TW: alcoholism, suicide, addiction, cancer, death

Monday, 8th of Fall

Alma awoke to the sound of knocking on her door. "Just a minute!" she weakly called, climbing out of bed and pulling on her overalls. She cracked open the door, wincing in the morning sun. "Emily! Good morning."

"Hi, Alma! Good morning!" She gestured broadly around the farm and said, "You seem to be doing well …. The farm looks great!"

"Aw, thanks, Emily. It's definitely still a work in progress," she said, buckling her shoulder straps.

"So … you've been here a while, and I'm sure you've acquired some 'cloth' by now … right?"

Alma stopped a minute, a little confused. "You … sent me some in the mail yesterday, didn't you?"

Emily smirked and rocked on her heels. "Well, did you know that you can use cloth to tailor all kinds of clothes - like a warm coat for winter?" Alma put a hand on her hip and smiled. "All you need is access to a sewing machine … and I happen to have one at home!"

"Well, how convenient!"

Emily nodded and grinned. "Feel free to swing by and use it any time. To start tailoring, you'll need a piece of cloth and a secondary item. Experiment and see what unique styles are out there!"

"Thanks, Emily. That's so sweet of you to offer that. My next big investment is to upgrade the coop to house a sheep," she said, pointing toward the coop. "So hopefully I'll get my hands on more cloth soon!"

"Great!" Emily said with another bright smile. "So I'll be seeing you around really soon then?" she asked, with a hand up for a wave.

"Yeah, hopefully," she said, waving back. Emily looked over her for a moment with a smile then turned and headed back on the road into town. That look made Alma feel like maybe she knew something or sensed something. She wondered what was going through Emily's mind. As she watched her leave, she saw she had some mail in her mailbox. She was happy to see it was a letter from Linus:

"Hello,

It's blackberry season right now. The bushes are full of them. I want to pick some, but I lost my basket. Can you help?

- Linus"

Alma was really flattered that Linus would ask her for help. She looked up from the letter to some of the bushes on the edges of the farm, and sure enough, she could see some of the red berries turning purple. She'd have to do some blackberry picking too, and maybe she could find his basket while she was out and about. She folded up the letter and made a note of it in her notebook: "Find Linus's basket and return it to him."

As she put her notebook away, she heard the phone ring inside. "Oh crap! Dr. Katherine!" Alma rushed inside and answered the phone. "Hello, yes, this is Alma?"

"Alma? Is everything okay?" Dr. Katherine's voice asked on the other side.

"Yes, sorry, I just had a surprise visit from a neighbor and nearly forgot our appointment. But I'm okay." They began their session, further discussing her nightmares and trends in their themes, unpacking past events or thought patterns that led to their occurrence. Dr. Katherine spoke to her about the idea of a bedtime routine and healthier patterns of winding down - though Alma said now her bedtime routine was much different than it was in the city. "It used to be that I would come to bed tired, then lie in bed and think and think and overthink and not be able to sleep. But here, my brain and body are exhausted, so I fall asleep pretty much as soon as my head hits the pillow and wake up with the sun."

Dr. Katherine laughed and said, "Well, that is a benefit of hard physical labor like what you're doing!" Their session went well, and Alma hung up the phone feeling a bit emotionally tired but empowered with new tools and strategies.

Alma stepped outside and turned her attention next to her crops. Amaranth and cranberries were ready to harvest, and she remembered Marnie's request for amaranth for her cows. She got her scythe and started to chop it down then moved on to pick cranberries. She watered everything else before moving on to care for the animals and gather their produce. She was happy to see that Jemima had dropped a beautiful feather; she remembered a duck feather was needed in the community center. She picked it up and put it in her bag along with everything else. After she gathered everything and organized what she needed and didn't in her chests, she went south toward Marnie's farm to make her delivery.

When Alma came into Marnie's shop, she was a bit surprised to see she wasn't at her counter. She looked around and saw Jas eating breakfast in the kitchen. "Hey Jas, is your Aunt Marnie home?"

