Remus' feet hit the ground with a small thump, and he promptly found himself in Hogwarts.

"What?" he said, and his voice did not echo at all, like he was in a soundproof room.

It was Hogwarts, but it wasn't Hogwarts-Hogwarts. There were no scents—in fact, Remus' sense of smell and hearing both felt dulled to the point that he didn't even feel real himself. It was unsettling. What was he supposed to do without his senses? Was he merely to walk around shouting Sirius' name until Sirius finally showed up? Like a normal person? That sounded tedious.

Then Remus realized that being normal was exactly what he'd wanted for almost his entire life. Why was he complaining?

It was only that he felt a bit lost without his sense of smell, almost like he was in a void. He felt scared, mostly. Someone could be behind him…or around the corridor… or on the ceiling… and he wouldn't even know. Remus sort of felt bad for his friends for a moment, who didn't have an advanced sense of smell to carry them through life... and then he realized that he certainly shouldn't feel bad for people because they weren't werewolves. That was ridiculous.

"Er, Sirius?" Remus called, taking a step. The floor looked normal—polished and smooth, just as the floor of Hogwarts usually was. Remus' foot didn't make a normal foot-hitting-Hogwarts-floor type of sound, though; it sounded a bit like he'd just stepped onto fabric.

Well, he supposed he had. After all, he was inside a painting.

"Sirius?" he called again.

"Good afternoon," said a woman from behind Remus.

Remus jumped, startled beyond belief. He whirled around, and he did so a little too forcefully, which caused him to fall backwards and land on his bottom with a loud Remus-hitting-fabric noise. "What—who—why—where?" he stammered.

The woman smiled. She was rather pretty, Remus noted, with long, dark hair streaked with grey and royal blue robes. She looked to be in her early forties, and she was oddly familiar. "My name is Rowena," she said.

If Remus hadn't already been on the floor, he'd have fallen over again. "Rowena Ravenclaw?" he exclaimed, and she nodded. That was why she'd looked so familiar: Remus had seen her in the Hogwarts textbooks countless times. "Oh, my—woah. Holy… holy mackerel. It's an honor, Ms. Ravenclaw. I—I'm not sure what… I mean, how…?"

"You may call me Rowena," she said.

"Are you… are you real? Did the Hogwarts founders… trap themselves here so that they could live forever, or something?" Remus didn't know much about immortality, but he did know that paintings could not be entered. This was more than a painting… but it wasn't real, either, because there was no scent to it. There was some odd type of magic going on here.

"I am but a portrait," Rowena said. "The real Rowena is dead and gone, I'm afraid."

"But… but people can't enter portraits!"

To Remus' surprise, Rowena walked up directly next to him with a warm smile and took his arm, helping him up gingerly. Her hand didn't feel real, and now that she was a bit closer, Remus could see that she really was made of paint. The painting was phenomenal—photorealistic, in fact—but it was just a painting. "Let's walk," she said. "I'll explain on the way."

"Wow. Wow." Remus was grinning, and he couldn't stop rambling a bit. "I'm taking a walk with Rowena Ravenclaw. Well, only a portrait, but still. You were always my favorite Founder, you know. I'm a Gryffindor, but my dad is a Ravenclaw, and he's told me so many stories about you. You're a genius, aren't you? And you came up with the name 'Hogwarts'? And you built that lost diadem. Oh, Dad is going to flip if I ever get home."

"You will get home," said Rowena. "This was not built to be a prison."

"So… so tell me about it! This must be really advanced magic."

"Correct." Rowena led Remus down the corridors. Now that Remus was looking, he saw that this Hogwarts looked different from the Hogwarts that Remus knew so well. The portraits were positioned differently, and there were far less of them. The walls were a slightly different shade. The light fixtures were different. The classrooms were in different places. Remus was seeing the Hogwarts of the first century, and it was such an amazing thought that he seriously considered weeping.

"The Founders built this portrait so that we could continue to give advice and guidance to students in the future," she said. "We wanted to guide students far into the future, bestowing our talents and gifts to many. We wanted to be timeless, and we did not want our wisdom to fade away, never to be used by those who needed it."

"BASICALLY," came a male voice from far away, "ROWENA'S AN EGOTISTICAL CONTROL FREAK."

Remus whirled around again, and Rowena placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "What was that?" he asked, glancing at Rowena.

