Steel Spring Solid's: probably the only general store which, for some ungodly reason, decided to split itself right down the middle. Half the place was your usual grocery-run slop, with the sales one would expect from a place that carried cucumbers which were always on discount. The other half was a hardcore hardware store, famous for their varying levels of cardboard-box alternatives.

Perhaps you wanted steel boxes, for extra defense, or maybe plyboard for those who wanted to pretend they actually cared about mother nature as they spent their days trimming her down. Regardless of what excuses you used to justify your rabid dismantling of the local forest, the craftsman's half of the triple S was the go-to solution.

It was here where Linda struggled with her arch-enemy: decisions.

To skim, or not to skim... That was the question, one which none other than Linda was capable of asking. She was a simple girl, with simple needs, and so she'd been stuck on this choice for the reasonable time-span of twenty minutes. Warechu usually did the shopping, and this included gathering the milk, but he'd never really told her the difference between milk types. The rat usually brought home the standard 2%, but seeing 'Skim' across the face of one carton had her curious.

Was this a new milk type she'd never considered before, and if so, why did Warechu never buy it?

"Ah, there you are." Being snapped from her critical thinking state left the young woman mildly irritated, but seeing Sonya standing there so casually, whilst drawing the conflicted eyes of middle-aged moms also sharing the dairy aisle, helped dampen her mood with a dab of the funny. "I'd thought you'd be finished by now. Is something wrong?"

His question immediately tempted an idea to sprout from the soil of her thoughts, and so acting on that impulse, Linda took both rectangles in hand, feeling the sloshy goodness inside shift the weight. Was she internally dramatizing the idea of holding milk a little too much? Perhaps, but the store was flipping boring, and she really didn't have anything else to excite the air.

"Which one should we get: skim, or regular?"

"Pardon, but why are you asking me?" Sonya rested a hand on his hip, his body shifting into a posture slightly too lewd for a few of the other women to take, which was made evident as said customers had chosen to excuse themselves from the aisle - neither of the pair noticed this.

"Warechu only ever got regular, and I don't know what's different between them."

"Skim milk has less fat." The butler stated bluntly, drawing a creased look from his charge.

"Wait... that's it?"

"There are also a few vitamins added, although there's less calcium as well."

"Why would anyone do that?"

"There are quite a multitude of reasons-" Sonya was silenced by Linda, who's outward groan drew a crease along his brow and shut his mouth.

"That was rhetorical." She turned away, setting the skim back in the fridge with a seriously weird amount of force. "And I, for one, will not have my milk watered down whatsoever."

"Very well. You've made up your mind then?"

"I have." Linda nodded with way too much confidence for a woman who'd spent the better half of an hour staring at milk, but hey, she was happy enough at least. Throwing on a more casual smirk, she reached over and placed the carton into the small basket Sonya had in his hand, spying a bottle she didn't recognise; curiously, she inquired about it. "What's that?"

"This?" He reached down, taking the singled out product as he asked for confirmation. Linda nodded, and with a sluggish motion he laid it back inside. "Well, I've opted to try the recommended shaving butter your friend spoke of."

"Really, that's it?" Linda stuck her hand inside, taking the bottle and holding it up. She'd become somewhat engrossed with examining it, scowling and squinting. "It's kind of small."

"Apparently, the larger bottles are out of stock." Sonya spoke with his usual indifference, but Linda caught what she thought sounded like annoyance hidden within. "Supposedly they'll have more by next week."

"Huh?" Linda never heard of a store selling out of shaving products before... then again, she'd seen plenty sell out of soaps, but those were usually the more fancy kinds that tended to smell like imaginary things; Midnight Peace being one such bubble soap scent - seriously, what the hell did that even mean?

"Indeed: I was just as confounded." The comment drew Linda's eyes. Rather than explain that, once again, she hadn't prompted a real question, she just huffed. Reaching back, she let go of the bottle, intent on dropping it back in the basket.

Finding herself face-up on the floor wasn't part of the plan.

"Bwa?!" Probably not the most elegant of responses, but it was the most honest. Just down the aisle she saw a skeleton dashing away with something small in its bony grip. It was here everything clicked, right as Sonya was helping her up. Linda - being Linda - called out exactly what was on her mind. "Did a skeleton just steal your shaving butter?!"

