five: someone special
Their chosen spot to meet was under the apple tree outside headquarters. It was close enough to the main entrance, but at the same time, there was no easy view of the area from any windows. There wouldn't be any danger of snide comments, or rumors, at least from them being sighted together.
But Jessie was late. Butch wasn't too worried. Even if she tried to act otherwise by ordering him around, Jessie was very enthusiastic about meeting him each time they'd spent together. She had even repeatedly mentioned their specific plans that day to remind him as if there were any chance he'd forget, so was probably looking forward to their time away. She'd probably be there any second.
Or not. Instead, after hearing someone approaching nearby, Butch found himself staring at a familiar yet unexpected face. James stared back at him silently, a mischievous-looking smile on his face. "What?" Butch eventually broke the silence.
James tossed his hair, still maintaining that unsettling pleasant expression. "Jessie's pokemon messed up the lab after we assisted in that experiment. We cleaned up, but then she had other things to do."
Oh. Butch remained silent, hoping for further explanation, like maybe she'd be late, but James didn't say anything. "So she's not coming?"
James looked back toward the door knowingly. "She's still taking care of Arbok, and wanted me to come tell you she couldn't make it."
Jessie intensely cared about both of her pokemon, so that wasn't a surprise. It wasn't a problem either, though her absence was disappointing. "I guess she doesn't want my interference," Butch mused aloud as he thought about going to see her. He stepped back toward the building, but James got in his way. "What?" Butch said again, annoyed. What was with the weird, though overall amiable look James was giving him.
James smiled wider. "You can go out with me instead."
No. Rather than speak the message aloud, Butch just stared back at Jessie's close friend with his best incredulous expression. Sure, he and James were now more familiar, got along well enough, or at least tolerated each other... But Butch still found the other man to be obnoxious at times, bizarre even. Did he even notice how weirdly he'd phrased that? James hadn't meant to ask him out, surely. But even if just for a casual social outing, why would they spend any time alone with each other?
James didn't appear bothered by the silent reaction to his invitation, still pleased enough as he remained blocking the path back to the main door. "I've been wanting to talk to you," he said.
That statement made the invitation less obnoxious, though only slightly. The implication was that this was about Jessie, certainly. Not spending time with Jessie, he could instead spend time with someone talking about Jessie. Though not a good substitute, maybe it beat just spending time at headquarters alone. James was important to her as well, close to her from what she said. Butch figured he shouldn't piss this guy off. Though still not exactly liking the idea, he agreed to going on an outing with James.
They ended up going to the mall, where he still occasionally went with Jessie now. It was away from their secret headquarters, but still kind of boring. Jessie often tried on clothing, stuff she didn't usually buy, even when deciding it looked good. Their salary was lacking. Though not being privy to Jessie's, Butch's knew his own and that it had been cut as punishment for messing up. He couldn't imagine how low Jessie's was, or if she and James were even paid beyond the room and board they got being back at headquarters. Butch had more than once said he'd buy her something, but she had declined the offer each time. Besides their salary, there wasn't enough room in their small dorms to keep much of anything.
But James enthusiastically looked at everything. "It's the latest!" he said, grabbing Butch's arm and pointing toward the white pokeball with red accents in the display. "Doesn't it look so cool compared to the typical? I want to get one..."
Butch observed the display, which labeled the item a 'premiere ball' and didn't even talk about any special features it might have. "Team Rocket's and others are better if you want to catch pokemon," he pointed out to the over enthusiastic man.
"Why would I use it?" James seemed honestly disturbed by the suggestion. "I'd just like to have one for myself, and maybe keep it in a display. I'll clean it, polish it regularly."
"Really," Butch muttered, reading the rest of the information that went along with the label. "You can't even buy it," he noted, smirking. "It's some kind of free bonus after you spend so much."
"Oh... I don't have that much money." James turned to Butch expectantly. "You'll treat me, won't you?"
"No!" Butch turned away, clenching his jaw. Hadn't James wanted to talk or something? Jessie's field partner had probably just wanted to pass the time somehow. There wasn't too much of a problem with that, at least as long as James wasn't obnoxious, which he completely was.
James soon caught up to him, still smiling despite the harsh rejection. "Are you always this cheap?" he asked.
Butch stopped walking, staring back at the other man. There seemed to be some implications in that question, but the exact ones weren't obvious right away. "You want me to spend money on you?" he said.
