'''Stay out of the attic''' Oscar is behaving like a baby and wearing a diaper, gets subjected to one of Hugo's mad scientist experiments and Homer annoys Ned by building a totem god that breathes fire.
Then Barney considers going sober because he is embarrassed by his drunken antics, Marge is annoyed with People mimicking her and Bart turns catholic!
== Plot ==
The chalkboard gag is: "I will not play hooky."
The couch gag is the Tracey Ullman Simpsons sat on the couch when the Simpsons arrive. They see each other and scream and run away in terror.
...
One evening Bart and Homer are going scrounging in people's garbage for things.
"I can't believe this only comes fifty two times a year..." said Bart.
"Less talking and more scrounging." said Homer.
They were scrounging for garbage in a bin.
"Put your hands real deep in the garbage water! That's where the good stuff is!" said Homer. "Look! A new pacifier for Maggie."
Even Cletus and his family were scrounging.
"Look! Cardboard tubes! Now we can have indoor plumbing like that fancy Mary's place!" said Brandine.
"That fancy Mary spoils you rotten Brandine..." said Cletus.
Bart and Homer were then outside Milhouse's house.
"Look! Milhouse's mom finally threw away his blankie!" said Bart. "Let's sell it!"
"And then we mail it back to him piece by piece! Gahahahaha!" said Homer rubbing his hands and laughing evilly.
Milhouse was at the front window gasping in horror.
Bart and Homer were then at a refuse wagon/hobo home in an alleyway when they saw Oscar throwing popcorn into a refuse wagon. Monsterous clownjas sprouted from the bin.
"Oz why are you breeding killer Klowns from Outerspace?" Bart sighed at the sight of clownjas, the clown like monster Oscar was always drawing.
"I'm not. I'm breeding clownjas..." said Oscar. Suddenly they heard a noise. They hid in a refuse wagon.
"Hey! Some of us are trying to sleep off a hangover in here! Get your own trash can!" said a hobo from inside.
"We can't... there's clowns in the other trash can..." said Bart.
"I see clowns every night." said the drunk hobo.
Comic book guy arrived with comics he no longer wanted. He ignored the growling clownjas and threw away some comics.
"These She Hulk vs George Foreman comics were a terrible idea! What was I thinking?! Worst investment ever!" He threw away the comics.
However as he left some crazed possibly possessed or vampire nerds scrounged for the comics. Even terrible comics like She Hulk vs George Foreman.
"Back nerds! Back I say!" Comic book guy swatted them away with a broom. They hissed with red eyes.
...
Once Comic book guy was gone Bart and Homer returned to scrounging.
"Look! A vest for when I ever go to the gym!" said Homer wearing a sports bra.
"Dad that's a sports bra..." said Bart.
"Yes I know. I need it for my man boobs!" said Homer addressing his Moobs.
"There's all kinds of stuff in here!" said Bart rummaging threw the bins. "A Japanese detergent box from the future... (Mr Sparkle), a Malibu Stacey with no head! Ow! And a rat inside it..." A rat inside a Malibu Stacy doll bit him. "A perfectly good basketball half..." A raccoon climbed out and lunged at Bart.
Bart screams as the raccoon mauled him.
"Look son! At the Hawaiian restaurant! The greatest treasure of them all!"
Outside a Hawaiian restaurant was a tiki God statue. "I need this to prank Flanders! Hehehe!" said Homer.
Oscar came out of the Hawaiian restaurant collecting a Hawaiian pizza from the chef.
"Ah yes, in Aloha Club all our dishes have pineapple on them!" said the chef.
"Oscar! That's disgusting! How could you eat pizza with pineapple on it..." Bart gagged in disgust...
"Says the boy rummaging through people's bins..." said Oscar.
Bart sighed.
They came to some more dumpsters.
However Hugo was already harvesting rotten vegetables from them.
"Oh great Hugo's got there first..." Bart sighed.
Hugo growled at them and dashed away on his hands and feet carrying the rotten vegetables in a basket on his back.
"Look it's that space guy I went into space with!" said Homer.
"Don't waste the Earth — it is our Jewel!" said Buzz Aldrin.
