Once everyone was settled down, the beginning of the year speech and announcements began. Megumin listened with only half an ear as she looked around at the other students in Gryffindor and tried to figure out what their roles were. The one thing that stuck out to her was that there were an unusual number of redheads. She wondered if this was an important flag, as redheads were often important party members. She poked the ginger boy who was sitting next to her.
"Do you have any special or unique skills that would make you a valuable party member?" she whispered.
"Huh?" the boy turned to look at her, his eyebrows furrowing. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Ronald, be quiet, the Headmaster is speaking," one of the other gingers hissed. Probably his older brother Megumin decided.
The boy made a face at the back of his elder sibling as he turned away, muttering "Git."
Just then, Dumbledore said something that got Megumin's attention.
"-and finally, the third floor corridor on the right hand side is off limits-" The headmaster paused, and his eyes met Megumin's for a moment. He gave her a faint smile, then continued. "-save to those who do not wish to find themselves ankle deep in sewage. I am afraid one of the old pipes has burst, and we are working on fixing it. Until then, please keep away as we do not want the charms holding back the pungent odor to be breached."
Megumin immediately catalogued the third floor corridor as an important point of interest that needed to be explored immediately. This was an obvious quest hook. Sewers were a frequent first stop for new adventurers who had just begun their career. Maybe they would get lucky and there would be giant rats or spiders there for easy level grinding.
After that, it was time for the feast. Megumin took one look at the food, and fell upon it like a starving wolf.
"Good lord, did your parents not feed you?" another first year boy gasped, his eyes bugging out as Megumin shoveled food into her mouth.
"Don't say that!" Ronald the Red hissed, elbowing the poor ignorant fool. "Hers are dead!"
"Yes," Megumin said around a massive mouthful of chicken. She swallowed and grinned. "My parents were brutally slaughtered by the Dark Lord Voldemort!"
There was an intake of breath from the various students who were in the know, though Hermione and the firstie boy both seemed oblivious.
"Yes, I dare speak his name, for I have mastered him once, and shall again!" Megumin boasted. "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named shall fear my name, for I do not fear his!"
"You're bloody mental is what you are," Ronald muttered, looking visibly shaken.
"Do you doubt me, fool?" Megumin demanded, planting greasy hands on her hips as she stood up to loom over the poor boy.
"No, I know you offed the scary old bastard, but a lot of us got family that was killed by Death Eaters," Ronald protested.
"If Megumin does not fear his name, than neither shall I!" Darkness declared. "I-I can say V-Voldemort too."
"Bloody mental," Ron fervently declared.
"Oooo, what's the matter, ickle Ronnikins?" another ginger demanded.
"Going to let Little Potter and Lalatina show you up?" a nearly identical redhead teased.
"D-don't call me that," Darkness muttered. "I prefer to go by Darkness."
"Since when?" an older girl asked, sounding exasperated. "It was always Lalatina before."
"Since she began her academic career, where she will become a Paladin of Legend, a Crusader for Justice, who all evil fears and flees from!" Megumin declared. "She is Darkness the Invulnerable, Knight of Gryffindor!"
The twin gingers blinked. "You know what, Ronnikins? We take it back."
"These firsties are a loony bunch. We like 'em!"
"Stare into the void long enough, and behold, the void shall stare back into you!" Megumin cackled. Then grabbed an entire treacle tart and began to eat like she had never seen food before.
Of course, what the Dursleys knew and Yunyun could have told everyone was that Megumin usually needed someone to monitor what she was eating and cut her off, or she would eat too quickly and make herself sick.
And so, when it was time for the first years to follow their prefects up to the dorms, Megumin was groaning and clutching at her stomach.
"There must be a curse upon this food. All who eat it will suffer the misfortune of the most horrific stomach aches," Megumin moaned as she staggered to her feet.
"No, you just made a pig of yourself and now you're going to suffer the consequences," Hermione sniffed. "Honestly, I think you ate more than anyone else at the table and some of those seventh years look like they're twice your size."
"That is why I must eat, to gain strength and grow large and mighty," Megumin grumbled.
"Right, you lot, stand up straight. You're Gryffindor's now, and we need to put our best foot forward," the git said, straightening his robes and giving Ron a disparaging glance.
"Yes, mum," Ron said sweetly, but did straighten up and look nervously around.
Megumin just slouched, clutching at her belly and feeling sorry for herself.
"Potter, I don't care if you're a celebrity, try and comport yourself with a little decorum," Percy sniffed, and poked Megumin in the belly as he walked by.
Unfortunately, that was the straw that broke the camel's back, and Megumin immediately sicked up all over Percy's new prefect robes.
"Hmph. Well, at least now I feel better," Megumin said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and standing up straight as Percy gaped in horror at the mess she had made of him.
Ron had dissolved into hiccups and coughs, struggling to contain his hilarity. Most of the other first years looked disgusted and horrified, though Darkness looked properly sympathetic. Hermione however had a smug "I told you so" expression plastered all over her face.
