Note: this story contains elements of bullying, abuse, gaslighting, mentions of suicide-baiting, self-blaming, self-hatred and referenced self/harm and suicide attempt, as well as internalized ableism and the aftermath of a mental breakdown or suicide attempt, as well as its recovery process so please, if this will make any reader uncomfortable, be careful. I don't condone nor romanticize suicide, nor the thought process of Izuku in this story…
So please, if any of you is feeling sad or empty, try to talk to a friend, family member or someone you trust and remember, your feelings matter and you deserve to be listened to, no matter what happens, for all of them matter, even if they seem "small" to other people, they affect the one who feels so, they're valid and they deserve to be heard.
Boku no Hero Academia belongs to Kohei Horikoshi and Shonen Jump, and the song "Open the Doors" belongs to Aimer, the only thing I own is this story.
TW: this episode talks about a suicide aftermath, as well as a study of society, and how the healing process will be made, as well as some anxious/depressed like topics, so please be careful to read this and remember to take care of your mental health.
When Izuku woke up after passing out in the ambulance… He found himself tucked up in a warm bed, and his left arm was perfectly bandaged, his wounds probably reduced to some mild scarring thanks to either Recovery Girl's or other people with healing quirks.
Why did he survive? Did he even deserve to live?
He was consumed by broken memories and horrible experiences, being hated by life itself just by existing… All because he didn't have a quirk.
He wondered if the first quirked people felt like this, since they probably received the same treatment (and when the tables turned, they did the same as punishment for what their ancestors suffered).
To his surprise, his mother entered the room, alongside a psychiatrist, who had short aquamarine hair and green eyes, and seemed to have a kind hearted aura, almost as if she understood how he felt…
"Izuku…" Said Inko as she hugged her son, being happy for his recovery. "You've been asleep for three days, and Ochaco and Tenya got back to the dorms to regain their strength."
Heh, Izuku was probably about to lose them, since they suffered a lot because of him…
He should've really used his first idea to shatter his heart with Air Force, it would've been more than enough…
"Good morning, young Izuku." Said the kind psychiatrist in a gentle tone. "I'm Dr. Harumi Hashimoto, and I'm obligated to tell you about the nature of my quirk as per the hospital laws, so please listen."
Her quirk was called "Bridge Creation", which allowed her to connect with people instantly, being able to understand their perspectives, feelings, regrets and traumas, so she can create a proper treatment plan for them.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Asked Izuku in a concerned tone. "Don't want to sound selfish but, I think my emotions will probably be too strong for you."
"Nonsense." Answered Harumi as she shrugged it off. "When you're ready, please take my hand, okay?"
It kind of reminded him when he tried to take Kacchan's hand in that river…
He should've walked away from him the moment he started to be abusive, but in his growing despair of finding himself more and more lonely, he desperately wanted to keep that bond, no matter what…
After a few seconds, he took her hand.
He then entered a relaxation like state, feeling an absolute state of peace and tranquility, like all of his problems didn't matter for now, as he felt genuinely peaceful and understood by another person as well.
When a minute passed, Dr. Harumi took her hand away from Izuku's, to then take a small handkerchief in order to dry her tears, since she ended up crying unconsciously after feeling such a strong influx of negative emotions.
Self-hatred, regret, apathy, hatred, indifference, rejection, pity, cruelty, abandonment, betrayal…
No hence why her patient ended up trying to take his own life… Dealing with these kind of feelings for so long would've crushed everyone.
"Young Izuku, after reflecting about your life, before we start any kind of treatment, you need to understand that those people were wrong." Said Dr. Harumi in a somewhat serious tone, remembering former quirkless patients of hers, most of whom ended up succumbing to depression, since almost no one cared about them… "You deserved respect, understanding and basic empathy just for existing, and I wish our society could understand that."
To their surprise, Izuku showed an emotion he hasn't for years…
Anger.
"With all due respect, do you expect me to believe that?" He asked in a somewhat angry tone. "That dozens of people in various different places, from preschool to elementary and middle schools, going up to high school, and even my own father, were wrong, and I, being just a single person, was right? I don't think I can believe it."
"I've treated quirkless patients before, Young Izuku." Said Dr. Harumi as she started to support him. "Our clinic is one of the few ones that isn't prejudiced, and we help anyone, regardless of their quirk… What happened to you, and to many of them, is a problem that has existed ever since the quirk baby boom happened."
