This is it. The final chapter.
All shall be concluded by the end.
Spoiler! but I don't kill characters and the book is named 'reconciliation' so you can probably guess that I went with a happy ending.
Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this last chapter. I'm gonna miss this mini book.
Thanks for all your support so far. :)
Day one, out of ninety
"Hey, you were so-" Meredith started as she opened the door, only to pause when her eyes settled on Derek. This time, she wasn't confused, but she didn't feel her heart warm either. "Oh, Derek-"
She walked to the bed, and sat down next to it. She was so ready to congratulate him on how awake and perky he had been despite his first injection, but he was already asleep. All she'd done was drop the kids back off at day-care; that only took about 5 minutes.
His eyes crept open. Either he was in a light asleep and she had woken him, or his eyes were just closed. "'m..." He swallowed. "...not feeling so good."
She did her best to smile. "You did a really good job with the kids."
"Mmm."
She slid his hand into hers, and kissed the top of his hand. "I'm super proud of you, you know?"
He didn't answer, as he had already drifted back off into sleep.
So she sighed, and kissed him goodnight.
Day three, out of ninety
"You look uncomfortable." He muttered.
She smiled. "I'm fine. You're the one whose uncomfortable."
He smiled back, although it was an awfully weak smile. He looked so drained all the time, with his head heavy against his pillow. "Lie with me."
"Derek-"
"It's okay. I'm fine."
She sighed, as if that didn't sound like the greatest idea in the whole freaking world, as she submitted to his apparently oh-so dreadful suggestion.
Day eleven, out of ninety
She didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to speak? Was she supposed to sit beside him? Was she supposed to leave? Was she supposed to be finding a doctor or nurse to talk to? Was she even supposed to be here at all?
Before she could decide on the answer to any one of those questions, the door behind her opened to reveal the woman who she supposed she would go searching for if she did decide to leave the room.
The woman who had just entered smiled, just to be polite. "Hey."
"Hi." She greeted back after a swallow.
Meredith swallowed. "Did you...I mean, obviously you knew about the diagnosis but-"
"Carolyn called me a few weeks ago." She clarified when Meredith failed to speak. "She told me a bit about how the treatment was going. I'm actually here for a case but...you know, I'm not really. I'm not even going to lie and say I'm not here for him."
Meredith noted the slight sheen in her eyes as she spoke. This was hard for her. This was hard for everyone. "I just um...went to the toilet. I'm sorry. It might have been easier with me here because I could have talked to you about his current...condition before you saw him."
"No, no. It's okay. Don't worry about me. Just-" She swallowed. She couldn't even finish her sentence.
"He looks horrendous. I know." Meredith acknowledged as she looked at him.
Although Meredith didn't like to keep count, she could say with certainty that he had put on a little weight because of his G tube. That was definitely a positive, but she'd still deem him to be on the frailer side. His face was pale, and his undereyes were grey with tiredness, despite the fact that he spent more hours a day sleep than awake. He was currently using a nasal cannula, but she sometimes had to switch it out for a mask if his vital signs were getting too out of range. His head was covered by a beanie, but she could clearly see his lack of sideburns, and acknowledged what that meant. He was in a regular hospital gown that was a open at the top to allow for the wires of his EKG to flow from his chest to the monitor by his bed. The monitor beeped contently at 67, and his blood pressure was just as happy at 127/81.
"Is he...asleep?" She asked hesitantly.
"I can't really tell anymore." Meredith explained as she sat down on the seat beside the bed, and gripped his hand. "He drifts through unwakeable unconsciousness and sleep every few hours I think. Partly because of the tumour, partly because of the chemo, and partly because of the pain-killers and other medication he's on."
"Does he...I mean- can he wake up?"
"If he's asleep, I can wake him up. If he's out, then no." She answered. "Do you want me to try and wake him up?"
"Oh." She breathed. "Um- no, don't worry. Just let him rest."
"He could probably do with some water for his throat, actually." She lied, knowing what the woman actually wanted.
"Do you want me to pour some?" She asked, looking to the cups and jug on the side.
"Yeah, that would be great, thanks. He'll need a straw, by the way."
She nodded, and headed to do as Meredith had instructed. She was almost glad of the instruction, because meant she could stop looking at him, and how obviously sick he was.
"Hey-" She heard Meredith greet him in an awfully soft, but also happy tone.
She couldn't bear to turn around. Not quite yet. Even though she had finished pouring his drink.
"It's Meredith." She continued. "Time for some water, okay? And you've got a special visitor today. I think you're going to be very excited to see her."