"What is going on over here? Miss Potter, are you quite well?" Professor McGonagall demanded, hurrying over.
"Yes, I was clearly poisoned by my enemies during the feast. Thankfully, this heroic soul administered a purgative and has cleansed me of all unrighteousness," Megumin said breezily. "Now, let us depart. Come, minions, we shall take the castle by force!"
With that, Megumin flounced off, and for a wonder, all nine of the other Gryffindor first years followed after her, leaving Percy flabbergasted and the female prefect trying and failing to cast a cleaning charm through snorts of laughter.
"Miss Potter!" McGonagall's strangled voice called after a brief delay. "Where on earth are you going?"
"To seize the day!" Megumin called over her shoulder. "Glory awaits!"
"That's the direction of the dungeons!" McGonagall cried, hiking up her skirts and hurrying after the Gryffindors.
"Are you lot lost?" a Slytherin prefect demanded, squinting at Megumin suspiciously as she made her way for the same door.
"No, are you?" Megumin demanded.
"This is the way to the dungeons. You lot go the other way," the prefect said.
"Pff, lost already, Potter?" Kazuma called, grinning maliciously.
"No, everyone knows the best loot is located in the dungeons, and I intended to plunder it before your miserable collection of rogues can claim it," Megumin responded.
"MIss Potter! STOP!" McGonagall snapped, coming to a halt and glaring down at Megumin.
"Why? Do you have suitable weapons for us before we embark on our first adventure?" Megumin asked.
"I don't want an adventure, I want to go to bed," one of the other Gryffindor girls whined.
"In the famous words of Gandalf the Grey, you'll have an adventure and you'll like it!' Megumin huffed.
"That's not in the books at all," Hermione complained.
"Take your first-years to the Slytherin dorms, Farley," McGonagall directed the Slytherin prefect. "I shall be taking my students to their own quarters."
"Yes ma'am," the prefect said, looking rather bemused. She nodded to Megumin. "Come down to the dungeons any time, little lion. Maybe you'll have that adventure you want."
"Farley!" McGonagall snapped, and the Prefect shrugged and led her gaggle of students away, Dust making rude faces and gestures as they went.
"Now," McGonagall said, seizing Megumin's arm. "First years, follow me."
"You just want them to get the treasure for themselves," Megumin complained as she was frog marched along.
"Miss Potter, I do not know what sort of school you attended prior to Hogwarts, but here, you are expected to OBEY the professors. If this was not the first day and you were not apparently ill, I would be taking points from my own house, something I am loath to do!"
"The institutional hierarchy of the education systems is a bourgeois fabrication of the ruling class to enforce draconian measures upon the proletariat and control the minds of the youth to mold them into nothing more than cogs in the great machine of capitalism!" Megumin ranted. "The modern education system was created in Prussia in the 18th century to produce-"
"That is quite enough of that!" McGonagall snapped. "Ah, good. Wood! Get over here."
"Er, yes Professor?" an older Gryffindor boy asked, looking at McGonagall in puzzlement from a knot of older students from various houses.
"Please escort these first years back to the dorms. Do not, under any circumstances, let them head into the dungeons, and keep them away from anything that could be considered a weapon," McGonagall said firmly.
"Uh...right! You lot, follow me," Wood ordered. He led them off, but paused after a few steps. "Say, any of you play quidditch?"
Ron's hand rose hesitantly into the air.
"Ah! You're Charlie's little brother, right? Donald, isn't it?"
"R-ronald."
"Right, Donald. Listen, Don, I need a seeker. I don't suppose-"
"Wood! The dorms, now!" McGonagall ordered.
"Yes ma'am," Wood agreed, ambling off with the gaggle of first years behind him. "Now, Donald, I don't suppose-"
"Ronald."
"Right. Anyway, Don, I don't suppose you have a decent broom, do you? Charlie always had rubbish brooms, but he was so good it hardly mattered. You see, we need a seeker now that he's graduated and-"
"That boy," McGonagall muttered under her breath. "If he wasn't the best Keeper I've seen in twenty years…"
"What's quidditch?" Megumin asked, wondering if this was another quest marker.
"What's quidditch!? Merlin's tears, how can the daughter of James Potter not know what QUIDDITCH is?" McGonagall demanded, glaring down at Megumin.
"I was raised in a desolate land, my true heritage hidden from me, surrounded by naught by barbarism and ignorance," Megumin said in a mournful tone, sensing a get-out-of-trouble-free card.
"What? I thought your aunt and uncle raised you in Surrey," McGonagall demanded as she led Megumin away.
"Yes, but suburbia is a dry and weary land, full of muggles and HOAs that seek only to crush the souls of inquiring minds. Tell me more of my father, and of this legendary sport at which he was so talented," Megumin asked sweetly.
