First Come, First Serve
Chapter 10
…
Robert was so nervous that he arrived much too early. Now he stood at the platform and was freezing. There was a rough and cold wind blowing today. Robert's woollen coat didn't keep him very warm. He buried his hands deeper into his pockets and pulled his neck more into the shelter of his upturned collar.
She was coming today. Today she was coming.
In her latest mail to him from her hotel after landing at the English port, she informed him of the train she was taking to ride up to Yorkshire. And Robert wanted to pick her up personally. So, he stood at the platform and froze. He had waited for this day an eternity. But good things come to those who wait. So, Robert didn't complain. He just waited for the good thing that was Cora.
Robert knew the long journey from New York to Yorkshire, so he should understand best that it took Cora a while to come to him and what an exhausting act it could be. Especially if she was still grieving. Robert wasn't sure about the relationship between Cora and her late husband. He didn't know how close they might have become to each other during their time of marriage. Maybe Cora was in great grief even though she had accepted to come to England right away and marry him. There could be two hearts beating in one chest. And maybe Cora's chest didn't simply mirror Robert's, which was filled to the brim with longing for her. Maybe Cora was deeply sad about the unexpected loss of her husband and she just accepted Robert's offer out of pragmatism, desperately hoping she would find someone who would still marry her. Robert shook off the unpleasant thoughts.
Her grief should be her grief. She would be allowed to mourn her husband as she needed. But the nasty doubt about the genuineness of her feelings for Robert had to stop. And even if, Robert would marry her anyway. If she loved him or not. His heart was lost to her, so he would tie himself to her for eternity.
The puffing and the thudding were sounding in the distance. The train was rolling in. Robert's heart made a leap and he pressed his hands against the insides of his pockets. The weaving pattern would imprint on his palms. As the engine neared the station, the platform was slowly disappearing in the thick clouds of fume that were pumped from the engine in loud puffs. Robert stepped back a little and waited for the train to stop. His vision was so badly impaired that he still stood at the wall of the station and waited when the conductor blew his whistle again. First slowly and then faster and faster the engine started again. As it rolled out of the station, the smoke cleared slowly. Distantly, Robert saw that a few people had left the train and walked down the platform. He only saw their silhouettes. Unsurely, Robert approached them, and then a gust of wind carried away a cloud of smoke and there she stood.
Her slender figure emerged from the smoke. Her black clothes cut out sharply against the white clouds behind her that still hid a few other figures. The lively Cora he knew was tucked away in the black coat of mourning but she couldn't be concealed. Her blue eyes sparkled from beneath the black hat. And even though the expression around her mouth was serious and solemn, Robert saw the energy and fire in her. Her eyes settled on him. Her movements froze for a short moment. And then a light broke on her face. Her eyebrows travelled high on her forehead and the corners of her mouth dug into her cheeks. She breathed in sharply and her fists closed around her skirt. Lifting her skirt slightly, she ran towards him and Robert quickly opened his arms to catch her.
Her hat hit his chin when she immediately buried her face in his neck. He closed his arms around her back and ignored the throbbing in his jawbone.
"Cora," he breathed.
"Are you happy to see me?" she mumbled into his collar.
Robert's relief was set free in a joyous laugh. "Happy to say the least."
She pulled back a little and looked up into his face. Robert saw the excitement in her eyes relax into serenity. "I wasn't sure if I had made up you wanting me back with the same intensity that I want to you. The swell on the open sea can evoke some graphic hallucinations."
"You didn't make it up," he said. Without thinking about it, his hand came up to meet her cheek. The soft feel of her skin beneath his fingertips was ingrained in his brain immediately. He knew he could not miss it ever in his life. The touch of her was something he needed essentially. And the smile she gave at his touch was at least as vital to his existence. Robert let his fingers slide under her chin and he lifted it slowly to move her face to his for a kiss. When he moved in, Cora closed her eyes and Robert slowly sealed her lips. The feeling of her drew him in closer and his arms encircled her more tightly as their kiss grew into a passionate reacquaintance. They had done this already but the fire and the flurry of the exciting first touch were still the same.
When he pulled back and Cora rested her forehead against his cheek, it took him a second to realise they weren't alone anymore. The other figures had emerged from the smoke. Two women, each with a pram, and a man who looked like he could be the station clerk as he carried what seemed to be Cora's extensive luggage, stood a little awkwardly around the couple. Robert gently pushed Cora away. She noticed the bystanders too and detached herself from him in an instant. She cleared her throat and introduced the women as her maid and her wet nurse. She walked towards the prams.
"And these are my children." She had her back to Robert when she spoke.
Only then did Robert fully register the plural. Both of these prams belonged to her, he realised. Children.
"This is Eugene. Gene." Cora peered into the left pushchair and poked her finger inside. In a trance, Robert walked closer. He was still trying to figure out where the second child came from, so he waited anxiously to be introduced to the second one.