She was talking to him almost as if he was a child, and that made her stomach hurt. But she didn't imagine Meredith would be doing that if he didn't need it. She swallowed away the pain, and turned around. She placed the cup down on the over-the-bed table, supposing he didn't need it quite yet. "Hello, Derek."
"Dee?" He muttered, clearly half-asleep.
"Yeah. Addie." Addison confirmed with a smile.
His hand moved, just a little, in her direction, and she instantly stepped closer so she could reach it. She squeezed his hand, and he smiled, just a little.
Everything he did seemed to be a half-attempt. Well, he was probably trying extremely hard to do the tasks, but all they got was a half-effort.
"How are you feeling?"
His smiled expanded. "Not good. But...expected."
She couldn't help but smirk. "Sorry. Bad question."
"Mmm." He agreed quietly, and, for a second, she thought he'd fallen back to sleep. "How 'bout you?"
"Oh. I don't think we need to be concerned about me right now."
"He liked being talked to. He doesn't like being out of the loop, but it's also something that's fairly easy to do." Meredith clarified, knowing Derek couldn't do it himself. He probably could, if they were willing to sit there for five minutes and he could talk that long without falling to sleep. "You just can't be offended if he tells you to stop mid-sentence, or just falls asleep."
He smiled, clearly agreeing. She wouldn't call Meredith passive-aggressive by any means, but it sounded a little like he had done that to her quite a few times.
"Okay." Addison breathed, thinking. She didn't even know what she wanted to say. She knew plenty of things that she could talk about, but she wasn't quite sure she was supposed to be rubbing her happy life in his face.
"And um-" Meredith started timidly, only to change her mind, "Nevermind."
"No. What is it?" She pushed.
She didn't speak for a second, clearly contemplating what she was going to say before finally asking, "Would you mind staying with him like...staying-staying? Between the kids and staying here, I don't sleep a full night anymore and just an hour or two would be-"
"Of course." She said, cutting her off. She didn't need to hear any more of her request. "Take as long as you need. I'm happy to stay here all day and all night if you want."
She smiled, and she couldn't help the fact that she was washed with emotion and vulnerability. "Thank you so, so much."
She smiled back. "No problem. I have plenty of stories for Derek to sleep through."
Her smile morphed into a smirk as she collected up her stuff, and left for a sorely-needed nap.
Day twelve, out of ninety
"Meredith."
The shaking became more violent.
"Meredith." The voice repeated.
She groaned as she opened her eyes, and her eyes settled on the woman who had just shaken her awake. Addison. Wait...Addison? "Derek- you...you said you'd stay with Derek."
"Yeah. Don't worry, there's people with him."
"Why did you wake me up then?" She asked, confused.
"His temp was 99.1, but now it's 100.2. Not a fever quite yet, but obviously it's getting worse-"
That got her out of bed.
"His WBCs are up, and he started coughing about an hour ago."
And that got her out of the room, and hurrying down the hall.
Day twenty-three, out of ninety
She didn't think it would get worse. But it had. Somehow.
But today, she almost felt like smiling, because she saw his eyes for the first time in about two days.
She squeezed his hand. Chemotherapy had completely obliterated his immune system, so the second there was a single bacterium nearby, he was suffering. "This pneumonia is brutal."
He stared at her for what must have been at least five seconds before nodding. His head barely moved, and it only did so once, but she noted the movement.
"We can stop after this if you want. Once you've recovered from this...you don't need to have your next round if you don't want to. You can come home and stop all of this pain."
She could just about tell that he had spoken through his oxygen mask, so grasped it and pulled it away from him.
"I'll die." He rasped, repeating what he had just said.
She swallowed, and placed it back over his mouth. "I know. But I dread to think how you feel with the bajillion chemicals you have inside of you right now, so I'm offering you an option to stop. Your tumour has probably shrunk a little by now, you probably have a few more weeks so...maybe this is where you want to stop?"
He shook his head.
"Derek-"
He shook his head again, and she'd almost say that it was stronger than the average shake.
He didn't want to give up.
She smiled. "Okay. You keep up the fight then, okay Mc...Fighty?"
She could have sworn he smiled.
"Yeah." She sighed. "McDreamy was better, wasn't it?"
Day thirty-eight, out of ninety
"You're..." She didn't even know what to say.
He smiled. "I'm doing things."
She walked into the room, paused beside his bed, and peered at what he was doing. "And what's this?"
"A drawing. Because I'm trying to make my fine motor skills less sucky."
"I think you need to work on your vocabulary more urgently." She joked.