"Yeah, she's - "

"Shane?" she heard Marnie call in the other room. "Oh dear …." Her voice sounded alarmed, and Alma immediately rushed to Shane's room.

"Stay here, hon," she told Jas, who was turned around in the chair and looking worried.

When Alma came to Shane's bedroom door, she saw Marnie standing there in his room, her face pale. Alma slowly came in and saw Shane passed out on the floor in a pool of his own vomit and urine, beer cans and bottles all around him. "Alma, can you do something?" Marnie asked. "He's out cold."

Alma approached him. "Buhhh …." he moaned.

"No he's not." Now that Alma knew he was alive and conscious, she felt angry. She remembered her own father and the times she had found him like this. She realized she had accidentally left her watering can in her bag, so she pulled it out and poured the remaining water on his head.

He jumped up, sputtering and coughing. "Whaa …?!" He looked up at Marnie and Alma. "What the hell?!"

"Shane!" Marnie shouted. "What's the matter with you?" Alma could hear the familiar mix of anger and concern in her voice. "All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer!"

Shane wiped his face with an angry grunt and looked away. "You wouldn't understand …."

Alma and Marnie exchanged glances. "I'm worried," Marnie said softly. Jas slowly came in and gripped Marnie's waist, holding on tightly. Then, again, Marnie's worry turned to anger as she held onto the little girl. "What's your plan? You can't rent from me forever! Don't you ever think about the future? About Jas?"

Shane was quiet for a moment, still facing away. "Plan?" he repeated quietly. He turned to them a little and muttered, "Hopefully I won't be around long enough to need a 'plan' …."

There was a small gasp. He shot around to them, just then seeing that Jas was there. For a second, she tried to fight the tears, but they came too fast, and she soon ran out of the room sobbing. "Jas!" Marnie called, rushing after her. She glanced back at Shane for a moment before she went out.

"Jas …." Shane stared out the door. "I'm sorry …." He fell to his knees and started sobbing, grabbing at his head. "What's wrong with me?!" he yelled.

Alma stood there, not sure if she should leave or stay. She saw her father there and herself running out the door. "Nothing is wrong with you, Shane," she said quietly. "The pain is just too - "

"What the hell are you still doing here?!" he yelled. "Get out! Please!" he cried. "Get out and leave me alone." His voice became smaller and smaller. He fell to the floor and cried loudly.

Alma walked out quietly and closed the door behind her. She listened and could hear Jas crying in her room. She walked around the house and came to Jas's door, peeking in to see Marnie holding her on her bed. "It's all right, sweetheart," Marnie said quietly, stroking the girl's hair. "Uncle Shane didn't mean what he said. He's sick right now, but he'll be okay. Don't you worry." She looked up at Alma, and Alma could see tears in her eyes too. Marnie put her hand on Jas's head a moment then got up and walked to Alma. She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself. "Alma, I'm sorry. Did you … need something from me?"

"No, Marnie, no." She reached in her bag and pulled out the amaranth.

"Oh! The amaranth I asked for!" It was hard for Marnie to sound happy. She took it and said, "Thank you so much …. My cows are - going to love this!"

"Marnie," she said, putting a hand on her arm, "you don't have to act like everything is okay right now. This is tough for your family." Marnie bit her lip and nodded. "Listen … I've dealt with some of this in my own family. My father was an alcoholic, and I've had several in my family deal with depression. If you … If you need anything, please let me know."

"Thank you, Alma."

"And, listen, I mean it. I know it's a platitude a lot of people just say, but I really mean it. I understand your feelings more than most people would. And I can - I can ask Harvey for help too, if you want me to."

"No, not now. I don't - I don't want to embarrass Shane."

Alma was quiet. "Okay. I'll respect that. But please. Please let me know of anything. I'm just up the road, you know that."

"I do." Marnie forced out a little smile for a moment. "Thank you, Alma."

"I'm gonna go. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay." Alma turned to go, and Marnie went back to Jas.

