Exhale

"Inhale. Exhale. Its always darkest just before the light. Inhale now and exhale. Where there's broken hopes not far behind." -Mercy Me

"Hey Carly! Millicent!" he yells from the entryway, " Carly, where are you?"

"The bedroom."

I hear him running through the apartment. I swear that man has the energy of a toddler who has eaten an entire pound of sugar.

"Guess what!" he says one hand leaning on the doorway, as he is trying to catch his breath. "I got to get back to the gym... You are never gonna believe what happened!" he says smiling.

"You've finally decided to fulfill your life long dream and join Magic Mike Live?"I say smirking as I continue folding the load of towels I just removed from the dryer.

He pauses for a moment, making that face I love so much when he is focused on cleaning the dust off a camera lens and then it passes. "Oh Carly Shay has jokes."

I let out a very unladylike snort." I am funny, but looks aren't everything."

Freddie wraps his arms around my waist from behind; pulling me close,"Your looks are anything but funny baby." his lowered octave accentuates his statement making me bite my lip. His lips are lightly brushing the bare skin between my shoulders. Thank God I opted for a tank top this morning.

He turns me to face him. "Wait," He says blushing, sliding me his sideways grin that always makes my knees buckle. "You think I'm hot enough?"

"Well you are no Joe Manganiello." He gives me that opened mouth surprise face. I return it with one mocking his own," I guess you'll do though." I say giving my shoulders a shrug.

"That's not what you were saying last night," he huffs pulling me into a hug and kissing me on the neck before swatting me on my ass." I'll punish you later. Smart ass."

"It went to school with the rest of me."

"Stop it Shay." he warns, the darkening of his eyes state I'm in for it good later. I certainly hope so.

He lets me go and takes my hand as he leads me down the hall toward the living room. The smile he is wearing is a bigas the day I told him he was going to be a dad again. Whatever this is must be huge. I for one am dying from the suspense. Which makes me need to pee again for what feels like the 80th time today. "Can I go pee first?"

"Talk first pee later."

I give him my look, "We can discuss that when someone is using YOUR bladder as a speed bag."

He pauses for a second, "You win. But only because I kind of like you."

"Yeah, you are kinda alright I guess." I say pausing at the bathroom door. "We'll see how it goes for the next 50 years."

Freddies eyes tear up, a genuine smile spreading over his lips "Is that a promise or a threat?"

I lean forward and plant a soft kiss to his lips, "If you don't move out of the way so I can close this door you'll never know."

"I'm sorry." Mattson says softly. "Carly, I apologize. I was charting and it took me a little longer than I expected. I didn't know you hadn't been updated until the triage nurse came back to find me. My resident and I will have a little talk about that later. "

"Carly." he says my name a little louder and starts patting my knee." Are you listening?"

"Carly?" He takes my wrist, checking my pulse and flags a nurse down. " I need a wet washcloth, for Ms. Shay. Given the look of her we better get some juice over here too. How far along are you?"

I shake my head to clear the fog and swallow a couple of times so I can hear again. I put my hand to the swell of my stomach. "23...um..23 weeks" I feel the flutters as our child rolls into another position and I let a tear slide unstopped down my cheek.

Dr Mattson softens his tone "Who is your OB? Do you think I need to have them paged? Any contractions?"

"Its Dr. Stork." Spencer says, worrying his lower lip with his teeth; he starts pacing again.

I know, its funny my OB is named Stork. Freddie and I laughed so hard the first time we met him; he is rail thin and had a bird like nose, so I insisted we keep him. It's not often you meet someone who matches their name. He is warm, and kind and tells the best knock knock jokes. He even agreed to do a guest Q&A on iCarly as part of a virtual baby shower next month. We had planned to donate all the gifts and revenue generated to a local battered women's shelter. We planned a lot of things. I start crying again.

Marissa tilts my chin to look me over. "Carly. Honey you are white as a sheet."

"I'm fine." I say softly taking Marissa's hand from my face and putting it back in her lap. Marissa gives me her I mean business look. A tall blonde nurse hands me a cup of juice so I down it quickly under Mrs B's piercing gaze. That woman can be down right frightening when she's not getting what she wants.

