Monday, 1st of Fall

When Alma woke up at Marnie's rooster's call, she could feel the cool of autumn in her cabin. She sat up, stretched with a yawn, and looked out the window at the beautiful array of orange, red, brown, and yellow leaves falling outside. She loved fall; it had always been her favorite season. She was excited to see what fall in Stardew Valley would be like, and she was excited to spend it with Harvey.

Today was therapy with Dr. Katherine, which she thought would be a nice way to start the day, the work week, and the season. She and Dr. Katherine began to unpack some of her past relationships, and Alma thought at some point she should probably tell her about Harvey. "Um, there is something you should know - something that has changed since the last time we spoke."

"All right, and what's that?"

"Um … Harvey and I have decided to start … a relationship."

"Oh! Wow! That's a big deal!"

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, I'll tell you, there's no better guy. I've always wondered why he's been single so long because I think he is a catch and a half! Even my husband had a crush on him in med school," she laughed. "But are you sure you're ready for something like that, given what you've been through?"

Alma twisted the phone cord between her fingers. "I'm … not sure, honestly. But I can tell he's not so sure either, and that actually makes me feel a little better. Plus, like you said, I know he's different. Even this early on in the relationship, I don't think I've ever been with someone who … respects me like he does."

"That is certainly important. Do you feel like he would be open to doing couples' counseling, if you ever thought that might be a good thing for you all?"

"Oh, yeah, for sure. He seems to be a big believer in mental health care, so I think he'd be very open."

"I think so too," Dr. Katherine agreed. "And if he wanted to do that but wanted a different counselor, given the fact that we know each other personally, I can definitely refer you all to somebody. So if you feel like you need help establishing a healthy relationship with him as you heal from some of your past ones, feel free to let me know, okay?"

"Okay, thank you." They continued their session, and like last week, though it was tiring, it was relieving - like a good workout. When Alma hung up the phone, she sat for a moment to compose herself and re-center herself for a hard day of work. She knew because it was the first day of the season, today was going to be a long one filled with hard work.

She stepped outside and saw that, yes, her summer crops had died - but corn, wheat, and sunflowers were still going strong! She got her pickaxe and tore out the dead crops, then watered what remained with her watering can. She was anxious to see what seeds Pierre would have available for the fall. But for now, she needed to take care of all the animals. As she went, she cleared out some of the undergrowth that had popped up, but she decided she needed to look into getting a silo soon to tame some of the wild grass that had grown.

After she gathered her animal produce and mushrooms, she went back to the chests in front of her cabin and organized what she needed and what she didn't. She made sure to bring the geodes she got from the mines yesterday, and she went into town. On the way she found a big, fat blackberry sitting on the road. She put it in her bag, thinking probably she could take it to the community center for fall foraging.

Alma went first across town to Clint's smithy so she could process those geodes before he closed. (It wasn't close to closing time, but she knew herself and knew that she would get distracted later.) "Hi Clint!" she greeted as she came in. "Happy first day of fall!"

"Thanks, but the weather doesn't really matter to me. I typically stay near my shop year-round. Depressing, huh?"

"Nah," she said, taking the geodes out, "it just means you're devoted to your work. I understand that." He took the geodes over to his anvil and broke them apart, revealing limestone in one and some other rock in another. "Thank you, Clint. Have a good one!" Alma took the gemstone and left to go to the museum. She showed it to Gunther. "Do you know what it is?" she asked.

"Alamite," he said. "So close to Alma-ite! Maybe we should rename it in honor of all the contributions you've made to the collection here." She rolled her eyes. "All right, all right. I'll just clean it up and put it on display then."

"That's all I ask," she said with a smile. "See you later, Gunther!" She stepped outside and saw a beautiful hazelnut sitting on the ground outside. Alma picked it up and put it in her bag, right along with the blackberry. She continued on into town and went next to Pierre's store. On the board, she saw that Shane was asking for quartz to put on a chain. "An unusual fashion choice, but okay," she said to herself as she ripped the paper off the board. She stepped inside the store and greeted, "Hi Pierre! Happy fall!"

"Alma! Fall seeds are here!" he cheered.

"Yes, I'm here to buy them!" She walked up to the counter and opened her bag. "After I sell a few things, of course."

He started to look through her produce and said, "Crops don't grow in winter so this is your last shot until spring. Better go all out, huh?"

"I've got enough money that I can buy some of every crop, I think." Pierre counted out nine of every seed, and Alma happily accepted, putting them in her bag. "Thanks, Pierre!" She went next to the community to drop off the hazelnut and blackberry, and she saw that the only thing she still needed for the fall foraging bundle was a wild plum. She made sure to keep her eyes peeled.