Inko got shocked as she listened to that, since she was born in that generation…
"At the dawn of the quirk era, over 150 years ago, quirked people had the same role quirkless ones have today..." Continued the kind doctor as she remembered the world's history as she spoke of it.
Quirked people were the ones who were rejected, abandoned, scorned and treated like garbage back then, since they used to have Overhaul's mindset, that quirks were a "disease", and they would probably disappear in a few generations.
But they didn't, and by the third generation, discrimination finally stopped, since most places had an equal amount of quirked and quirkless people, although the quirked hanged out mostly with themselves, and the quirkless did the same…
And then, the quirk baby boom happened.
Many children were born with quirks, exactly seven out of ten, so the tables were slowly turning in favor to the quirked… And by the fourth generation, classrooms only had like three/four quirkless people, whom started to receive the same bullying and abuse their ancestors did to quirked people in earlier generations.
By the fifth and current one, there was only one quirkless student in an entire school, perhaps two if they were lucky…
If the quirkless people of older generations treated the original quirked ones with respect and kindness, probably their current descendants would've been treated far better, as societal wounds tended to run quite deep into society's collective unconsciousness, so healing them would take a lot of work…
"That's why quirkless people are hated, despite not doing anything wrong to others…" Continued Dr. Harumi in a concerned tone. "Those elders who were bullied by quirkless people shared their hatred to their children, and they did the same to their children and so on, and now that quirkless people are almost non-existent in recent generations, they're defenseless against that hatred, since they don't have a proper support network…"
After she finished, Izuku was speechless.
He knew about the statistics and negative experiences but, he never really knew its origins.
Probably because he didn't want to find the truth about why was he so despised…
"Those ten years were living hell…" Mentioned Izuku as he started to open up. "I had no one aside from my mom, I only got complains, mockery, hatred, rejection, indifference and abandonment… It didn't matter what I did or didn't, what I said or didn't say, what I tried or didn't try, the result was always the same."
A deeply rooted loneliness that tore him apart, as he always spent nights with cold, shivering feet, one that made his bones ache and his eyes water, as he knew what kind of future awaited him.
He would have to live on his own, with only his mother as support, and when she passed away, he would end up completely alone in the future, slowly withering and fading away, until he finally gave up or died, whatever happened first, and no one would find him for days, weeks and even months at worst…
"That's when I started to think about dying…" Murmured Izuku as a few tears ran in his face, but there were minimal compared to what he normally cried, as he was quite drained and empty. "If I would face a future completely on my own, with no income at all, as most quirkless people are rejected by enterprises, plus probably living for another sixty-five years at worst… Wouldn't it be better to die now, where at least one person would be able to bury me and remember me a small bit?"
Inko knew that he was right… As much as that hurt her, it was right…
Had her son not developed that quirk as a reward for ten months of harsh training, his future would've been horrible…
"In that case, we have a psychological recovery program for you, which will include various activities, having individual and group sessions with other suicidal people, as well as some medication to stabilize your emotions, plus you'll have some visitors in the next few days so, please be prepared." Said Dr. Harumi as she hoped her plan will be able to heal Izuku's heart. "Honestly, I think you have a good chance to stop Quirkless Discrimination as a future hero, because even if they'll probably cease to exist by the seventh generation, they will always deserve the same respect and concern quirked people have, because both quirked and quirkless were the same not so long ago."
For the first time in weeks, before that betrayal tore him apart, Izuku started to feel a small ember of hope.
He knew he was broken; he knew that he hated himself… But, if this doctor, her mom, All Might, Recovery Girl, Nedzu, Ochaco, Tenya, Kouji, Kyoka and some other people believed in him…
Maybe he still had a chance, after all.
"I think I'm ready to start, Dr. Harumi." Said Izuku as he smiled a bit. "Maybe there's hope after all."
Hey, the author here!
Wanted to say that this story will have multiple chapters, in order to cover many different perspectives and close story arcs as well. D:
Also, I will use some ideas given by users either on Archive of Our Own or here, and I'll credit them when that happens.
Plus, there will be some surprises along the way, and many heartwarming moments and conversations, so please be ready!
Thanks to everyone who read, gave kudos and commented in both stories, either here or in Archive of Our Own, that meant a lot! n_n
Without further ado, please take care and have a good day!