"Buzz we'd love you to star in a Ragu sauce commercial." said blood sucking corporate mongols.
"Never! I have my dignity!" said Buzz.
"Look Dad! Barber hair!" Bart found some hair in the bin.
Homer gave himself an Italian moustache.
"Hey Vinnie, how ya doin'? How's the pizza? Mama mia!"
Bart laughed.
...
The next morning Marge came downstairs and went to the kitchen to find the the air rippling and a hissing noise.
"Hmmmm! I don't remember the air being this wavey... except for that time Oscar took us on holiday to Norfair..." said Marge. She smelt something. "(Gasping in horror) Gas!" she saw someone had sloppily and dangerously tried to reroute the gas pipe. Obviously Homer...
Outside in the backyard Homer had set up the tiki God to breath fire.
"I am King Talky Tiki! You will obey me!" said Homer as the tiki god.
"No way man!" said Bart. He yelped as The tiki God breathed fire at him.
"Homer what blasphemous idolatry is this?!" Ned asked.
"Hey Flanders I bet your god can't do this!" Homer made King Talky Tiki breath fire.
"Now you know we both worship the same god!" said Ned. Homer frightened him by making King Takky Tiki breath fire at him.
"Irregardless! I am your god now." said King Talky Tiki.
"Eat my shorts." Bart said rudely to King Talky Tiki.
He yelped when Homer blaster a gout of fire at him.
"Homer! Don't you know it's dangerous to reroute gas pipes?!" Marge came outside to tell Homer off.
"Do not anger Talky Tiki! I am all powerful!" Homer accidentally knocked over king Talky Tiki and set fire to it. "Uh oh..."
Homer screamed. "I'll be at Moe's!"
At Moe's.
"So I said to Wiggum, no! You're driving under the influence of being a jerk!" said Homer drunk at Moe's.
Moe sighed.
"Homer I have to do my job! Driving under the influence of alcohol is no laughing matter! What if you hit someone?!" Wiggum whined.
"Barney why the glum face?" Moe asked Barney.
"I feel like I've wasted my life drinking! Can I go into rehab?" Barney sighed.
"No! You're my best customer! All my wages comes from you!" Moe yelled.
Barney sighed.
"Mr Horse, why the long face?" Moe asked a horse at the bar.
A studio audience jeered.
"That wasn't funny Moe..." Carl sighed.
...
It was Saturday. That meant Oscar was dressed like a baby and acted like a baby. In fact he had age regressed himself.
Baby Oscar climbed up to the attic. Hugo was up there working in his lab when Oscar discovered something shocking. Hugo had made puppets of his family members.
"Hugo, mind explaining this..." asked Baby Oscar holding up a Marge puppet.
"Um... those were made back when I was locked away in the attic and could only get brief glimpses of my family through the air vents. I went a little crazy and made effigies of them for puppet shows..." said Hugo. "I once reinacted that time Mr Burns came over for dinner once, but because of my eccentricity I probably don't remember all the details properly..." Hugo looked about shifty remembering he had made some director's cut changes to how he recollected the dinner from Two cars in every Garage, Three Eyes on Every fish by watching from the air vents.
"Anyhoo, you're just who I need as a guinea pig for my science experiment! Bwuhahahaha!" Hugo laughed evilly.
Oscar soon found himself manacled to a table with a mind transfer helmet stuck on his head. Next to him was a large monster made of body parts also manacled to a table.
"Don't I get a say in this?" Oscar asked, manacled to a table.
"No!" said Hugo sharply.
"And now let the experiment begin! Bwuhahahaha! Igor pull the switch!" Yelled Hugo. "Oh wait, I don't have an Igor..." Hugo pulled the switch.
"Uh..." said Oscar.
"My second Igor died, my alligator bear mutant mauled him..." said Hugo.
Oscar got his mind switched with the monster's...
Lisa winced when she saw the results.
"So the towering beast is Oscar and Oscar's..."
"The beast..." said Hugo.
"Why?!" Lisa asked baffled.
"For mad science! Gahahahaha!" Hugo laughed maniacally.
Lisa sighed exasperated with her brother. The smarter more intelligent twin and still he did ridiculous things.