"Would you?" James asked while giggling.
Was Butch's discomfort and outright annoyance that enjoyable? Butch sighed. "Let's go get something to eat. I haven't had anything."
"Ooh! You must be telling me this is your treat," James said, his voice going high in his enthusiasm.
"Sure, fine." They wandered around the area before finding a place with a counter to sit. Not that Butch was getting uncomfortable, but sitting across from James would definitely be awkward. Here, they sat next to each other and could eat cheap food without bothering each other too much. "I'll be ordering a drink, too," James said. "And you as well?" He turned to Butch.
"Na." Though not completely abstaining, he wasn't a drunk either. One every once in a while was fine, but here with Jessie's annoying partner, he didn't feel like it. Nice of James to go ahead and order more on someone else's tab though.
In addition to cigarette smoke and poor lighting, the ambiance of the place included an endless droning TV. In the otherwise silence of the mediocre meal, that was all Butch listened to, until James finally spoke, getting his attention away. "Have you known Jessie long?" he asked.
Finally, here was the topic James had likely dragged him out to talk about in the first place. "About as long as you, I guess," Butch said. He'd joined Team Rocket about the same time as James, more or less. Though of course, did that count as 'knowing' Jessie? Jessie had definitely been noticed, a gorgeous and vivacious woman like her hard to miss, but he hadn't even learned her name until Cassidy started complaining about her later, wanting to outdo her, which they had, for a while. Listening to his field partner talk Jessie down wasn't really 'knowing' his current love interest at all.
"I've known Jessie a very long time," James asserted, staring at Butch from the corner of his eye. "We met in Pokemon Tech as children. Then later we were part of another gang together before joining Team Rocket."
"Oh." Butch paused his meal. Was this James's way of trying to inform about something related to Jessie? Somehow that didn't seem to be the case. He had a sense of inadequacy instead, not that such a feeling was particularly foreign. "You know her pretty well then, huh."
"Yes. Maybe you don't, since she doesn't like to share a lot about her past."
"I've noticed." Butch didn't particularly mind. There wasn't a lot worth talking about from his own past. He'd rather concentrate on everything to enjoy with her in the present. Even so, maybe James had a reason for mentioning this. "Is there something I should know?"
"Do you think there is?" James asked.
Butch glowered toward the annoying man. How should he know about something he didn't already know about? James ought to say something if there was anything to be said. Instead, the mostly unwanted replacement for Jessie's company just stared back expectantly, as if wanting a real response. Just to fill the silence, Butch decided to give one. "I know her mom left her. And how she wanted to do something else besides be in Team Rocket, like act or something else in front of an audience."
"So you do talk to her," James said, eyebrows raised, his tone implying he was impressed by the fact.
"Of course I talk to her! What else do you think we've been doing together this whole time?" Butch demanded. After speaking, he soon looked away, jaw clenched as while realizing James could definitely say something weird in response to that question.
"I just wondered if you were interested in her at all," James said.
That wasn't an expected weird response, but certainly still strange, inciting an even stronger reaction than otherwise. "What would make you think that?" Butch shouted. Besides how they'd interacted right in front of James, there was also the fact that Butch let Jessie monopolize his time whenever she wanted. Why would anyone, much less James who had been around them both, think he wasn't interested?
"She's not just your passing fancy?" James asked casually.
The question was more painful than it really should have been. Butch couldn't bring himself to deny it. It might be true, as much as he didn't want it to be. He was really into her, and she seemed into him, but that could just be for the moment. As much as he didn't want it to end, ever, maybe James's guess for the future of their relationship was going to be the actual case. Could he prevent it? Probably not. Either way, what was the point of James rubbing it in his face?
"I'm done!" James spoke loudly after way too long of a silence.
"Um, yeah, me too," Butch muttered before he picked up the tab. After he'd paid, James was in his face again.
"Now, why don't we go and do what you do with Jessie when you're out all night with her?"
Butch completely froze as he looked James's way, seeing the other man didn't seem to be joking at all about the suggestion. "You want to go fuck?" he asked incredulously.
James's eyes opened slightly wider, and he blinked slowly. "Oh. So that is what you're doing."
Butch took a deep breath. He'd had more than enough of James's eccentricities for that day. "Yeah," he confirmed without thinking. Sharing personal details of one's love life so casually should be avoided, but hadn't James at least guessed that much before? Why was he acting like this was surprising news?
