In spite of the heat that warms the interior of the car, Casey Mitchell cannot ignore the prickle of gooseflesh against the skin of her arms. She cannot avoid the apprehension that twists at her gut. Her fingers curl around the steering wheel, tightly enough that her knuckles have gone white, and every breath she takes feels as though it is being drawn through a straw.
She shouldn't be feeling this way. Not when she knows the building resting a few feet away like the back of her hand. Not when the people inside that building are family. It should be the simplest thing in the world to get out of the car. Walk inside. Look her mother in the eye.
But it isn't. Not anymore. Not when the reality she carries with her could tear everything apart.
Or at least it could cause her to lose the one thing she knows she would never survive.
Her best friend.
A sigh escapes as Casey allows her head to knock back against the driver's seat. As she squeezes her eyes shut, and runs her fingers through wind-tousled hair. Coming home had been instinctual. She hadn't even given it much thought beforehand. Just pack the essentials, get in the car, and drive.
Now that she is here, though—now that the result of her choices are staring her in the face, in more ways than one—Casey is honestly starting to question if she should even be here at all.
At the very least, she needs to get her act together. She needs to get control of her emotions so they don't display across her face for anyone to read. Because that is exactly what will happen if she walks through the doors of her mother's bar right now. She's never been very good at hiding her feelings. Not without conscious effort.
It's a level of effort that Casey isn't entirely sure she can manage right now, but she knows she has to try. She has to be able to pretend everything is normal, for just a little while longer.
The Hard Deck will close in a few hours. She can help her mom clean up. They can head home. And then, maybe, she can try to buck up enough courage to confess to the one thing she honestly never saw coming. Never in a million years.
Or maybe, she will lose her nerve. Terror will steal the words from her throat, and the inevitable will be prolonged whether she wants it to be or not.
Frustration over her own indecision seems to be enough to push Casey to move, when nothing else can, and she slips from the vehicle to shut the door behind her not long after. The soles of her shoes crunch on the gravel of the parking lot, and her teeth worry at the inside of her cheek while she cuts a path for the door, her palms sweating as she tries to rid herself of the shaking in her hands. Familiar music wafts out into the parking lot as one of the patrons slips through the door, and she jogs forward to catch it before they leave, entirely, the darker interior of the bar forcing her to slow her pace until her eyes have a chance to adjust.
Everything looks the same. Exactly the same, and Casey can remember hauling boxes into the space with her mother and Amelia. Hanging decorations on the walls. From the ceiling. Laughing as they teased one another, and Jimmy stocked the bar with beer.
She'd been there for the first few weeks after the bar had opened. Helping her mom. Honestly enjoying the camaraderie of the patrons that increased day by day. Even falling into bed exhausted after a busy night in those first weeks somehow seems simpler than what she faces right now, and it takes everything she has to resist the urge to simply turn tail and run. Head back to the car. Leave. Pretend she was never even here.
But she isn't a coward. Not really, or at least so she always tries to tell herself. For someone who is accustomed to hearing how she is nearly a carbon-copy of her father, she can't be.
She won't be. There really is nothing more to it than that.
This is her home. Or at least it is as much of a home as the actual house her mother owns near the beach. She can do this.
She has to do this.
One foot in front of the other.
Steeling her nerves as best she can, Casey forces herself to begin moving forward, weaving through a few of the patrons that have already started to gather around the bar. Hoping her expression is giving no hint of the thoughts still tumbling about in her mind. A breath drawn in through her nose and released through her mouth helps to steady her, and already, she can spot a familiar figure leaning against the bar, waiting for a drink.
A faint bit of surprise courses through her, because she hadn't entirely anticipated he would be here at all, but in seconds, Casey can tell he's already clocked her approach. She really can't turn back now.
Three—two—one.
"Well I'll be damned. Look what the cat dragged in."
"Seriously? That's the best you've got?"
The only response Casey receives for the quip is the sight of the man edging around the bar to pull her into a nearly overwhelming embrace, her eyes squeezing closed because for a moment she almost feels at ease. Relieved. As though maybe she can make it through this after all.
Her own hold tightens for a moment around his waist, a shaky breath escaping whether she wants it to, or not. And then she is somehow pulling back, donning a smile, and praying that it will be believable enough to pass muster.
"Mom's still keeping you around?"
"All a part of my charm, kid."
"That's what you're calling it?"
"Calling it like I see it, you mean," The man corrects, laughing a bit at Casey's answering eye-roll, while simultaneously removing his arm from around her shoulder to ruffle her hair instead, "Thought you knew me better than that, Mini-Mav."
"Maybe I'm just pulling your leg, Sli."
"Pulling my leg. Anyone ever tell you you're just as annoying as your dad?"
"And yet, you love me anyway," Casey replies, ducking out from beneath her companion's reach, her smile still in place with an ease that is honestly startling, all things considered, "If I'm really that bad, seems like it's your fault for keeping me around."
"Yeah. Wonder why I do that."
"Must be a part of my charm."
