Previously on 'Between My Captain & Commander': After Levi protests against Armin telling Eren & Mikasa about the triad, Armin decides to take a temporary break from the relationship to re-assess everything.
Armin distracts himself by preparing for the library event, where a delegation of Hizuru diplomats visit the Survey Corps. Afterwards, Lady Azumabito offers Eren & Mikasa a surprising wedding gift – a trip to Hizuru and other countries. And Armin is welcome to join them.
His relationship with Levi and Erwin is already in a tenuous state. How will leaving for 6 months affect it? Besides, Armin's doubts over the triad are growing. Are the other two men risking too much for him?
Chapter 28: Letting Go
Erwin
The evening after the Hizuru delegation had departed, Armin arrived at Erwin's door.
He immediately ushered him inside, resisting the urge to hug him in greeting. Their relationship was still on a temporary break, after all.
Armin gazed around the empty living room. "I came here to talk to you and Levi. Is he here?"
"No, but he should be in his own quarters. Wait here and I'll go get him."
Heart thumping, Erwin fetched Levi, trying to calmly answer his partner's questions about what was going on. When they got back, Armin was perched on the couch, hands clasped so tightly on his lap they were turning white.
His body language confirmed Erwin's mounting fears. Still, he retained his composure as he and Levi sat down opposite Armin.
"Do you want something to drink?"
"I'm fine," Armin assured him. He cleared his throat. "So, about the event yesterday… I hope Lady Azumabito's gift isn't putting you under pressure. Neither Eren, Mikasa, or I had any idea about it beforehand."
Erwin fought to maintain a cheerful expression. "Not at all. I admit, I'm jealous of your opportunity to travel. Kiyomi was extremely generous in her offer."
Armin nodded. "Yeah, we're really lucky. Is it causing you any trouble to approve our extended leave?"
"Given that the trip doubles up as a diplomatic visit, it's not hard to justify the benefits. It's a great chance to strengthen ties with Hizuru, and other nations."
Erwin wouldn't make Armin feel guilty by pointing out the obvious personal downsides. He and Levi had already agreed they wouldn't hold their former partner back from this opportunity.
Even if it means Armin being away for months on end…
Armin leaned forward in his seat. "Listen, I've been thinking about our relationship, and-"
"I've been thinking too," Levi interjected quickly. "While I'd still prefer not to tell anyone right now about the triad, I understand that keeping it from Eren and Mikasa isn't sustainable for you. So you're free to tell them."
"I'm fine with it too," Erwin added. He and Levi had discussed the matter at length over the last few days. It hadn't been easy for Levi to make this decision. But ultimately his love for Armin overcame his fears.
Armin's eyes widened. "I – I appreciate that you'd be willing to do that. I really do. But taking everything into account, your original arguments are still valid, Levi. It's a huge risk for all of us."
"So what are you saying? You don't want to tell them anymore?" Levi asked in confusion.
"I think… I think there's just too many problems in this triad." Armin flicked his gaze around the room as he spoke, his tone oddly flat. "My issue with Eren and Mikasa is just the tip of the iceberg."
"Iceberg?" Levi repeated.
"Oh, it's a large chunk of ice that's broken off from a glacier. It floats in the sea, and only about ten percent of it is visible above water. I read the phrase 'tip of the iceberg' in a foreign book."
A tiny spark of energy re-ignited the librarian's eyes. His love of all things sea related would usually fill Erwin with fondness. Instead, he was overcome with the terrifying certainty that Armin was drifting away from them.
"Whatever is worrying you, we can talk about it," Erwin insisted, desperate to pull him back with assurances. "Is this because of your trip? Because a few months is nothing, we can still-"
"I've already made a decision." Armin stared down at the carpet. "I think we should end things properly."
"Until you get back from your trip?" Erwin asked, grasping at a last tattered hope.
"No. I mean for good this time."
Due to their impending travel arrangements, Eren and Mikasa decided on having a small, simple wedding a week before they left on their trip.
Hange surprised everyone when they offered to officiate the ceremony for the couple. They came to Erwin's quarters early on the morning of the wedding, seeking his opinion on their outfit.
"What do you think? I'm aiming for a formal vibe, but I don't want to be boring."
Hange did an exaggerated twirl to show off the clothing from all angles. They wore a sombre brown suit, the severity of which was greatly lessened by a flowery hat perched on their head, covered in bright red and orange flowers. The whole look was strikingly bizarre, but perfectly Hange.
Erwin struggled to find words to describe his thoughts. Levi, who was sprawled on the couch sipping tea, spoke out first.
