The third day of classes came, and with it, Megumin would finally be able to attend History of Magic. She burst into the classroom, eagerly running down to the podium. She had seen and talked to several of the ghosts in the castle, and found them to be suitably mysterious and exciting. She found Professor Binns floating at his lectern, staring off blankly into space.
"Are you Professor Binns?! I am Megumin Potter, foremost genius of-"
"Potter, Megumin. Your seat is second row, third from the right," Binns said in a vague tone.
Megumin paused, then continued with her introduction. Binns ignored her as the rest of the students filtered in. All four houses had History of Magic together, and Yunyun waved excitedly to Megumin.
"H-hi, Megumin! Um, you can sit w-with me…"
"Come sit with us," Hermione invited Yunyun. "We can share notes."
"What!? Yunyun should have to sit with her friends!" Megumin protested.
"And she is," Darkness told Megumin. "We're Yunyun's friends as well."
Yunyun let out a gasp of delight, and hurried over, looking like she was about to pass out from sheer excitement, her face turning as red as her eyes.
"Hmph." Megumin flounced over and sat, but she couldn't bear to be angry for too long. To her disappointment, most of the students appeared to be utterly bored. A few were working on homework from other classes, while others seemed to be getting out snacks or getting ready to take a nap. Kazuma was shuffling a deck of cards as Draco and Dust pulled up their chairs.
"What are you all doing!? Aren't you interested in the History of Magic!?" Megumin demanded.
"Unlike you idiot Gryffindors, we got all the notes from Binns' past lectures," Draco sneered. "He never changes his tests."
"I don't care about that, I-"
"Turn your books to page 21," Binns stated, and then began to drone on even though only Hermione and a few of the Ravenclaws were following along.
At first Megumin tried to pay attention. She raised her hand at one point, then interrupted Binns when he failed to call on her and demanded to know a few things that the textbook was vague on.
"It's no use," Hermione told her. "He just ignores you. Once he starts a lecture, he doesn't stop. I don't even think he notices we're here."
"What?! But that's so dumb! The history of MAGIC should be interesting! I liked reading A History of Modern Magic!"
"Nerd," Kazuma said without looking up from his card game.
"I've got Binn's notes from my brothers," Ron confided. "Fred and George gave me the answers to all his tests too. He never changes them."
"Ron, that's cheating!" Hermione gasped in horror.
"Did you hear that, lads?" Dust laughed. "A lion with a brain!"
"Wonder what they charged him for it," Kazuma mused.
"They just gave them to me. I'd give you a copy, but I have a policy of not giving things to complete tossers," Ron jeered.
"Oi, can it," one of the Ravenclaws said, looking up from a parchment. "We've got that essay in charms. Thanks, by the way, Potter."
"What essay!? I don't remember an essay!" Hermione gasped in panic.
"We had charms earlier. It's an essay on the importance of not adding to or subtracting from a spell, and what the consequences of wild motions can be," another Ravenclaw added.
"I-I already finished mine. M-maybe I could help you with yours?" Yunyun offered.
"Well it seems a better use of my time than this," Hermione sighed, taking out some parchment and a quill.
"Why are you using that?" Megumin demanded, wrinkling her nose at the ink pot.
"Because...I want to write?" Hermione said, sounding confused.
"Inkpots are dumb, messy, and too slow." Megumin pulled out a fountain pen from her bag. "I brought some fountain pens."
"M-me too! W-we both did," Yunyun explained, pulling out pens of her own.
"But...but we're supposed to write with a quill!" Hermione protested.
"It's easier to write with one of these," Darkness told her, taking a pen from Megumin. "My Cousin Chris gave me one once, she said muggles do have some good ideas. I don't think the professors can tell if we write with one of these muggle pens or a regular one."
"This is lame," Megumin muttered as she watched her friends begin their essays. "We're at a school for MAGIC! With a professor who's a ghost! And we're writing dumb essays about safey procedures, and we're using pens we bought at Ryman's!"
"B-but at least we're with friends!" Yunyun said, smiling at Megumin.
"Hmph." Megumin sat for a moment, feeling dejected. Then she brightened. Next was their first flying lesson, and surely THAT had to be interesting.
A short time later, the Gryffindor students trooped out to the quidditch pitch, where they found Oliver Wood waiting for them.