Cora turned around. "And this is Helen."
Robert was close enough now to look at Helen and then chance a glance at Eugene. They were two small babies and they looked the same.
"I had twins," Cora said. And suddenly, it all made sense.
"Oh, I see."
When he looked again at Cora, he noticed the expectant look on her face.
"Congratulations on your double bliss! It seems I'm always a little late with my good wishes for you."
At a small nod of Cora's head towards the end of the platform, Robert led the small squad to the exit. In a low tone, she said, "As long as you share my joy, I couldn't ask for more."
When no one was looking, Robert took her hand as they walked next to each other.
After a short moment, Cora asked, "Do you really believe it's a doubled bliss?"
"Why, of course."
She squeezed his hand.
They reached the carriages and as Robert helped her inside, her luggage was stacked onto the back. Her servants were travelling with the babies in the second carriage. Cora looked a little anxious when they were getting into the other carriage.
"Don't worry! They're coming to the big house with us. And the ride isn't long." This seemed to calm her enough.
When the horses pulled onto the street, Cora spoke and her question hit him bluntly.
"There is something I wondered when you ordered me here. What about Nellie?"
Nellie. He didn't like to think about her.
"What about her? I asked you to come and marry me, so there is nothing about her." He looked out the window.
"You know what I mean." Her voice was clear and her tone direct. "My telegram must have reached you around your planned wedding date. I don't believe its effects stayed without commotion. What happened to Nellie?"
"She left," Robert said tersely.
He heard Cora snorting with annoyance. A short look at her told him that his evasiveness irritated her, and he wanted to do better. Her first husband had been distant enough to her, from what Robert had been able to tell the two times he had been their guest. He didn't want to repeat what Mr Lowell had done wrong; may he rest in peace. Robert remembered how, in one of London's ballrooms, Cora had said to him how highly she valued their open talks, how much she appreciated that he was sharing with her so many of his thoughts. And Robert now wanted them to share even more. He wanted them to become closer. He wanted to be the best husband for her.
He decided it was best to elaborate.
"She left with her parents for London. Your telegram came in on our wedding day just before we were heading for the church. So just in time. Nellie cried bitterly when I called off the wedding. At least that is what Rosamund told me. I wasn't there. But Rosamund said it looked very ugly to see the young girl bawl in her wedding gown. I think Papa and Mama handled it all rather well as they were the ones trying to appease the Waltons. Nellie's parents decided to just take Nellie to the London season now. Or the rest of it. They actually planned to do it next year, before I proposed to her. But they are gone and you don't need to trouble yourself with it."
Cora nodded as she looked into the distance with a thoughtful expression.
"It's alright," Robert emphasised.
They rolled over the Yorkshire countryside and Robert followed Cora's look out the window. This would be her home now, and she saw it for the first time. Robert relaxed in his seat. They were approaching their ultimate happiness and Robert was absolutely ready for it.
Nellie had imagined her time in England so differently. White gowns, big and cold castles, spending abundant time with her fiancé and then husband. But only parts of it came true and only for a short moment before the bubble of her dream burst. He made it burst. Lord Downton was not what she had first made him out to be. He possessed the fewest of the honourable traits a gentleman should have. Unfortunately, he was neither loyal nor honest. But he was entirely English cold and distant.
A month had passed now since the cursed date of their wedding. Nellie had been a mess when Lord Downton had just called off the wedding hours before their union was to be officiated. But now she was more composed. With a little satisfaction, she realised she was starting to grow as indifferent to her former bond to Lord Downton as he seemed to be. She would have never thought it but only a month after the humiliation he had brought over her, she was unaffiliated with him. He no longer held any power over her. What seemed like a juvenile infatuation at first went up in smoke. Nothing of it was left.
A big part of it was probably due to her success in London. Even though the season was already nearing its end, not all was lost. Nellie had been welcomed more openly than she and her parents had expected. The gentlemen in London who hadn't made a decision yet were very glad about a fresh face, and Nellie was courted instantly, even though her arrival in London had nothing official about it. Few seemed to care about it. The young men wanted to have fun. And they decided that Nellie was just right for that. Lord Downton was forgotten in an instant.
There weren't many balls left that Nellie could attend but many private invitations made up for that. Her mother knew a few other American families that spent the season in London and they quickly connected and introduced Nellie to the curious English families.
One afternoon, she and her mother sat in the drawing room of Miss Draper, a middle-aged American maiden who lived for a while already in London and had all the necessary connections. Miss Draper had invited two young English girls as well. Nellie had met them at an earlier occasion at Miss Draper's already and she got along perfectly with them. It was fun with what trivial things she could stun and amuse Lady Constance and Lady Honoria. They giggled cautiously behind their hands whenever Nellie said something they thought bold.