"You know what? I'm impressed. Nobody but you could pull that off."
"Thanks Shorty, I'll take that as a compliment!" Hange accepted a cup of freshly poured tea from Erwin and plonked down on the couch. "So will you guys be getting married next? Can I officiate for that too?"
"I'm not sure Paradis will legalise same-sex marriage anytime soon. The traditionalists are bound to object it." Erwin kept his answer impersonal, not knowing whether his partner was actually interested in getting married, even if it was a legal possibility for them.
"But if we ever do get married, we won't be throwing a huge party or any of that nonsense," Levi scoffed. "It'll be a small private thing with just a few friends."
Erwin turned to him in surprise, his heart doing a flip. Has he really considered it…?
On Hange's way out, they nudged at the debris of an unfinished jigsaw puzzle in the corner of the room.
"Will you guys ever finish this thing? It's been on the ground for weeks."
It was the jigsaw Armin had gifted Erwin for his birthday. The one they'd started with him, and soon afterwards abandoned.
"We're just so busy lately." Erwin shrugged.
In truth, he'd asked Armin if he wanted to take it back when he came by to collect his personal items a few days ago. He'd refused, saying it was a gift.
I wish he'd taken it. Now it's just sitting on the floor, a reminder of everything we've lost.
Hange leaned closer to examine the jigsaw. "If you don't want it, you can always give it to me. It looks like fun!"
"We're not giving it away, we'll finish it when we're ready." Levi's words were unnecessarily gruff.
After Hange left, the two men got ready themselves. Levi pulled on his best suit - black of course - offset with a snowy white shirt and cravat. Erwin's suit was navy with thin pinstripes, paired with a dark red tie.
"I didn't realise you'd given any thought to us getting married." Erwin tried to keep his tone casual as Levi helped adjust his tie.
Levi shrugged. "Like you said, it probably won't become legal in time for us to do it. But I wouldn't be opposed to making things official between us. Feels like we're married already."
"It does." Erwin pulled Levi in front of him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and staring at their reflection in the mirror.
A few months ago, this revelation would have filled him with pure joy. Now it was laced with a bitter edge.
Would getting married help us get over him? Or will we always look back and wonder, 'what if…?'
After finishing their preparations, they headed out of the bedroom and back into the living room. Erwin stood at the window, gripping the ledge as he surveyed the grounds. By some luck, the day was dry and sunny. It looked like Eren and Mikasa would be able to hold the ceremony outside like they'd hoped for.
A fresh minty aroma suffused the air. Erwin glanced down at the spearmint plant Armin had given to Levi. He'd asked if he wanted the plant back, but like the jigsaw puzzle, the man had refused. Now it sat here in Erwin's quarters, after Levi made the excuse that it would receive more light here than in his own room.
Erwin's fingers brushed over the fragrant leaves. By some unspoken decision, they hadn't used it to make mint tea ever since Armin left. And yet, neither of them could bear to get rid of it.
"You ready?" Levi asked, resting his hand on Erwin's arm.
Erwin didn't answer, lost in his own thoughts. How on earth could they let Armin go, after discovering he was the missing piece of their relationship?
But… we need to respect his decision. He's the one who asked us to end it.
"Come on, are you ready?" Levi tugged at his hand.
"Yes," Erwin said, following his partner to the door.
But he wasn't ready at all.
A huge open tent was set up in the gardens, right in front of an ancient oak tree. It was under this tree that Eren and Mikasa spoke their wedding vows.
Erwin had never seen Mikasa so radiantly happy – like Levi, the woman had a talent for concealing her emotions. In her cream dress overlaid with red lace, she defied the Paradisian tradition of brides wearing white. Instead she paid homage to her mother, who'd worn red at her own wedding in the custom of her ancestorial clan. The only ornamentation Mikasa wore was a delicate dragonfly hairclip, as a token to the creatures she used to marvel at while fishing with her father many years ago.
Meanwhile, Eren's suit was dark grey, with a crimson shirt to match the colour of Mikasa's dress. He gazed at his wife-to-be with pure adoration.
Erwin stared at them enviously. Maybe someday, Levi and I can declare our love for each other so openly.
He indulged in an image of himself and his partner in front of a crowd getting married. But the fantasy was interrupted by a third man standing beside them – wearing a blue suit that matched his eyes…
Stop tormenting yourself with what might have been! It's all over now.
With an effort, Erwin focused back on the ceremony. He was impressed with how dignified Hange conducted themselves as the officiant. But their formal act broke by the end.
"I now p-pronounce you bride and g-groom." Hange burst into unashamed tears, before uttering the traditional blessing to end the marriage ritual. "May you live long and prosper together!"