"'Lo firsties," the older student said with a wave. "Ah, Donald, just the-"
"Ok, look. That bit was funny for about five minutes. But my name is Ron. Not Donald, and not Don. Ron. Try it!" Ron said in exasperation.
"No need to get so excited," Wood said, frowning slightly.
"Are you our teacher?" Megumin asked excitedly. "Are you going to train us in the ways of aerial combat? I am a master at 1942! There was an arcade cabinet at the pub and I had the top score!"
"Aerial combat? Dunno, anyway, I'm just here to make sure none of you tries to kill yourselves or anyone else, or if you do there's an extra set of eyes to keep you from eating dirt," Wood said. He grinned broadly. "And I'm here to see if any of you lot would make a decent seeker!"
"But first years can't have their own broom!" Draco protested.
"Yeah well, Slytherin already has a full roster, so better luck next year," Wood said with a shrug. "Besides, I'm really just here for-"
"Wood!"
The students turned to see an unfamiliar professor striding out, holding a broomstick in one hand. "You are here to assist. Not to fill the first year's heads with quidditch."
"Yes, Madam Hooch," Wood sighed.
"Right. I am Madam Hooch. Welcome to your first flying lesson. Each of you get a broom from Wood."
Somehow, Megumin ended up getting her broom last despite being at the front of the line. And when she did get her broom, Wood stood beside her, looking expectantly at her.
"What?" Megumin demanded.
"Nothing. Ever been on a broom before?" Wood asked casually.
Before Megumin could answer, Madam Hooch had them all put their brooms on the ground.
"Right. First things first. Stick your hand out, and tell your broom, 'up!'" Madam Hooch ordered. "If you say it with passion, the broom will spring into your hand."
Megumin complied, then struck a pose and roared, "Up!"
Her broom shifted slightly. Megumin glarned at it and repeated herself. To her consternation, at least half of the students had their brooms in their hand before she did. Ron was leaning on his broom and grinning smugly at the Slytherins. His broom had come into his hand easily enough, while theirs had taken a few tries.
"Don't look so smug, Weasley. These junkers just know a second hand bundle of twigs is all you can afford," Draco sneered.
"Five points from Slytherin!" Wood said brightly.
"What, you can't do that!" Draco protested. "Prefects can't-"
"Not a prefect, I'm an assistant professor," Wood said, a wide grin on his face. "I can take points."
"He can indeed. And you'd best keep a civil tongue in your head, Malfoy, or you'll end up grounded," Madam Hooch said firmly.
During the byplay, Darkness was still trying to get her broom to come up. Everyone else, even Hermione, had gotten their broom into their hands. At last, Darkness's broom stopped twitching, and sprang straight up, knocking Darkness square between the eyes. The other students sniggered, but Darkness just grabbed the broom and glared at it.
"Careful, Longbottom. You want the broom to respect you, not hate you," Madam Hooch ordered. "Right. Now we're going to practice hoovering. Mount your broom, and gently float up off the ground."
Megumin eagerly mounted her broom, and kicked up. She shot into the air, only for her Wood to easily grab her and drag her back to the ground.
"Potter, you're just supposed to float," Wood said, but he looked excited. "Gently now."
"A Crimson Demon does not merely float! She soars through the air!" Megumin protested.
"Yeah, well, just follow directions kid," Wood ordered.
"This is clear favoritism! She's being reckless again, and yet you take no points!" Kazuma protested.
Wood gave him a flat look. Then looked to the side, and grinned broadly again. "One point to Gryffindor, Ronald. Excellent form."
"Er, thanks?" Ron said. His own broom was nearly as steady as though it were fixed in the air, and he was sitting easily.
It took some trying, but Megumin did manage to get her broom to float, though it was rather erratic, popping up and down a foot or two even when she wanted it to stay still.
Unfortunately, Darkness, Hermione, and several other students were having even more trouble. Darkness couldn't even get her broom to hover, as it kept dropping to the ground. Hermione's kept slowly sinking down, as did Dean Thomas's. One of the Slytherins was having trouble as well, though the rest all seemed comfortable enough.
"Don't let it bother you," Ron told Hermione. "Most of them were taught how to fly ages ago, like me. My brothers had me on a broom playing keeper almost as soon as I could walk. Mum nearly killed them to hear her tell it."
