Percy called Annabeth early in the evening, after dinner and everything was done but before the others were likely to come back to their rooms. The Iris-message shimmered to life by the window, and he had to smile at the sight of Annabeth lounging by the lake with her nose in an architecture book.

"Bad time?" he asked, and smiled when Annabeth started and looked up, glancing around for a second before her eyes landed on the Iris message.

Finally, Annabeth smiled back and bookmarked her place, setting her book aside. "For you, I'll make an exception," she said with amusement, leaning back on her hands. "What's up? Getting lonely out there?"

Percy smiled ruefully, reaching up to ruffle his hair self-consciously. "Uh, technically an assignment," he said. "Kind of. Do you have time to talk about something serious?"

Gods, he hated initiating conversations like this. Annabeth's smile faded, and she sat up.

"Sure, I've got time," she said, eying him with concern. "What is it?"

"Can we talk about Luke for a minute?" Percy rushed out, wincing when frustration flashed across Annabeth's eyes.

She crossed her arms, taking on a faint look of warning. "Sure."

Oh, that wasn't encouraging at all. "It's not- I know he wasn't bad, okay? Really. It's not about that." Annabeth softened slightly, but made an impatient gesture. "I, uh, I'm supposed- I wanted to tell you, like. Why I hated him so much."

"You know what, I actually don't want to talk about this," Annabeth cut him off. "He's dead, okay? Leave him alone."

There was enough pain in her voice that Percy backed down instantly. "You're right, sorry. Shouldn't have brought it up."

Annabeth exhaled, giving him a weary, reassuring smile. "We can still talk," she said. "What've you been working on? Grover's been a little worried the last couple days."

Percy skipped past all the Luke stuff and offered instead, "We talked about the gods for a while. Even figured out why I'm so bad at respecting them. Um, I was hoping you'd help me talk to Chiron about that."

Annabeth relaxed. "Sure," she said, "but you'll have to tell me what it is. I thought it was just because you hate being obedient."

Percy snorted. "That doesn't help. But, uh, it turns out I have a thing about, you know, authority figures openly threatening to hurt me." He cleared his throat. "Raine thought I should explain to Chiron that I'm pushing back because I'm freaking out, not because I'm too proud to listen."

"You still have to get better about that," Annabeth reminded him, though she looked more sympathetic now. "The gods don't care why you talk back."

"Yeah," Percy agreed with a grimace. "But Chiron is like- annoyed, when he talks to me about it. And it would be great if I didn't want to scream every time we had that conversation."

Annabeth nodded slowly, frowning in contemplation. "Can you explain it to me more?" she asked. "I don't completely get it."

Percy fidgeted with Riptide. "I can try?" he said. "Um, Gabe used to demand respect for the stupidest shit. Like… he'd make me thank him for letting me celebrate my birthday, or apologize for sitting next to Mom. Ask nicely for me and Mom to be allowed to go out." Percy shrugged uncomfortably, glancing away from Annabeth. "And I had to do it, because he'd hit me if I didn't, or push me down, or whatever. And it made me mad."

Annabeth made a soft sound of comprehension. "So when you have to thank a god for not blasting you…"

"It brings up a whole lot of bad, yeah," Percy agreed wearily. "I still have to do it, obviously, because the gods are dicks. But I mean- it's not that I think I'm too good to respect the gods, you know? I'm just upset. And, um, it'd be cool if Chiron understood that."

Annabeth rubbed the spine of her book, frowning. "Yeah, I can see that," she agreed. "What are you hoping Chiron will do?" At Percy's unsure look, she added, "Chiron's not great with tact, remember? It'll probably help if you explain what you want from him."

Percy scuffed the floor, understanding even if he didn't really like it. "I don't know," he admitted, grimacing. "Mostly I want him to stop getting mad at me about it. I mean, he hides it pretty well, but it always kinda feels like he's thinking I can't believe we have to have this conversation again." He tugged at his hair, embarrassed. "I, uh, I want him to know I'm trying."