"HOAs? What is- nevermind. Your father was a great Chaser, one of the best I've ever seen," McGonagall explained, her train of thought now apparently completely derailed.
"I see. And a chaser is an important position in quidditch?" Megumin asked. What she knew of sports could be written on the back of her hand, and what she would write would be "boring and for musleheaded morons."
McGonagall explained some of the finer points of quidditch and how her father was so talented to Megumin as they walked, during which time Megumin's eyes only slightly glazed over. She found herself led to an office, where she was taken inside and plunked into a seat.
"Now, Miss Potter. To more serious matters," McGonagall said in icy tones, her levity from discussion her passion evaporating like morning mist.
"Can't we talk more about the importance of good beaters?" Megumin asked plaintively.
"No. Now, in your time here, you have managed to trample on a sacred Hogwarts tradition by sorting yourself, make an utter pig of yourself during a meal and them vomit on a prefect, attempt to lead an entire group of first years into unknown peril, and disobey a direct order from a professor. Am I missing anything?"
"I also valiantly and heroically defended the honor of my cousin and friend by castigating that prat Kazuma and his minion Dust, then did the same to Malfoy when he foolishly attempted to do the same," Megumin said smugly.
"I was not going to bring up your misadventures prior to arriving at this school, but I suppose we should add attempted murder to your charges," McGonagall said in a voice that that was utterly unamused.
"I was not attempting to slay those miscreants, only teach them not to trifle with the Crimson Demon Clan!" Megumin protested.
"I was referring to your discharging a muggle firearm at Harid and the Headmaster," McGonagall answered.
"Oh. Well, in my defense, they were strange men outside my domicile late at night and it seemed the rational thing to do at the time," Megumin lied.
"I highly doubt that," McGonagall said, leaning forward.
Megumin leaned back, going pale as sweat trickled down her spine. "Um, well, actually, I just thought it would be heroic and dramatic and thus my moral obligation as a protagonist."
"You are a first year student," McGonagall said in a dangerously soft timber."You are not a hero. You are not a protagonist. What you are is a young girl who has been admitted to an institute of learning where we deal in dangerous things. If you prove incapable of following basic instructions and insist on imperiling the lives of all around you, I will snap your wand myself, then deposit you back in the suburban hellscape of Surrey, or whatever nonsense you wish to call it, where you can live the rest of your life as a muggle who is cursed with knowing that magic is real but unable to do any. Do I make myself CLEAR, Miss Potter?"
Megumin nodded frantically, for once at a loss for words.
"Good." McGonagall smiled, then leaned back. "Your stomach must still be upset. Here, have some chamomile tea. Then I think it's off to bed for you straight away."
When Megumin tried to gulp her tea, McGonagall glared at her. "Slowly, Miss Potter. You are a young lady. Not a wild beast."
That resulted in Megumin noisy and messily slurping her tea as it rattled in her hands. After several glares and a demonstration from McGonagall, Megumin managed to drink her tea in a fashion that was halfway fit for polite society. McGonagall led her to the Gryffindor dorms and straight to her bed, where they found the other girls sitting together in the center of the room and talking. They froze when their head of house opened the door and pointed Megumin in the direction of her bed.
"You have had a long day, and tomorrow will be your first day of class. I suggest you all go to sleep. Quietly," McGonagall said in chill tones.
There was a flurry of nightgowns as five girls scrambled into their beds.
"Good night," McGonagall said, flicking her wand to douse the lights.
"Good night!" the girls echoed, then the sound of five sets of teeth clacking shut in horror at having spoken out.
McGonagall's expression softened as she turned to go. "Rest well, my little lions."
Then she went and had herself a nightcap. Normally she didn't break out the whiskey until at least October, but Megumin Potter was a special occasion.
For the first time in her life, Yunyun was alone.
The feast had been lovely, and indeed the food had been delicious. But it had all tasted like ashes in her mouth. Megumin had abandoned her.
Hannah, Sally Ann, and Susan, the other girls in Yunyun's dorm, were all chatting happily together on the floor. For her part, Yunyun was shivering and sitting on her bed, her red eyes glowing slightly in the dim light.
"Yunyun, why don't you come sit with us? Tell us about your cousin!" Hannah encouraged.
"Yeah, I've heard about the Girl-Who-Lived, but what's she like?" Susan asked.
Sally smiled and cocked her head to one side. She was a muggleborn, like Yunyun, but she seemed nice.
"S-s-she...she…" The words stuck in Yunyun's throat, and she turned away, tears running down her cheeks. Ashamed, she hid under her covers.
The other girls gave up, thinking Yunyun was just tired. Yunyun didn't realize it, but they couldn't see the tears on her face. One benefit to being a Crimson Demon was that you could see like a cat in the darkness. The drawback was that you didn't realize others could not do the same.
So Yunyun huddled under her blankets and wept silently, alone, and afraid. She only hoped that Megumin missed her as much as she missed her cousin.