James closed his eyes. "Meowth said you were, but it tends to embellish things, especially when it comes to these topics. Jessie just shouted at me when I asked, so I wasn't sure before."
Maybe because it was none of his business, really. Most people didn't openly discuss those kinds of topics. "Congrats on figuring it out," Butch said dryly.
"Right. So, since you moved so quickly with her, you'll likely want to move quickly with me as well."
Butch's face turned red as he was struck speechless. Besides how brazen James was speaking, their conversation was attracting some onlookers. The waiter looked from the counter, several other patrons were glancing back and forth from each other and their meals to him and James, seeming completely taken by what was going on. James himself had scooted close, the cool and collected look on his face making it seem like he hadn't said anything strange at all. "Look, I don't care one way or another that you're gay," Butch began in a low voice. That was a lie, confirming the suspicion that the guy that Jessie was bunking with was just her gay best friend was actually a relief. But James didn't need to know that.
"Am I?" James asked, seeming amused by the suggestion.
He'd just admitted it more or less, hadn't he? "Yeah. I don't care. Be whatever."
"I'm not sure I am, though," James said, thoughtfully looking away.
That's right, guys into other guys sometimes had different words they liked to call themselves. But it didn't matter. Butch stood a step away. "Yeah, okay. Either way, nothing's happening, because I'm straight."
"But how do you know?"
James's curious expression as he leaned forward implied he was serious about the question. "I don't know," Butch rambled. "How do you know you're... whatever you are?"
James smiled and shook his head. "I don't. Is there really a way to know? How can anyone be entirely sure? Is there really such a distinction? It comes down to both outside stimulation and a personal choice, doesn't it?"
"Yeah. Okay," Butch agreed. He really didn't think about it much and didn't want to get into these kinds of charged conversations at all. Personally, he'd only ever been into women, but James could think whatever he wanted and it didn't matter.
"And if you were to choose, why not choose other men?" James said, again showing a mischievous smile.
"Oh, come on," Butch exclaimed as James's weird conversation continued. "Fine. Choose whoever you want."
"And you too?" James asked. "We could discover more about ourselves together."
At this point, Butch could only roll his eyes. "Cut the crap, James. I'm not buying it," he said as he stood up, leaving the restaurant. James followed close behind. "You're not really interested in me at all, are you?" Butch asserted. For whatever reason, the idea that James was really trying to seduce him like this just rang completely false. There was no attraction there.
"Maybe I am curious. After all, the idea of attraction is so nebulous, who's to say it can't develop where you didn't expect? You could find love anywhere."
Butch stopped, meeting the other man in the eyes. "Even if that's true, you already know who I'm interested in, don't you?" he said.
James finally did stop, not answering with words or otherwise, but finally seeming to understand. He looked to the ground before they continued. "Are you really that serious about her?" he asked.
The answer was complicated, but Butch eventually just nodded. "Yeah," he said. He wasn't sure things would be lasting yet, but he really wanted them to be. In a way, that was being 'serious'. He could at least be honest about that with himself, couldn't he? Currently, the thought of anyone else didn't tempt him at all. Yeah, he was serious, and currently only wanted Jessie in the future. The idea of Jessie, both what they had in the present and what the future might hold, brought a lot of mixed feelings. Did he really have a right to hope for more, with all Jessie had given him already?
"If you're having sex, you could get her pregnant, you know," James pointed out.
That stupid statement was enough to break Butch out of his daydreaming trance. "Gee, thanks James. I wasn't sure how that worked."
"Even then, you wouldn't mind?" James asked.
"We're not stupid. But no. If that's something she wants, it's fine with me. It's not a good idea for me, but I'd still love to have kids. If she wants it, I'll do anything for her and the kid."
James's gaze didn't break from Butch's own as the quiet forms of others passed by. His expression was blank now, almost unreadable. "You say all the right words. But I still don't trust you. I still think you're going to hurt her."
"Probably," Butch said without thinking, inciting James's expression to change to anger. Oh. This was it, the reason this weirdo had asked him out. The idea of wanting to do some gay experimenting together had already seemed like bullshit, and now the true motivations were revealed. James wanted to scrutinize the guy his close friend was suddenly spending so much time around. And now, Butch had failed the test. "It's just a pattern with me," he continued to say the wrong thing.