Annabeth softened, and after a moment she granted him a smile. "You always do," she said fondly, and then, "Tell him that. Explain that you're trying, and that being threatened by an authority stresses you out, and then ask him to be patient with you. He'll understand." Amusement flashed through her eyes. "Actually, he's been worrying lately if he's been too hard on you. He'll probably appreciate it."

"Seriously?" Percy asked, surprised. "He's like, the best teacher I've ever had. And I'm including Paul in that."

Annabeth shrugged. "He's frustrated that you got this bad without him noticing. He was upset about Luke too." She cocked her head, studying him, and added, "Chiron takes care of his students, you know? It's important to him. And he likes you a lot."

Percy hummed, feeling warm and oddly pleased. "He does a good job," he said, and grinned crookedly. "It's not his fault I showed up already in shit condition."

Annabeth laughed. "Still. Get ready for him to do a bit of hovering when you get back. He's gonna make sure you know he cares whether you like it or not."

Percy gave up on sleep at around six in the morning, when dawn started to lighten the sky outside. He left his room and headed for the art greenhouse, and started to paint the beach at Montauk in the early morning light, feeling uncharacteristically lonely. It came out sloppy and wrong, and he threw it away twice before giving up and going back to finger painting for the hell of it. Then he got annoyed with the feel of paint on his hands, washed it off, and returned to the brush, trying to remember what Lucas had said about drawing your feelings.

Draw something that makes you sad...

He put down the brush and grabbed a pencil, thinking about Bessie, all tangled up in an abandoned fishing net. That finally let him slip into a groove, and he was still working on it when the greenhouse door opened. He spared a glance up, registered the visitor, and looked back down, kicking his feet in the air behind him.

"Is everything alright, Percy?"

Percy started, looking up again as Lucas crouched next to him. Percy cocked his head, then shrugged uncomfortably.

"'M fine," he muttered, looking back down. Clumsily-drawn rope curled around Bessie's forelegs and tail, one strand caught between his teeth to gnaw on, and Percy thought absently that they didn't look tight enough. He didn't understand the whole 'depth' thing. "Couldn't sleep."

"Bad dreams?"

Percy shook his head, wondering vaguely if Jet had mentioned anything he'd heard overnight to Lucas. "Nah. Just didn't feel like it."

"Did something happen yesterday?" Lucas asked, pressing gently with an odd intensity to his eyes. Percy shifted in discomfort.

"Mmm," he mumbled. Lucas watched him expectantly, and Percy gave in. "I was supposed to talk to my girlfriend about something yesterday, but it just made her upset. I shouldn't have brought it up at all."

"She didn't listen?" Lucas asked, concerned. Percy tensed.

"...Not really," he muttered at last. "It's a sensitive topic for her, and we've argued about it a lot. So I can't exactly blame her." He shrugged. "Not like I had anything worthwhile to say anyway. I shouldn't have bothered."

"What were you going to say?" Lucas asked.

Percy scowled at the floor. "None of your business," he snapped. Only a second's startled silence passed before he sighed. "Sorry. It's complicated. Someone she loved hurt both of us and she doesn't like talking about it."

"Would you like me to tell Raine?" Lucas asked. "It seems like this conversation was important to you, so I'm sorry it went badly."

Percy glanced up and softened a little. "Yeah. Thanks."

Lucas left after only a couple more minutes, and Percy went back to work, lazily sketching the outlines of thoughts. Draw something that makes you angry. The old Princess Andromeda ship. Draw something that you love. A halfhearted attempt at Annabeth, the only clear part of the picture her cute nose, while her eyes were dark with a half-dozen attempts to erase them and start over. Draw something that you miss. The funeral pyre they'd built for the fallen campers, rows of bundled-up shrouds laid out over a wooden pyramid, ready to be set alight. Shitty drawings all, but he felt a little better for the attempt.

He didn't realize how much time had passed until he heard the door open again and looked up, frowning when he realized it was Raine. Self-consciously, he pushed himself upright and grabbed the pile of failed pictures, hiding them against his chest.

"You've missed lunch," Raine said quietly, a question implicit in her tone. Percy set his cheek on one knee and scowled.