"You know what your jokes are?" He asked. "They're sucky."
She giggled. She couldn't help it. She hadn't seen perky, awake, doing-things Derek since...well, since he started treatment. The last time he was so spirited was when the kids were shaving all of his hair off. "Derek."
"Yeah?" He asked, worried.
"You're the least suckiest person I've ever met. And I love you."
He smiled. "And you're the least suckiest person I've ever met. And I love you too."
Day forty, out of ninety
"You're kicking this tumour's ass, Derek. Honestly." She marvelled. She'd had three whole days of him being...here. He was tired and ill and threw up mid conversation sometimes, but he was the closest thing to Derek she could get.
"And I think I know why."
The pair looking up to see his oncologist, a tablet in hand. She walked in, and presented it. "Here's your tumour when we started..." She scrolled over once. "Here it is now."
"Woah." Meredith couldn't help but breathe.
"I'd say you're just fighting chemotherapy now, not a brain tumour. Keep going like this, and I'll be scheduling your surgery in about three weeks."
"Three weeks?"
"You fought a nasty case of pneumonia and a glioblastoma at the same time, all while having chemo and radiation. Don't be so surprised, Dr Shepherd. You're rather impressive."
He smiled. "Thanks."
Day fifty-two, out of ninety
"How do you feel now?"
Nothing.
"Hello? Derek?" She called in a singsong voice. "Anyone in there?"
"I love this." He sighed with a satisfied smile. He carefully reached down in his chair, and pulled a handful of grass out of the ground. He hadn't been outside for so long. He hadn't even left his room, other than to get scans and tests done, in quite a while either. "I really freaking love this."
She smiled. "I'm glad you felt up to this."
"I love you too, Mer."
Her smile expanded as she tore up her own handful. "I love this - and you - too, Derek."
Day sixty-six, out of ninety
"How long until we're worried?" She asked, brushing her thumb over Derek's hand over and over. His limp hand.
"Give him a few more hours to wake up Meredith." The oncologist requested. "Brain surgery is...horrible. He'll make it, you'll see."
Day seventy, out of ninety
"I've come up with a conclusion."
"Right." Cristina replied through the phone. "I think I'm a little scared to hear this conclusion."
"This study sucks. It freaking-" She swallowed. That was the word they had joked about. "It freaking sucks, Cris. It works. The treatment works. It means you can remove grade 4 freaking tumours, but it also kills every freaking patient."
"Derek's not dead."
"Derek hasn't moved or opened his eyes or spoken in five days." She returned. "I'm telling you, the drugs may treat, but they don't actually fix anyone."
Day ninety, out of ninety
She sighed as she looked at the hospital. She couldn't help it.
She'd forever cherish it, and forever hate it for everything it had bring to her life.
She'd found her daughter there. Her mom died there. She was revived there after drowning. Her husband had been shot there. She'd delivered her son there. She'd been involved in an explosion there. She'd met the love of her life there. Well...kind of.
But for now, she was saying goodbye.
She had been working throughout Derek's treatment, but requested longer and more frequent breaks to visit him. Now, she needed more time. She had more to do. More to think about. More to worry about.
"Earth to Meredith?"
She looked round. "Sorry, what?"
"Are we going home or what? You know I didn't just spend three months half-dead in hospital just for you to let me get a cold and die because of my non-existent immune system." He pointed out. He wasn't that mad though; she could tell by his smile. His McDreamy, McFighter smile.
She smiled. "Right. Sorry. Just wondering what it's going to be like not working."
"You will be working. You have a husband who is, sure, doing well, but is also constantly dizzy, needs to be forced to eat, will probably throw up at least three times a week, can't walk up a flight of stairs by himself and sleeps eleven hours a day. Meredith, you will be working. I promise."
Her grin expanded. "You said you didn't want a nurse."
"I said I didn't want a nurse unless you wanted to go back to work." He corrected.
"And I don't. I want...I want you, Derek. Because when I do go back to work- having you with me instead of- instead of you-"
"Being a corpse?" He suggested.
She ignored that. "I love you, is what I'm saying."
"Weird way of saying I love you, I've gotta admit. Pretty-"
"Don't say sucky!" She interrupted.
He sighed. "Damn. Maybe I really do need a better vocabulary."
Day ninety, out of ninety
"Daddy! Daddy!"
He felt a heavy mass land by the end of the bed, before his daughter rushed to him across the mattress.
"Hi, baby."
"Mama said you resting cause you still not feel good, so you weed me story?" She asked as she held a book out.
He smiled. "I would love to read you a story."