James turned away, still appearing discontented. "If you harm her, I can't say the consequences will be mild," he warned.
"What would you do?" Butch challenged.
James giggled. "Who says me?"
Maybe he shouldn't push from there. Butch just continued to follow James back to their collective home and work.
As the familiar building came into view, James spoke again. "Jessie may seem flighty at times, but she can dedicate herself. And I think she may be putting stock into you. If you really think you'll hurt her, best to do so now. It'll be worse if she continues to get attached."
"I don't want to," Butch said. He wasn't out to hurt Jessie at any point. "I really like her. She's someone important to me, someone special. I am serious about her." James appeared to have nothing else to say to that, continuing toward the door. He decided to shift the topic. "Meanwhile, how about you never get going with that crap again? You weren't serious about doing anything with me, were you?"
"Well, no," James admitted. "I'm not sure I'd even want to try anything like that at all." His words confirmed the overall vibe. "And of course, if I were to, it wouldn't be with Jessie's boyfriend."
"Wh-who?" The last part of the statement had Butch going cold. He froze in place, shocked, suddenly not able to goad himself to move or even think about anything else at all, a sense of devastation overtaking him. They'd been about to reach the door, but James now turned back, confusion on his face. Apparently Butch hadn't known something that should have been known already. "She has a guy?" Butch said, trying not to get too emotional about the fact. The idea of himself as possibly being someone special to Jessie the same as she was to him was slipping away like fine sand through a sifter. Maybe that's all they'd been all along.
James glared back coldly in response to the question. Butch started to panic. Of course Jessie had someone already. Who was he to think there was anything substantial developing between them? Why had he thought he could really be anyone to anyone? He'd fooled himself again. How could he have been so stupid as to hold Jessie to even the hope that they might be something more? Why had he burdened her with his affection at all?
"Wh-who's her boyfriend?" he asked, trying to sound casual, though badly failing. That wasn't anything he had a right to know either, was it? He just had to step aside. If she already had a person she liked, he was just interfering. James's angry reaction was due to the fact Butch was in the way of his friend's happiness, and should have at the very least known that Jessie already had someone.
"That's what she's calling you." Butch looked up, slowly processing what James had just said. His panic faded as he did, slowly replaced with a warm feeling as he thought of Jessie using such a word to refer to him. There was also a sense of disbelief, even not suspecting James was lying. The other man's anger even seemed to calm as he noted Butch's reaction. "Quite frequently, actually," James added as a salutation before entering the building.
Jessie's angry demeanor was more than apparent before Butch even saw the expression on her face. She hunched over, her steps heavy as she made her way across the hall that led to the lobby. "Did you do something?" Cassidy asked as they looked up away from Wendy, who had been relaying their boring assignment for the day.
"I don't know," Butch admitted. Had he? Though who knew what exactly had been said, James had certainly reported back to his - well, to Jessie. Something Butch had done that had been talked about could possibly have something to do with why Jessie seemed angry, though of course, that wasn't for sure. Butch forgot anything about work, deciding to meet his love interest in the archway.
"What have you been thinking, anyway?!" Jessie demanded, glaring and scowling at him as she folded her arms.
So, he was the source of her discontent. Instead of disturbing him, he had the same warm feeling from yesterday. What had he done, though, that she was angry about? Either way, she was here talking to him, even being angry. He was worth fighting with. He was her-
"Wanna go take this somewhere more private?" Butch offered.
"I'm not in the mood for that!" Jessie shouted, but then looked over his shoulder at Cassidy. "Fine, let's go."
Since they were in the lobby, they just went outside and around the corner. Jessie started to speak right away. "Looks like James was sticking his nose in. But he insists you said you were going to hurt me, like he keeps talking about. He even thinks you agree."
Butch's response to that possibility had certainly bothered James, and it was understandable why. "Yeah, maybe I said something like that. It's just something that happens for me."
"So were you planning on doing something that would?" Jessie asked, still glaring him down.
"No." Butch smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it as he smiled at her. "I wouldn't do that. I want you, I only want good times in the future. I want to stay with you as long as I can, as long as you want, and do anything I can for you." Butch squeezed her hand as her expression lightened. "But you never know."
Jessie pulled her hand away, pursing her lips and closing her eyes. "You had it until the end there." She put her hand on her hip, glowering at him. "If you don't want to hurt me, just don't. Stop thinking about it. Instead, imagine that glittering happiness, that shining tomorrow you want. Keep moving toward it and that's where we'll be."