"Not for long." Being thrown across his shoulder left the girl with some... questionable feelings... which lasted all of three seconds as she was hauled along; forgoing the basket to the aisle and leaving behind her milk - that, however, wasn't on her mind, or even in her thoughts at all for that matter.

Meh, I'm not wearing a skirt. With nothing at risk from the potentially compromising position Linda now found herself in, she twisted a little, leaning up to look back - which was forward in Sonya's case - to see them chasing the undead crook. Yo!

A skeleton stealing was one thing, but watching him leap up, jump off a shopping cart - subsequently tipping it over and spilling the piles of laundry detergent all over the floor - and begin sprinting across the tops of the shelves was wild. Sonya seemed to have the same idea, and Linda felt a little disoriented when he took a massive leap, leading with a high kick almost directly skywards. He twisted, spun, and landed in a sprint ahead, with all of the above putting the unfortunate little gangster's head in a spin.

Note to self, those legs aren't just for show. With the light sickness in her gut, Linda did her best to ignore it and appear casual; for who, none could say. Risking the chance of dry heaving, Linda shifted again to watch as the criminal jumped, crashing through the glass ceiling. Okay, now that's just showing off!

Sonya followed with another logic defying leap, coming to a slide across the see-through flooring and just before the pavement ahead. Looking at the people below watching with curiosity, many of which had their phones out recording, the carried girl began to accept that 'milk' was now the least of her worries. Although, the running must have come to a stop, as she was righted and placed down by the servant, given a few quick brushes and adjustment to her hoodie before Sonya walked past her: taking another oddly standoffish pose.

The reanimated robber just stood across from them on the stone part of the rooftop, clutching the stupid bottle and glowing a little.

"It was quite rude to bump past, and I'm not fond of having things taken from me without permission." Linda backed up a tiny bit when Sonya stretched an arm out. "Return the bottle, and I'll forgive this little 'accident' on your part."

The creature just growled, clutching the shaving butter closer to its core. Linda then let her jaw drop - with full disgust - as the thing pushed the bottle under its ribs, with said ribs then twisting like little fingers to clutch it. Last she checked, bones didn't bend like that, and neither did they glow red and melt into what appeared to be a... megaphone?

Its howl tripled in volume, and Linda had to shield her ears desperately to cease the pain.

Relief came afterwards as a knife of sorts stuck itself into the tube of the vocal enhancer, clogging it and forcing the skeleton to undergo a small instance of confusion, probably... no, definitely wondering why the noise stopped. Where Sonya got the knife was a mystery, because those straps making up the brunt of his dress didn't look to have any pockets, and that thong was way too small to hide anything - much to Linda's embarrassment; for all she knew the people of the shop probably assumed she had him dressing like that.

"Indoor voice, please." Sonya then sighed, brushing a hand past his cheek as he hugged himself, twisting it into a more perplexed series of thoughts with the arms crossing after. "Now then, what to do with you?"

That was an easy one: sock him. Unfortunately, Linda knew their scantily clad butler wouldn't take such a simple approach. Everything about him was wacko, and while it was easy to ignore it at home when he was doing all the chores, out and about it was different - she'd never disrespect him back home... mainly because he was the reason she never had to do housework herself.

In a world where 70% of the population was female and bikini-clad goddesses fought and ruled the nations, onlookers still treated him like he was the crazy one - they had literal robots and monsters running about, but the stripper guy was where they drew the line. It was, rather bluntly, insanity. This craziness extended to Sonya as well, who slapped her dwindling rationale with his apparent 'ah-hah' moment.

"How about this? I'll dismantle you, bone by bone, until you explain to me why you stole from us." The threat was followed by another saucy shift and pose, and by now, Linda stopped caring.

The skeleton didn't seem to care either, or maybe the words didn't register in its empty noggin, but it did let out a low growl again. Right then, before any of them could move, what looked like a helicopter zipped past, coming to a halt a little ways above them. Plastered on its side were the bold white letters 'PNN', and Linda felt one of her eyes twitch. Planeptune National News, literally the only major news channel in the nation.

Why them? Linda wasn't particularly fond of watching the news, especially because they had a gigantic bias towards the goddesses; all major news stations of Gamindustri did. Reliable upstanding citizens such as Linda herself got their info from chatrooms and N-Chan, with a little bit of Neptube if you didn't want too much negativity. However it was seeing the quick lens glare which had the girl drumming along some not so good ideas.