Day ninety-six, out of ninety
"You're falling asleep, aren't you?" Meredith asked. He'd done well, staying up for about ten hours, but he was definitely struggling.
"No." He muttered, his eyes closed, head dropped and arms limp. The only thing that told her he was awake was the fact that he spoke, but somehow, it was still a 'no'.
She sat up, and reached for the remote to turn off the TV. "C'mon. Up we get."
"Too tired to move." He moaned.
"Which is precisely why I bought half of the equipment in the hospital, remember?" She asked. "How about...a cane to balance on?"
"Too stubborn to use mobility aids." He near-repeated.
She smirked. "How about a nice assist from your favourite wife?"
He smiled back, and his eyes opened. "I like that one."
After a few seconds of her waiting for Derek to drag himself out of his slumber and stand, she slipped her hands around him from behind. It highlighted how thin he was, but she tried not to think about that.
From the lounge, they did a penguin-like walk to the downstairs bedroom.
"Don't let go." He muttered when they reached the bed.
She did, walked around him, and hugged him properly.
"Good move." He muttered as he wrapped his arms around her. "This is better."
"Mmm." Meredith muttered, her body now as heavily against him as she thought he could manage.
"Hey...Meredith-" He smiled. "You're falling asleep, aren't you?"
"No." She said with a smirk. She was lying too. If she was honest, she could fall asleep for life with her arms around him.
Day one-hundred-and-eighteen, out of ninety
"Hi."
"You know I love it when you smile, especially these days-" Meredith started as he continued his grin. "But what's with the smile?"
"I want to show you something."
"Something good, I presume?"
His grin expanded. "Something great. I think you're going to be really happy.
"Okay..."
"Close your eyes. And cover them so I know you're not peaking."
She smiled, and did what he said. This really was a surprise. She heard a quite rustle, but she wasn't quite sure what it was. After a few seconds, she inquired, "Can I look yet?"
"Um...yeah."
Meredith removed her hands from her eyes as she opened them, and her eyes settled on her surprise.
"So...do you think it's a good surprise?" He asked. "Or at least a happy surprise."
She beamed. It was both. It was...incredible. "You've put on weight."
He smiled awkwardly. That wasn't generally the kind of thing someone would say with a smile on their face and pride in their voice. "Yeah."
She stood as she examined his shirtless body, eyes travelling up to his ribcage. When she first saw him shirtless after he disappeared, she understood why he wore so much to try and hide it. There was nothing but the regular layers of skin to stop her from touching the bones of his ribs, and she swore if she poked hard enough into his stomach shed be able to physically feel a kidney. But now...well, she could still see each one of his ribs fairly clearly, but his skin didn't look so tight to them, and he had the tiniest little bit of fat over his abdomen.
"I hit one-forty-six this morning."
Her beam expanded, and she couldn't help but kiss him. "One forty-six?"
"Mmm mmm." He agreed with a smile. "Which still makes me underweight but...you know. It's better."
She kissed him again, and again, and again as her hands wrapped around him. "Derek. Do you have any idea how amazing you are? I was on the other side of you and...I could have sworn every time I saw you, you looked sicker. One-forty-six might not be what we're aiming for long term but-" She kissed him. Again. She really, really couldn't help it. "I promise you that you are more incredible than I could ever tell you."
One-hundred-and-twenty-nine, out of ninety
"Daddy! Daddy! Come play with me!" Bailey shouted from the playground.
"Okay, buddy!" He replied as he stood.
Before he could move, Meredith grasped his wrist. "Derek."
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure you feel well enough to do this?"
He smiled. "I feel okay. For the first time in so long-" His eyes almost watered. "-I feel okay."
One-hundred-and-thirty-one, out of ninety
"I'm not scared."
"You're a nerd. You're scared." Meredith returned. "You always have to get a hundred percent.
He swallowed, but didn't move.
She sighed, and ripped the piece of paper out of his hand. She read the key sentence before he could even protest, and couldn't help but beam. "Congratulations. You are cognitively intact. And still a nerd, considering your score."
Day one-hundred-and-thirty-seven, out of ninety
"What if it-"
"No." She interrupted. "Derek, please don't even suggest that."
"It might be-"
"Except it won't." She refused, cutting him off again. She squeezed his hand. "You will be fine."
"You don't kno-"
This time, he wasn't interrupted by his wife, but by the person that the pair were so desperately waiting for. "Dr Shepherd?"
The pair stood instantly, without giving each other a glance or a hand squeeze. Meredith would offer it instantly, but he was too desperate to waste time.
