Episode 2
(Opening makes case look like it's going to be way better than it actually is.)
"No, it doesn't. Look, guys, like I said in the previous chapter, this is my least favorite game in the series. But it's still pretty good, there are no irredeemably bad cases in ace attorney. And this is actually the second best case in this game. The third case is really bad and the finale is a big letdown. But this case has some engaging mystery, some interesting characters, and some really funny moments. It is complete filler, but it's good filler. And I don't think being filler is sinful if it was made to be filler. So…even though this case, and the game as a whole, has quite a few issues and leaves a lot to be desired, it does live up to what the opening suggests." One sin added.
(Also, in the opening, the gunshot clearly comes from where Wocky is standing, but in court, we have to prove that wasn't the case. Game shows us an incorrect culprit just to make fun of how they used to show you who the culprit is.)
"So you wanted them to spoil the twist of Alita being in the cart before the case even began? The game uses a red herring to mislead the players. Why is that sinful? The golden rule in crime fiction is your need to keep the reader or viewer guessing for as long as possible. This is mystery 101." one sin added.
[(Apollo is shocked Trucy and Phoenix are only eighteen years apart.) Thalassa is forty when Apollo is twenty-two, so even though Apollo doesn't know…hypocrite much?]
"No, he is not a hypocrite. You literally just said he doesn't know his mother is alive. Hypocrisy by definition is: feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not. Behavior that contradicts what one claims to believe or feel. Apollo is unaware that he is also guilty of it, so this is irony. You do know words have specific definitions, don't you? Oh, who the hell am I kidding? You think running gags are clichés and you can't tell Chekov's gun from a Deus ex Machina." One sin added.
(The car accident.) Indestructible nature of Phoenix aside, if Phoenix flew through the air and hit his head on a telephone pole, why is his ankle the body part injured?]
"Look, I see what you are trying to do here. You are trying to show how these events make no sense in a realistic setting. And you have a point: Phoenix would be dead in reality. But there is a parameter you haven't taken into consideration: This ain't reality! It's a videogame and as such, developers are allowed to bend such rules. Suspension of disbelief is required to find pleasure in…literally every videogame ever. Does a guy in a bat costume crashing through a glass window without being cut everywhere make more sense than this? No? My point is proven." One sin added.
[(You could just tell me things instead of insinuating them.) But Apollo! If Phoenix did that, this game would lose half its runtime.]
"Pierce yells at the screen cliché." One sin added.
[(You wanted a client, didn't you? Well, I'm your client!) Haha…I quit!]
"Pierce yells at the screen cliché. Again!" one sin added.
(Game forces me to look for a seventeen year-olds panties. Thanks for the government watchlist, Capcom.)
"You know, for a game that is composed mostly of nonsensical things meant to make your laugh and have a good time…you sure take them too seriously. If you felt embarrassed and awkward when being told about Trucy's panties…I cannot understand why. Really, those aren't even panties. They are bloomers. Trucy doesn't wear them, she uses them for magic tricks. And the whole panties gimmick is clearly meant for comedic effect. You see what happens when people take everything too literally? That's why we have suspension of disbelief. Because without that, you will not enjoy yourself when playing any kind of game." One sin added.
(Also, who the fuck hangs panties outside their window?)
"The same people who hang clothes outside in a place where they can dry up and they can keep an eye on them. In other words, ever normal person. Where do you hang your clothes, the basement?" one sin added.
[(One of our Capos thought he'd make a great point man!) Phoenix the gangster did not make…]
"Skip!" one sin added.
(Eldoon says he has a wife, but we never meet her. Did she too commit suicide? Is she Spoon? For an initial investigation that takes us all over the place for reasons we don't know yet, you'd think they'd have time to explain some shit.)
"So you wanted them to introduce a character nobody cares about and who doesn't impact the plot for…what reason exactly? No, really, I legitimately have no idea what your point is here. "Hey, there is an old lady in a red sweater we never talk to. Sin! There is a police officer we never talk to. Sin! There are two bailiffs in the defendant's lobby we never talk to. Sin!" one sin added.
(Why does the clinic have a Frankenstein mannequin in its garage? Is this a reference to something? That's never explained.)
"And what would change if it did get explained? The same thing that happened to Phoenix after being hit by the car: nothing!" one sin added.
(In the pictures, the car hits Phoenix head on, so how did the right-side mirror break off? No way did the car swerve this much in the limited space depicted.)
"And on what are you basing that assumption on? In fact, the picture of the accident does show the car attempting to swerve to the right. In other words, it is perfectly plausible." One sin added.
(Weasley stickler has the girliest phone imaginable.)
"That's sexist." One sin added.
(Trucy spends entirely too much time talking about her panties for a fifteen-year old. And yes, I know they are for a magic trick.)
"Oh…so…so you are aware. A…and yet you sin it anyway. Okay…" one sin added.