Alma went back to the farm and took care of her fall crops, tilling and fertilizing the ground, then planting and watering the seeds. It was tiring work, but after a few hours, it was done. She ate a field snack while looking over the full field again. Bisclavret came next to her, and she rubbed his head happily. She remembered Shane and went to her chests to get a piece of quartz for him. It was late afternoon, so she figured he was probably at the saloon by now. She went back into town, opened the door to the saloon, and sure enough, there he was, standing in his usual spot by the fireplace, drinking a beer. "Hi, Shane. Having a good day?"

He slowly turned his head to her and sighed. "Hello, Alma. Every day is the same. Stocking those horrible shelves, going to the saloon, tossing and turning all night."

Alma sat on the stool next to him. "You know, Shane, I can relate more than you think. I told you I worked for Joja, but I didn't tell you I worked for a Joja corporate office for about ten years."

"Oh shit," he moaned.

"Yeah, and I hated it. You're right; every day felt the same. Even when I was promoted to the position I wanted, I was treated like trash and asked to compromise my morals. Then they humiliated me, and I still put up with it because I felt like I didn't have any other choice - and didn't deserve anything better." She looked down and sighed. "I am just now getting to where I'm not tossing and turning and having nightmares about it. I'm holding on to moments of joy." She pulled the quartz out of her bag and held it out to him. "I saw you wanted something that would make you happy."

"Is that the quartz I requested?"

"It is. You said you wanted to rock it on a chain."

He smirked and accepted the quartz. "Thank you so much. Here's a little something for your trouble." He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out some gold.

"Thanks," she said, putting it in her bag. "Just remember: there are moments of joy everywhere. I'm glad you're finding them, and I hope you keep finding more." Shane nodded and kept sipping his beer. She patted the bar, got up from her stool, and made her way out of the saloon.

Alma stood outside the saloon and thought through all the things she needed to do with the rest of her day. She thought that was it, so she checked the time. It was just after five o'clock, so she thought maybe Harvey would be done with work. She made her way to the clinic and expected the door to be closed, but to her surprise, it was unlocked. She stepped in and didn't see anyone in the office. "Harvey?" She moved through the back of the clinic and didn't see any sign of anyone. "Harvey?" He must have been up in his apartment, so she stuck her head in the back door and could hear his voice faintly.

"Someone's there?! Er … I mean! ..."

"Yes, Harvey, it's me! I'm coming up!"

"Standard ground report: Wind at 3 clicks, 35 Degrees North of West. Ground temperature at 42 Kraggs. Humidity 53%. Dr. H. out!" As she came to the door, she could see him standing by his radio set looking quite frantic. "Yikes, my pulse is soaring …."

"Harvey?"

"Alma!" He rushed to her and laughed, giving her a tight hug.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" she asked when he let go. "Why are you all flustered?"

He panted as he spoke, trying to catch his breath and calm down. "Ah, well… You see, I was just on my radio here… and I - I did it, Alma! I finally made contact with a real pilot!"

"You did?!" she gasped. "Harvey, that's awesome!"

"Yeah! I - I can't believe it!" He looked almost crazed, pushing his fingers through his hair and staring into the space in front of him. He took Alma by the shoulders and said, "As a matter of fact - " Then he stopped as if he was listening. They could both hear the sound of a plane engine outside. "Yes! We can probably see him flying overhead right now!" He rushed to the window and pressed against the glass. "Yes! There he is! Quick, get over here!" She hurried next to him, and he pulled her in front of him, pointing up into the air. "Look!" There above them, she could see a small gray plane streaking across the sky, leaving a puffy contrail behind him.

Harvey couldn't seem to stop laughing as he was still looking up into the sky, watching the plane fly out of sight. Alma looked up at his face and remembered something her grandfather had said: it was easy to fall in love with someone when you watched them do something they loved. Alma had never seen Harvey like this, and his enthusiasm was contagious. His eyes were darting back and forth across the sky, and he was still gripping her arms tightly in his excitement. His breath slowed, his grip loosened, and he let out one final sigh. "How exhilarating." He looked down at her and smiled, a bit embarrassed. "Sorry," he said, patting her shoulders and letting her go. "Maybe I'm a little … too much."

"No! No, it's fine," she answered. "It's great to see you so lively and excited! I know this is something you've been wanting."

