SLACKERS

EPISODE XXIII

SINS OF THE FATHER

CHAPTER SIXTEEN - SACRIFICE

This is how it feels to be Amanda Sakaki, 32 years and four months ago.

You know that Giovanni must have completely lost his mind by now. If his obsession with power hasn't made him completely mad, the loss of you probably has. He is likely in his fancy new office, screaming at the recruits he's been calling "grunts" lately, demanding they scour the whole world and recover the woman and unborn child that "rightfully" belong to him. You feel like you've been reduced to no more than a mere possession of another human once again, after spending a lifetime convincing yourself you are so much more than that.

He doesn't even know that the child isn't unborn anymore.

Now the child, merely days old, is in your weak and tired arms. You're barely 20 years old and already a mother. You've somehow survived the ordeal of giving birth in hiding after finally deciding to run away from yet another oppressive environment. You thought the days of your controlling parents were behind you, but you found yourself being controlled by the man who was supposed to love you. Now all you have are the dirty dress you're wearing and the baby you're holding, with nothing to protect you from the chilly rain as you avoid the wildlife on Kanto Route 1.

You know you can't keep this up. You can't live on the streets with a baby. That's no life for a child. You don't give a shit what happens to you anymore. All you care about is getting that baby somewhere safe, dry, and warm. Somewhere he can be raised in comfort with absolutely no knowledge of his "Team Rocket heritage."

Even if you don't get to be involved in any of it.

You don't know of any orphanages. You don't know of any other similar programs. You are nearly out of options as you're running down the road, soaked to the bone, with the lights of a small town fast approaching. You recognize it as Pallet Town, only a few miles south of the city where you've spent your entire life. You know there's one large building in the town, occupied by a somewhat newly-famous researcher who's been recently making the newspapers with his discoveries.

So you decide to give him a try.

After what feels like years of running, you avoid detection by the Rocket grunts patrolling the town, on the hunt for you. You're a wanted woman, and you can't bear to think of what might happen if you're discovered and forced to return to a man who is probably so enraged he might hurt you. You've seen what he is capable of now, and you can't stand the thought of being anywhere around the monster he is becoming.

You're nearly caught when someone sees you and begins chasing you, but you're able to escape by hiding in a soaked cardboard box behind a gas station. The grunt moves on, you look around, gasping for breath and shaken to your core, and you emerge. You haven't had time to process how you're feeling about any of this yet. All you're allowed to think about is fear and determination.

You finally approach the laboratory, considerably friendlier-looking than the old gym you never could get used to, and knock on the door. A man opens it, looking shocked at the sight before him. You must really look that pathetic.

You explain your situation to him, and he takes pity on you. He doesn't have much more of a clue than you on how to handle the baby you're holding for only a few more precious seconds. You can't stay with the friendly stranger in a lab coat, because you know you'll only put him in danger, too.

The baby, though?

The baby can't be recognized. No one will know it's the son of the increasingly powerful leader of the organization hunting you down.

So you hug your newborn baby tight. He has no idea what's going on, so you feel everything for the both of you. You pour everything into the precious bundle. You tell him you love him, you apologize to him, you promise you'll be back for him, you swear he will grow up happy and healthy, to live a successful and fulfilling life.

Then you take your baby, your boy, your world, your everything, and hand him to the stranger in front of you. He smiles, offering words of kindness to your everything. You start to thank him, but you're fairly certain you've just heard another grunt fast approaching, so without thinking, you run off. You hide behind the laboratory you've just discovered and you wait for the grunts to pass.

The flashlights are no longer in sight, and you finally let yourself sit down and breathe.

Then it hits you. Everything you've been through, and what you've just done.

Your new life, gone. Your home, gone. Your family, gone. Your child, gone. Your future, gone.

Everything that ever mattered to you, gone.

So you collapse into yourself, you bring your knees to your face, and you sob hysterically, more tears falling from your eyes than raindrops from the sky.

You wake up and realize that this isn't your life anymore. It's been thirty-two years and four months, and you're in your warm bed, in your safe and cozy home, in Vaniville Town, Kalos. Your body has fully recovered from its ordeal, and you feel the most rested you can ever remember feeling.

Your new life, stable. Your home, peaceful. Your family, dysfunctional. Your child, happy and healthy and successful and fulfilled. Your future, waiting for you to take it.

You remember everything now. You worked for such a long time to block out the memories of the horrible day you had to give up your son. Now it's all back, hitting you like a brick to the face. You become somewhat sad, not completely shaken, but clearly not the best you've felt. You sit up in your bed and look towards your nightstand, where you see a framed photograph of you and your grown-up son.

One last tear falls from your eye, but you're not hysterical. You're smiling. Reuniting with him has made you happier than you have ever been in your life. You feel vindicated. Everything you've suffered for has now been restored with the return of your son. The son who loves you and accepts you and values you and your happiness, and wants badly to be a part of your life.

But part of you, for some strange reason, wishes you could have Gio back.

Not the megalomaniac you ran away from years ago and confronted just the other day, but the man you bumped into with a steaming cup of coffee in your hand. The man who romanced you, who ran through the rainy streets of Viridian City with you, the man who escaped the big city to spend that passionate night in the forest with you, the man who held you and delivered you happiness and fulfillment. You realize you miss him. And you resent the person he turned into.

And yet...

You let yourself think about being a family for the first time. About Gio living here with you, having abandoned the team he spent his entire life cultivating, so he could be your companion and grow old with you. About Gio Sakaki going back to the man he used to be.

But you know it's useless to get your hopes up like that. A heart doesn't drastically change in just one instant.

So you look at the photograph of you and your son, accept things are the way they need to be, and decide you're happy enough to have Mihalis back in your life.

And if, somehow, someday, Gio came back... really came back... maybe you would at least hear what he had to say.

I want to dedicate this chapter to Matthew Stover, author of the mind-blowing novelization of Revenge of the Sith, for his absolutely incredible second-person passages, and inspiring me to try it for myself.