your own safety, and in those moments, your well-being must always be your foremost concern. Exercise your judgment, Cassia, and trust in your instincts. We will continue to work together on scenarios that will equip you to navigate these challenges."

Lucretia nodded, her eyes fixed on Danica, absorbing every word like a sponge soaking in knowledge. She knew that the path she had chosen would be fraught with trials, not only in mastering the intricate art of healing but also in navigating the intricate web of human relationships during times of crisis. Yet, she remained resolute in her determination to become a healer who could make a difference, regardless of the circumstances.

As their training continues, Lucretia finds herself not only learning the art of healing but also the art of resilience and compassion. Danica is not just a mentor; she is a guiding light in a world filled with darkness.

In the days and weeks that follow, Lucretia's training intensifies. She practices her skills tirelessly, honing her ability to heal wounds and mend broken bodies. With Danica's guidance, she was thrust into battlefield scenarios within the safety of the Temple, each one more challenging than the last. These exercises, in no small part due to the escalating vampire attacks, compelled her to think on her feet and make split-second decisions that could mean the difference between life and death.

Her skills with handling the variety of plants nearest the city and stocked in Arcadia's shop has increased faster than she would have considered possible for herself; Arcadia likes to say she took to it like a slaughterfish drawn to shallow waters seeking prey–a strange analogy she accepts it for the praise it is supposed to be, albeit weirdly phrased. Though Lucretia still feels that she has much more to learn, she only considers herself to be an Adept even if Arcadia says she is being too humble.

The number of vampire attacks have gone up causing the guards to set up a curfew after the city itself was boldly attacked. Members of the Companions have been coming and going in pairs to hunt down the foul creatures; more often than not she doesn't get a chance to spend time with Farkas or enjoy her usual dinners with Vilkas. She also missed out on the opportunity to peruse the wares of the Khajiit caravan before they decided the valley was too dangerous to stay for more than a few hours; Arcadia herself lamented the possible plants they had in their inventory that couldn't be found in Skyrim.

Lucretia was grateful for Ria being even more adamant about following her around as it reassured both of her mentors and is the only reason she has been willing to go beyond the walls of the city. She has had no choice but to cut down her time for gathering plants to every third day and only from the late morning to mid-afternoon, and now the majority of her time with Arcadia is spent brewing potions of healing and cure disease before taking them to the Temple for Danica to administer to those hurt or bitten by the vampires.

Much to her dismay, Lucretia's skills in the art of restoration magic is still not enough to assist any more than bursts of healing at a time. While she could extend her magicka to heal herself with ease, it was a taxing process to heal others. Danica reassured her that with time and continued practice, her magicka will deepen like a well and she would be able to draw on more for longer periods of time. When she becomes too worn down, she settles for the traditional healing Danica had been teaching her for when she will be expected to heal without magicka and spells.

Lucretia's lack of ability to treat those in her care with the instant relief of magicka brought a bout of hesitancy against her until the Priestess gave them an earful until they relented and no one questioned or denied her assistance again. She needs to learn to channel her mentor, she knows this resistance is going to be a frequent problem when she heads back to Windhelm.

In the time she has been away, she has exchanged numerous letters with Susanna. It was a little bit nostalgic for her as she hadn't sent or received letters since before Naalia died. Sadly, most of the letters from Susanna were lacking in good news; a string of murders has taken place since she left Windhelm. According to Susanna's recent letter, The Butcher had recently claimed his third victim–an older Imperial woman by the name of Marina Laevinus, who kept to herself and rarely left her home, and the guards still haven't done anything about it. It was more worrying considering Lucretia was planning to return within the next couple of weeks as well as Susanna confirming vampire attacks of their own outside of the city.

Regardless of the dangers, Lucretia will need to leave soon and while she is as prepared as she could be, armed with her letters of recommendation in Restoration and Alchemy, a deep swell of apprehension makes itself known. She feels at home here in Whiterun, no one looks at her with suspicion or hate, she has met many people who welcomed her with open arms and expressions of happiness and by the Gods she craves it, these feelings she has been deprived of for years. Although the city is beautiful and the perfect place to raise her younger cousin, there is no possible way for her to support either of them yet and when she has no home. The temple closet where she sleeps is barely big enough for her, let alone a child as well.