He leaned his shoulder against the wall and looked out the window again. "As a kid, my dream was always to be a pilot. We lived close to a small airport, and my favorite thing to do was lie in the grass and just watch all the private planes go over. Cropdusters, hobby flyers, piloting students, some private jets, a few medical helicopters, military aircraft from time to time …." Alma sat at the desk where his radio was and could see the headphones were on the table as if he had thrown them down quickly. She picked them up and put them on the microphone. "I started inching my way closer to the airport, sitting by the runway to watch takeoffs and landings, then just walking around inside. I even snuck by the hangar a few times."

"No one noticed you? This boy just … strolling around the airport?"

"Oh, they knew who I was. It was a small town - I've told you before. The airport was the main business for our little town - the heartbeat of the economy. For most people, it was something like the post office or corner store: just another aspect of life in our town. But, yeah, some of the staff started noticing me there often, and I remember this one pilot - a friend of my dad's - invited me to sit in the cockpit of his plane when I was about twelve. He offered to take my parents and me for a flight sometime, but I never took him up on it. Never even told my parents about it. I was too afraid." His face looked distant, like he was back in that time.

"Afraid of what?" Alma asked.

He looked at her and smirked a little, shaking his head. "I wanted so badly to fly, but the actual thought of being in the air, thousands of miles above the ground, in a machine that could fail … that was terrifying to me. I mean, I didn't hardly even like to get on the swings on the playground! They made me feel so sick, like the world was rocking back and forth."

"So you were scared of getting air sick?"

"Well," he said, crossing over to sit at the table where his model planes were, "my vision has been impaired since I was a toddler, and that causes pretty bad motion sickness, yes. But, no, heights have always been one of my greatest fears. I tried to overcome it by making myself climb up higher and higher structures." He chuckled and said, "I started by climbing on top of my bed, then my desk, then my parents' car, then … much higher than that, and I - I started to panic." He picked up one of the model planes on the table and fiddled with it as he talked. "I hoped that maybe by the time I was old enough to get my pilot's license, maybe my courage would grow - and maybe my vision would improve with advancement of technology or something. But the opposite happened. My anxieties grew as I aged, and my vision worsened. When I was sixteen, I took a vision test for a piloting license, and my vision was just … not up to par. So with my bad eyesight and a crippling fear of heights, that dream started to fade away."

"Harvey," Alma said, "I'm so sorry."

He shrugged. "It's okay. Don't be sad. I've grown to accept my station in life. Not everyone can achieve their dreams." He put the plane back down on the table, and they both watched it tip over on one wing. "That's just the way the world is." He smiled at her, and she smiled back, though he still saw pity in her eyes. "Hey," he said, standing up, "let me show you my model airplanes." He picked up the one that he had just put back on the table and brought it to her. "I just finished the new TR-Starbird deluxe set."

Alma stood up and took it, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets, obviously proud of the work he had done. "It looks great." She examined the tiny details in the paint and mechanical pieces. "What kind of plane is this?"

"Military. It's a reconnaissance aircraft meant to be low-observable."

"So … a sneaky spy plane?" He nodded. "How long did it take you to build this?"

"Oh, about two months. So," he chuckled, making the realization, "about as long as you've been here." She smiled and handed it back to him. "I need to make some room for it on my display shelf." He walked to the shelf and started to scoot the other planes around.

She watched him as he made a spot for the plane and put it up there with the others. He stepped back and nodded with a big exhale. "Harvey, can I ask … what do you think started your anxiety?" He still looked at the planes, but she could see his expression fall. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but … I've struggled with anxiety before too, and I know that it's often triggered by something. I'm just wondering … what happened to you?"

He looked at her, and she saw that familiar look of sadness behind his eyes as he scanned her face. "Perhaps we … we should sit on the couch," he said, gesturing that way. She went and sat, and he came next to her, putting his arm around the back of the couch and facing her. "Long story short," he started, "I've just always been cautious by nature. My mom said even when I was a baby, I was a bit delayed in my milestones not because of any developmental setbacks but just because I was always so careful. My vision problems as a child made me an easy target for bullying, which added fear to my wariness. And since I was an only child, my parents put a lot of pressure on me as I grew up too, which piled on a lot of self-confidence issues." Alma nodded slowly. "I told you already that I was unplanned - my parents' miracle child. In raising me, they simultaneously spoiled me and pressured me. I can see that now as an adult. They would have given me anything I wanted, but they also expected a lot of me."

"I can understand that. They were excited to have you, and they wanted you to have a good life full of success."

