Kakashi's POV

I lay down on the hospital bed motionless as I processed what happened on my last mission assignment.

It was already night time and the hospital was too quiet, all I could hear was my own breathing, as my mind raced with the thoughts of Obito and his sudden death. It had been three days since that mission happened but I still couldn't believe he was gone now.

Naturally, I blame myself for it. I was the captain in that mission and I was supposed to look after my team but I failed them. If only I've done some things differently, then maybe he would still be alive. Obito's dying wish was for me to protect Rin, so I told the girl I would protect her no matter the cost. I will do this to honor our fallen teammate's request. It was the least I could do after the Uchiha's selfless sacrifice.

The mission was successful but it cost me the life of a team member. Rin and I barely survived the incident, but Minato-sensei's intervention helped us escape at the last minute when he used his teleportation technique to rescue us.

Obito Uchiha died while I was his jonin team captain.

I can now understand my father's predicament when he chose his comrades' lives over the mission. It was not an easy choice to make, but he did it anyway. Despite the blame that had been put on his shoulders, he was an honorable man no matter what others would say about him.

It's unfortunate that someone else associated with me had to die in order for me to realize it.

I came out alive on that mission with Obito's Sharingan implanted on me. The Uchiha are definitely not happy about it, but Rin had testified that it had been given to me by their clansman before he died and wasn't stolen like some of them had assumed. That was a barbaric thought and I would never do such atrocity to a comrade, even more with a member of my team.

My mind was still occupied with grim thoughts about the recent mission when something unexpected happened.

I finally felt the necklace pulse once on my chest. I quickly held it and observed the light blue chakra glowing a bit brighter than it usually did.

I was unsure if it was just a fragment of my imagination, but I hastily responded with more than a dozen chakra pulses to let the purple-eyed girl know that I felt it, and I was here.

My heart was beating fast and my hands were cold and trembling as I waited for her response.

Sumire sent three succeeding pulses back!

It had been so long since she communicated through the pendant, so this was a pleasant surprise. I was overwhelmed with joy, gratefulness and relief upon feeling her chakra pulses again after so many years. I was glad that I was not just imagining it and she really responded this time. I felt my eyes tearing up as I sent another pulse to her. I was glad to know that she was able to communicate again with me despite it being just through pulses.

It is silly because we can't really tell each other anything meaningful through the necklace.

I was relieved to know she is somewhat alright despite not seeing her current state, because she was now able to use the necklace and communicate through the pendant again. What we have was a very unique and personal form of communication so I have assurance that it was really her because only our chakra signatures were registered in the pendant.

I felt my insides warm up at the thought of her again.

Even though I was saddened by my teammate's death, I somehow felt lighter now, like some of the heaviness of my troubles were taken away from my shoulders. What more if she was here with me? I could probably endure a lot more as long as I have her beside me.

I closed my eyes as relief flooded through my body. She has a positive effect on me no matter how bad the situation I am having at the moment. My rest for the night would be somewhat peaceful, I haven't gotten that in a long while.

The next day I was woken up by two chakra pulses on my chest. I opened my eyes immediately and jolted upright while I called her name in a shout, "It's Sumire!" I quickly put a hand over my chest as I felt the pendant hidden behind my hospital gown.

I noticed a girl was sitting at the side of my bed, she looked shocked at my sudden outburst. But then, her expression turned to sadness as she recognized the name I called loudly.

"After all these years, it's still her huh?" She asked me with a sad expression on her face.

I looked at her and honestly told her, "Rin, it's always been her." I took a deep breath and added further, "I was crazy about her when we were younger. I still have feelings for her now, and it probably won't change at all in the future."

She sighed deeply then replied, "How about my feelings Kakashi? I liked you a lot even before you became my teammate, and she is not even here with you!" There were tears in the corner of her eyes as she spoke again, "You saved me back there Kakashi, you told me you would protect me no matter what the cost!"

I tried to make her understand no matter how hurtful my words might be, "I was prepared to leave you to die on that last mission, Rin. Just so I could finish the mission objective." I slowly explained to her what happened so that she would remember that it was Obito who sacrificed for the both of us. "Obito only managed to convince me with his words and I returned to help him save you."

I continued to explain to her what our teammate's last request was, "I said I would protect you because it was Obito's dying wish, and I only intend to fulfill it. It was him who always cared for you." She looked hurt by my words but that was the truth.

She stood with tears flowing from her face as she ran out of the room.

Minato-sensei peeked at the door and went inside after she was gone, "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard your entire conversation through the door." He looked at me apologetically.

I know that guilty look that sensei has on his face. He probably eavesdropped intentionally and listened attentively to the whole conversation, but I didn't mind it. His curiosity knows no bounds and I am used to his antics.

I sighed as I replied to him, "It's fine sensei, Rin needed to hear it and she now knows what to expect from me." Then I looked at sensei seriously, "You know about my bond to Sumire. No matter how much Rin feels about me, it wouldn't change anything."