When she stepped outside, Alma took a deep breath and looked toward the river for a moment, trying to clear her head. She happened to see Haley by the riverside, snapping pictures of herself. She remembered she had a red mushroom in her bag for her, so she took another breath and went down to the river. "Hi, Haley." But Haley didn't seem to even notice Alma was there. Alma took off her bag and rummaged for the red mushroom. She got behind Haley and held up the mushroom so that she was in the background of Haley's shot.

"Oh!" Haley exclaimed, turning to her. "That's exactly what I needed!" She giggled and took the mushroom from her. "I'm so happy!"

This was such a sharp contrast to what Alma had just seen. "Um … not to be a jerk about it, but your ad said you'd give me some payment?"

"Oh, right, sure, here you go," she said, tossing her a coin purse. Haley turned back toward the sun and tried to find her best angle.

"Um … again, not to be a jerk, but I … don't think I heard a 'thank you?' And what exactly are you going to use that for anyway? What's the 'girls only' secret that I don't know about?" But Haley, again, seemed not to notice her. "Okay, well, I'm leaving. Bye." She turned and began walking on the road into town. She couldn't shake seeing Shane like that on the floor. It brought back so many hard memories about her father. Alma was about double Jas's age when he first started struggling with alcoholism, but even as a young teen, she had trouble processing it. She couldn't imagine what it must be like for someone of Jas's age.

"Alma!" she heard. She looked up from her thoughts and saw Harvey waving at her from his spot next to the river, by the bridge to the beach. But she had passed him. She was now in front of Mayor Lewis's house, on the path toward the bridge to go to the museum. She looked around for a moment, feeling lost. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" he said as he approached her and wrapped an arm around her. "I wish I had less work to do." Then he paused and looked at her concerned face. "Hey. Hey, what - what's wrong? Is everything all right?"

"I was just … lost in thought, I guess, and didn't realize where I was going. I meant to be going to Pierre's."

"What's on your mind?" he asked, standing across from her.

She looked up at him, remembering Marnie's wish to not tell him about Shane. "My father," she answered.

"Oh? Did he - Did he call you? Is he all right?"

"Yes, yes, he's fine. I'm just … reliving some bad memories, I guess."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Well," she sighed, "it's a part of my life maybe you should know about."

He guided her toward the town square and said, "Why don't we go, uh, go sit?" He led her to the benches in front of the saloon. She sat down, and he sat next to her. "Now then. Tell me as much or as little as you'd like."

She took a deep breath. "I should start by saying Dad has always been a good dad. A bit rough around the edges, but I never doubted his love for us or for my mom. He drank occasionally as I was growing up - at barbecues and New Year's and things like that. Never often. But something changed in him after Grandpa died. He began to drink more and more, and about two years later, he was drunk practically all the time. I was thirteen or fourteen. I'm still not entirely sure why he started drinking so much. I mean, I assume part of it was grief, and I know he didn't like his job as much as he thought he would. I think he mostly felt stuck - like he was grinding away all day and then was expected to come home and pour even more into us. That was hard for him, I guess. And now that I'm older, I can understand that; I felt a lot of that while working at Joja too, even without a family to provide for. Anyway, my mother talked some sense into him and got him into AA after he was in the hospital for alcohol poisoning. She was really like his rock of sobriety. Us kids helped him too, but there was no support like Mom. And then she died from cancer ten years later, when I was twenty-three, and he started drinking again. He quickly spiraled and was back in his old ways - and this time, Mom wasn't there to help him. But he had enough sense, training, and other supporters and sponsors through AA to help pull him out of it a little easier. It took him a while to be sober, but he has been faithfully sober since."

Harvey listened carefully and waited a moment before speaking to make sure she was finished. "So, just to clarify, he started struggling when you were a young teen, recovered a few years later, then relapsed again when you were in your twenties, but recovered again a few years after that?"

"Right. The teenage years were harder - and it was especially hard seeing him in the hospital with alcohol poisoning."

"Yes, it can be very jarring to see someone in that state - especially at such a young and formative age."

