AN:

There are characters and places in this chapter that are introduced in my Phoenix Rising book.

Wei Ying woke up, confused and discombobulated. For a few breaths, he wasn't sure exactly where he was. It wasn't his home in Lotus Pier…. Sanctuary. He was in his home in Sanctuary. "Oof!" he exclaimed as a sturdy young body jumped onto his stomach.

"Baba! I meditated for a whole incense stick!"

"Oof!" A second body hurtled its way onto his.

"Baba! I did too!"

Wei Ying smiled warmly at his urchins, Liu and XiaoShu. "I'm proud of you." He turned his head to see his husband meditating in a patch of sunshine. "Good morning, husband."

Lan WangJi unfolded himself to rise and place a gentle kiss on Wei Ying's mouth. "Good morning, husband. The children are hungry but insisted on waiting for you." He turned to the scamps sitting on Wei Ying. "Would you please tell Cook we're almost ready for breakfast now?" Liu and XiaoShu nodded happily and scrambled off the bed to run downstairs. Lan WangJi waited until their heads disappeared before sliding into bed to hold Wei Ying tight. "Did you sleep well?"

Wei Ying stretched to further move into Lan WangJi's embrace. "I had a dream. It felt so real." He picked up the hand wrapped around his waist and kissed it. "I got to fall in love with you all over again."

"Was I in love with you, too?"

"Of course! I was such a dumbass. You gave me a love letter right before the final battle of the SunShot Campaign, and I spent years thinking you gave me a letter meant for someone else. We got into so many fights over it."

"A love letter? How could we fight over a love letter?"

"I didn't read the whole thing. You wrote that you saw me for the first time in the moonlight. So I thought it had to be someone else. I was rather upset about that."

"But I did see you for the first time in moonlight."

"Lan Zhan! We met at the gate to Cloud Recesses! In daylight!"

Lan WangJi shook his head. "I didn't really see you at the gate, did I? I thought you were beautiful, of course. And smart. I felt things I didn't know how to interpret. But I didn't really see you. Not then. Not until I saw you climbing over the wall. You tested my sword skills, and you didn't even unsheathe SuiBian. Beautiful, smart, skilled… how could I resist falling in love with you right then and there?"

"This dream… I didn't give A'Cheng my core this time. Wen Qing refused to do the procedure until I told him the truth about all of it. And he refused to accept it. Instead when we captured Wen Chao and Wen ZhuLiu, Wen Qing tortured Wen Chao to test her theories about how to remove a golden core and then gave Wen ZhuLiu's to Jiang Cheng."

Lan WangJi hmphed in derision. "That would have been preferable to giving him yours." A gurgling noise from the corner of the room made the two men sit up. "I'll get Qiu'Er; you get up and dress."

At almost one years old, Qiu was at the age where he was trying to be as grown-up as his siblings. He wanted to feed himself and would scream until he got a spoon and bowl of his own. Like all children his age, he succeeded in getting more porridge on his clothes and skin than inside his body. Wei WuXian was used to it, and easily sneaked in spoons of food around the baby's attempts. Porridge done, he handed a section of cooled potato to the baby and let him smash it all over his face and hands. "You know, the best part of having a nanny is that I don't have to clean you up!"

"Bababababa," Qiu agreed and smashed his potato-filled fist into his baba's mouth. "Numnumnum."

He had a class in the morning on talismans for his advanced students, but his mind wasn't on the class. What would I write in a love letter to Lan Zhan? 'I love you,' obviously. 'I adore you. You're so beautiful. You're incredible. You're my rock, my tether. You make me invincible. You make me feel like I am worthy.' He could write stupid stuff like that…. But a love letter should be less 'me' centric and more 'him' centric. Shouldn't it?

After the class, he holed himself away in his workshop. That underwater device he invented in that dream seemed like it might be useful. Unfortunately, while he remembered how to create the device, his dream self never actually got around to making the spell that would enable the wearer to breathe underwater. It was a pleasant way to while away an afternoon, though. Every now and then, he'd jot down notes for his love letter. It was such an important part of the dream, he really should write one.

