SLACKERS

EPISODE XXIII

SINS OF THE FATHER

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - EPILOGUE

"That's bullshit," said Wario to his red echidna companion. "You're seriously expecting me to believe that the best part of KFC chicken isn't the skins?"

"No!" replied Knuckles. "Who orders a bucket of chicken just to eat the skins and leave the actual meat for everyone else, besides you? That's the whole point of ordering chicken: eating all of it!"

"You can get the actual chicken part anywhere, though. It's all the same. It's the way they prepare it that makes the difference!"

"It's called Kentucky Fried CHICKEN, you fucking idiot! What should they call it? Kentucky Fried Skins? When was the last time you heard someone say 'Hey, let's go to KFS, I hear their skin is amazing!'"

"Well when you put it that way, it just sounds gross."

"Then say it in a way that doesn't sound gross, Wario."

"I don't have to prove anything to you! And by the way, it DOES make a difference. Take the skins off the chicken at KFC and Chick-Fil-A, for instance, and try them, and it's like they're different foods."

"That's because Chick-Fil-A doesn't USE the skins. They just take strips and nuggets and plop them in a fryer, they don't sell whole pieces of chicken."

"Well, they should."

"Why?" asked Knuckles. "Do you have any idea how friggin' successful they are from the way they've been doing things?"

"Their CEO is kind of a prick, though."

"Well, that we can agree on, but still, why would they change the formula just because you want them to?"

"You're just pissed because if you opened up a chicken shop, it would tank faster than a store on the moon that sells rocks."

Apparently, Mihalis had emerged from the lounge just in time to find his best friends bickering over the stupidest bullshit once again.

"I swear," he said, "If Mew was here, I'd have him use disable on both of your mouths."

The three all looked at each other awkwardly before Wario pointed a finger at Knuckles.

"He started it."

"Aaaaand the classic Wario alibi shows its ugly face once again," said Knuckles.

"No, the classic Wario alibi is blaming his farts on mold in the gas stove pipes," said Mihalis.

"Damn right!" said Wario.

"You don't even have gas here, all your appliances are electric," said Knuckles.

"Hey, it's not my fault Mike is too cheap to pay for a decent furnace," said Wario.

"Wario," said Mihalis with a hand on his forehead, "If I hadn't had our gas replaced by the electric system, this place would have gone up in a nuclear blast big enough for the entire Fallout franchise to feel insecure. It's the first thing I did after we bought the place."

"I thought the first thing you did was sit on your ass and have Mew magically fix everything in about five seconds?" said Knuckles, always eager to remind people why the name of the business was Slackers in the first place.

Mihalis shook his head and said, "Nope. About two seconds after I signed the deed to the bar, I arranged for the entire appliance system to be replaced. I knew a building with active gas lines would go up the second Wario brought in his first burrito."

Wario sighed. "Don't you ever get tired of fart jokes?" he asked.

"I'll get tired of them once you stop poisoning the HVAC system on a daily basis," said Mihalis.

"But farting is a normal human function! Everybody does it, dick! Even Misty farts!"

"Yeah, but at least it's cute when she does it."

Knuckles groaned.

"Keep telling us about how turned on you are by a woman farting, Mike. We really want more information."

"Knux, I'm just saying, she..."

"Yeah, absolutely. Enlighten me further. Bestow the gifts of your knowledge upon me. I really need to soak it all in."

"Ew..." said Wario.

"You're a freak," said Mihalis.

"You're a freak," retorted Knuckles.

"Guys, let's just settle on the fact that we're all freaks with nothing better to do than stand around here bullshitting about dumb stuff all day," said Wario.

The other two stopped in place and exchanged looks, realizing they had no argument and shrugging in loose agreement.

"I propose an idea. Let's go racing again, Mike will crash, and we won't have to hear about any of his weird kinks anymore," said Wario.

"I'm still not letting you get away with cheating, War," said Mihalis.

"Yeah, because it worked out so well for you the last time. And I keep telling you, it's not cheating!"

"And before you tell me I just suck at racing again, do I need to remind you about all the times I've beaten you on every other track we've done?"

"Whine all you want, dude. You'll never beat me at Wario Stadium."

"Oh, it's fucking on!"

"Wanna go now, punk?"

"Oh yeah, you're going down for sure this time!"

"Bring it!"

"I'll kick your ass!"

"I dare you!"

This only continued, and Knuckles was clearly over it.

"Here we go again," he said to himself, as he took a sip of his Cabernet, waiting for history to repeat itself once again.

To be continued...

Well, there you have it. My go at a chapter book. No telling if this will happen again, considering it took me well over a year and a half to churn this one out. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it, and if you made it all the way to the end, I want you to know (you, the reader, the one looking at this on the internet right now) that I really appreciate you giving me your time and energy. Your viewing this means the world to me, and I'll always be grateful for you. Next time, I'm taking a breather, and most likely going back to a script. Something really stupid, wacky, and fun, like the old days. Until then, I hope you have the absolute best of days!

Thank you.

-The author who goes by the pseudonym "Mihalis Sakaki Dualwielder"

2022-2023