OK I fell down the Wolfstar rabbit hole sue me haha. Seriously though (;)) something about the Maurauders AU where Voldy is defeated, Wormtail is exposed and Remus and Sirius are charged with raising Harry has just gotten so deep into my brain that this is the only way I could get it out. Totally respect if you're not here for it, more than happy for this to just be created so that I can get some sleep yup yup. Also my characters (although definitely not mine) heavily follow the influence of the irreverent 'All the Young Dudes' fic by MsKingBean89 - full story can be found on Ao3, highly recommend.

'Harry, come on!' Sirius groaned, his head in his hands as he sat cross-legged on the floor of the nursery. 'I've fed you, I've changed you, I've read you 6 bloody stories, why won't you go to sleep?!'

It was 10pm, and Sirius' temper had been wearing thin since 8pm. His emotions were tangling inside him: frustration, at not being able to settle the baby; worry, that the crying would be disturbing Remus, who really needed the rest after a difficult moon the night before; fear, that he was in over his head and had no idea what he was doing; misery, that it was him sat on this cool wooden floor in this quiet, well-protected cottage, and not his best friends, the boy's parents. The ones who should be here.

Sirius felt the familiar wrench in his chest as he thought of the loss of two of the most brilliant people he had ever known. It had been 9 months since that awful night, but the memories never seemed to get any easier, the guilt and grief never any lighter. His only sense of relief in all of this was that Peter, the disgusting traitor, had been caught and punished. But as Harry wailed in the cot beside him, Sirius fought to stay anchored to the present, staving off flash-backs and his rising anger. Suddenly, he snapped.

'Please, kid, just shut up, for fuck's sake!' Sirius barked, gripping his hair in his hands and pulling hard. He knew his mistake when the noise stopped instantly. No, no no no ... All anger left him as he cringed, then peeked over at Harry. The boy was staring at him, slack jawed and wide eyed. Sirius' back prickled with tension, but he couldn't make himself move. Even as Harry's face crumpled, his lower lip trembling, tears welling in his green eyes -

He screamed. His face was red almost instantly as his cheeks became streaked with wet tracks. Snot bubbled from his little nose, and he looked at Sirius with such hurt that his heart broke again. He should comfort him, the boy needed him right now. But before he could even get up, there were thundering footsteps in the hallway outside the room, and a heartbeat later Remus was striding across the nursery. Without so much as a glance at Sirius, he swept Harry into his long, scarred arms and cradled the boy against his shoulder, rocking and shushing him. Sirius tried to swallow down his guilt as he rose unsteadily to his feet.

'Moony - '

'I think you should go outside.' Remus' voice was so hard and cold that Sirius flinched. Neither Remus nor Harry looked at him as he slunk out of the room, every inch the punished dog with its tail between its legs. He almost ran to the kitchen of the cottage, pausing only to grab his leather jacket and packet of cigarettes before making his way outside into the cold, dark evening. He gulped against the burning in the back of his throat as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it with a shaking hand. He stared at the silver Muggle clipper lighter in his palm as he took a deep drag.

'Merlin, Jamie,' he breathed as he exhaled the smoke, then looked up at the stars winking into life in the inky sky above him. 'I don't know how you did this. It's ... ' He blinked as his silver eyes prickled. 'It's so fucking hard. I bet you never had this problem, though. You were just such a natural dad ... '

Sirius waited, as though half expecting a response, but he knew it would never come. James and Lily were gone. He'd looked enough times in the places he'd thought he might find them again, but there was no sign of them, alive or as spectres. He burned through his cigarette quickly, then had another, just to feel the punishing sting in his lungs a moment longer. It also gave him time, to build the courage he needed to go back inside. To build the courage he needed to face Remus.

Soon it was too cold to avoid the inevitable so, sighing heavily, he turned and walked slowly back to the house. He turned the knob of the back door carefully, quietly, in case he might be able to sneak back in. But he should have known better. He held back his flinch when he saw Remus sitting at the table, two steaming cups of tea in front of him. He didn't speak, but his body language told Sirius enough. He began to head for the other door.

'I'll just - '

'Sit.' Frost still coated Remus' voice, but there was something deeper under the cold. Something that squeezed at Sirius' heart. Something that pulled him over to the table and buckled his knees until he sank into the chair next to Remus. They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither touching the tea. When Sirius felt the urge to fidget strongly enough that he wanted to rip off his own skin, he finally lifted his head.

'You got him to sleep?'

'Yeah, he was just exhausted.' Remus' tone was gentle now, and his amber eyes were wet as he finally raised them to meet Sirius'. The sadness in his face was almost too much to witness. 'He's just a boy, Pads.'