Slider's retaliatory nudge against Casey's side in response to her repetition of his own words has her laughing again, even as she stumbles to catch her balance. Just another reminder of what instinct drove her back here to find. Camaraderie. Family. She hadn't wanted to be alone. The idea honestly still terrifies her, even if she still feels more than a little reluctant to allow anyone else to know the truth.
The prospect of everyone's reaction to that truth is what seems most likely to keep her silent. What makes her feel like she is losing her nerve. Like she is far less her father's spitting image than anyone truly believes. But she has little to no time to fully consider the implications of that on much of anything, given that another familiar voice is now addressing her from just a few steps away.
"Well this didn't take long."
Exasperation and amusement mingle together behind the words, and Casey turns to find herself face to face with her mother in next to no time at all. In seconds, she is torn between the need to throw herself into the older woman's arms, and the desire to maintain at least some semblance of self-control, but while Slider may not have noticed the slight tremor in her frame when he hugged her, but her mother absolutely would.
The realization is enough to keep Casey firmly in place, while she watches her mother place a few spare, freshly cleaned mugs on the bar, the recognizable lift of a brow giving her every reason to believe she already knows what her mother will say next before she even has a chance to speak.
"Bickering already, I see."
"Would it make any difference at all if I told you she started it?"
"Not even a little," Penny laughs, not at all fazed by Slider's mock expression of feigned indignation as she nudges past the former to slip behind the bar, and turns her attention back to Casey in tandem, "Your stuff already at the house?"
"Actually I—I kind of wondered if you'd want some help here, first."
If her mother is at all suspicious of the words, or her sudden return home, she certainly does not show it, instead offering a nod before stepping to the side to allow Casey behind the bar as well. Slider, for his part, appears to have been drawn into another conversation, not that he would have found anything suspicious about her latest decision in the first place. And Casey uses the opportunity to draw her mother back into conversation, rather than waiting for her to dictate the topic being discussed herself.
"So—you and Slider—that's still a thing?"
"Is Andrew still a thing?"
Unable to resist her own laugh, Casey shakes her head in lieu of a verbal response, easily slipping into the routine of snagging a beer from the fridge for a nearby patron that is flagging her down, while her mother offers her a knowing smile.
"Your dad never liked him, you know."
"Did anyone?" Casey teases, swiping a cloth hanging nearby, and using it to wipe at a smudge on top of the bar, "Kind of seems like that's a running pattern around here."
"Maybe you should look into that."
"Or Dad's friends could consider not being quite as protective."
"Don't let any of them hear you say that," Penny chides, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder to slip behind her in favor of reaching for a basket of cashews and other mixed nuts left on the bar for snacking that is in need of a refill, "Is Andrew what brought you back?"
"I can't come back because I just miss my mom?"
Somehow, Casey knows the words will not be enough. She knows her mother will be able to see through them in seconds. A part of her even acknowledges something that is not all that far from frustration over her sudden excuse, when her initial intent had been to give her mother every reason to believe there is, in fact, something that they need to discuss.
Now that she is here, though—now that she is looking her mom in the eye, aware of Slider's presence nearby—all of the uncertainty she'd felt out in her car seems to double. It is nearly enough to bowl her over in an instant. The little glimpse of normality she'd seen thus far is entirely too tempting to maintain, even if she can feel her heart twist in her chest at the thought of continuing to keep her secrets.
Casey can feel her teeth digging into her lower lip beneath the weight of her mom's suddenly serious gaze, but she does what she can to shove any lingering guilt over her change in heart aside. The thought that she can't do this—not now—not here—is suddenly at the forefront of her mind. Like a crippling panic she cannot seem to shake.
And Penny seems to sense it as easily as breathing, whether Casey truly wants her to or not, even if she does opt for going along with it rather than forcing her daughter to say what is actually on her mind out loud.
"Nice save."
"I try."
"Think you can handle things out here while I make sure the back is ready for the rush?"
Nodding, and far more grateful for a reprieve that she is still not fully sure she deserves, Casey settles into the task she has been given while her mom moves to the kitchen. She allows herself to be pulled into conversation with Slider and a few other patrons as she refills drinks, and tidies up if someone leaves their place.
The familiar pattern is almost soothing, and she tries to remind herself that it will not last forever. It cannot last forever. Eventually, there will be certain realities she can no longer conceal.
Her stomach churns at the thought, just as it churns at the implications of what she is doing, keeping her silence. Being the coward she refused to become, mere moments ago. But maybe the longer she is around people and places she knows like the back of her hand, it will get easier to come clean. Maybe this isn't the excuse to delay, like she fears.
And for now?
That is going to have to be enough.
…
Okay, guys, we're back! The first chapter of my revision of Casey's story is a go! Like my usual pattern, this first installment is a little shorter, but I promise we'll be diving into the real meat and potatoes of why she's back home and what she's hiding the next time around! I'm so, so excited to be back on the Top Gun fixation, and I really do hope that at least some of you are going to come along for the ride!
As always, my heartfelt thanks go out to each and every one of you that not only followed and supported the first story, but to any who are willing to give this reboot a shot as well! I appreciate your time and support so very much more than you know! And I really hope you like what you find!
Until next time, loves…
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