The crowd clapped and hooted as the couple shared a kiss. Afterwards, the bride tossed her small bouquet of winter flowers into the watching crowd. Both Jean and Marco leapt into the air at the same time, and stared at each other in confusion to find the bouquet gripped between them.
Armin stood beside his friends, laughing along with everyone else. Erwin had been purposely avoiding looking at him for the whole ceremony. His ensemble of light grey slacks and waistcoat was simple, but accentuated with a sky blue bow tie. He'd done something different with his hair too. It gleamed in the wintery sunlight, a softness Erwin would never touch again.
An icy chill traced the Commander's skin. He hastily turned his gaze back up to the front, where Eren had just caught Hange's sleeve, and was muttering in their ear.
"Oh yes, I almost forgot!" Hange exclaimed, before raising their voice to address the crowd. "Folks, don't leave yet, there's one final part of the ceremony that was requested by the couple."
"Please hurry up, I'm starving," Sasha whined.
Hange shushed her. They stood up straight, resuming their role as a serious officiant.
"Now, Eren and Mikasa are celebrating their love for each other today. But there's someone else who's been an important part of their lives. Someone who they want to thank for sticking with them, and for being the most incredible friend anyone could ask for. Of course, that person is none other than Armin Arlert."
Hange pulled a mortified-looking Armin up towards the couple.
"We've got something for you," Mikasa said, face almost as red as her dress.
Eren accepted a small wooden box from Hange and presented it to Armin.
"We love you, Armin." Eren rested his hand on his best friend's shoulder.
Armin withdrew a chain from the box. A silver ring dangled from it. He examined it with glistening eyes, before pulling the chain over his head and throwing his arms around his two best friends.
Erwin heard Sasha release a loud groan. "Crap, do we need to add Armin's name to the wedding cake?"
"I didn't know three people could get married! Good for them," Connie said.
"You idiots!" Jean snapped. "Armin's not marrying them, they're just acknowledging their friendship with him."
Seeing Armin so overjoyed with his two best friends, Erwin swallowed back the lump in his throat.
He's going to have such a wonderful time travelling with them. I wonder will he miss us at all?
Eren and Mikasa's friends organised a cosy after-party. They'd decorated the function room with garlands of flowers and greenery. On the wall hung a banner which read 'Congratulations Mr & Mrs Ackerman-Yeager!'. They also pooled together money to buy a gigantic cake and refreshments for everyone.
Floch Forster was roaming around the room, offering to take photographs. One of the Hizuru diplomats who'd recently visited for the library event, Tali Isayama, had given him her spare camera before she'd left and taught him how to use it. Erwin was fascinated by it.
"You just have to make sure the film is loaded correctly, and then you look through the lens and take the photo by pressing this shutter button."
Floch handed Erwin the device, and he examined it with interest. Marvels like these would soon be sold in Paradis, along with countless other new technologies. Their country was changing so fast.
Hange came over and begged for a chance to inspect the camera. Erwin took the opportunity to head over to Eren and Mikasa. Unfortunately, Armin was chatting with them as he approached. He hovered beside the newly married couple as Erwin offered them his congratulations.
Soon they were interrupted by Floch approaching. "Eren, Mikasa, do you want a few photos of just the two of you?"
The couple eagerly agreed, walking off to find a good spot. Which left Armin and Erwin alone.
Well, technically not alone. They were in a noisy, crowded room, after all. But at the edge like this, it felt that nobody was paying them any attention.
"It was nice of your friends to include you in the ceremony," Erwin said.
Armin avoided the Commander's gaze, fiddling with the ring around his neck.
"Yes, they're really thoughtful." His stiff expression softened, into a ghost of his old cheerful self. "But now Sasha and Connie think the three of us are married. They think our upcoming trip is a honeymoon!"
"Well, at least they're open-minded about it." Erwin grinned.
"Yeah…" Armin's ocean-blue eyes flicked up to meet those of his ex-partner's.
The memories of their relationship floated like driftwood between them – something once whole and full of promise, now reduced to a wreckage of pieces washed up on a shore.
Does he have any regrets about breaking up with us?
Erwin scanned the man's face, searching for any hint of emotion, a fragment of hope to cling onto. Armin's mouth twisted in agitation before glancing away.
"Have you made arrangements with Emilia to cover your library duties?" Erwin asked, desperate to draw him back into conversation; to gather some insight into Armin's frame of mind.
"Yes, we're training Floch in to cover my work while I'm away. But a part of me is sorry to be missing the new changes they're bringing into the library."