"Yes, I know." Sensei then checked my sitting figure on the bed, "You already look so much better now than you did yesterday. I guess you recovered already from the last mission."

I looked at sensei and smiled at him genuinely while nodding to confirm that I already am feeling better now.

He looked surprised at my happy reaction so he said, "You seem happy about something too."

"Don't get me wrong, sensei. I am still upset about Obito's death and I know I am to blame for it." I replied as I stared at the man seriously, but my eyes brightened as the next words left my mouth, "But, I felt Sumire respond to the chakra pulses through the necklace last night." I reached for the pendant hidden behind my shirt and showed it to Minato-sensei, "She even sent two pulses this morning and I was awakened by it, maybe she was saying 'good morning' to me." Then, I pushed two chakra pulses as well and held it up close to sensei so he could see. After a few seconds she responded to me again with three succeeding beats, and it glowed brightly. "Sensei, did you see that glow? It was Sumire, she sent three pulses. Maybe she said 'I miss you' with those three beats." I joked lightly at sensei as a small smile appeared on my face.

"That's the longest sentence I heard you say in a while." He ruffled my hair as he sat down by my bed to keep me company.

"Do you think I could find her soon after the war? I don't even know where to look." I asked the blonde man in front of me with a sad look on my eyes. "She's so hard to find, she is probably somewhere outside the Land of Fire. Maybe that's why she couldn't easily come back."

"Yeah, even if she managed to escape the ambush. She was still too young and inexperienced back then." Sensei said with a look of pity in his eyes as we both remembered what happened a few years ago.

"I hope she is far from us right now though. I don't mind seeing her a little later if it means she won't get caught up with our war." I replied, clearly looking worried for her.

Minato-sensei nodded at me as he tapped my shoulder for comfort before he added, "I better go find Rin now and talk to her." He stood up and was about to leave the room, but he halted his steps and said, "You better talk with her soon after she calms down. You are teammates and it wouldn't be good if you cannot resolve this soon."

"I know sensei. I would try my best to get along with her, for Obito's sake" I said firmly while looking at my sensei.

He looked satisfied with my reply so he left the room with a wave and a smile on his face.

The thought of Sumire flooded my mind, my purple-eyed girl definitely knew how to keep me busy. She was running through my mind endlessly, and my heart calls for her name with intense longing all throughout the day.

I was already thinking of how I could find her. Her recent communication through the necklace made me eager to restart my search for her despite the ongoing war. I know I need to hold-off the search and keep my focus on the battles and missions that I might get assigned into sooner, but I can't wait to finally be with her again.

My gaze landed on the pendant that hung on my neck. I wore this necklace everyday since she had told me to do so before she departed years ago for the capital. She said I should take her with me everywhere I go, even while on missions. So I always had it on me to carry a part of her no matter where my duty would take me.

I also feel her chakra essence inside me through the bond that we share, but this necklace is also as meaningful as that. It was the physical representation of her, it's her life force on display, something I could look at whenever I am missing her or thinking about her. The chakra moving within the amethyst was a sight to behold, her light blue essence glowing within the gemstone is very hypnotic and beautiful.

I brought the pendant next to my mouth and whispered in a very hushed voice, "Wait for me, Sumire. I will get to you no matter where you are." I knew there's no way she would hear my message, so I settled for sending the chakra pulses I know she would feel wherever she may be at the moment.

Rin and I had another talk after I was discharged from the hospital. We tried to be civil with each other and sort out the problem that we have. We agreed to just be professional whenever we get missions or training despite the recent issue.

Even so, there was awkwardness every time we would interact with each other after that. I could have been nicer about rejecting her feelings when she told me about it at the hospital, but I was never that type of person and I like to be straight-forward with things. The message would still be the same no matter how I expressed it, and she would still feel hurt nonetheless. I just didn't have the same feelings for her as she does for me. I hope she will be able to accept it sooner.

Team-minato wasn't the same as it used to be since Obito's passing.

Despite all the misunderstandings and bickering that we used to have on a daily basis, the team used to be full of life. There is a missing piece that we do not know how to fulfill, no matter how much I used to be annoyed at him. It was harder to go on missions without the Uchiha's presence.

He was part of the team, and his absence made a big impact.

Rin was mostly sent on missions where I wasn't assigned recently, maybe she requested it since the palpable tension on our team was still there even as time went by, or maybe she's just busier since a medic is always needed on the field with the ongoing war. Frankly, I am not sure, but It's hard to keep her safe and keep my promise to Obito with this arrangement. I fear that she might get in trouble one of these days and I wouldn't be able to instantly help her out.

My fears weren't unfounded though. A troubling situation happened while Rin was assigned on a mission with a different team. She had been taken as hostage by the Kirigakure shinobi.

I did what I could do at the time to save her as soon as I learned about her situation. I asked for my summons to follow her scent, and I found her soon enough. But, I had to fight off the enemies guarding her and tried to get her out of there immediately. Unfortunately, the enemies kept pursuing us and I had to hold out until the other Konoha reinforcements arrived.