Dr. Mattson gives me another once over as he hands me the wash cloth. He seems satisfied with my answer so he continues. "Ms Shay has anyone told you what happened yet?"

I open my mouth but no words come out, so I end up sitting there looking like a goldfish out of water, just letting it open and close.

Spencer is the first to speak, "The detectives said it was a drunk driver. But we don't know anything else. Just that they had to use the jaws of life to get him out. T-Boned on the drivers side, guy ran a red light."

Dr Mattson nods, "Fredward."

"Its Freddie," I say suddenly finding my voice. "He hates being called Fredward."

"Millicent. Seriously, stop streaming and come in here!"

"What? Geeze Dad. My viewers think the house is getting raided, can you chill for a sec?" She says making her way down the hall, headphones still hanging from one ear. "I got to go guys, the rents need me." She hangs her headphones around her neck and plops down on the couch. " This better be good."

Freddie gives her a warm smile. "Its better than good."

Freddie helps me sit down on the sofa, taking the time to stuff an extra pillow behind my back. He gives me a quick kiss and bumps his nose against mine. How in the world did I ever get so damn lucky?

" Ew. Can you not?!" Millicent makes a face like she drank lemonade someone forgot to add sugar to.

Freddie and I share a conspiratorial grin and he leans down and kisses me again.

Millicent sighs and shakes her head, tugging at the hem of her dads shirt. "You got me that new hard drive I've been asking about since Christmas?" Millicent says clapping her hands.

Freddie points his finger at her and bounces on his heels, "No"

Dejected, Millicent grabs her phone and opens her messenger. I bump her knee with mine and gesture to her dad.

"You know how I have talked about going into teaching?" He says grinning.

"Shut up! Shut Up! Shut Up!" I exclaim, rising to wrap my arms around his neck as best I can around this half inflated beach ball I'm currently carrying around my waist. I'm barefoot so for once he has a bit of a height advantage on me. The baby kicks a little in protest and Freddie kneels down placing both hands on each side of my stomach. "I did it. I'm going to be a professor at the University of Washington." He whispers to our unborn child, "You hear that baby?"

"No Way!" Millicent jumps up pulling her dad upright and wrapping him in a tight hug," 4 years of college and no student loan debt! I am so down! That's really cool dad."

"Its adjunct for now." He says taking my hand and squeezing it ," But, they said there's potential for full time, maybe even tenure down the road. He smile fades and his face falls, "This also means I won't have much time for iCarly.". He sighs and takes a seat on the sofa, pulling me down next to him."I'm sorry Carls, I have to answer back soon. There was another candidate they were interested in as well. I told them to give me 24 hours to talk it over with you," He takes one of my hands and wraps his around it, he trains his gaze on the floor, " Look, I won't do it if you don't think it will work out for our family."

I put my hand on his cheek bringing his soft brown eyes to meet mine,"Freddie. I have Paul. I'm excited for you. Really. I want what you want, remember. I am on team Benson. Always." He blushes and the innocence of it makes my heart melt, "Will I miss you not being behind the camera as much? Sure. But you've been talking about wanting to do this for a long time now. I'm not going deny you this opportunity." His smile reaches his eyes and I swear I will move Heaven and Earth to make sure I see him that smile every day for the rest of our lives.

"You mean it?"

I nod.

"You know what this calls for don't you?" He says taking my left hand in his and running his thumb over my ring finger before kissing me goodbye."Thank you babe." he whispers in my ear before letting my hand drop, "I don't know what I ever did to deserve you."

"Ditto."

Millicent balks, "Old people love is so gross." Freddie smiles at her warmly and gives the tip of her nose a dot. "Back in a few Milli Vanili."

"Pineapple passion fruit is the only acceptable flavor, you bring any of the mint chip crap in here and you are sleeping on the couch tonight."

"You know me so well." he says snatching the car keys off the hook, stopping to blow us both kisses before he closes the door.