And breakfast, and tutoring blocks one and two, he translated mentally. Stupid piece of shit, the sun is right there, why weren't you looking?

"Sorry," he muttered. "Woke up in a bad mood."

Raine nodded sympathetically. "Lucas said that your conversation with Annabeth didn't go well."

Percy's scowl turned into a snarl, and he shifted, angling himself away from Raine.

"It was a stupid idea," he snapped. "I've barely told you anything about Annabeth, you don't understand how much she cares about Luke. I shouldn't have said anything about anything, I made her mad and she's probably still angry about it and I bet she told Chiron and Thalia and the Stolls and no one is gonna believe me when I say I don't think he's evil anymore-"

"Percy," Raine interrupted firmly. Percy bit the meat of his arm and growled at her like a feral dog. "Percy. Please don't hurt yourself."

Some of the fight left him, and he let go.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Didn't mean to do that."

"I believe you," Raine said. "How angry do you feel right now?"

Percy closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. "Run," he decided impulsively, skipping a couple steps ahead. "I wanna run."

"Can you do a couple laps and come back?" Raine asked. Percy nodded without looking at her, and then pushed himself up and took off at a dead sprint, banging into the door on his way out.

Gods. One bad day and Percy had flushed everything down the toilet. This was why he didn't try to fucking do things. He'd never done anything right in his life, so why did anyone think he could handle something tricky like this? Why didn't they just let him take the easy way out for once? Just once?

He returned to the art house just as bad-tempered as when he'd left it, but more in control. Raine had set out a few stations of the different tier 3 coping mechanisms he'd settled on, and he picked one at random and flopped on the ground to blow paint across a piece of paper or something. He made a game of trying to drive it off the paper as fast as possible, and Raine didn't say anything.

A while later, he finally looked up, blinking as he realized he was sullen but no longer so angry. Raine was writing in her notebook, but finished as he was watching and started when she looked up.

"Better?" she asked. Percy growled out his discontentment.

"Kinda," he said, crossing his arms. "But it doesn't matter. Last night was garbage."

"Can you tell me what happened?" Raine asked.

"Annabeth didn't let me get past explaining that I wanted to tell her why I hated Luke," he snapped, kicking a shelf halfheartedly. "It made her upset, like I fucking said. Now she thinks I'm an asshole."

"Did she say that?" Raine asked.

"Nn..." Percy trailed off as he connected his spiraling mood to the conversation about catastrophization weeks ago. He put his head down and screamed into his arm. "I'm so stupid! Why can't I just do things right?"

Then, to his own frustration, he burst into tears, hiccupping and panting through the outpour of distress. Raine scooted over to rub his back, slow and reassuring, and a few minutes later he was more or less done, if still sniffling.

"It's a normal part of the therapy process," Raine said after a while, still somehow calm. "It's difficult to remember to apply your new skills when you're upset, and it will be a while before it becomes habitual. Are you ready to talk about what happened?" Percy sniffled and nodded. "How did you feel when she stopped you?"

"I shouldn't have asked," Percy repeated, settling his cheek against his elbow.

"That's not what I asked," Raine said gently. Percy grunted.

"...Hurt," he admitted at last. "I always listen to Annabeth. And... Annabeth usually listens to me." He swallowed, weight settling around his shoulders to drag him down. "It's... that's how we work. We're... we're both smart, but in different areas. It makes us a really good team."

Raine smiled at him with clear pride. "Well done and well recognized," she said. "Why do you think this was different?"

Percy tried to think about it. "Luke is a sensitive topic for Annabeth," he said, and then, after another few moments, "And... we used to argue about him a lot. I... I think she didn't want to do it again. She... didn't want to be mad at me, and she assumed she'd get mad if we talked about it, so she didn't want to talk about it." He shrugged. "We really were both right about Luke in the end. But she still loves him."

"What happened after she shut down that conversation?" Raine asked.

"Changed the subject," Percy muttered, then sighed and elaborated, "Uh, Annabeth said we could still talk and asked what we'd been working on, so I asked her to help me talk to Chiron and we talked about that instead. I was gonna ask her this weekend, but, uh, I didn't really have anything else to say."