"Exactly," he answered. "I think it was well-intentioned but … poor in execution, maybe. I think, too, that because they were older when they had me, they always had in the back of their minds that I might be on my own as an adult, so they wanted to know that I would be okay without them. They encouraged me to do my best in everything. I tried sports, and you can imagine how well that went. I tried different skills and hobbies and didn't have much success there either. My strength was in academics, but sometimes if my grades weren't perfect, I felt like I still wasn't good enough." Harvey looked down and took a deep breath. "I told you about my father. He was especially tough." Alma took his hand in hers. "He was a mechanic, and he sometimes worked on the planes at the airport. He was smart and strong, but he had a bad temper and different vices, like his smoking. I think he was scared I might end up like him. So he pushed me to always do better, and I … I often felt like I didn't live up to his expectations." Alma stroked his knuckles as he gathered his thoughts. "He was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was fourteen, and he died when I was fifteen. Lung cancer is, uh … one of the fast ones." He took another deep breath, and she could hear his breath shaking. "I want to say I was sad, but I …. Well, it wasn't that I wasn't sad - of course I was. But at the same time … it felt like a relief in some ways to know I didn't have to walk on eggshells around him and wouldn't feel like I needed his approval anymore. I think my mother felt the same way; she missed him, of course, but I could tell she also felt a sense of freedom."

"Was your mother also hard in raising you? Did you feel that same sort of pressure from her too?"

"Oh yes," he said with a nod, "but she wasn't as fear-inducing as he was. I mean, if I felt like I didn't meet their expectations, I felt like my father would be angry and my mother would be disappointed. Does that make sense?"

"It does, yes."

"She did relax a bit after he died, I think. But it was a year after that when I failed the aviation vision test, and then I felt like I had even failed myself."

"Oh, Harvey …."

"Piloting was one of the only things I clung to, and though I knew deep down that it was a far-fetched dream, it was still a big blow when I learned I would never be able to do it." He took his other hand from off the back of the couch and put it on top of Alma's, pushing up a little smile. "Like I said, though, I, uh … I've had my time to grieve that loss, and I'm happy with where I am now."

"What made you decide to go into medicine instead?"

He shifted in his seat and answered, "A couple of things. First, it's what my mom wanted. I think I mostly did it to make her happy - to make her proud. But I was interested in the mechanics and engineering of planes, and I knew there was no machine more complicated than the human body. I wanted to learn all about how the mind and body work together. And finally, I wanted to help people; being a doctor seemed like a direct way to do that."

"Do you think you did make your mother proud?"

"I do, yes. Though I know she wanted me in a bigger city closer to home. But I - I just knew the city wasn't for me."

Alma nodded, remembering that he had talked about that before. "You seem like you know your limits with your anxieties pretty well now. Am I right?"

"You can thank Katherine for that," he said. "She could see some of my insecurities, and she recommended me to a professional. I learned about strategies to help control my fears and calm down my mind. I'm not perfect, obviously, but, yes, I know my boundaries, my resources, and my strategies."

"Like pacing at social events?"

He chuckled. "Yes, and deep breathing, exercise, taking breaks, getting Vitamin D, pursuing my interests, finding a good work-life balance …." Harvey looked up at her and smiled.

"Speaking of Katherine," Alma said, "I, uh, told her about - about us this morning during our session."

"And what did she say?"

"Well, again, she spoke very highly of you. Said even her husband had a crush on you in med school?"

Harvey laughed really hard at this and pointed to the bookshelf. "You remember the DIY Knee Surgery book? That was from him!" She laughed too, and he explained, "Yes, he and I were in a cohort together for general medicine, and it was through him that I met Katherine who was studying psychology."

"Well, she told me today that there was no one better."

"Oh, I don't know about that," he said, turning away with a shy smile.

Alma scooted closer to him and said, "I do."

"Even after hearing all of this?" he asked quietly.

"Especially after hearing all of this." She took his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder as she rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating quickly. She began to breathe slowly, hoping that he would follow.

Harvey closed his eyes and listened to her breathing, and he tried to match his breath to hers. After a few breaths, she could tell he was more relaxed. "Thank you for asking about me," he said quietly.

"Of course," she said. "I told you that I want to get to know you more, and that includes the hard stuff too."

He sighed and rested his head on hers. They were quiet for a moment, enjoying their time together. "I'm starting to feel kind of old," Harvey eventually mumbled.

"Yeah? How so?"

"Just thinking about those times from my past that made me into who I am today …. The older you get, the more memories you're burdened with. It can be overwhelming."

"Well," she chuckled, "if that's what it means to be old, I'm ancient!"

Harvey laughed too. "I think I'll stay younger with you around," he said, pulling her in a little closer.