"This reminds me of that cartoon I was watching this morning, Dog City, where Eddie the paper boy talking dog gets his brain swapped with a monsters by a mad scientist." said Oscar from the mouth of the towering, horrifying monster he swapped minds with.
Hugo winced.
He was due somewhere today, Mom offered to take him to the library.
"Mom, move your butt... we're gonna be late..." Hugo sighed.
"Hugo! In this house we speak politely!" Lisa told him off.
...
Marge went to visit Homer at Moe's because it was Barney's birthday.
"Hey Homer. Hey Midge." said Moe.
"Hey Moe." said Homer.
"Hmmmmmmmm... Moe my name isn't Midge! It's... Oh whatever..." said Marge.
"I just hope it goes better than that surprise birthday we had for him that I didn't know about..." said Homer as he recalled coming into the tavern, getting yelled at for ruining the surprise and sitting on Barney's cake which was constructed to resemble a life size bar stool to represent his favourite bar stool.
"Well Homer let's lighten the mood with some old tapes. Remember the birthday before that that you threw at your house?"
"I never had a birthday at Homer's house! Uuuuurp!" said Barney.
"Sure you did! I have it on tape!" said Moe. He put in a tape. However it was of him being creepy to the Mail lady. "Oops! That's just a project I'm working on..." Moe put on the correct tape.
Bart was video recording Barney's birthday party.
"I would like to read a poem to Barney. Now that you're a year older..." said Marge on the tape. Bart got bored and recorded the dog chewing his crotch.
"Baaaaart!" Marge sighed. Bart laughed. "Gimme that!" she tried to take the camera from him.
Bart was then recording a conversation between Barney and Lisa.
"I just think that when we die there should be a planet for the French... a planet for the Chinese and we'll all be happy! Uuuuurp!" said Barney drunk.
"Mr Gumble you're upsetting me!" Lisa whined.
"Oh cram it liberal! That's an excellent idea! Those terrorist bastards can have their own planet to kill each other on! Or blow up..." Oscar was being argumentative and offensive.
"Am I really like that?!" Barney asked.
"Oh that's just the start! We call him Professor Barney Or insightful Barney!" said Homer. "Now this is drunk..." Homer explains fast forwarding the tape to a later moment at the party.
Barney was dressed as Marge drunkenly going down stairs.
"Homer darling! I'm going to the market! Uuuuurp!" said Barney as Marge.
"Marge you're embarrassing yourself! Oh wait it's just Barney..." said Homer on tape.
Barney was so drunk he tripped and broke the bannister and spindles and spilt his whiskey.
"Oh no! Precious alcohol soaking into the carpet!" said Barney. He licked up the alcohol.
After the tape ended Marge was very annoyed with Homer.
On the way home.
"Homer you know how insulting I find it when people mimic me! What part of that shenanigan with Barney dressed as me did you think wouldn't be humiliating for me?!" Marge ranted.
"Um all of it?" Homer replied embarrassed he was being told off.
"And that time at the picnic we had with the Flanders..."
The Simpsons had a picnic with the Flanders when Maude was still alive. An incident causing mishaps to Homer resorted in him getting Ned's green picnic blanket wrapped around himself, a beehive of angry bees stuck on his head. Blueberry juice splattered all over him, particularly on the beehive on his head. And a very hot pie splattered on his stomach. Homer as Marge went "Hmmmmmmmmm!" to avoid screaming in pain from the scalding hot pie.
"Homer stop that!" Marge told him off for mimicking her.
The flashback ended with Homer feeling really bad.
== Plot 2 ==
Bart was at school chatting with Skinner's secretary when he found Milhouse because he got a special key from the secretary. It lead to steam pipes deep within the school.
"Lets muck about with them!" said Bart.
"Like in that Readybrek commercial!" said Oscar recalling a British commercial for porridge.
"No Oscar..." Bart sighed.
They messed with one spigot but it climaxed in a devastating effect across all the pipes.
In the school toilets and sinks exploded. Willie got scalded by a water fountain trying to drink from it. In science class all the dissecting frogs came back to life and hopped about everywhere.
"Wow! Wednesday your prank worked!" said a kid.