[(Alita Tiala at the WWA) I am almost one thousand words into this review and the murder mystery has only just started. I could have played the first turnabout-heck maybe even turnabout sisters-come back and still been here in time for the actual case to start.]
"Pierce thinks this case is only about murder. No. Almost none of the cases in this series focus entirely on the murder. And all events seen up to this point-the car accident, the stolen panties, the stolen noodle cart-they are all tied together by the murder. Personally I find the concept of investigating various seemingly unrelated incidents that are brought together by one larger one is pretty clever. So the case has started and you are waiting for a bus that passed you almost an hour ago." One sin added.
(Also, discount Dahlia Hawthorne.)
"Apart from the fact you cannot do the "Discount…" thing on two people if they exist in the same universe, I fail to see how that would be the case even if they didn't. Really. Alita would let a man die after marrying him to inherit his fortune. Yes, that is messed-up, but Dahlia mainly kills people to cover her tracks. She stole the diamond without anybody getting killed. Are you saying two women killing people are the same? Is Alita a discount queen Gara'n by that logic?" one sin added.
(Klavier is gay for Apollo? That beats my fanfiction.)
"Right…now how is that a sin of turnabout corner?" one sin added.
(Ema uses her former assistant status to read Apollo's mind. I thought that only works on the lawyer they helped out.)
"She hasn't realized everyone reading the main lawyer's mind is a running gag in this series, has she? Are you gonna tell her or should I? Okay…we'll leave her for now, see if she will realize it on her own." one sin added.
(Meeting Wocky Kitaki. Is ten more sins to excessive?)
"Yes! For God's sake. You have already sinned the same thing twice! Why are you sinning it again? This is the definition of padding the sin count! Are ten sins too excessive?" ten sins added.
[(Trucy fakes her kidnapping) Klavier clearly knows what is going on and he just rolls with it. Why?]
"Because he is an honorable prosecutor. He is literally the only prosecutor that acts helpful and nice to the defense from the get-go. He wants to give them a fair chance to do their job, however strange their tactics may be." One sin added.
[(Trucy explains the north vs. south side contradiction.) Why isn't Trucy a lawyer in this series or at least a co-counsel more often? She's keeping pace with Apollo and is the only reason he didn't lose this case early on. She's one of the best things about this game, hands down. Why was her role cut down in later games? And how cool would it be for her to stand on the bench with her father? Or Athena?]
"Trucy isn't a lawyer…because this series has enough lawyers. Really, what did this game need? Another lawyer or a character with a unique occupation, unique personality and a bunch of hilarious gags that come as a results of both of those things? The answer is clearly the latter. Believe me, Trucy would not be the best character in the game if she was just another lawyer. And if you are sinning the fact she got sidelined after this game…that's a sin of the later games but not this one!" one sin added.
[(Stickler explains why he stole Trucy's panties) Take this out of context and it sounds really perverted. In context? Not much better. Need I remind your she's fifteen?]
"That's the joke. They trick you into thinking Weasley is some kind of creep who enjoys stealing female underwear…but subvert expectations by making him a guy overtaken by scientific curiosity who took it too far. Yes, he still is kind of creepy, but it's clear that's what the writers where going for." One sin added.
[(Back at the office) Oh, look. It's Alita Tiala. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot she was in this case. Considering she's the culprit, that's not a good thing.]
"Really? So you think it's is necessary for the murderer to have a prominent role in the case up until the reveal? Because there are many mystery stories where the murderer is just a background character or does not even appear until the very end. This is the true whodunnit way of keeping the suspense. Of course, many people still figured out Alita was the killer, which means the writers did a good job setting it up in her limited scenes. In either scenario, this is not as tragic as you make it out to be." One sin added.
(Klavier's motorbike breaks on him solely for the purpose of us being able to explain why Meraktis stole the noodle cart in court later. What a plot convenient inconvenience.)
"You know, in every fic I've sinned so far, you keep mentioned how the events in cases are convenient to the plot. The way your phrase it makes me realize that you thing the plot is predetermined to happen and all these events are just…following a plan. But that's now how this works. The plot happens in a specific way because all these specific events happen in a specific way. If they didn't, the plot would go a different way and the events would still seem convenient to you because the plot will still happen because of them. If these events did not happen, there would be no story to tell. Think of it in terms of reality: would a movie about these events in real life be made if nothing happened? Are you actually campaigning in favor of a game where nothing ever happens?" One sin added.
(Ema refuses to tell us the story of how Phoenix lost his badge…because she knew it was gonna be the topic of the finale? I don't have any explanation for this.)
"Don't you? You think it would be appropriate for Ema to talk about her friend's traumatic backstory without his consent and in his absence? I have said it before and I will say it again: Pierce would be terrible at keeping secrets!" one sin added.