She loathes the idea of leaving, even if only for a time because she certainly has every intention of returning with Aventus in tow; she would like him meet the children here and have the opportunity to play with them, not once did she see any other children in Windhelm out and about playing, not that she could fault them as the city has a certain eeriness to it on top of being unfathomably cold.

For now, she writes a response to Susanna.

5th of First Seed, 4E 201

Susanna,

I want to emphasize how important it is for you to stay safe. Please, do not go outside after dark, especially alone. Your safety is a priority, and I cannot bear the thought of anything happening to you. Maybe I will take Farkas up on his offer to see me to Windhelm at least. I dislike using them for such things, especially since I cannot afford to pay for their services. Farkas and Ria have shunned the very idea of me paying them but that doesn't take away the guilt.

I can already hear you berating me for not asking such a thing of Vilkas. I have hinted that I would like his company along the way but I am too much of a coward that I can't even ask him to come with me.

I promise that as soon as I arrive, I will find you. Likely at the inn of course so easy enough. Again, I am deeply grateful for your offer of allowing me to stay with you while I get my bearings about me. I hope I won't need to impose myself for too long, with hopes that the Jarl doesn't take offense to an Imperial wishing to join his army as a healer (lack thereof from what I have heard). Thankfully it's only tensions in the air, if it was a war then I wouldn't even consider this path as I am not cut out to be a soldier. With Arcadia's and Danica's training, I feel that I could start an apothecary or a healing house, perhaps something to consider in the future. What do you think?

I also did as you suggested but I still haven't received a response from the orphanage, does it normally take this long? I know Riften is far but I would have thought someone would have written me back by now.

Also, did you cook for Calixto?

Until then, please stay indoors after dark, keep your doors and windows locked, and if you see or hear anything suspicious, don't hesitate to contact the city guard or anyone you trust.

I am looking forward to seeing you soon, Susanna. In the meantime, take care of yourself and know that I will be on my way soon.

Your friend,

Cassia

10th of First Seed, 4E 201

Cassia,

Your concern for my safety warms my heart, my friend. I will do my best to stay safe, and I promise not to venture out alone after dark. Farkas and Ria seem like honorable companions, and I'm sure they will be more than willing to help you on your journey. Don't feel guilty about accepting their assistance. Sometimes, people genuinely enjoy helping others without expecting anything in return.

As for Vilkas, I understand your hesitation. Matters of the heart are never straightforward, especially when we carry the weight of our past. Take your time, and when the moment feels right, you can speak your heart to him. Remember, life is too short to let fear hold you back.

Starting an apothecary or a healing house sounds like a wonderful idea, Cassia. With your knowledge and skills, you could provide much needed help to the people of Windhelm and the Eastmarch. I believe it's a path worth exploring, and I will support you every step of the way.

Regarding the orphanage, I'm surprised to hear that you haven't received a response yet. It might be due to the distance or some delay in their communication. I would recommend sending them another letter, just to ensure they received your inquiry.

And yes, I did cook for Calixto. I made a simple but comforting meal of vegetable soup and fresh bread. He was grateful for the gesture and appreciated the company. It's amazing how a warm meal and a listening ear can provide solace during these troubled times.

Please keep me updated on your journey, and let me know when you're nearing Windhelm. I'll make sure to prepare a warm welcome for you. Until then, take care, my friend.

With warm regards,

Susanna

NA: Can't say I liked this one a whole lot, I actually rewrote it 3 times with numerous editing and rearranging of sections - probably the only chapter so far where I put in the most effort so I can only hope I delivered. I am not suuuuper strict with my timeline that I have written up as I make adjustments as I go because the story goes better that way, but I like to keep from jumping around too much so I don't confuse anyone.

At this point though I have given up and accepted this chapter for what it is since I don't want to keep delaying it. I seriously don't know how people churn out chapter after chapter, I wish I could do something like that but I have absolutely no energy - my schedule is so incredibly packed that I sometimes I barely have an hour to myself daily as it is.