AN: This was originally intended to be written as part of my Canceled Trip AU, but then I realized it didn't really have any references to the rest of that AU, and wouldn't really have much impact on future installments either, so I decided to just turn it into a tangentially-related one-shot. Hope you have fun (I know I certainly did writing it).

Jacob smiled as he checked the last of his talismans. He had a good feeling about today. Now, granted, he's had a good feeling on all the other days he's gone out, but he really meant it this time.

You see, for the last several weeks he's been tracking the comings and goings of one particularly strange woman. Her odd mannerisms and unfamiliarity with human culture has led him to only one conclusion; that the woman is a witch! Of course, several of his past experiences have taught him that he couldn't just accuse her, because no one would believe him without proof (and it seemed people were often very picky at what they considered "proof").

His first steps in obtaining said proof was to follow her from a distance, never getting too close for fear of her noticing him. And his investigating paid off, as she eventually unknowingly led him straight to an old abandoned cabin in the woods. This wasn't as big a break as he'd hoped for, as further investigation revealed the cabin to be devoid of any sign of magic, and even the one time he entered almost immediately after the woman turned up nothing but an empty room (well, empty of anything interesting, at least). He'd even set up a small camera in the room to hopefully catch a glimpse of what occurred therein; alas, no results.

So Jacob hatched a new plan; if he couldn't discover the details on his own, then he would capture this witch and force her to tell him. Of course, he was not ignorant in the dangers of this course of action, confronting a witch with unknown powers was just asking for trouble. He'd need some form of protection… and that's where his jacket came in.

On the outside, it may look like an ordinary trench coat… and yeah, that's because it was. But the inside was lined with a variety of talismans and other protective charms of every shape and size, carefully chosen to guard against nearly every spell he could think of (and even some he couldn't think of, and only knew of because he read about them online). Naturally though, he wasn't foolish enough to rely solely on these, which is why he also took the liberty of acquiring a more… mundane means of defense.

The next step of Jacob's plan was… well, the actual plan. He couldn't just grab her in the woods. Well… he could, but there were just way too many escape routes the witch could take. He would have to find somewhere without those, corner her somehow. So he looked back over her movements.

Now, Jacob would be the first to admit he had his failings, everyone did. But if there was one thing he was good at, it was finding patterns. Heck, he was so good at finding patterns he could see them even where there weren't any (and that's not just him talking, it's a common compliment that he received on many of the forums he frequented). Therefor, it took him no time at all to peg down her movements, especially given how obvious her goals were. Although he had to admit, he didn't know why she was so obsessed with digging through garbage (perhaps she was banking on the off-chance of finding discarded baby teeth?).

Nonetheless, armed with both defenses and knowledge, he set off on his quest. He knew of several alleys that both contained a dumpster and was a dead end, so all he had to do was choose one and hope for the best. Admittedly, his initial attempts were… unsuccessful, to say the least, and he caught nothing but a few uncomfortable stares. But Jacob was undaunted; after all, did the witch hunters of yore give up when they couldn't find iron-clad evidence? Of course not! No, they gathered what little evidence they could and used it to successfully prosecute dozens of witches and bring an end to their evil ways!

And so Jacob continued in his endeavors, all the while ignoring his peers' relentless calls of mockery, derision, and "Hello, police?"

Which led to his current status; leaning on a wall and pretending to browse his phone but in actuality monitoring his chosen location for the day. And the instant he saw that unmistakable tattered red dress, he knew his persistence had been rewarded. Jacob smiled as he slid his phone into his pocket, and after a few seconds wait, followed her down the alley.

As expected, he found her hunched over a dumpster, rooting around for… whatever it was she needed. Seriously, that was bugging him to no end. Oh well, he'd just add that to the list of things to interrogate her on. Though that was for later, he needed to actually capture her first. Fortunately she hadn't seemed to noticed him, allowing him the perfect opportunity to withdraw the small revolver he'd procured just for this purpose.

"Don't move," Jacob commanded, pulling back the hammer with a satisfying *click*.

