Jennie

"Here."

Jessica puts a mug of milky tea into my hands and sits down beside me on the sofa. Her expression is creased with sympathy as she asks, "How are you feeling?"

It's been three days since Jessica and I stood side by side in her bathroom, staring at the positive pregnancy test. People talk about time standing still when you receive a shock, but it didn't happen that way for me.

Everything started rushing too fast. Out of my control.

I don't remember it, but apparently I was screaming, I am going to kill you, Lalisa Manoban.

When I came back into myself, I was holding two pieces of the broken test in each hand.

Now, I don't feel anything. I stare into my cup of tea, wishing for a way to make everything make sense.

"Still not heard anything from Lisa?" Jessica asks, glancing at my blank phone screen.

"Nothing," I whisper bleakly.

Not a goddamn word from the person who knocked me up without my consent.

After Jessica and I left the party, Lisa ran out as well. My uncles tried to chase her down, but Lisa lost them in some alleyways, and no one's heard from her since. Jessica told me that Chanyeol Manoban has been around at Mom's practically on his knees apologizing for what his baby sister has done. Apparently, Lisa isn't as unreliable, irresponsible, and reckless as we were led to believe.

She's worse.

But that's no surprise to me. Anyone who can mess with someone's birth control while she's married to someone else must be out of her goddamn mind.

"Mom called again," Jessica says, almost apologetically.

I flinch as I'm speared with guilt. I've received several voicemails from Mom and a dozen messages.

I don't blame you, darling.

It's not your fault, it's mine.

I should never have trusted her in our home.

Lalisa is a master manipulator.

A cruel one who wanted to humiliate us all for fun.

I'll never forgive her for what she's done to you.

I'm so, so sorry.

I've been at Jessica's for three days, too eaten up with shame to face Mom. It would be easier if she were furious with me and screaming for my blood. Her understanding and sympathy are only making me feel worse.

Jessica's phone vibrates, and then the front doorbell rings. She glances at her phone and sighs. "It's Mom. I told her to stay away until you were ready."

"Maybe I should talk to her. I have to face her eventually." I put down my tea, grab a cushion, and thrust it against my belly. "Oh, God," I moan.

"Are you feeling sick?"

"Yes, but not because I'm pregnant." I take a deep breath. "Let her in. I should get this over with."

"If you're sure," Jessica says doubtfully, and goes to open the door.

I'm sitting on the edge of the sofa with my hands clamped on either side of me when Mom comes into the room. Her cheeks are streaked with mascara tears, and she looks pallid without her usual bright lipstick.

"Oh, my poor baby," she cries, and goes down on her knees before me, capturing my hands in hers. "You dear, sweet child. How could she do this to you?"

It's hard to look at her like this. She should be yelling and screaming, not being sympathetic toward me. "Mom, please get up off the floor."

"To be abandoned by someone in your time of need. She's too cruel. I can't imagine what you must be feeling."

"Mom, I'm begging you. Sit down, please."

Jessica comes to my rescue, helping Mom up and onto the sofa while Mom wails about Lisa.

Suddenly, she clenches my hands even tighter, her eyes wild with grief and anger. "Tell me the truth. Did she force you? Did that animal abuse my daughter under my nose?"

I yank my hands from hers. "No! It wasn't like that."

But there's a nagging voice in the back of my mind.

Lisa didn't always ask before she touched you. That first night you found her in your bed, she got her hands all over you and then held you down and forced more orgasms from you.

And when she took your virginity on the hood of her car, she didn't listen when you tried to tell her to slow down.

She replaced your birth control pills with sugar pills.

Only an abuser would do that.

I made excuses for the things Lisa did, but did I overlook her sinister behavior because she's so beautiful and charming?

Mom strokes my hair, her touch loving. "You look scared, darling. Whatever you say about her, I'll believe you, no questions asked. I'll hold your hand at the police station and back you up no matter what."

Over her shoulder, Jessica is chewing her lip, her eyes huge.

It's what I've always wanted, Mom's unconditional love and support. I see suddenly how I could find my way back into my family's good graces after my terrible behavior.

Point the finger of accusation at Lisa.

Blame everything on the person they are already primed to hate.

Lisa was far from an angel, but in my heart I know what I did, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

I shake my head. "It wasn't like that. We're both to blame for what happened. I knew sleeping with Lisa was wrong, but I did it anyway."

Mom reaches into her oversized handbag and draws out a handful of garments that I recognize with a jolt. "Are you sure? Because I found these in your room."

Tasha's lilac wig. Tasha's see-through high-heeled stripper shoes. Tasha's white G-string. Seeing those gaudy items in the light of day in my mother's hands makes me break out in a cold sweat.

"Darling, tell the truth. What did she make you do?"

"Lisa didn't do anything. I bought these ages ago. I was stripping for weeks before you even met her."

"You were stripping? But why?" Mom's expression is horrified.