She frowned. "That was..."

No sooner than she had started her sentence, a man in red robes with a brown beard came flying over their heads on a broomstick. "CANNONBALL!" he shouted, jumping off of the broomstick and landing on his head.

Remus covered his mouth, alarmed, but the man didn't look harmed. He stood up, laughing a great, booming laugh. "I can't die in here!" he said. "Hahahaha! None of us can! We're invincible!" He started bounding down the corridors, doing cartwheels. "What fun!" he yelled. "I'm on top of the world!"

Rowena rolled her eyes. "He took the news that he can't die rather hard," she said. "He alternates between joy and depression."

"Why depression?" asked Remus.

"He says there's no point to life without bravery, and there's no point to bravery without the threat of death. You're lucky this is a 'joy' kind of day. I'm getting sort of tired of seeing him wander the corridors begging for death."

"Oh," said Remus. "So that's…"

"Godric Gryffindor, yes."

Remus stared at the energetic man in wonder. "This is insane," he said.

"Yes, he is rather insane," agreed Rowena. "He's like a hyperactive puppy with a short attention span. We keep him around because he's brilliant, both magically and intellectually (as much as I hate to admit it), but I do tire of him."

"Um… his diction… your diction... I just noticed. You don't speak like you're from the first century. You speak modern English. Why?"

"We have portraits all over Hogwarts, which allows us to pick up more modern vocabulary. We feel no need to continue with our old language. The more knowledge the better."

"Yeah," said Remus. "Yeah. It's pretty cool."

Godric came cartwheeling back, grinning like a maniac. "HELLO," he said. "You're Remus Lupin, right?"

"Er, yes."

"Ha! I'm your biggest fan!" Godric stopped cartwheeling and ruffled Remus' hair. "The staff talk about you all the time, you know. You're the werewolf!"

Remus' heart stopped.

"Don't be afraid," said a new voice, and Remus fell over once again; this time, a laughing Godric caught him. Remus scrambled to stand up on his own, apologizing fervently, but Godric seemed to think it was hilarious.

"Who are you?" Remus asked the new voice.

A portly woman with curly blonde hair (she looked a bit like Peter's mother, almost) emerged from behind the corridor, smiling brightly. Remus' mouth dropped open. "Helga Hufflepuff?" he cried. He didn't know why he was still surprised that Founders kept popping up. He already knew that they were there... but there was just something about seeing them in person that made Remus feel like he was about to faint, die, or stop breathing entirely. Probably all three at once.

"No," said Rowena. "That's Salazar Slytherin."

Remus, mouth agape, looked at the portly woman with the blond hair. "I… she… I mean, it is? I mean, not it, but..."

Rowena laughed. "I'm joking, Remus. That's Helga Hufflepuff."

Remus looked at her, even more awestruck. "You made a joke," he said. "You're sarcastic. Rowena Ravenclaw is sarcastic."

"I'm surprised that's not in the history books," mumbled Godric. "She's right annoying, that one."

"You don't have to be afraid, Remus," said Helga with a smile. "We've seen you around, remember? We have portraits all over the school. We already know that you're a kind and decent individual."

"Besides," said Rowena, "I value knowledge; therefore I also must value diversity. Diversity brings something new to the table, so to speak. You have very different life experiences from most students, so I am perfectly happy that Hogwarts has admitted you—not to mention that you're very clever, of course."

"I do all right," said Remus, absolutely blown away by being called 'clever' by Rowena Ravenclaw herself. "I read a lot."

"Acquired knowledge is just as valuable as innate."

Remus nodded, starstruck.

"And I value acceptance," added Helga. "I see no reason why a kind person like you should be admitted to Hogwarts, Remus. You've done nothing wrong, and there's no reason why people should dislike you. You're the embodiment of a good Hufflepuff, after all. Likeable. Fun. Kind. Helpful. What's not to like?"

Remus was blushing furiously now. "Thank you," he murmured. "That's really kind of you."

"And I think that claws and teeth and fur are cool!" exclaimed Godric. "You're the coolest person I've ever met! You turn into a wolf every month! How awesome is that?!"

"He means that he's appreciative of your bravery," said Rowena, glaring at Godric. Then she turned back to Remus. "I'm not just saying that, by the way. Believe it or not, Godric is capable of having a serious conversation every once in a while. He's just not in the mood right now."