"It sounds like you managed to have a productive conversation despite the rough start," Raine said encouragingly, "even if it wasn't about what you intended. Well done maintaining focus."

"Until this morning," Percy pointed out sullenly. "I'm not waiting for the Great Prophecy anymore. I can't just skip class because I'm stressed out. Sorry."

"Your tutoring time isn't as important as your mental health, particularly while you're here," Raine said. "Lucas told me where you were. I could have come and gotten you earlier if I thought that it was necessary."

Percy relaxed a little; that made him feel better about it, sort of. Raine smiled at him.

"Let's stop by the kitchen before we continue with today's therapy," Raine said. "You'll feel better if you eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"At least pick up something small," Raine said, and offered Percy a hand up that he accepted without thinking.

"Bad time, Seaweed Brain?"

Percy rolled over in bed, surprised to see Annabeth smiling fondly at him through a shimmering Iris message. Without hesitation, he sat up, abruptly wide awake. "Nah, just late. What's up?" He fidgeted with the covers, trying to keep himself from coming up with worst-case scenarios.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about yesterday," Annabeth said, twisting her hair around one finger uncomfortably. Percy flinched, glancing away.

"Sorry," he said. "I should have known better. Bygones, right?"

Annabeth shook her head, but before Percy could really panic, she said, "No, I mean, I keep wondering what you wanted to say. You don't usually bring up Luke, and…" She actually looked guilty. "I know you've been trying to be more open with me. I didn't mean to shut you down."

Percy crossed his arms, unable to meet her eyes. "It's fine. Wasn't important."

"Tell me anyway," Annabeth ordered him. Percy glanced up, gauging her sincerity, and then unwound a little and sighed.

"I, uh. Thought that maybe, since it happened, y'know, so soon after we became friends," he mumbled, and then had to stop himself from backing off again. He cleared his throat. "I thought. You might've kinda forgotten that Luke lured me into the woods to kill me with a pit scorpion and all."

There were a few seconds of stifling silence.

"Of course I didn't forget that," Annabeth said, uncharacteristically quiet. She looked a little hurt. "I helped the dryads bring you to the Big House when they got you out of the woods. You looked all but dead, I was terrified."

Percy braced his heels on the bedframe, feeling extra garbage now. "Oh. Sorry."

Annabeth kept studying him, forehead wrinkled. "...Why did you think that?" It was her sharp voice, the one she got when she'd spotted a puzzle she wanted to unravel.

Despite himself, frustration swelled up in Percy's chest, and he grabbed a sheet of scratch paper to crumple it up irritably. "You always got so mad at me when I said Luke was a bad person," he muttered. "It was like-" He cut himself off, made a face, and amended as per therapy rules, "I felt like you didn't care that he tried to murder me."

Annabeth's frown deepened. "I..." She hesitated, a gesture that Percy was starting to recognize as 'trying to remember my feelings.' "I guess I was never thinking about that when I saw him," she said at last. "Just that he'd left."

"I know," Percy said tersely, unable to hide the hurt this time. "That was why I thought you forgot, okay?" He kicked the ground. "It doesn't matter anymore. I just- Raine thought it would be good if I told you, so you'd know when you remembered that stuff why I was acting like that. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Wait," Annabeth interrupted, before Percy could break up the Iris message. She was sitting up with deadly focus, a pretty look even when Percy felt like this. Begrudgingly, he stilled, and Annabeth said, "Why were you talking about Luke? I thought you were talking about the gods this week."

"I lied," Percy snapped, increasingly aggravated. "We did that stuff last week. We were talking about Luke this week, but you didn't want to hear about that, so I didn't tell you." Gods damn it. He grabbed another piece of paper and crumbled it viciously, then tore the ball open.

"Why?"

"I don't know, Annabeth, maybe because when he let me cry on his shoulder, he'd already framed me to start a three-way divine war," Percy snapped, and then reached up and scrubbed his eyes, irritated. "I'm sorry for bringing it up, okay? I won't mention it again."