"I didn't even do anything!" Wednesday Addams gasped as she hadn't implemented her prank yet.
Then the moisture gave Martin an Afro and the walls soaked up the moisture and collapsed.
Some afterwards Bart and Milhouse were caught.
"Bart I have no choice but to have you transferred to... A Catholic school!" said Skinner.
Bart gasped. "Please Mrs Rubber Stamp! Get me outta this!" Bart asked the secretary who had a soft spot for him.
"Forget it! This used to be a cheese filled croissant! Now look at it!" The steam ruined her lunch.
"Bart you will be transferred to catholic school. And what's worse is that I took the liberty of calling your parents..." said Skinner.
Bart gasped. Homer arrived furious with a fiery glare fixed on him and growling season one style. Marge was sighing disappointed.
Skinner explained Bart was being transferred to a catholic school.
Marge didn't like this.
"Certainly not! My son is not going to a catholic school! Why can't he go to a Protestant school?!" Marge nagged.
"Because Mrs Simpson, Protestant schools don't have a reputation for scaring children straight!" said Skinner.
"Oh! can you send our other son there too! You know the freaky one!" said Homer.
"Mr Simpson I am not punishing Hugo for taking extra curricular drama classes..." said Skinner.
"Principal Skinner, I did not change Bart's diapers for five years for him to be sent to a catholic school!" said Marge.
"Mooooooom!" Bart whined embarrassed.
Skinner chuckled. "Hohohoho! That is kind of amusing Simpson!"
...
Marge instead looked at alternate schools as there was no way he was going catholic!
"Oh! Oakwood Academy! That looks like a very nurturing school! You'll do well there Bart!" said Marge.
"Academy?! I don't know Marge... they can be pretty expensive..." said Homer.
"Uh Mom... that's a school for the blind..." said Lisa.
We pan across the playground. Blind children wearing sunglasses were blindly walking about with white walking sticks and each had a dog on a leash.
"Yeah but think of the advantage Bart would have!" said Marge.
The Simpsons have a look at her as if to say, "What the hell?!"
Next they tried Onward Christian marching Academy again. A few moments after dropping him off, Bart ran out again being chased by an angry mob of kids and the teacher.
"Avert your eyes children! He might take another form!" said the teacher. The kids shook their fists at Bart as the Simpsons drove away in a hurry.
"How about that school?" Homer asked.
"Homer that's a prison..." said Marge as Homer was pointing at a prison.
"Look Mrs Simpson, St Jerome's is a good strict school that'll straighten Bart out." said Skinner.
"Yeah boy... over there if you misbehave, you don't just get bad grades and detention. You go to Hell!" said Homer snarling.
Bart gulped.
And so Bart was immediately transferred to catholic school. However the nuns kept hitting him with a ruler.
"Ow! Fine! I'll move 28 centimetres away from you then!" Bart retorted.
"A foot is thirty centimetres!" yelled the nun before smacking his hands again.
Luckily for Bart, the priest, played by Liam Neeson was really nice to Bart and gave him pancakes when he was sent to his office for not paying attention in class.
However the priest was constantly being bothered by Peter Griffin. Peter eavesdropped on his confessions in the confession cabinet.
"And then I killed the wolves and ate them." Liam quoted something from Taken or that film where he eats wolves...
"Peter what is your problem..." Bart asked.
"The guys and I betted I could fight Liam Neeson!" said Peter.
"Well you can't! Only Batman and Darth Maul can fight Liam Neeson!" Bart replied.
"Agggghhhhh! Darth Maul!" The Liam Neeson priest screamed.
Bart rolled his eyes.
...
Meanwhile Barney considers giving up alcohol especially after seeing the results of Hugo's mind swap experiment. Oscar's mind in a giant Frankenstein-esque monster carrying the monster's mind in his body in a baby carrying pouch. Oscar was apologising for smashing p the town while the monster in his body was growling frustrated with a diaper rash.
"Right that's it I'm quitting drinking!" said Barney.
"Nooooo! Drink or I'll die!" said a white anthromorphic rabbit with a Peter Lorre voice.
At Catholic school Bart was sent to Father Liam's Office again for being naughty.