"Continuing to live as you do requires a huge amount of bravery," said Helga. "The resilience, courage, and improvement that you've shown during the past few years has been extraordinary."

"I did say that, didn't I?" said Godric. "Merlin's beard, you're so cool. The coolest. My favorite Gryffindor, besides James Potter and Sirius Black."

"And Peter, right?" asked Remus, ecstatic that the Marauders might actually be Godric's favorite students. That was a big deal. He couldn't wait to tell James.

"No. Not that kid. He doesn't have much of his own personality—he just absorbs everybody else's."

"What? You just haven't spent enough time with him."

"That may be so," said Rowena. "I don't mind him, myself. His willingness to learn under your tutelage is commendable, Remus. You're very kind for doing that. I might not have had the patience, myself."

"And I like him very much," said Helga.

Godric rolled his eyes. "You like everybody, Helga."

"What's wrong with that?"

Remus shook his head, still unable to believe that he had really come across such an incredible undiscovered artifact. He looked at the three Founders, speechless. "I… you really… don't mind what I am?"

"Not at all," said Helga warmly.

Rowena smiled, too. "None of us care. Especially not Salazar, whom everyone knows to be the most friendly, accepting person in the universe."

"He is?" asked Remus. "No way! That's not what most Slytherins are like today at all! I mean, there are some Slytherins whom I really like, but they're usually pretty judgmental by nature. Wow. I have to tell James and Sirius that they've got it all wrong, and…"

"That was sarcasm," said Rowena. "He's not friendly and accepting at all. He's extremely traditional, and I'm afraid he hates you."

"Oh," said Remus.

Godric ruffled Remus' hair again. "Yep," he said. "Bloke's got a stick up his…"

"Godric," warned Helga.

"Right."

"But… Godric," said Remus, "weren't you best friends with Salazar?"

"Yeah, at one point. We complemented each other, you know? Then we had a bit of a falling-out. We've made up since then—nothing really else to do in a portrait—but we've got a bit of a love-hate relationship going on. I love him to death, but he's got a stick up his—"

"Godric!"

"Where is he?" asked Remus. "Is he here?"

"Yeah. He's probably elsewhere. He has more portraits around Hogwarts than any of us do."

"Oh." Remus looked around, taking in his surroundings. "So… how does this painting work? I've never seen a painting that could be entered before, and I certainly wouldn't have expected this level of realism."

"Realism is exactly the key," said Rowena. "Tell me, Remus: what drives a regular portrait to move and speak?"

"Well, it has to do with the skill of the painter, and also the skill of the wizard being painted."

"Correct. Now, as you can imagine, the Four Founders are indeed skilled."

"We don't mean to brag," added Helga.

Rowena chuckled. "Well, maybe you didn't mean to brag, but I did. We're very magically powerful, and that contributed to the things that we are able to do. Only the more powerful portraits are able to learn new information and retain it. The reason why the painting is so interactive is a combination of a few spells that we placed on the canvas and the immense skill of the man who painted us."

"Who was it?" asked Remus.

"His name was Sextus, I believe. He practiced painting all hours of the day, and his paintings were so photorealistic that even the most sharp-eyed people had trouble differentiating between a Sextus painting and real life. He is dead now, but his work remains alive in us."

"You said that the original intent of this painting was to help Hogwarts. Why is it in a secret room in my house, then?"

"That is a story for another time," said Helga with a smile. "Suffice it to say that it didn't quite work out as we'd planned."

"Okay," said Remus. "Wow." He took one last glance around the area, half unwilling to leave, but knowing that James would jump directly into the Devil's Snare if he wasn't back in time. "Erm… as fun as it is to talk to you," he said, "I came here to get my friend. Have you seen him?"

"Young Sirius?" asked Godric. "Of course! He was only using the loo."

"The… loo? There are toilets in this painting?"

"The painting is indeed very realistic," said Rowena, "even in ways we didn't necessarily want. Trust me, we don't miss some aspects of humanity."

Remus laughed. "So he's here? And he's okay?"

"Right as rain!" said Godric. "He'll be out in a second. You know, he and I played an epic game of hide-and-go-seek while we were waiting for you to find us."

"But it only took me about five minutes or so… didn't it?"

"A little more than that, I think, but time moves differently here," said Helga.

"Is that why Sirius is taking so long?"