'I know.' Sirius crumpled forwards, leaned his elbows on the table top and gripped his hair again as a tear slid down his cheek. The guilt was thickly layered through his words as he choked out, 'Shit, I know. I'm so sorry, Re. I just ... I don't fucking know how to do this. I want to give him so much, but I know it'll never be good enough. It'll never be as good as what Lily or James would have given him. Hell, even you on your own would do a better job! I just ... ' His chest was wracked with a violent sob, and he couldn't say more as the tears flowed freely down his thin, pale face.

'Oh, Love,' Remus murmured, and suddenly Sirius was being lifted, then deposited down again. Into Remus' lap. He nestled into the crook of the man's neck and let himself cry. Pretty soon he found himself wrung out, exhausted and unable to speak or move. But that didn't matter. Remus' arms were wound tight around him, and he was softly murmuring soothing phrases against his hair and kissing his temple gently. Sirius was still getting used to these moments, the times they shared their emotions. It had been something they had struggled to do for a long time, and they'd only really started to master it a few weeks before the Potters had been killed. Those had been hard, tense weeks, filled with suspicion and mistrust.

They had reached a breaking point when Remus had realised that Sirius thought he might be Voldemort's spy, leading to Remus storming out of the flat they'd shared since they'd left Hogwarts, and disappearing for two days. Nobody had known where he was, and Sirius had paced almost the whole time that he was gone, distraught with worry. When he had finally returned, Remus had showed him a vile of a clear liquid, held his gaze as he drained half of it and then told him plainly that he was not Voldemort's spy. Sirius had drank his own half of the liquid, recognising it instantly as Veritaserum. Relief flooded through him as he told Remus that he wasn't the spy, either. He'd also told Remus that he'd switched places with Peter to be the one who held the secret of the Potters' whereabouts. And while the potion was still in their bodies, they'd picked over almost their entire relationship and shared the depths of their love. This act had brought them back together as a couple, but had also saved Sirius' life and condemned Peter's when Remus was able to testify to the truth.

Sirius came back to the present with a slight start when Remus began stroking his back soothingly. The flashbacks were getting less frequent, and the images weren't as strong these days, but he still had to be vigilant not to let himself fall into them. He felt awful that Remus was caring for him now, when Sirius had seen how pained and exhausted he was this morning. He'd tried to look after Remus once he'd released him from the heavily locked and guarded basement that they'd taken to using during full moons following their agreement to take Harry on full-time. But he also knew that Remus had the strength to put this aside, if only for a little while. If only for him.

'I'm sorry,' Sirius croaked again when he finally could. 'Tomorrow I'll buy him the biggest bloody chocolate bar that Honeyduke's makes.'

'I don't know that that's the wisest way to make up with a toddler,' Remus mused, chuckling softly. 'Although if you wanted to make it up to me ... '

'You and your bloody sweet tooth,' Sirius muttered, half-heartedly digging his long finger into Remus' ribs. He sighed, then straightened so that he could meet his boyfriend's amber gaze. 'What do you get a toddler as a sorry-for-being-an-arsehole gift?'

'You don't get him a gift, Sirius,' Remus said, his brow furrowed slightly as he ran his thumb against Sirius' wet, sharp cheekbone. 'You just promise him, and yourself, that next time you'll do better.'

'Better.' Sirius swallowed, and his pale, slender hands reached up to grip Remus' larger, rougher one. He traced the scars on the tanned fingers as he asked quietly, 'What if I can't do better?'

'Oh, I know you can.' The slight smirk in his voice made Sirius look up. He almost melted with relief when he saw that the twinkle had returned to Remus' eyes. 'Sirius Black, not good at something? Impossible.'

'Twat,' Sirius sighed, allowing himself a small smile as he shifted in Remus' lap and ended up straddling him. He ran his hands up his lover's throat, then tangled his fingers in the thick brown curls that he loved so much and began to play with them. Remus' eyes flickered shut as he purred and shifted under his touch, then with apparent effort made himself meet Sirius' gaze once more.

'I love you, Pads,' he murmured, and Sirius felt his heart rise into his throat. 'And I know this is fucking tough. Merlin, what I wouldn't give for Lily and James to ... ' Remus swallowed audibly, blinking rapidly as he ploughed on. 'But I'm glad you're here with me. With us. I couldn't do this without you.'

'Moony ... ' The word was broken as it fell from him, but it got lost almost immediately as Sirius pressed his lips to Remus'. He had missed having Remus in bed with him last night, although sex was something that hadn't happened much once they'd taken on Harry. Almost every day since, Sirius had focused all of his remaining energies into being OK during the day for Harry, which meant that by the time night came his heart was aching and he was so exhausted that he often cried himself to sleep in Remus' arms. But now, with the moonlight shining through the window and illuminating the scars scattered across Remus' long, toned body, and with the heat emanating from his supple skin ...