"Bart learning from the bible doesn't have to be boring. Here's some biblical themed comics." said Father Liam Neeson handing him some biblical comics.
Bart got some violent comics about David and Goliath, Moses etc.
"Coooooooool! I didn't know Christianity was so violent! Oooooooh!" Bart read the comics.
Father Sean/ Liam Neeson smiled. Glad he got through to Bart.
Peter Griffin was outside dressed as Mrs Potato head. Colin Farrell was trying to rape him.
At home Bart had news that annoyed Marge. He was turning Catholic. At dinner he prayed the catholic way while holding prayer beads.
"Don't you try rosary!" Marge scolded him.
Bart prayed with a rosary and beads.
"Homer say something!" Marge nagged wanting support.
"They have Pancakes..." said Bart.
"Oh! Mmmmmmm! pancakes..." Homer drooled.
Marge grumbled. "D'ooooooh...!"
Lisa frowned at Marge's insistence at dictating every family member's faith. She wasn't sure if she should support Bart yet or not.
"Catholics can be an odd lot! No birth control! No meat on Fridays?!" Marge explained.
"No meat on Fridays?! What do they eat? Light bulbs?!" Homer asked horrified.
Oscar in the body of Hugo's monster screamed with laughter.
"No... they eat fish. I dunno, they think fish isn't meat, or it's no red meat on Fridays..." said Bart.
"Well I think no meat on Fridays is a good idea..." said Lisa frowning at Mom.
"I love eating fish." said Hugo.
"Quiet freak!" Homer snapped.
Oscar in the monster's body, seized Homer by his throat and lifted him up with ease and throttled him.
"Ay carumba!" Bart gasped.
Marge gasped.
"Mow I remember why this experiment is cool..." Hugo smiled.
...
Homer went to talk to Father Sean but fell for his charm and the pancakes and bingo.
"Mmmmmm... sacrilicious..." Homer moaned.
Oscar had fun absolving himself of sins in the sin confession cabinet.
"Absolving?!" Homer asked shocked. "Uh Oh!"
"Homer! Oh me Jesus! Those cabinets are not commodes!" Father Sean gasped.
After Homer blessed the sin confession cabinet...
"Okay so I murdered my parents and my sister, wiped a booger on your shirt, coveted the wife in Jaws II and masturbated eight billion times! And I shall never stop!" said Oscar.
"And Absolved." said Father Sean.
"Yes!" said Oscar.
Father Sean then convinced Homer to be Catholic. Ie the church ate pancakes ever so often. I know some churches give out cookies after service.
"Mmmmmm... pancakes..." said Homer drooling.
"And we play bingo." said Father Sean.
"What?!" Homer gasped. "My wife says gambling is a sin!"
"Well it's not buddy. Not if the catholic's do it..."
Oscar glared at him. Yeah you do a lot of bad things and get away with them...
"If the stricter domination of Christianity says it's okay then woohoo! In your face Marge!" Homer cheered.
Sean smiled sheepishly.
Also he rides a motorcycle and Homer once thought he was a Hells Angel.
"Coooool!" said Oscar as a giant monster because Hugo swapped his brain with a monster's.
"Will you consider being Catholic?" Sean asked him. No Qui Gonn Jinn! He won't!
"Sorry... But I worship the waffle god." said Oscar.
Father Sean sighed at his blasphemy.
"Eat a nutritious and delicious breakfast mortal! I come with butter and syrup!" said the waffle god Homer once mistook for the Christian god, uh God.
"God?" Homer asked the waffle god.
"Yes?" The waffle god asked.
"Can I eat thee?" Homer asked.
"You do that and I'll send you straight to Hell!" yelled the waffle god.
"Mmmmmmm! Sacrilicious..." said Homer.
...
However Marge ended up losing whatever support Lisa was prepared to give her.
Marge after turning up to church alone with Maggie and Hugo had tea with Lovejoy.
"Um Homer and Bart are feeling under the weather." Marge lied.
"Uh huh. Or under the spell of a pointy white hat!" Lovejoy yelled. Marge was ashamed.
"Marge, a different faith means a different after life..." Ned explained. "I'm sorry but Catholics and Protestants never got along!"