Rin had been very agitated since she kept telling me to end her life while I was trying to defend ourselves from the onslaught. Apparently, the enemy had sealed a tailed beast within her and it would be forced to let loose once we arrived inside Konoha. She wanted to sacrifice herself to save the village from destruction.

I tried my best to calm her down and assure her that help will be on our way while I fight the enemy ninja who are surrounding us in the area. I was attempting a killing blow to one of the Kiri shinobi using my lethal technique, the Chidori, when she suddenly jumped in front of me and my arm pierced through her chest. I wasn't able to stop or divert the fatal attack from landing on her.

Horror crept to my face as I realized what just transpired. Different thoughts ran through my mind as I processed the scene happening in front of me. She died by my hands and it made my blood run cold. My promise to Obito had been for naught.

I killed Rin.

That was the last thought on my mind before my consciousness slowly drifted away. I noticed my chakra being drained quickly while I felt something change with Obito's eye that had been implanted on me.

Then, my eyes finally closed and my body shut down from exhaustion.

I didn't know how long it had been since I passed out but I was awakened and treated by the Konoha reinforcements who arrived at the scene. I saw the lifeless bodies of multiple Kiri shinobi around the area, and was relieved to see that the enemies who were pursuing us were all dead.

But so was Rin. I could not mentally grasp how it all happened so quickly.

I went home that day with more emotional baggage than I thought I could possibly carry with me. Death has claimed another person associated with me, and I cannot help but feel the emotional torment that followed afterwards.

She died by my hands and I cannot remove the stain her blood had left on my arm. I knew it wasn't there anymore, but it still felt like it was. The horrid feel of her blood on my skin never goes away no matter how hard I try to wash it off. I still see the red fluid that slowly dripped on my limb as she took her last breath, and spent hours trying to remove it off me. My arm already felt numb from the constant repetitive scrubbing it undergoes on a daily basis.

I badly wanted it to be gone.

She is in my nightmares too; I remembered the light leaving her eyes as she looked at me with sorrow on her face, I heard the sound of chirping birds while one of my hands was stretched out to her, I recalled her uttering my name in a whisper as she died, and I felt the warmth slowly departing from her limp body.

People die all the time in the line of work I've chosen, and I am aware that I could die anytime too. It was a risk that I took and accepted wholeheartedly. I knew this since the day I signed up for this grueling career, and was aware of the hazards, dangers and all the negativity that comes along with being a shinobi.

However, I wasn't prepared for the darker side of it.

I've always known that I would be scarred in this line of work, both physically and emotionally, but nothing prepared me for the worst. No matter how much training I did, how many techniques I mastered, and how I thought I could handle the distress, the guilt and misery I am suffering from losing my teammates are too much for me to bear.

Survivor's Guilt.

If I am not mistaken, that's what they call it these days.

I felt that I was responsible for their demise and was solely to blame for what happened. My teammates were dead and gone because I wasn't reliable enough.

My remorse wasn't the only thing I could not handle though, the nightmares also creeped into my slumbers. The nights were filled with the mentally scarring images of my team dying while I stood in helplessness, it was all emotionally exhausting.

Sometimes, I would lie awake at night and force myself not to sleep because I would see Rin with a hole in her chest, and Obito with half of his body crushed by a boulder. The images of their death were rooted in my mind and the nightmares wouldn't stop.

The burdens that I have kept on piling on top of one another and were too much for me to carry; father's suicide, the Senju's unresolved incident, Obito's sacrificial death, and Rin's recent passing.

Her death was a murder I unwillingly committed, and it was the heaviest blame that rested upon my shoulders.

I could not accept the fact that it was me who ended her short life. It weighed me down since she was a comrade, a teammate, and even a friend. The girl with purple marks on cheeks, along with the Uchiha on my team, had been the only form of acquaintance I had in recent years, and they were the only ones that came close to being considered as my friends.

In addition to that, I had given my word to Obito that I would protect her to the best of my ability, but I was not able to fulfill that promise.

I have failed Obito as much as I have failed Rin.

In spite of all this, I knew I needed to move forward with my life. I had to learn to live with the guilt, grief, and bitterness that the ill-fated incidents had brought upon me. I must outrun the insurmountable shadows of my teammates' death that plagued me day and night.

I was called a prodigy for a lot of reasons. However, my emotional capacity does not match with my mental knowledge, physical strength or skillful expertise in shinobi techniques. I had to find ways to take control of my emotional well-being and overcome my comrades' demise no matter how hard it is for me.

It was either do that or give into insanity.

A shinobi endures, after all.

The residents of Konoha soon came to know about Rin Nohara's unanticipated death by my hand, and this news spread like an uncontrollable wildfire in the village. Thereafter, people decided to add another title next to my name. I've been known to many as Kakashi Hatake- jonin at twelve, a once in a generation prodigy, and a child genius.

Now, I was called a friend killer too.