"You'll be missed here. Are you really ready to leave?"
The words escaped Erwin's lips before he could call them back. His heartfelt tone was hardly professional given their current setting in a crowded room.
Armin glanced up, features betraying his surprise. He'd understood the hidden meaning behind the question - the veiled reference to their relationship. Erwin's pulse roared in his ears as he waited for a reply.
"I – I'll miss this place too. But everyone here will be fine without me." Armin's smile seemed forced, nothing like the sincere happiness he radiated with his friends earlier. "It's best for all of us if I just move on."
He doesn't mean it – he's hiding something!
The realisation surged over Erwin like a tidal wave, soaking him with certainty. But before he could respond, Levi appeared.
"There you are Erwin. That Forster brat is going around with that godforsaken camera contraption, and he keeps following me! I need to find somewhere to hide-" he paused when he noticed Armin.
"Hi Captain."
"Arlert." Levi's tone was abrupt, and he didn't meet the man's eyes.
There was an agonising silence as the trio surveyed each other, all struggling to find the right thing to say.
"Are you really afraid of getting your photo taken, Levi?" Armin's tone edged on teasing, a hesitant smile tugging his lips.
Before Levi could defend himself, Floch re-appeared.
"Captain, there you are! Why don't I take your photo as part of a group if you're nervous?"
Floch gestured for the trio to stand together, with Armin and Levi on either side of Erwin. They did so awkwardly, following Floch's orders to move in closer and act more casual.
He stood back and appraised them critically. "Hmm, you all look kind of stiff. Tali told me that people are supposed to look happy in photos. Erwin, maybe you could put your arms around the other two?"
Heat rushed to Erwin's face as he obliged. Protesting would only drag the moment out longer.
"Captain, could you please smile?" Floch asked.
Finally, there was a flash of the camera, indicating the photo was taken. But Erwin didn't remove his hands resting on both men's shoulders. After all, what if this was the last time he would touch both of them together like this?
The moment dissolved when Eren rushed over.
"ARMIN!" He grabbed his friend's arm and pulled him away from Erwin. "Come on, you need to get in a photo with me and Mikasa. Will you take it for us please Floch?"
Armin dutifully let himself be led away. Floch hung back to hand over the photo that had come out of the camera.
"Here you go Captain. Keep it somewhere dark – like face down on a table, or in your pocket – and the image will develop after a few minutes."
Then Floch hurried off to take more photos, seeming pleased to be so in demand with everyone today.
"Holy fuck, that was embarrassing," Levi muttered. He dropped the photo on a nearby table, before staring up at Erwin. "So, what were you and… him… talking about when I came over?"
He can't even say his name anymore.
"Armin told me he wants to move on." Erwin lowered his voice. "But he wasn't talking about his trip."
Levi shrugged, features a stony mask. "That's his choice to make."
"I think he's lying," Erwin blurted out.
Levi's dark brows rose, and then his expression twisted into a scowl. "He's the one who made the decision to end things. Why would he be lying to us?"
"Maybe he made the choice for the wrong reasons? What if he's afraid his presence is putting our own relationship at risk, and-"
"I've told you before, we need to just get over him!" Levi snapped his dark gaze around the room, even though nobody was close enough to overhear. "There's no point in discussing it."
There was a loud commotion over by the far wall, where a crowd gathered around Eren and Mikasa cutting their wedding cake.
"What if I need to discuss it?" Erwin asked quietly.
Levi's fingers twitched. With his face turned away, he picked up the photo from the table. For a few moments he stared at it. Erwin moved forward beside him.
"It's not developed yet." Levi tucked it into his jacket pocket and out of sight. "Come on, let's get some cake before those brats eat it all."
Erwin followed Levi through the bustling room, letting his features relax into calmness as he resumed the role of Commander. He betrayed no sign of the storm raging inside of him.
Every single time he'd tried to engage Levi in a discussion about Armin, his partner changed the subject. He accepted the man's request to end the triad at face value, refusing to question his real motives.
However, Erwin knew there was more going on under the surface of Armin's decision.
I can't let him go. Not until I talk to him properly, and find out if this triad really is unsalvageable.
But first, I need to get Levi onboard with the idea too. Or does he truly wish to get over him and move on with our lives?
Armin was leaving in less than a week. Something told Erwin that if this didn't get resolved soon, it never would.
Notes:
I won't drag things out, you'll see Levi and Armin's POVs next time, as well as a resolution of where the men stand with the triad! There's only 3 chapters left! I'd love to hear your ideas about what'll happen next, and if you're enjoying the drama as much as me.