Lan WangJi was supposed to be working in his library office when his head disciplinarian marched in dragging Lan Liu and an older junior disciple by their ears. "Since this involves your daughter, I thought you might be the more appropriate person to handle their punishments."

Lan Wangji carefully put his brush down. "What happened."

The older disciple kneeled and bowed. "This disciple did nothing wrong. I said a truth and she kicked me in the head." Lan Zhan tried to picture his petite seven year old daughter (the top of her head barely reached the other boy's rib cage) kicking the older boy in the face. If she didn't have to stand on a table first, it would be quite impressive.

Liu also bowed and then kneeled as the disciplinarian forcefully nudged the back of her knees. "He wasn't saying a truth. He was lying. And wouldn't take it back, so I kicked him."

"What did you say?" Lan WangJi asked the older boy.

"I didn't lie."

Liu looked like she was ready to kick him again. "Yes, you did!"

The older boy whirled to face her. "No, I didn't!"

Liu's face turned blotchy red with anger, her tiny fists clenched so tight her nails were digging white crescents into her palms. "Yes, you did! I am not a whore!"

Lan Zhan rose to his full height, towering over the bickering children. "You called a seven year old girl a whore?"

"Her mother was a whore. She was born in a whore house, she lived in whore house, she worked in a whore house! How is she not a whore?"

Lan Zhan fumed silently. "Young man…. What you have said is unacceptable." The boy's face turned white at the impending punishment. "You will be sent to the same place Lan Liu was born for a month to do menial labor. You will not be required to service the customers, although you may if you wish. Hopefully, when you return, you will have a more proper understanding of how to treat women and children. All people. Dismissed." The boy's face was somehow even paler than before when he stumbled out. "Lan Liu…," Lan Zhan continued. "You will have lines to write." Her face fell and the disciplinarian's face seemed satisfied as he followed the junior disciple away.

Lan Liu looked like she was going to cry. "Why do I have to write lines, Father?"

Lan WangJi set up a stack of paper and an ink stone at the side of his desk. "Writing lines helps you to remember. One hundred lines should be sufficient, I think." Liu crawled over to the desk, lips pouting and shivering from trying to hold back tears. "You will write, 'I am allowed to protect myself'. If you need help with the characters, please let me know."

Liu swallowed away her tears and smiled. "Father? Are you really not mad that I kicked him?"

"I am upset that you resorted to violence. I am happy that you tried to peacefully resolve the issue first."

Lan WangJi looked over at his daughter as she wrote, then turned his attention back to the paper in front of him.

They see you as the sun. You are light and warmth to make them feel good and healthy, supported and loved. You are bright and brilliant, so perhaps that is an apt comparison.

I saw you for the first time in moonlight. So pale and beautiful. Your smile is as bright as a full moon except when it's withered away to almost nothing like a waning crescent, no less brilliant and lovely for all that it is so small. You try to hide the darkness from them. As if what you hide is weakness instead of strength.

In your smile, I see my future. I see hope and fulfilled dreams. I feel as if I am capable of doing anything if it means at the end, I will see your smile.

I miss you when we are apart. I long to be at your side with every breath I take. I look for you in the moonlight, in the starlight. I feel you comforting me in the space in my soul where my love for you resides.

What else would he have said back then? On the eve of the final battle….

I love you, Wei Ying. I have loved you almost from the very first moment we met. I will love you until the final breath leaves my body. And, if we are reincarnated together, I will love you then, too.

Wei WuXian and he had spoken of being soulmates. But that was later, after the battle.

My uncle would say I should be ashamed to feel this way: a boy loving another boy. And I did for a really long time. I am ashamed that I was ashamed. How can loving you be wrong? When you feel so perfect standing next to me? WIth you, I am whole. With you, I am alive.

I ask for nothing in return. I ask only for what you will give me. If you can only offer friendship, then I will ask for nothing else. If you cannot love me back, I understand.

No. I do ask for your continued friendship. Even if you cannot love me back, please don't discard me for feeling this way. I promise I will not burden you with my thoughts on this matter again. I will keep my love hidden and silent. You know how well I can remain silent.

I cannot remain silent right now.

I love you.

I love you so much.

Lan Zhan will love Wei Ying forever.