Oh no. The skeleton screeched, and Sonya took hold of the whip he'd often spooked her with, all the while Linda wanted to shrink in on herself. PNN being here meant that word of what was happening here got out, meaning the news crew were here to capture footage of the skeleton thief... or probably just the fight brewing on the roof. We've made the news.

This would have been cool, had Linda not been worried about how Kurome was going to take it.

.

.

"Huh, chu." Warechu blinked, sipping at the small straw extending from the can of cola he just got from the fridge not three minutes ago. "They're on the news."

"I can see that." Kurome, once more, couldn't decide on what to make of it. Sonya stood with whip in hand, ready to tackle the undead across from him, while Linda... she couldn't make out what the luckless girl was planning at all, or really what she was doing period.

"Chaos reigns here at a small local neighborhood as shoppers only moments before witnessed a chase right out of a horror movie."

"Think we should go help them, chu?"

"I'm deciding." Yeah, they could probably back the pair up, but there was a chance Sonya ends the fight before they even arrive, making the whole thing pointless. Along with that, she still had no idea if Uzume was back in Hyper Dimension yet, meaning that if the goddesses were to see her, they'd probably shoot first and ask questions later, which wasn't exactly the optimal outcome Kurome had in mind. Once upon a time taking down the big four would have been much more plausible, but her power was still weak, and her mastery over delusions still up in the air.

"While none of the reports can say for sure where the boney baddie came from, what we know for certain is- hey, what's- no, NO PULL AWAY-"

The following feed was nothing but static, leaving Kurome with a large sigh building up in her chest, which she held back, not feeling it worth the effort.

"So, chu, are we going after them?"

"I guess so." Watching the skeleton chuck a fireball at the camera pretty much sealed the deal on that decision, and after taking a stand - from the couch - the pair made for the door. Neither expected to be greeted upon opening it.

"Oh..." Uzi stood like a deer in the headlights, only to break a tiny shy smile afterwards, waving a bit. "H-hi. So I guess you were expecting me?"

"We were just about to leave." Kurome spared no expense in making her lack of patience known with that one, causing the girl to stumble a bit.

"Y-yeah, right. I probably should have guessed that."

"Can we help you?" Yes, they'd offered the girl to come visit and all that, but right now Linda couldn't even get a stupid thing of milk, so Kurome wasn't exactly in the best of moods."

"Okay, I know we just met and all, but yes - now here me out!" Frantically waving her hands ahead, Kurome curled a look, but nevertheless nodded while crossing her arms. Warechu wasn't so set on the idea though.

"Keep it quick, kid, we're in a bit of a rush, chu."

"I know I know, look. I kind of need your help."

"Duh." Warechu rolled his eyes, slanting a face. "We've already settled on this, now what is it?"

"Okay, so, have you seen the news recently?"

"There's a fight with a skeleton and our idiot friend." Kurome kept from breaking her mostly calm, if a bit agitated, expression. "We were just about to go get her."

"Good, then we're on the same page!" Uzi smiled wide, throwing on a far too chipper face as she fist pumped. "Then we're sharing the same idea."

"What do you mean, chu?" Now this prompted the little Uzume fan-girl to settle down a bit, poking her index fingers together as if she'd just been caught with something.

"W-well, you see..." Looking away was doing her no favors. "The guy she's with, the one with the red hair..." Once again, Uzi faced them, however her smile was a lot more forced now. "He's kind of... my little brother."

Warechu did not take it well.

"Excuse me, chu... WHAT!"

.

.

"Oh come on!" Linda watched, exasperated, as the chopper made an emergency landing down below - she didn't hear any explosion, so they had to have landed at least somewhat safely. "It can shoot fire now!?"

"Apparently. It seems we've underestimated our foe."

"You think!?" Linda pulled back after that, trying to cool her head, and falling afterwards into a depressive spit. "All I wanted was some stupid milk."

Another howl filled the air, and Sonya scoffed.

"Prepare yourself: its readying for a strike."

Though disgruntled beyond belief, Linda followed along. She didn't exactly enjoy needing to throw hands with the undead, especially after seeing that fastball he pitched at the chopper, but really, did she even have a choice? Preparing herself to fight was easy, dodging a second later was... not so easy; this was a simple and dignified way of clarifying that she didn't quite dodge the attack… but hey, at least she didn't go flying off the roof.