"Oh? Are you that good of a keeper?" Wood asked eagerly.
Ron shrugged. "Honestly I'd rather be a chaser or seeker, or even a beater. But I was youngest so I always had to play keeper."
"Don't you have a little sister?" Wood asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
"Yeah but Gin is a rubbish keeper. Too aggressive Charlie said. He says I have better focus," Ron explained.
"Focus is good! Seekers have to be focused," Wood said.
Just then, Darkness let out a squeak and tumbled off her broom again. With a sigh, Wood went over to help her up as Madam Hooch was busy helping the background Slytherin.
This, of course, was when Megumin's broom began to misbehave again, or at least so she would claim later. Really, she was bored and was thinking about what it would be like to race around the castle. No sooner than she thought it than she was up and away, letting out a whoop of excitement as her boom jerked up.
"Potter!" Madam Hooch cried, but it was too late. Megumin's broom was completely out of control, and she let out a cry of panic as it slipped out from under her. She began to fall, only for Ron to shoot up and snatch her out of the air.
"Got you," he grunted. He gently lowered them both back to the ground. "Figured that would happen."
"Are you precognizant?" Megumin asked suspiciously.
Ron rolled his eyes. "No, it's just that the only class you HAVEN'T caused a disaster in so far is History of Magic and I think that's just lack of opportunity. Or did you forget that you managed to have your needle catch on fire and nearly burn your desk down earlier?"
"I did what I was supposed to," Megumin complained as her broom clattered to the ground down the pitch.
"Nice catch, Ron!" Wood cried happily. "Five points to Gryffindor!"
Just as Ron puffed out his chest in pride, Madam Hooch said, "Potter! Five points from Gryffindor, and you're grounded for the rest of class!"
"Truly, the world is out to get me," Megumin complained.
"It's only self defense," Ron told her, then hooted with laughter as Megumin tried to slap at him. He floated up just out of reach, then grinned down at her as Megumin angrily harangued him until Wood came over and dragged her off to the side of the pitch.
"Sit here and don't move," Wood ordered. He turned around, eyeing Ron, who had lowered his broom back down and was chatting with Lavender and Pavarti. "He's a Weasley, alright. Fiends on brooms, they are."
"Hmph. I too am a demon on a broom," Megumin grumbled.
"More like a menace. Ah well, looks like McGonagall was right. You do need minding. Brilliant that you can fly like that, but you've not a lick of sense," Wood told Megumin, then trotted off to help with the rest of the lesson.
As the lesson concluded, Wood grabbed Ron and dragged him off the pitch, babbling excitedly. Ron looked decidedly unenthused, and Megumin figured he was in trouble. She was just feeling smug when Madam Hooch came over.
"Don't tell me I have more detention!" Megumin wailed, throwing her hands up in the air.
"No, but you will if you continue to behave recklessly. My class is one where you can easily break your neck, Potter," Hooch said sternly. "Be more careful next time, or you'll find yourself permanently grounded."
"Hmph. You all simply fear that I will show that I am the greatest flier to ever attend this school," Megumin complained.
Hooch gave Megumin an exasperated look, then walked away, muttering about headache cures.
At lunch, Ron reappeared red, out of breath, and beaming with happiness. "Guess who just made the Gryffindor quidditch team!?"
"Chris Fortuna?" Fred guessed.
"No no, too obvious. What about Cornelius Fudge?" George suggested.
"It's me, you beautiful bastards!" Ron laughed. "Wood says I'm the new seeker!"
"Get out while you can, you fool!" George cried, jumping up and grabbing Ron by the shoulders.
"If you book it now, old Ollie might not be able to catch you. Hurry, brother, before he gets his hooks into you!" Fred wailed.
"Sod off, you two," Ron grumbled, brushing George's hands off and slumping into his seat at the table.
"Did you really make the quidditch team?" Hermione demanded. "That would make you the youngest seeker in a century!"
"I know!" Ron said, suddenly brightening. "Even Charlie had to wait until his third year!'
"Hmm, does this make you the heir to an important legacy?" Megumin asked.
"Too bloody right! Charlie was Seeker before me, and I'm taking his spot," Ron said proudly.
Megumin nodded. "Good work. I shall teach you all I know, my protegee."
"Your what now?" Ron asked, looking confused.
"She's just jealous it wasn't her," Hermione consoled Ron.