Dr Mattson starts again, " I am a trauma surgeon who specializes in orthopedics. I was called in because Freddie sustained a rather traumatic orthopedic injury. He has a compound fracture to his left femur, and so far we have managed to get a hold on the bleeding. That's the worst of it save a few stitches here and there, and the regular old seat belt bruise. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are the most critical though, apparently he lost quite a bit of blood at the scene. But he is healthy and strong, he should pull through this just fine. I read in his chart that there is a history of a previous fracture can you tell me what happened?"

"He was hit by a taco truck when he was 15." Marissa says giving my hand a gentle squeeze, "he pushed her out of the way. Saved her life," Mrs B had let me know several years ago how sorry she was for her cruelly saying it should have been me instead; her ire was more directed to the fact that I spent most of my teen years breaking her poor son's heart. " Broke it in two places. He didn't need any surgery though."

Dr Mattson arches his brow and then nods. "Well he's got some new hardware in there now I'm afraid. We went in and reduced the fracture, but he required a couple of plates and screws. We got lucky. The bone came through missing his femoral artery by about a half an inch. If that off duty fireman wasn't two cars behind him, there could have been an entirely different outcome. Someone was watching over him today."

"I lost Freddie's dad Oliver to a drunk driver when he was two years old," Marissa said softly. "The kid that hit him was only 16; she didn't make it. When will people learn? "

"He's still here sweetness. He's still here with us." Lewbert says kissing the top of her head from where he's standing behind her chair, rubbing her shoulders affectionately. Who knew the man who we tortured so mercilessly as kids was such a soft and gentle man. He truly loves her and she deserves to be loved with this kind of pure intention. If Freddie could see them this way, he might not be as weirded out over their pending wedding. That man would move mountains for her.

Spencer takes her hand and his and clears his throat, "I'm sorry. I never knew."

"I never offered." Marissa shrugged.

Spencer gives her a hug and kisses her temple, she smiles sadly and pats his hand.

Suddenly all her over protectiveness made a lot more sense to me. All this time I had assumed his dad left like my mom did. A wave of guilt washes over me, I've been so selfish. I never asked him. What if there are other things we have left unsaid and undiscovered? What if the next two days go another way? I push that thought deeper into the darker parts of my mind and lock it away. "How's the other driver?" I ask, rising slowly to rub the ache out of my lower back.

"He's ok, just a broken wrist and a lot of legal trouble."

Spencer growls, "Makes no fucking sense. Bastard could have killed him."

I agree. But Freddie is still alive and right now that's all that matters.

"Can Millicent and I see him." I say my voice shaking, Millicent has been sitting in the corner between Harper and Tinsley. Tinsley showing her videos of their recent trip to Fiji to distract her. She looks up to me, I give her a thumbs up and mouth He's Alive . She nods her head yes and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. Harper and Tinsley both smile as I watch them visibly relax into their chairs. I turn back to face Dr. Mattson again, "I mean is he awake yet?"

"Hes currently in SICU right now, hes not quite come to yet from the anesthesia and we need to monitor his vitals pretty closely . You should get some rest, dear. Go home, shower, leave your contact number with the nurse, I will personally call you when hes awake."

"Fat chance on that happening doc." Spencer says shaking the doctors hand, "She won't go anywhere but by his bed. You could barely fit a piece of paper between them when they were kids. Nothing has changed now. I would like to have him moved to a private suite if at all possible. If Carly and Freddie's viewers find out he's here there are some security concerns I have regarding their safety."

"Understood," Dr. Mattson says as he rises, " I'll see to it you have everything you need."

I pull him in and hug him tightly as I don't have any words to express my gratitude for this doctor who just saved my person. I feel our baby kick in agreement. Our everything. Dr. Mattson chuckles, "I'm just doing my job young lady, but thank you." I give him a warm smile, my watery eyes meeting his soft grey ones, "I'm gonna head up and check on him. I'll send someone down when he's settled. Keep it to two at a time and no more that 10 minutes each for now. Kid needs to heal."

"Bert, you still owe me $20 from that last hole." He says pointing at Lewbert.

He takes a few steps away before turning, "By the way," Dr. Mattson said scratching his head, "Do any of you know why he would keep mumbling about a blue box?"

Spencer coughs.