Guy's a quick-shot... good to know.

Normally, Linda would be giggling at her own innuendo, but feeling the quite literal burns aching across her arm knocked away any amusement she could have found. She may not have avoided the blast, but she managed to get at least one arm up in front of her before the inevitable explosion. Looking at it now she could see the wound wasn't so bad, which was strange considering it caused an explosion upon impact.

Firing blanks too.

Opting to lay off the jokes for the time being - because really, they weren't helping - she used all the strength in her arm to haul herself up. It wasn't exactly all that difficult a task, and she was standing a ways back from the duel ahead... which consisted of something Linda recognised as being straight out of a cartoon. Mister 'all bark and no bite' was flinging his boney arms around like rubber bands, stretching about in a wild motion as he attempted to land a hit on Sonya, who was damn near ballerina dancing around them.

For a second, just one, Linda lamented not being skilled enough to style on a sucker like that.

"Hey!" She called out, drawing no eyes other than a brief glance from the man just starting to sweat. Seeing his skin glisten had her locked up for a second, before she just shook her head. Okay, so seeing Sonya's perspiration proved he may not have possessed the largest amount of stamina, but that was fine as he kept up the pace regardless of the wacky angles he was forced to dodge from. "Got a plan?!"

Again, it probably wasn't the best decision to scream your ignorance aloud, but Sonya apparently didn't care.

"Break his stride, just for a second." The shout was as plain as his everyday voice, only louder in volume. Linda was unbothered by this, and just shoved it in a small folder at the back of her mind with the other questions she had for him.

Break his stride, he says. Easy for him, he wasn't the one who took a fireball front on. Still, it wasn't like she could come up with a better idea; Linda wasn't so much a planner as she was a doer. But how to go about the situation: that was the real brain-teaser. She wasn't up for another tanning session, that was for damn sure, but she couldn't exactly stand around doing nothing either.

Taking a moment to focus provided her with a potential out, even though she wasn't exactly happy with what came to mind.

The skeleton was flailing around still, rooted in pace as his extendable limbs did the work; however, within his ribs the bottle of calcium-rich white gold was rooted immovably in place. The beyond the grave crook had robbed them of the shaving butter, and from the looks of it, he was guarding it with his life. Sucking in a breath, Linda decided to commit to the tiny idea forming in her brain.

Yep, sacrifices need to be made.

She'd get her milk later, but right now, kicking this oversized chew-toy's brittle backside was the priority. And so, taking a particularly large shard of shattered glass in hand, Linda took aim, and hurled the transparent spike ahead. What most people tend to never learn about Linda, is that her aim can be pretty perfect when it wants to be - like a 30/70 split: low odds, but doable with pseudo-frequent reliability.

Seeing the undead rip its limbs back and taking the shard right through the left arm was, quite literally, jaw dropping... or, rather, jaw flinging, because that thing was boomeranging right towards her from the left side. What was even stranger than a boomerang jaw suddenly shooting from the mouth of a skeleton? Why, a hand catching and crushing it of course, snapping the thing in two.

Sonya finally got his wish, and he wasn't wasting it.

"You've been a bad boy." Seeing him take whip in hand before striking a pose between semi-erotic and violently furious, Linda couldn't help but feel a little giddy - it was a pose right out of her favorite weapon-based fighting games: Spiritrender. The guy even looked like a gender-swapped version of one of Linda's favorite characters to play too - swap the whip for a whip-sword and you'd be set.

The skeleton screeched again, although it was muffled a bit due to the lacking jaw... which then had Linda question how it even made a difference; the creature didn't even have lungs or a throat to make noise with. The bottle in the thing's ribs glared as the light of day reflected from its surface, somewhat illuminating a path between both fighters. Sonya just smirked, cracked his whip, and began a slow, overly sensual - because of course he did - walk towards the thief, along that very path of scarce light.

"It's time to face your punishment."

Linda did not like the twinkle in his eye.

Author's note

...

Okay, sorry for the long wait, but this one was a bit difficult to write.

Making a trip to the store exciting is a little bit hard, but hopefully this will do. But hey, at least we got to learn Uzi had a little brother... if the red hair didn't already spark a few suspicions beforehand anyway; and yes, I said little brother - you'll see.

Anyway, I'll cut it here for now; until next time.