A/N: I'd like to preface this by saying that I spent about 5 months writing out an actual chapter 7 (about Regina and Emma and the gang). I read it through today, ripped it up (as best as one can on an electronic device), and dragged it over to the trash can icon. So this is what you're getting instead. I wrote it in 30 minutes. Enjoy.

Not that it really even matters since there's only like one person who's even reading this story anymore anyways.

And I get why, really. Probably should have just kept it a one or two shot. It might please you to know that it will be coming to a quick and tireless end soon. So, if you are the one person who (for whatever reason) is still reading, please bear through the torture just a little bit longer.

CHAPTER 7

For chapter 7, I asked myself:

"Self?"

"Yes, self?"

"How are you today?"

"Okay, I guess. Could be better."

"That's good. And how's the wife and kids?"

"Look, self. If you have a point to make, then make it. Stop wasting everyone's time with idle small talk."

"Okay, okay. Geez. I was just wondering what you think it is that readers really want out of this?"

And of course, the answer came to me as clear as a bell. Escapism. Readers read because they want to lose themselves.

So with that in mind, this chapter is about the one person who is reading this very sentence in this exact moment. You. The reader. Isn't that something? You come here to be a part of a story that isn't your own and now, you actually are. Completely personalized from the tips of your toes to the ends of your hair, to the very name you call yourself.

Well —

Hold on.

Let me just back up a little. Sorry.

I should have explained that a bit more clearly. As of writing, this chapter only includes a person by the name of "Sarah." But I promise, by the time this story is finished, this chapter will have your name written all over it and it'll be completely about you — whoever the hell you are.

I know, I know. You're not really feeling it yet. But just hear me out. What if, for the rest of this chapter, you role-play as Sarah so that you can get a feel for what it will be like when you finish this story and there's an entire chapter in it that's entirely about you?

Fair warning that regardless of whether or not you want to, we're doing it anyways. So just go with it. It's gonna be great. And I swear you're gonna love it.

Now.

I want you to forget yourself piece by piece until you become a person named Sarah.

Start by taking a deep breath.

(Metaphorically) close your eyes.

Keep breathing (non-metaphorically). In and out; slowly and deeply.

Until you can feel the air passing through each and every part of your respiratory system.

I want you to take all of those things you know about yourself and tuck them away one by one. File them in the cabinet you keep inside that squishy little meat sponge between your ears and lock the drawers with a key. Then toss that key so carelessly behind you that when it falls into your stomach and disintegrates in the acid, you won't even have the interest to so much as notice — aside from a mild bout of (to be expected) indigestion.

Now, I want you to imagine opening your eyes and being Sarah. Breathing as Sarah. Walking and talking as Sarah.

Waking up every morning as Sarah. Going to bed at night as Sarah. Marrying your best friend from childhood as Sarah. Doing your absolute best every day to be and do all the things expected of you by society as Sarah.

Building your very first hearth and home as Sarah. Watering vegetables out in the garden on a brisk fall morning as Sarah. Cooking a mouthwateringly good homemade pumpkin pie as Sarah. Going to church on Sundays as Sarah. Finding yourself on your neighbor's doorstep at two o'clock in the morning to beg for money as Sarah. Getting accused of witchcraft as Sarah. Having your own seven-year-old child testify against you at your trial as Sarah. And finally, dying a slow and painful death beneath the crushing weight of heavy wooden boards and several large boulders, surrounded by the withering faces of all your friends and family as Sarah.

Do you feel it?

Are you really, truly Sarah right now?

If so, then please continue on to the next sentence.

See! I told you!

Wow. How exhilarating. What an unexpected delight.

That was you!

This chapter is describing you!

Oh! You know what would be even more fun? If you started over from the beginning and read it again! Go on, now. Do it! DO IT!

Hot damn! It's even better the second time.

I almost can't even believe how hard I broke the fourth wall just now. Like, seriously, you guys. Really think about it. I made you — the reader — a part of a story that I'm actively writing in this moment right now. And you're reading it. About you! It truly is amazing. And — not for me to say, but — I'm pretty sure this makes me the greatest writer on the entire planet.

If this were the only chapter in this entire story, I'd have it published, just so you'd have to pay me for it. It's that good.

Wow. What fun.

But now, I think it's time to put a close to the Sarah chapter. All this self-actualization is starting to wear me out.

(*yawns)

I think this is as good a place as any to end it.

Um, hello?

Maybe you misunderstood me.

The End.

I said, THE END.

Oh dear.

It seems you've decided to keep reading. And a little too far into this — might I add.

Stop it.

Stop reading.

The chapter is over.

No! Don't even go and read this chapter all over again. Sometimes a person can be too much Sarah.

Okay.

I'm ending it.

I know you're having fun and enjoying yourself, but this has to be the official ending to the Sarah chapter. Otherwise, you'll lose all sense of who you truly are.