He leaned forwards to lick at the scar that ran just behind Remus' ear, knowing that this always made the taller man shudder and light up with need, but as he shifted the chair under them gave a loud creak of protest. They both froze as they heard a small noise from Harry's room in response, and neither of them breathed until their sharpened hearing registered that the boy had settled once more. Sirius sighed and looked down, to find Remus grinning up at him.

'Maybe we should take this somewhere more suitable?' he murmured, cocking one eyebrow suggestively. Sirius felt his pulse increase in response, and he scrambled out of Remus' lap immediately.

'Lead the way, Mister Moony.' Remus chuckled and gave him such an affectionate look that Sirius could have sworn his body had burst into flames from it. He watched as Remus carefully eased himself out of his chair and stretched before offering him a hand. Sirius took it eagerly, winding his fingers through Remus' and holding tight as he followed him down the corridor towards their bedroom. He took the opportunity to observe his boyfriend from behind. Remus' arse really did look good in jeans, and the comfortable cotton T-Shirt he wore was just tight enough to show off the muscles that slid across his shoulder blades and down his back. He was limping slightly, and Sirius took note of this as they entered their bedroom.

They had bought the cottage as soon as they had heard that Harry would be coming to live with them, and had had the Auror department (as well as Dumbledore) weave as many protective spells around the place as possible. From the outside the cottage was unassuming, but inside it was all oak beams and white lime-washed walls and polished wood flooring. The kitchen was cosy and functional, with a large aga and a small wooden table for them to eat at. The living room was full of big, squashy chairs and sofas, with a large fireplace set into one wall and shelves upon shelves of books and records spanning another. Harry's nursery was warm and spacious, perfect for playing in and keeping a baby safe and happy. But Sirius still liked his and Remus' room the best.

It was a large room, with a second door on the opposite wall that led into the family bathroom. In the middle of the room was a large double four-poster bed, its headboard pushed against the back wall between two tall windows through which they could see the cottage garden. There was a large wardrobe and a chest of drawers against one wall, the wardrobe mostly filled with Sirius' clothes and the drawers stuffed with Remus' jumpers. The side table next to Remus' side of the bed was piled high with the books he wanted to read next, whereas Sirius' held stacks of Muggle music magazines.

Sirius felt the last of the tension and worry ease from him the moment he stepped over the threshold of this room. After their dorm in Hogwarts and the room he'd had at James' parents' house, this was the room that most made him feel like he knew what home meant. And he knew that a lot of that had to do with the man he shared this space with. He turned to Remus now, and felt a thrill run through him as their eyes met. The affection was still clear in that amber gaze, but it was woven through with such intense lust that Sirius' knees would have given out if he wasn't so determined to take care of Remus before he got too wrapped up in things. He opened his mouth to say this, but Remus suddenly stepped in close, looming over him. Sirius could smell the need coming off him, his ability to scent Remus still surprisingly strong even though he hadn't shifted into Padfoot for a while. It made his throat constrict, but for the moment his mind was too blank to formulate words anyway.

'Off,' Remus demanded as he plucked at Sirius' shirt, and Sirius repressed a shudder as Padfoot's urge to submit to his dominant slammed into him. No, he thought, not yet. He needed to do something else, first, something important ... ah yes, that was it.

'Soon, Moony,' he said, pleased that his voice sounded steady, even a little teasing. 'But first we need to look after you, eh?' He winked, and bit back a laugh as Remus visibly fought through his animal desire but still managed to cock his head in a way that was purely canine. With difficulty, Sirius stepped away from him and rounded the bed to Remus' table, where he opened the drawer and swiftly found the pot of ointment there. He held it up triumphantly, and all trace of the wolf was gone as Remus rolled his eyes at him.

'Really?'

'Don't give me that,' Sirius chided in what Remus called his Pomfrey Voice. 'I saw you limping. Now, trousers off, and sit down on the bed while I rub this in for you.' Remus grumbled something under his breath but did as he was told, removing all of his clothing below the waist before perching on the mattress. Sirius forced himself to avoid looking at Remus' lap as he scooped a large dollop of the cream onto his fingers and stepped between those long, tanned, scarred legs. He leaned forwards slightly as he massaged the cream into Remus' hip, and took the opportunity to breathe into his ear, 'Besides, how can you truly expect to ravish me if you're distracted by pain? I want you to be completely at ease tonight, I want you to enjoy fucking me.'