Today, Lady Constance, the older of the two, had brought her fiancé and his brother with her. Lady Constance was engaged to the future Marquess Townshend, James Townshend, since very early on this season. They appeared entirely infatuated with each other. Looking at them made Nellie feel a bit queasy. But Viscount Raynham (which was James's present title, Nellie learned) hadn't come alone but with his brother Charles. Mr Charles Townshend was a funny fellow. He constantly joked about Lady Constance's and Viscount Raynham's sugary chitchat and it took away Nellie's queasiness. At one point, she felt her mother's intense glare on her as she laughed loudly at one of Mr Townshend's jokes. Only then did she realise that Mr Townshend was flirting with her and she was responding to it without knowing. She quickly thought it over and decided then that she wanted to respond to his flirting. She liked him. And he had such handsome light hair and such a handsome blonde moustache.
"Do you like horses, Miss Walton?" Mr Townshend asked.
She felt the déjà vu. Hadn't Lord Downton asked her the same question?
"I do," she replied and grew a little more cautious.
"You have to visit us at Raynham Hall then. We can take you and Mrs Walton for a ride."
Nellie grinned. Lord Downton had never offered to take her out for a ride.
"Oh, no. You won't get me onto a horse," interjected Mrs Walton. Nellie still grinned.
"I still have to insist on a visit at Raynham Hall. You will enjoy it either way," Mr Townshend said.
Nellie noticed Lady Constance's encouraging smile when her mother muttered something about having to talk with Mr Walton.
On their way from Miss Draper to their hotel, Mrs Walton confronted Nellie.
"Why, Nellie you were flirting heavily with that Mr Townshend. What has gotten into you?"
"I like him. That's it."
"But, Nellie, you are not seriously considering to marry him? He has no title."
"I do not care so much about that. I like him and he seems to like me. He has everything but a title. He has a great family name. He will have a nice estate once he marries; that's what Lady Constance told me. And he isn't as bankrupt as Lord Downton."
Mrs Walton looked at her with an expression of growing shock. Nellie really meant it. She wanted to marry Mr Townshend.
"And he likes me," Nellie added with a serene smile.
"Careful, careful, young lady. You said the same about Lord Downton. And look how that's turned out."
Before Nellie and her mother departed for Raynham Hall, they visited one more ball in London. And to Nellie's surprise she met a familiar face she hadn't expected.
"Why, Mr Williams, what a surprise!"
The young man spun around at her words. If that wasn't Lord Downton's cousin, Nellie thought. She had met Mr Edwin Williams in New York at that ball where she first danced with Lord Downton. She liked Mr Williams even less than Lord Downton but she was in a cheerful mood so she greeted him jovially.
"Oh, Miss Walton. You? Here? I thought you were…" And then realisation dawned on his face and he seemed to remember the embarrassing news of her broken engagement. "Well, I'm sorry about the thing… That it didn't work out with you and Robert, Lord Downton," he rambled.
"Well, did it work out for you in New York?" Nellie asked back. She looked around to see if Mr Williams was there with anyone. When she looked back at him, she saw him colouring red. He shook his head. For a moment, she felt sorry for him.
"Then, London surely will bring you luck. It's brought me… it will bring me luck as well, I'm sure," she said.
Mr Williams hummed barely hopeful.
Nellie didn't know what else to say. Then she spotted Sir Howard Williams somewhere behind his son. Sir Howard was dressed all in black. He seemed to be in mourning.
"What happened? Why is your father in mourning?" she asked rather bluntly before she could choose the right words.
At her question, Mr Williams turned around and looked at his father. "His cousin died," he explained. "He was much younger than father. Fifteen years his junior or so. A rather unexpected death. A hunting accident."
Nellie shuddered at the thought.
"He has left a young widow behind," Mr Williams continued. "She is barely older than you. How old are you?" he asked discourteously.
"Twenty," Nellie answered, taken by surprise by the question.
"Oh, then she is much older," Mr Williams continued and grew more impertinent by the second. He became really chatty over the topic. "She is twenty-nine I think and has three daughters to look after. If you ask me, she has to get remarried soon. Otherwise, how is she to take care of three children? But how can she remarry if she has to mourn her husband for two years? It's really a quandary. Poor thing."
"Two years?" Nellie asked. "That's really long for a young widow."
Mr Williams nodded.
"But it is the same rules for every widow; no matter how old. If you act properly as a Victorian lady, you mourn your late husband for two years in total. If you're very pious you never take the black off."
Nellie sensed that Mr Williams said something true for the first time. In appreciation, she let him dance with her one time. But her thoughts circled around the poor widow. Nellie never wanted to be a widow. It sounded too horrible. Oh, what a gruesome thing to be a widow! And what an even more gruesome thing to be a widow and to have a full life of your own in front of you!
Luckily, Mr Townshend appeared to be health incarnate. Nellie was sure that she had nothing to worry about.