Alma's mind shot to Jas's face when she heard what Shane said. "You're right. It is." Then she remembered: "Didn't you say your dad died of cancer when you were a teen too?"

"When I was fifteen, yes," he said with a nod. "Of course, the addiction to smoking and drinking are different. My father smoked because he smoked because he smoked. It was something he had done since he was a boy! Can you believe that?" Alma wagged her head. "He knew it wasn't good for him, but he only thought it was as bad as, say, eating a fried egg instead of a boiled one. Whenever any of us - including his doctor - tried to tell him otherwise, he would just say he'd been doing it all his life so he wasn't going to stop now. He was so stubborn. But," he said, putting a hand on her arm, "it sounds like your father is, uh … different. He regretted his mistakes, saw how they were hurting you all, and overcame his problems because he loved you all. That's powerful." Alma thought to how Shane collapsed on the floor when Jas left. He had regrets too. Maybe he could still change. "I'm sorry this has been on your mind, but i-it's a comfort to know he's doing so well now, right?"

Alma smiled up at him. "Yeah, it is." She thought about how long the fight has been for her father and thought about what she said to Shane that night at the lake: he was just starting his race. Knowing her father has nearly won his was a big inspiration to her that Shane could also win his. She took a deep breath and scooted closer to Harvey. "I feel better now. Thanks."

"Anytime," he said, wrapping his arm around her. "So what, uh … what else are you doing today, b-besides going to Pierre's?"

"Dropping some things off at the community center and maybe doing some blackberry picking."

"That should be nice. But make sure to be careful; those bushes have thorns, and splinters and cuts can get easily infected and painful."

She chuckled and sat up, pushing off him. "Always mindful of what could go wrong."

He shrugged and smirked. "It's my job. How about I walk you to Pierre's?"

"Sure, if you'd like," she said, standing up.

"I would always like." He held out his elbow to escort her, and they walked together past the saloon and to the general store.

Alma hugged him and said, "Thanks for listening."

"Thanks for talking," he answered, holding her tight. "I hope you enjoy the rest of your day."

"You too," she answered with a nod. She waved and pushed on the door to go inside Pierre's. He turned and went back inside the clinic. Alma sold her amaranth and cranberries, bought replacement amaranth seeds, and then went north to the community center to drop off the duck feather in Emily's dye bundle.

When she stepped back outside the community center, she turned and began looking for blackberries. She picked all the berries she could see, making her way to the playground, a little south into town, and farther west to the bus stop. She looked up from a bush and noticed more berries even more west, toward the tunnel that led out of town. She had never gone that way, but she ventured that way to get more berries. To her surprise, she found a discarded basket lying in the grass. "You found the berry basket," she thought to herself. "Better return it to Linus." She picked it up, put it in her bag, and headed back toward the bus station, to the farm, and up the mountain pass, picking berries on the way. As she came toward Linus's tent, Alma remembered something her grandmother had told her: never return a dish empty. She quickly crouched and filled the basket with some of the berries she had picked, until the basket was full. There was still plenty for herself too. Then she approached Linus's tent and saw him standing by the mountain lake. She went down the path and came up behind him. "Hi, Linus. I've got something for you."

Linus turned and saw Alma holding the basket. "My basket!" She handed it to him, and he gasped when he saw all the blackberries inside. He looked up to her, his eyes showing how touched he was by the gesture. "Thank you," he said. "This means a lot to me."

"No problem, Linus. I didn't even realize blackberries were ready to pick until you mentioned it! I got a whole lot today!"

"Good," he said with a nod. "I'm glad nature has been kind to you today. You can learn to survive in the wild."

"Oh, no, Linus, I don't think I have the knowledge or skill for that!"

"I have. I think we all have a hidden urge to return to nature. It's just a little scary to take the leap."

"That's true. It does feel good to eat from the earth, doesn't it?"

He nodded and smiled. "You understand, Alma. Thank you for that."

"Of course, Linus. Have a good night!" She waved to him as she started off back to the farm. She organized her things in her chests and got ready for bed, remembering Shane every time her eyes closed.