"No," said Godric. "I suspect it's because he found the bubble bath mixture. It makes floating bubbles. He's a boy after my own heart."

Remus chuckled. "Yeah, he'll probably be another six hours or so. Problem is, we need to get back straightaway. My friends are going to come find us otherwise, and there's Devil's Snare all over the ground. They'll get hurt."

The three Founders looked at each other, and then Rowena said, "Do you have your wand on you?"

"Yes, but I'm not going to use it."

"All right, then." She looked at Godric and Helga once more, then shrugged. "Before we bring Sirius back out here, I'd like to show you something."

"Sure," said Remus. Rowena turned around and began walking down the corridor that looked so different, and Remus followed her. "It feels funny," he murmured after a while.

She stopped. "What feels funny?"

"My… I mean, being a werewolf, I've got some… enhanced senses, you know? And I can't smell anything down here but paint. It's hard to get to know people now without… you know. Knowing their scents. Also, you don't breathe, and you don't have a heartbeat. I know it sounds odd, but it's so unnatural."

"That's why you were so easily startled earlier," said Rowena, and Remus nodded.

"I feel defenseless, like I'm walking around with my eyes closed."

"Understandable," she said, and they continued walking. "I'm an Animagus, and I often find that, when reverting back to human form, I feel much weaker than I had with my animal senses."

"You're an Animagus?" asked Remus, awed.

"I am."

"Are the others Animagi, too?"

"Salazar is. Helga and Godric are not. We've always valued advanced magic, Salazar and I."

"So what animals are you?"

"I am an eagle. Salazar is a snake." She smiled. "The House mascots come from our Patronuses."

"Cool," whispered Remus.

They came to a large, blank portrait, and Rowena placed a hand on Remus' shoulder to stop him. Remus flinched—she'd touched the shoulder with the bite, and Remus was more sensitive to such things without his senses—but Rowena didn't seem to notice. "Do you see this blank portrait?" she asked, gesturing to the blank expanse in front of them.

"Yes."

"That's a portal to Hogwarts—more specifically, a portal to the inside of what is now the Divination classroom. The portrait is hidden in a closet, covered in cobwebs and behind a heavy curtain."

"Woah." Remus dragged his fingers against the canvas, and then he stuck his hand through—and sure enough, it was covered in cobwebs when he removed it. "So I could just step through and end up in Scotland?"

"Yes, you would be in Hogwarts if you stepped through that portrait. And you could come here again if you were to find that portrait in the Divination classroom. This painting was partially intended as an instant passage to Hogwarts."

"May I ask about the dragon in the tunnel? It seemed like a very random and complicated way to get here."

She sighed. "When Salazar put this portrait in his cellar, he wanted to hide it from view forever: therefore, he wanted the visitor to speak Parseltongue in order to enter. Helga wanted a creature-related code of entry, and Godric wanted the visitor to have to catch the creature—Helga said that was animal abuse—so I created a fake dragon that disappears when the task is finished."

"That's complicated."

"Yeah. I wasn't happy about it. Don't tell the others, but I created an easier way. If you knock on a wall with your wand seven times—assuming you're in your house—you'll appear here. And, if you do the same to any surface in the passage, you'll appear back in your house." She smiled. "Please visit again. We're terribly bored."

"I would love that," said Remus, thrilled. He was sort-of kind-of friends with the Hogwarts Founders! The world had gone mad. "I should probably get back, though."

"Yes, agreed. Your friend Sirius should be coming along soon… ah, there he is."

Sirius came running down the corridor with Godric—the both of them were covered in scarlet suds. "They have red bubbles!" he crowed. "Floating red bubbles! They're huge!"

"Sirius can hold his breath almost as long as I can!" said Godric.

"And then we—"

"Yeah, and we—"

"Remember when we—?"

"How could I forget!"

As Godric and Sirius laughed, Rowena leaned over to Remus and whispered, "Go find your friends. Knock on the wall seven times with your wand. That should transport you home. And feel free to come by whenever you need advice, tutoring, footrace competitors… or a bath with red bubbles, I suppose."

Remus laughed. "Thank you for everything, Ms. Ravenclaw."

"Please, call me Rowena. Have a wonderful evening."

Remus was on a first-name basis with a Hogwarts Founder.

The world had definitely, definitely gone mad, and Remus was enjoying it very much.

AN: I'm trying to learn the piano. It's not going well