"Do you really think we're going somewhere?" Butch asked hopefully, stepping closer to her. "What am I allowed to imagine? I've got a big imagination, you know. Maybe you don't want it to run too wild." She blushed as she met his eyes again, and he continued, "I heard you call me your boyfriend."
"I-I-" Jessie stammered, appearing honestly disturbed at being called out. "It's your fault!" she accused, pointing a finger his way. "If you didn't want that, you should have said so to start! That's what you are now, anyway! Are you going to be dumb enough to deny it? I can call you anything I want, jackass!"
Butch put his hand on her shoulder to calm her rant. "Sure. I don't mind. I like it," he asserted. "I want to call you my girlfriend too." Jessie quieted, her face still flushed, speechless and calmed from her previous ire. "Can I?" he asked, not wanting to make any intrusive assumptions.
Jessie made a noise of frustration as she walked past him back toward the entrance. "That's what I am! So why wouldn't you?" She rolled her eyes as she passed him. Butch's smile widened as she walked away. Jessie soon turned back, apparently not done with him yet. "Don't look so happy while asking stupid questions," she chided.
"Sorry. I've got one more though," Butch said. Jessie gave him an expectant look, so he asked it. "When can I see you again?"
The idea of planning to do something fun together seemed to eat away at Jessie's bad mood. They discussed some ideas before going back inside. Cassidy was sitting around, staring at the entrance. Butch could see she and Jessie exchanged glances, but neither had a comment to the other. Jessie went back in the direction she'd come and Cassidy's expression didn't even change. Butch's field partner might have something to say to him though. Unlike how Jessie and James apparently discussed things to some extent, he hadn't talked about much of what had been going on between him and Jessie at all. The fact there was something going on had become obvious even before just then. Cassidy had held back so far, but had plenty of opinions about Jessie that he'd heard already. Though the topic was probably best avoided, Cassidy could say what she wanted. He'd heard it all already. Nothing would get Butch to dislike his new girlfriend, anyway.
"So, it's really Jessie now?" Cassidy commented with a quiet sigh, looking from him to the departing woman and back again.
"Jessie for a while now," Butch confirmed what was nearly certainly already known. "Maybe a long time after now, too."
"Right." Cassidy pursed her lips as she stood, picking up a folder from the table. She motioned him outside, indicating whatever their assignment was wasn't at headquarters today, possibly a good sign, since their grunt work was mostly there. "You really think you can stick with her?"
Despite having thought he'd just discount whatever Cassidy had to say about the situation, that statement did affect him. The comment wasn't about Jessie, but Butch himself. It highlighted how lacking he was, and how things with him were only able to be temporary before they moved on. Yeah, of course Jessie certainly deserved better, and she'd probably find it soon enough. Was it dumb of him to just keep pushing things further even knowing that?
The disconcerting question remained in the back of his mind as he listened to Cassidy's information on their tasks that day. Them leaving headquarters wasn't good after all, since they had the same tasks, just elsewhere in one of Team Rocket's various ventures. Cassidy didn't seem to like the janitorial work much either, but also didn't comment on how shitty things currently were for them. The conversation with Jessie about leaving if she wanted came to mind.
But he'd also had that same conversation with Cassidy at times. They weren't talking much currently, so they probably wouldn't go there now, but in the past, she'd been eager to complain along with him. Usually she wasn't committal about if she'd want to quit or not, though once said in her frustration that she'd certainly be leaving soon. Most of the time she asserted that they were competent agents rising to the top, despite any frustrations they might have in the present.
That didn't seem to be true, considering how much they'd fallen. But what might Butch do if Jessie took his hand and said she wanted out of Team Rocket for good, and with him? He exhaled sharply in his amusement at his own imagination. He'd warned Jessie, and here he was, letting himself think about stupid things like that. Jessie had never said she wanted to stop being part of Team Rocket at all, unlike Cassidy. He didn't need to get carried away, anyway. He could just look forward to their next planned time together.
"What have you got to look so happy about?" Cassidy demanded, scowling. "Aren't you getting done yet?"
Butch stood up straighter, nodding as he continued to mop the arena's floor. "Just about," he said. The good feeling didn't leave him even in the face of his field partner's terrible mood combined with the mindless tasks. There was plenty to look forward to.