'Fuck, Pads,' Remus grunted, his strong fingers flying up to grip the backs of Sirius' thighs in an attempt to retain control. 'I always enjoy fucking you.'

'Good to know,' Sirius grinned, still rubbing the joint even though all of the cream had been absorbed. He licked at Remus' neck again, delighting in the moan that it pulled from him, then moved to press their lips together again. Remus' taste filled his mouth, his senses, and he kissed him hard, sweeping his tongue along sharp teeth and nipping gently at that full lower lip. As suddenly as he had started, he made to step away from the bed, but Remus was ready for this. Before he could blink Remus had grabbed his hips and flipped them. Sirius hit the mattress with a yelp, which turned into a deep groan as Remus followed him down, one knee either side of his thighs, nestling his hips against Sirius' and wrapping strong fingers around his slender wrists.

'Tease,' Remus rumbled, flashing his teeth in a wide grin. Sirius whined softly as he wriggled below him, seeking friction, and Remus pressed his own hips down hard as he yanked Sirius' hands up and over his head, transferring both into one hand and pinning them there. He leaned over Sirius and growled against his neck, 'Now be a good boy and hold still.'

Sirius immediately obeyed, his jeans becoming uncomfortably tight. He watched as Remus sat back, using his free hand to trace patterns over the body below him. Remus started using wandless spells to slowly vanish items of Sirius' clothing, mapping out each newly exposed area of pale skin with his scarred palm and drinking in the sight of the soon naked body between his knees. Sirius could feel his blood singing, heating in response to the depth of his lover's voice, the impossibly gentle caresses, the evident need in his gaze. No, that wasn't need, he realised with a slight shiver of anticipation. That was hunger.

Remus' free hand continued to move over Sirius' torso, brushing against his own scars, his nipples, his taught abdomen. He shifted his hips occasionally, causing their erect members to brush against each other briefly, but held his position enough that Sirius couldn't move his hips. Before long, Sirius was whimpering and writhing under him desperately, the head of his iron-hard cock wet with pre-cum, his whole body tingling and desperate. His member pulsed almost painfully when he looked up and found Remus watching him with near feral desire, his sharp canines glinting in the moonlight that streamed in through the windows. The sight made him lose control.

'Fuck! Moony, please!'

'Please what, Love?' How could he sound so bloody calm?!

'Please, take me! I need you! I submit, I'm yours, please, fuck me!'

'Such lovely manners,' Remus crooned, leaning forwards and sinking his teeth into the soft spot between Sirius' neck and shoulder. Sirius fought to keep his bark of pained pleasure quiet, but found it harder still when Remus flattened his tongue to the tender flesh to soothe the hurt. He could hear himself whining as the scent of Remus' arousal swirled round him, making his head spin. Through it all, he just made out a murmured silencing charm being cast around the room, followed by Remus' dark chuckle. 'Thank Merlin for magic, or you'd be waking the neighbours too, never mind Harry.'

'Please ... ' He was too far gone for banter now. He just needed, needed, needed ...

'I've got you, Love.' Sirius gasped as he felt an already slicked finger slide against his entrance, and Remus' face swam into view. He was biting his lip and watching Sirius with rapt focus as he worked his fingertip in circles, then gently pressed forward. His finger slid in easily, and Remus swore softly as he withdrew, then added another. 'You feel so good, Pads. I've missed you.'

'I - Oh!' Sirius gasped as a third finger slid inside next to the others, and Remus set up a slow, teasing rhythm. His thick fingers were stretching Sirius' hole, in a way that was so familiar and yet always managed to feel so new. Sirius almost lost it when those skilled fingers curled right there inside him, but he managed to hold back. Remus liked for them to cum together, liked to tell Sirius when to cum, and over their years together Sirius had learnt to hold himself back, to wait for the command. So he let his eyes roll with each thrust, and he felt his pre-cum dripping down onto his stomach, but he refused to follow the insistent tug of his building orgasm. He wanted to touch himself, to touch Remus, but his hands were still pinned above his head.

'Are you ready for me?' Remus' voice was thick with want now, and Sirius forced himself to meet his gaze again. The fire burning in those eyes almost ruined his resolve, but he bit into his own lip hard enough to centre himself. Unable to speak, he simply nodded. It was enough. Remus shifted so that he was settled between Sirius' legs, nudging his inner thighs with his knees to encourage him to spread them wider. Sirius obeyed, and kept his eyes fixed on Remus as he reached between them and lined himself up.