[(At the clinic) Why would Alita know Meraktis' safe combination? Even if she was an employee…]
"I'm gonna stop you right there because you just answered yourself. If she worked close to him, there is a high probability she knew the combination. You then go on to suggest he would have changed it after she left, but…why would he? You think he was smart enough to expect Alita would want to get the chart? He didn't even think to destroy it in the six months he had. Yes, this guy might be a moron, but if he was intended to be that way, why would that be a sin?" one sin added.
[(In the detention center with Wocky) If this series has taught me anything, it's to always be suspicious of quickly escalating relationships. If a girl pulls that trick on you, two times out of two, she wants you dead.]
"Hey, guys. This character doesn't do something that I, in the real world, would, while having omniscience in this world and the benefit of hindsight. Terrible game!" one sin added.
(Also, if Wocky is as dead as close to death as Eldoon says, is there any reason the trial can't be postponed until he's been operated on?)
"Yes. Because both cases where there was no verdict, either because the defendant died or vanished, left scars in the souls of the opposing attorneys and tarnished the country's legal history. The courts do not wish to risk Wocky actually succumbing to his wound and dying before the case can end. If the trial is postponed and he dies, they will have nobody left to try. And his condition has not reached the point of no return yet so he has to be operated ASAP." One sin added.
(Back in court) By complete coincidence, the witness we spent an entire investigation learning the shadiness of is the first person the prosecution calls for completely unrelated reasons. Thi case is chock full of coincidences, isn't it?]
"Again, if these events did not happen this way, there wouldn't be a game to play. Really, the events of every case in this game, and every other game, are triggered by events like these happening in a specific order and way. Why would we want to play this game if nothing ever happened? Are you really telling us you wouldn't sin the game if it never did anything "convenient" to get the plot moving?" one sin added.
(I get Alita doesn't want to go to jail, but isn't she screwed up regardless? The Kitakis know her true nature now. If she were to go free, they would hunt her down and kill her-ala farewell, my turnabout-She doesn't gain anything by sending Wocky to jail at this point. He'll die in priosn and never marry her. So why does proving her crime take as long as it does?)
"Because of something called revenge. Really, Alita had spent months near Wocky, a man she despised, waiting for him to die so she would inherit his fortune. But now that her true nature has been exposed to everyone, including Wocky, her plan has gone down the toilet. But she still wants to take Wocky down with her. If she goes to prison or get killed, he will suffer one of those things too. And she is by far not the first person to pursue this mindset for so long." One sin added.
(Also, I just realized: for two incidents in a row, Wocky made the near-fatal mistake of bringing a knife to a gunfight. Literally.)
"And that is shown as part of his character. He is too fired up about doing what he wants, probably puberty, and so he leaps into action without thinking it through. You are sinning characterization again. Do you really want characters in games to be perfect and not have any flaws? Next to your protest against "Convenient" events, this is the stupidest thing you've said, since it would mean nothing would ever happen in this game." One sin added.
[(Objection! That's just dumb!) Frivolous objection cliché. Again. Unfortunately, no matter how hard Apollo tries, he will never be Miles Edgeworth.]
"Okay…normally I would point out how something only happening in this series cannot be called a cliché…but you have pulled this shit so many goddamn times, I will grant it its own cliché. Pierce calls something that is not a cliché a cliché cliché." One sin added.
(Proving Meraktis tried to strangle Tiala) What is it with victims injuring nearby women in the neck in this game? This is too oddly specific to become a cliché goddammit!]
"Pierce calls something that is not a cliché a cliché cliché. This is already catching on." One sin added.
(Body parts as evidence. Apollo loves this cliché if spirit of justice is anything to go by.)
"Okay…this is already getting old." One sin added.
(Let's talk about Meraktis' actions the night of the crime.)
"Let's not!" one sin added.
(Klavier ex machina.)
"Oh, not this shit again. I thought for once you had realized you are misusing Deus ex Machina, but apparently you still haven't bought a dictionary. Either there is no bookstore in your neighborhood or you don't have the money to afford one." One sin added.
[(We prove Meraktis moved Alita in the noodle stand) And now we see how all the mysteries come together: though incredibly convenient coincidence.]
"Because without the "Incredibly convenient confidence" you wouldn't be playing a case right now. Or a game. Or watching a movie. Or a tv series. Because the "Incredibly convenient confidence" is what makes the case exist in the first place. And now that I remember…you have written your own fanfic named AAI3: end of an era. I really have to read that fanfic of yours one of these days, because it will either be a story where nothing ever happens, because everything would be "convenient", meaning it will be terrible, or it will be a series of specific events "conveniently" happening at a specific place and time, which would make you a hypocrite. Oh…hold on a minute. My friend, Mark, is here. Yeah? Oh…Oh…okay. Okay, I'll tell them. Thanks. So, Mark has read AAI3 and he said…it's 100% the latter. Okay, I already thought so." One sin added.
Total sin tally: 46
Sentence: Hit by a car