Marge imagined going to a separate Heaven to Homer and Bart. They were in catholic heaven river dancing with that Irish fellow off the TV with the turquoise jacket.
The bible gang decided quite rudely to try to force Homer and Bart to return to Lovejoy's church.
However Homer resisted and argued with Marge.
"Homer you're a grown man, I can't pick your religion for you! But I didn't change Bart's diapers for five years for him to go catholic!" Marge ranted in the catholic school.
Bart blushed as all the kids stared at him. "Uh... I was afraid of the potty monster..." Bart replied sheepishly.
Oscar as a huge monster screamed with laughter.
The monster in Oscar's body grumbled. With out the ability to speak he couldn't magic himself back into his body or at least make Oscar's body older than a baby that had just learned to walk.
However the ultimate opponent to Marge arrived.
"Mom stop this charade at once!" Lisa yelled as she stormed in with Richard Gere.
"Don't talk back to me young lady!" Marge scolded her.
"Mom this is horrible! Leave me to chose my faith! You let Lisa chose to Buddhist!" Bart ranted.
"Yeah!" Lisa yelled.
"I was horrified back then too!" Marge retorted.
"Well I am not going anywhere! I am catholic now! And that's it!" Bart yelled.
"Bart!" Marge yelled.
"Marge stop it! I got angry last time when you didn't support Lisa when she became a Buddhist. You don't want to get me really angry..." Oscar warned.
"Yeah especially since he's a giant monster now." said Homer.
"Or do we have to use our Stretchdude and Clobbergirl powers!" Lisa explained as they turned into Stretchdude and Cloobergirl.
"Or worse, get Father Sean/Liam Neeson to go Jedi on you!" Oscar replied.
"Oz, Liam Neeson isn't really a Jedi!" Bart sighed.
"Um... no I'm not..." Sean/ Liam Neeson had a lightsabre behind his back.
"Bart!" Marge barked.
"Or I'll get the foul mouthed St Peter from canon in here!" Oscar as a monster yelled.
"Marge! Respect ya son's faith, ya wanker! Or sod off!" Foul mouthed swearing St Peter yelled.
Marge was horrified by St Peter's language.
"Uh I was drunk in that flashback..." said Father Sean.
"Fine! Reverend Lovejoy, Ned, we're leaving!" Marge stormed off.
"Guys why are you helping Bart? From what you told me last week, Bart changes his faith all the time... why whilst I was still locked up in the attic he was a staunch Advocate for Scientology for a-" said Hugo.
"We do not speak of that!" Bart yelled.
== Plot 3 ==
On the drive back home.
"Well as the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped! Marge you're giving up?!" Ned asked.
"Ned I can't force them! But I have another way of getting through to Bart and Homer! We need to show them the Protestant church can be fun! I have an idea!" said Marge.
Meanwhile Hugo put Oscar's mind back in his own body and the monster's mind back in the monster.
"Well I've had my fun." said Hugo. "Oscar, respond."
"Why do I have the mother of all diaper rashes?! Ouchies! Did you not change me while my mind was swapped?!" Oscar had a bad diaper rash.
Bart in his room was praying with a rosary and reading a violent catholic comic.
"And then we had to paint Giordano burning at stake, and Father Sean said mine was the goriest!" said Bart to Lisa.
Lisa sighed.
Marge eavesdropping tried to hold her tongue. If she resisted they'd just push back.
Her plan was to invite Bart to a Christian fun day fair. Bart spent the car journey singing a Jewish sounding song called "Don't have a cow man! Don't have a cow man! Have a piece of fish!"
Lovejoy sighed as Bart obviously knew nothing about Judaism and was confusing it with Hinduism.
"Mom nothing about church is fun! And I'm still Cath- Oh my gosh! Christian rock music! And paintball! Awesome!"
Marge smiled as Bart ran off to play paintball. Unfortunately for Rod and Todd they were playing paintball, or doing something in the paintball section and got shot by Bart who had got into character as army cadet Bart.
However Homer and Father Liam Neeson came to the rescue on a jeep with paintball guns. Homer annoyed Marge by shooting her with paint.
"Stop brainwashing our son! Bart has joined the catholic side of the force!" Homer yelled.