When he felt Remus' tip against his entrance, Sirius bit down so hard that he tasted his own blood, and Remus' head instantly snapped up. He must have smelled it. He leaned forwards and kissed Sirius, sucking his lower lip into his mouth and smoothing his tongue against the already healing cut. As their mouths melded together again, Remus pushed further in, pulling a ragged gasp from Sirius. Remus took the opportunity and slid his tongue in between his teeth, pushing it in at the same pace as he pushed his length into Sirius' body. He mimicked the motion of his thrusts with his tongue for a time before pulling back to brace his forearm beside Sirius' head. Remus' eyes shone as he took in the expression on Sirius' face.

'Beautiful,' he murmured, and Sirius was overwhelmed with the need to touch his lover.

'Moony,' he whimpered, pushing his wrists up against the strong fingers still clasped around them. Suddenly he was released, and he immediately wound his hands into those thick brown curls as Remus' head dropped to his neck, sucking and licking and nipping at the soft flesh there as his thrusts became faster, harder. The feeling of intimacy was flooding through Sirius, but he wanted more. He wanted Remus to lose himself in his body, to take what he needed and give everything he had. So Sirius did what he knew would snap that careful control. He pulled hard at the hair between his fingers.

He was rewarded almost instantly with a deep snarl that reverberated all the way to his bones. Remus pulled out of him and deftly flipped him over, pulling his hips up so that he was up on his knees with his chest pressed to the bed. He looked over his shoulder just in time to watch Remus hungrily eyeing his hole before guiding himself back in and thrusting hard. He set up a punishing pace, slamming against Sirius' arse with a force that made it hard for him to stay upright. But this problem was soon resolved as Remus reached beneath him and grasped Sirius' aching length. The whine that left Sirius' throat was more Padfoot than man, and with each gasping outbreath his whimpering became less and less human.

'That's it, Love,' Remus growled from somewhere above him, and Sirius could hear him fighting against the wolf's need to take over. 'That's it, take it all. Such a good boy for me. You're so pretty like this, with me filling you, desperate for release. Do you want to cum for me?'

Sirius was beyond words, so he locked eyes with Remus over his shoulder and nodded frantically. Remus' laugh huffed hot breath against his skin, and Sirius felt at real risk of becoming overstimulated by the sensations and scents of his lover surrounding him. Remus was now pounding into him so fast that he was panting as he continued to rasp out his stream of filthy words.

'I want you to cum for me, Pads, but only when I say. Fuck, you're so tight, and so hard, I love feeling what I do to you. Do you feel what you do to me, Love? Do you feel how deep I am inside you, how much I need you? Fuck, I'm going to ... cum, Pads, cum for me ... fuck, Sirius!'

The noise Remus made as he spilled inside of Sirius bordered on a howl, and Sirius had to fight Padfoot's instinct to join in as he thrust into Remus' fist, shooting ropes of his own release across the bedspread under him and up his own torso. They thrust and clenched until both could see stars, then Sirius' knees finally gave way and he collapsed into his own mess, Remus coming down with him. They lay in a heap, panting and sweating while the buzz from their orgasms slowly, slowly eased away. Then Remus was kissing his shoulders, his back, before carefully easing himself out and collapsing on the bed next to him. Sirius watched from beneath his heavy lids as Remus' breathing slowly returned to normal. Then those amber eyes closed and a small, satisfied smile tugged at kiss-swollen lips.

'Fuck.'

'You can say that again,' Sirius smirked. Remus turned to look at him, and his grin widened. But underneath it, Sirius could see the lingering exhaustion. He began to feel bad for -

'Don't you fucking dare,' Remus grumbled, reaching out to grip Sirius' hip. He rolled him onto his side, facing the wall, and slid in behind him, his long legs tucking up and his arm snaking around to pull Sirius tight to his chest. 'I needed that. I needed you. So don't go feeling bad for it. I'm not an invalid, you know.'

'So you keep telling me,' Sirius sighed, but he wound his fingers through Remus' and held tight. They were quiet for a moment, then Sirius felt the strange crackly buzz of us' magic as he wordlessly cast a cleaning spell over them and the bed. It had been a long time since he'd done something like this, and Sirius occasionally forgot how powerful his boyfriend could be in the days around the full moon. But he was soon distracted by the gentle, nuzzling kisses that Remus was placing along his shoulder-blade.

'Feeling better?' Remus' voice was sleepy, and it sounded like he was making an effort to stay awake until he knew that Sirius was OK.

'Much better,' he replied, squeezing the arm that always held him so close, always made him feel so safe. 'Always the better for being with my Moony.'

'Soppy git,' Remus chuckled, kissing his neck tenderly. 'Love you, Pads.'

'Love you, too,' Sirius breathed, and listened as Remus' breathing eased into a slow, regular rhythm before allowing his own eyelids to slide shut.