The witch froze, obviously recognizing the threat he posed. "Okay, okay," she said in a raspy voice, slowly standing straight up and raising her hands. "Let's just take it easy…"

Jacob rolled his eyes. He'd "take it easy" when he'd foiled this dastardly plot once and for all! "Turn around. Slowly," he ordered.

The witch cocked her head. "Wait, do you want me to turn around, or do you want me to not move?" she asked. "I can't really do both at the same time."

Oh yeah, Jacob supposed that was a good point. "…Turn around, then don't move."

"Okay, well then you should have just said that in the first place!" Jacob frowned; he didn't need to be lectured by his target of all people! Even so, she was still smart enough to comply. And now that Jacob finally got an up-close look at her, she seemed… oddly familiar somehow. Oh well, another mystery to be solved later. "But, to be perfectly honest… I really don't think you know who you're dealing with here."

Jacob's frown turned into a knowing grin. "Oh, I know exactly what I'm dealing with here. That's why I-"

Two things then happened, in such quick succession that Jacob could barely tell in what order. Firstly, the witch bolted forward and wrapped her clammy hand around his own, shoving his gun to the side. Secondly, her other hand curled into a fist and flew into his nose with a sickening *crunch!*

Jacob cried out in pain as he collapsed to the floor, and the witch just looked at him smugly. "Talk too much?" she finished for him. "Yes; yes you do." She knelt down and eyed him hungrily. "Now then, since turnabout is fair play and all that jazz, I'd say it's only fitting I do to you what you tried to me."

Jacob looked up at her in panic, but wasn't able to bring himself to do anything more than hold his nose in pain. Oh god, what was she going to do to him? Was she about to take him to her spaceship, to where nobody would see him or his teeth ever again? Or would she just interrogate him here in this alley? It was definitely secluded enough where she likely wouldn't be interrupted. And why was she so focused on his lower regions?

Oh… oh no, please, don't tell him she was actually going to-

"And a-yoink!" The witch's hand snaked into his pocket and withdrew the wallet within. "Now then, let's see here…" She extracted a few bills and shoved then into her wild mane of hair. "Not bad… what else?" Continuing to rifle through his belongings, she spared each item a though before throwing it aside. "Junk, junk, useless… ooh, fifty percent off…" she shoved the coupon in her hair alongside the cash, "nothing, worthless… Annnd I've already been banned from that place." She dropped the punch card and tossed the now-empty wallet down to Jacob before standing up. "Well, better then nothing I suppose, but I should probably be going now." She began to walk out of the alley, but seemed to have second thoughts upon glancing at the revolver laying on the ground. The witch picked it up as well. "By the way, these things are apparently really dangerous, so I'll just take this one off your hands for you; any problems with that?"

Jacob could only groan in response.

"Didn't think so." And with that she walked out of the alley, twirling the revolver and giving a small wave as she left. "See ya around, Jacob!" And then she was gone.

It took several moments after that for Jacob to regain the strength to sit up. He grabbed his wallet and gathered the various cards strewn about as he tried to process what just happened. It didn't make any sense; magic users just aren't supposed to be physically capable, everyone knows that! And that bit at the end… how on Earth could she have possibly known his name?

As he returned his driver's license to its rightful place, the answer to the latter question came to him; he had plenty of talismans that protected him from mind-altering magics, but he never thought to protect against someone only reading his mind. It was so obvious in hindsight, how could he be so foolish?

No, no, he shouldn't deride himself like that; thanks to what he did bring the witch was unable to gather more than surface-level thoughts. After all, if she was able to probe any deeper then she'd have seen just how much he was aware of, and in that case there's no way she'd have settled for simply humiliating him like that.

And oh boy, would she learn to regret that. Now that he knew her tricks, next time would be different; you could count on that.

Eda whistled as she walked down the street, having long-since tossed the gughn (or whatever it was humans called it) in a nearby trash can. "Heh, that was fun," she chuckled to herself before turning to Owlbert, who had swooped down from the rooftops. "I should try getting mugged more often."

Owlbert simply rolled his eyes in exasperation.

AN: Eda*/Jacob** OTP

*(fist)
**(face)