"Wait," Annabeth repeated, and damn him, Percy did. Annabeth bit her lip, and then forced out, "I'm sorry. We both know I'm really bad with feelings." Despite himself, Percy softened. Yeah, he knew. "You're saying that you were really hurt when Luke left too, right? And not just because of how he did it. I'd forgotten that you liked him."

"...Yeah," Percy admitted, trying to brush off the shame that wanted to creep up his spine. Annabeth nodded firmly, brow furrowed.

"And you didn't understand why I never said anything about it," she said.

Percy combed his fingers roughly through his hair. "Yeah," he forced out.

Annabeth nodded again, eyes narrowed in thought, and was quiet for a painful minute before she spoke again.

"Honestly, I was a really self-centered kid," she said bluntly. "I mean, I still kind of am, but you remember what I was like at twelve. What a nightmare." Percy managed a chuckle, and Annabeth tried to smile. "I knew you hated him, but I was never really thinking about why. I was too busy with all the reasons I was upset with him."

"You were upset with him?" Percy echoed before he could stop himself, surprised.

"Of course I was, Seaweed Brain," Annabeth snapped. "He tried to kill you. He did kill a lot of other campers." Quieter, "And he left me. He was a brother to me, and he just left."

For some reason, that made Percy breathe easier.

"Cassia says that it's okay to love someone even when you know they've done awful things," he said on impulse, slouching back in the chair. He braced his feet on the seat, considering. "And that holding someone at a distance doesn't mean you don't love them."

"The Underworld is pretty distant," Annabeth said.

"Well, yeah," Percy said ruefully. "But this is about... like, taking a step back. Understanding that Luke was hurting you, and that he didn't deserve your trust." He scowled. "I don't explain as well as Cassia. But it's about separating the love from the trust, I think."

That was one area that Percy had been lucky. He'd hated Gabe from the day they'd met. Most of the other kids here weren't so lucky.

A minute passed, and then Annabeth sighed.

"Thanks for trying, Seaweed Brain," she said, sounding tired, and then hesitated. Percy cocked his head. "Hey. Why did you back down so fast the other day if it was so important to you? You never back down like that."

Percy winced and had to bite down the urge to brush this off too.

"It's more abuse stuff," he warned. "Are you sure you want me to get into it?"

"Uh, yeah," Annabeth said, flashing him half a smile to take the sting out of it. "How am I gonna manage a long-term relationship with you if I don't know what sets you off?"

The unspoken promise made Percy relax, smiling at her goofily, and loosened his throat enough to make it easier to explain.

"The short version is that I didn't want to upset you," he said, fiddling more absently with the crumpled paper ball. "The long version is- uh, Raine calls it catastrophization, but it's basically making a mountain out of a molehill." He shrugged, cheeks hot, but managed to meet her eyes for a second before dropping his gaze again. She looked like she was paying attention. "So annoying you turns into making you mad, and making you mad turns into you hating me, and then suddenly I think that I'm keeping you from being happy and I should leave you alone." He clicked his tongue, crossing his arms uncomfortably. "It's just a fancy way of saying I'm really good at making myself upset. I'm trying to work on it, but, uh, it'll probably take a while."

Annabeth went white. "You wanted to kill yourself because I got annoyed?" she demanded, voice pitching up. Percy flinched, because of course Annabeth had made the connection.

"Don't do that to yourself," he said without thinking, raising his gaze back to hers. "My brain is covered in self-destruct buttons, okay? It's not your fault. You're not gonna be able to avoid ever touching one of them, 'cause half of them are shit like, Mom left before I woke up, or Grover didn't wave at me when we passed each other." He exhaled, an odd clarity forming itself as he tried to reassure Annabeth. "Because it's not really about any of those things, okay? It's mostly a self-worth thing, like, whether or not I can actually believe that people like me. You were really good yesterday, you made sure we still talked about stuff and everything."

Annabeth softened a little, but didn't look completely comforted. "...Can I help?" she asked, a little bit wary. Her tone betrayed just how out of her depth she felt.

"I love you," Percy said without thinking, and Annabeth flushed. "I don't really know what would help, but we can talk about it this weekend, if that's okay? I'll think about it."

"Definitely," Annabeth said.