The woman wasn't smiling nor frowning as she let the pair in first, but they'd learnt to expect that from the oncologist. She was just very...blank.
"So um-" Meredith said as the woman moved from the door to her computer. Neither of them sat down.
"I know you're desperate to know and I know you're both doctors so I don't need to go through this all-"
This all? What was 'this all'?
How much was there to go through?
Would there even be more than a few sentences to discuss if it was bad news?
The oncologist pushed her computer screen around so it would face them, and both looked to it instantly. "Both your scans and tests are consistent."
Tears dripped from Meredith's eyes as she stared at it. "It- I mean-"
"I'm happy to confirm that you're officially in remission, Dr Shepherd. You're tumour-free."
Day one-hundred-and-fifty-six, out of ninety
When Meredith Grey was younger, she had heard that chemotherapy had the peculiar ability to alter your hair. When Meredith Grey met the man who was now her husband, she had one primary thought. What. Great. Hair.
Never did she think she'd be putting the two situations together.
"Ready for the reveal?" He asked, as he lifted his hand to his hat. Although she had seen his hair as it grew out over the last two-ish months, it was going to be the first time she had seen it cut and styled in his old ways since he shaved it off.
She smiled. "Born ready."
"Well-" He pulled it off. "What do you think?"
Her smile expanded to a beam. It was still the same as it used to be. A freaking mess. She couldn't help but giggle.
"What?" He asked innocently, confused.
"You have the worst freaking hat hair I've ever seen." She replied as her hands raised to his head to sort through the mess of hair on his head. "There. That's better."
"Right. Now what do you think then?"
"Well...the shock effect is gone but-" She kissed him. "You're the most handsome man ever. More handsome, somehow, than when I met you."
Day one-hundred-and-fifty-seven, out of ninety
"Do you remember the day that you found out you were in remission?"
"Believe it or not, I'm not sure I'm ever going to forget that day." He returned with a smile before considering her lack of smile. "Why?"
"Remember what we did in the on-call room?"
He smiled. Despite the fact that he still wasn't quite a hundred percent better, he was so happy that he couldn't really resist pulling her into an on-call room and stripping off her clothes. "It was the first time in about eight months. Not going to forget that either."
"I..." She swallowed. "I um-"
"You want to do it again now?"
"No. I mean- yes. Of course I do want to do it again but-but not now. Not um..."
"You're freaking me out a little." He breathed at her jumble of confused and nervous words.
"The thing that happens...you know- when you-"
"When I?" He pushed, hoping that prompting her sentences would be more helpful.
"Sex is...that's where babies come from."
"You're- I mean...when we-"
She smiled as she placed a hand on her stomach. Partially because...well, there was a freaking baby in there, but partially because she found it funny how quickly he became the faltering one. He definitely understood her struggles now. "We made a baby that day you found out you were in remission; I...I'm pregnant."
He stared at her, still rather dumbfounded for a few seconds before suddenly moving forward, and kissing her. Once and again and again and again and again and again and again.
Day four-hundred-and-ten, out of ninety
"Hi, Dr Shepherd."
He smiled. He adored being called a doctor again. Well, correctly being called a doctor again; he was frequently referred to as Dr Shepherd throughout his treatment despite his lack of job. "Hey, Talia. I need to take Zo and Bailey."
"Yeah. Of course. They're both in the blue playroom. Everything okay?" She asked.
"Everything is great." He reassured her as he walked, dodging both toys and children, to get to the blue playroom, where he spotted both children.
"Daddy!" Bailey exclaimed, and hurried over to him. Zola, on the other hand, was a little too engrossed in her drawing.
"Baby, I'm afraid you're gonna have to stop your picture for now."
She looked up and frowned. "Why?"
"Remember I explained that we had to wait a super long time for your sister to be ready to see the world?"
She looked at him, almost suspiciously, for a few seconds before nodding.
"Well, she decided she was ready to see the world today."
"We has baby sister now?" Bailey asked with excited eyes.
"Yeah. And she really wants to meet you guys so Zola, I know you're-" He paused when his sentence became irrelevant.
Before he could even suggest for her to stop drawing again, she was hurrying out the room, drawing completely forgotten. "Quickly!" She exclaimed. "We have baby sister to meet!"
He smiled. He loved her. And the son who he had just scooped up in his arms, knowing he couldn't move fast enough for Zola's impatient. And his wife. And his new baby girl. And...well, everything. He loved the life he was given. And the second chance Meredith had offered him. And the fact that she was willing to do anything for him to survive.
Four-hundred and ten days, and counting.