I wish I didn't have to go into this right now. There's nothing else to say but the unvarnished truth, so I go ahead and tell her that I took the job because I hated being at home. I wanted to leave as soon as I could.

Mom's expression turns sour as she listens to me. "You're protecting Lalisa. I know you are."

I take my stripper clothes from her hands and shove them to the other end of the couch behind me. "If you don't believe me, you can call Peppers. The bouncer Jimmy will tell you everything you want to know."

"Lalisa knew about this, though, didn't she?"

"Mom, you're a broken record. Not everything is about Lisa."

"Did she ever come to the club?"

That's private. That's just between me and Lisa. But she stripped all my defenses away when she disappeared, and even though I want to tell Mom it's none of her business, she can see the truth as clear as day on my face. "Just once, but—"

Mom shoots to her feet and cries in outrage, "Did she pay you to dance for her?"

"She . . . I . . ." Tears are brimming on my lashes. Furious tears of hurt and pain.

How could you leave me behind to face this on my own, Lisa?

Where are you?

Jessica pulls Mom back from me so I have space to breathe again. "That's enough, Mom. Leave Jennie alone."

"I'm just trying to talk to my own daughter about—"

But Jessica's not having it. "Give her a break. She's pregnant, remember? Everyone, just take a moment to calm down. Would you like some coffee, Mom?"

Mom says yes, but she doesn't go with Jessica. She stands over me, staring at me in cold, furious silence.

Lisa promised me that no one would die because of her plan, but if I ever get my hands on her, I think I'm going to kill her.

Once Jessica hands Mom her coffee and sits down with us, Mom opens her handbag and pulls out a sheaf of documents.

"What are those?" Jessica asks.

"My divorce papers."

"They're not much use if you can't find Lisa," Jessica points out.

"I'll sign them, and then I'll hand them over to a private detective who'll track Lalisa down. I can't wait to have that person completely out of my life forever. It's going to feel wonderful." She toys with the papers and then glances at me. "What about you, Jennie?"

"What about me?"

"Don't you think we should do something about getting rid of Lalisa from your life?"

"She's very much not in my life, if you haven't noticed," I snap. If I did see her, what would I say to her?

Probably just scream at her.

Then a lot more screaming.

But after that?

I have no idea.

"No, darling. I mean . . ." Mom glances at my belly.

"The baby? What about the baby?"

"Don't you think you should . . ." She delicately raises an eyebrow.

My confusion clears, and realizing what she means, I reply coldly, "I'm keeping my baby."

"Shouldn't you think about this?" Mom asks.

I don't need to think. It doesn't matter what Lisa did or how she tricked me, this baby is here, and it's mine.

Mom glances at Jessica, hoping for an ally, but Jessica looks on the verge of tears. Mom should know better than to have this conversation in front of her.

"Jennie, this isn't a decision you should make too quickly."

"I've made up my mind. If you have anything else to say, let's talk about it later." I glance at my sister, who's wiping tears from her cheeks.

"It's okay, Jennie. Promise." Jessica gives me a quick, unhappy smile.

It's not okay. Poor Jessica wants more than anything to have a baby, and now I'm sitting in her house, pregnant without even trying, while Mom tries to convince me to get rid of it. Why is the universe so cruel?

"You're going to let that person go on manipulating you even after she's disappeared?" Mom asks. "She's punishing both of us. She found out my greatest mistake and she's forcing you to repeat it."

My hands clench in my lap. "I'm your greatest mistake?"

Mom presses her lips together. "Don't be dramatic, darling. You know what I mean."

I know exactly what she means. She regretted having me, and I just have to live with that pain because she won't let me forget.

I'm not my mother. I'm me. I want this baby, and I'll never regret this child or make him or her think for one second—for one fraction of a second—that they're unwanted or unloved.

I wrap my arms around my stomach and hold on tight. There's only one thing I'm certain about in this shitty situation. This is my baby, and no one's taking them away from me.

"Stop being so selfish, Jennie," Mom scolds. "A baby is supposed to be a cause for joy, not something conceived furtively while one of the parents is having an affair. You were born out of wedlock and my shameful behavior has been a stain on your existence ever since. Look me in the eye and tell me that's not true."

I turn and face her, meeting her gaze without flinching. "I'm perfectly aware that's true. You could have done so much to protect me from that pain, and you chose not to. Actually, you're the one who inflicted most of it."

We glare at each other in silence.

"I know you don't like me very much, Jennie. I haven't been the most loving mother over the years, but please think carefully about what you're going to do next. Do you really want to turn into me?"

I can't help the fact that my child will be born into a family that will despise their existence. To them, this child will always be second class and hated.

But not to me.

"I'll never be like you," I whisper.

Mom stands up and puts her divorce papers back in her handbag, but she has to have the final word.

"You're young, Jennie. You have your whole life ahead of you. Think very carefully about what happens next, because once this is done, it can never be undone."