"Homer I keep telling you I'm not really a Jedi..." Liam sighed.
Bart ran in before they could continue arguing.
"Okay break it up! Break it up!" Bart told everyone. "Mom, thanks for the fun day out and for meaning well... in your own way... But you lot have to stop! Catholic and Protestant are just two sides of the same coin! Christianity! So what if they have slightly different beliefs! A lot of those beliefs we don't even follow anymore! When was the last time any of us practiced Lent? Or persecuted gay people? Sorry mom but the bible is very unfriendly about that!as much as it's hard to here..."
Marge sighed disappointed in her faith. "He's right! I've spent so long being a good Christian mother but I forgot none of us are truly pious otherwise we'd be homophobic bigots practicing lent and eating fish every Friday!" said Marge glaring at Ned for being openly homophobic.
"Friday is Fry day! Mmmmmmm Fried..." said Homer drooling.
"Bart you are the most sensible one of us all today! We could all learn a thing from you!" said Reverend Lovejoy.
Bart had a day dream of two armies in the far future dressed in Bartman inspired costumes.
"We believe the Bart Simpson before he was cruelly betrayed by the traitor called Milhouse that he spread a message of eating his shorts!"
"Well we believe he spread a message of not having a cow!" said the other army. One army was purple and the other with yellow spiky hats like Bart's hair.
The armies clashed. "Eat my shorts!"
"Cowabunga!"
...
At home.
Homer drinks Duff beer and eats a ham sandwich at the kitchen in peace until Bart ruins the peace moment by shooting the paintball, causes him to become angry.
"Bart! You shot me with your paintball gun! Why you little!" Homer is angry at Bart.
"Uh oh!" Bart runs away.
Marge was in the dining room sobbing and drinking wine.
"My babies are heathens!"
"I'm a Buddhist! Respect my right to chose my faith!" Lisa yelled.
"And mine!" said Bart holding his rosary.
"And Bart's!" Lisa yelled.
Homer chewed a mouthful of his ham sandwich when Jurkle, Oscar's Jewish friend glared at him.
"What?" Homer asked.
"Ham is forbidden under Judaism! Don't eat that!" Jurkle yelled.
"Kid I'm not Jewish. I eat what I want.
"Homer! Stop offending him!" Oscar yelled.
Moe's.
Barney sighed thinking about his birthday when he dressed as Marge. Or when he got a job dressed as a baby handing out leaflets and the wind blew off his diaper.
"That was funny..." Oscar chuckled.
"I'm embarrassing! I should really give up the liquor!"
"Noooooo! Drink or I'll die!" said the white rabbit with a Peter Lorre voice imaginary friend.
"What happened to the pink elephant?" Oscar asked.
Barney was baffled.
St Jerome's.
Bart dressed as a choir boy. More on this later next season.
"Ugh..." He groaned.
"Now Bart I'm sure you have a lovely singing voice..." said Father Sean.
Also unfortunately for him, the Catholic Church is the one with the pedos!
"The priests are all Kevin Spaceys..." said Oscar.
"No they're not Oz... and stop giving Mom a reason to disrespect Bart's right to choose his own faith..." Lisa sighed.
Marge rolled her eyes.
"Fine..." Oscar sighed.
At Moe's.
"Look Barney! Stop listening to your conscience and listen to me! Buy a beer!" said Moe.
"Drink!" said the Peter Lorre rabbit.
Barbey sighed.
Back at St Jerome's.
Bart at recess read a copy of Stay out of the Basement by R L Stein, that his sister Lisa got him for his birthday once.
"It's like if Uncle James Bouvier turned into a plant mutant while experimenting in the basement." said Bart.
Elsewhere someone stupidly kidnapped Father Sean's family. Serious do not kidnap Liam Neeson's family...
"I have a special set of skills that make me a nightmare for guys like you... I will find you, I will catch you. I will kill you..."
"Oh my god! We have to set them free! Liam Neeson is pissed!" A kidnapper screamed.
...
In the backyard.
"All hail King Talky Tiki..." Homer threw his voice for King Talky Tiki. The very burnt mask breathed fire.
"Okay..." said Oscar.