"Ordinarily becoming the first of anything in a century is a role for the protagonist, which is me," Megumin said loftily, gesturing with her fork. "But as quidditch is a sport, and you are a boy, and both of those things are smelly and stupid, I will grant you that as my sidekick it is a sufficiently remarkable thing to elevate you from being an NPC."
Ron blinked at Megumin, then looked to Darkness. "Did she just call quidditch smelly and stupid?"
"Well I think she was more calling you smelly and stupid actually," Darkness said.
"Oh, well that's alright then," Ron said with a shrug, and served himself a bowl of stew.
After lunch was the class that Megumin had most been looking forward to. She hurried back to Gryffindor tower, putting on her hat, robe, and selecting a pair of gloves and some sturdy boots along with a 10 foot pole she had stolen from Hagrid's hut and a length of rope.
"What on earth do you have all that for?" Hermione asked as she and Darkness waited for Megumin back in the common room.
"We are going to be thrust into mortal peril with our next class! As such, it behooves us to come prepared. Every experienced adventurer knows not to leave home without a 10 foot pole and a length of rope," Megumin declared. "Would that I had my wand! Instead I have these for each of us."
She passed out various kitchen knives she had smuggled in from Petunia's kitchen.
"Let me guess, these are to kill the giant rats or spiders or whatever you think we'll be facing?" Hermione asked.
"Do you think there will be many strong monsters?" Darkness asked, holding her knife up and frowning. "If there are, I don't think these will help."
"Yes but this is the best I can do for now. We shall have to see about finding a shop that sells weapons and armor," Megumin said.
"Well what about the suits of armor in the hallways?" Darkness asked. "Some of those have weapons."
"Don't encourage her," Hermione groaned.
But it was far too late. Thus, the trio arrived at Defense Against the Dark Arts class with Megumin lugging both her 10 foot pole and an arming sword. Darkness clanked and clattered in an ill fitting suit of armor. As she was by far the tallest of the girls, she was the only one who had been able to get the armor on. Plus, Megumin had fallen over when she tried to put on a helmet.
"What the bloody hell do you have all that for?" Kazuma demanded, pausing just outside the classroom and watching the girls walk up.
"Maybe she thinks she needs the armor since she's just a squib," Draco snickered.
"Do you care to face me?" Darkness demanded, drawing her sword and pointing it about 15 degrees to the right of the boys. Even though the helmet mostly fit, it was rather hard to see out of.
"Everyone knows a wizard can beat a knight every time," Kazuma sneered. "One petrifying spell or jelly legs jinx and the knight is helpless."
"Yes, but do YOU know any such spells?" Herminone demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.
Kazuma's mouth opened and shut, and then he slapped Draco on the back. "Well, I think Malfoy here is the dueling expert, being from the Ancient and Most Noble House of Malfoy. He'll teach you a lesson."
"What?! I don't know any fighting spells!" Draco said in panic as Darkness slowly moved forward raising her sword. "You fight her!"
"Ha! Prepare to face justice, vile minions!" Megumin cackled, pointing her own sword and staff at the boys in the way she imagined that her hero Gandalf would.
"W-what's going on?" a nervous voice demanded, and a man with a purple turban on his head stuck his head out of the classroom.
"Longbottom and Potter are trying to murder us sir!" Draco whined.
"They are minions of the Dark Lord He-Who-Must-Not-Be named, and as such, we will deal with them, then your dark master as well!" Megumin cackled.
The turbaned man nearly fell over, his hands twitching up to his headpiece as he gaped at Megumin. "What?! How did you-"
"Will you two knock it off already? They're about to wet themselves," Hermione sighed. "Sorry, Professor Quirrell. We just thought that since this was Defense Against the Dark Arts-"
"Or DADA because everything needs a cool acronym," Megumin interrupted.
"Since this class was related to defense," Hermione continued, "we thought we'd best come prepared. I'm sure we'll need at least a few lessons from you before we're ready to go hunting Dark Lords."
"Oh." Quirrell regarded the girls for a moment, a puzzled expression on his face. His eyes seemed to glaze over as he muttered to himself, at least until Megumin interrupted.
"You stink. Is bad hygiene supposed to help protect you from evil?"
Quirrell gave Megumin a pained smile. "W-why d-don't you come in. T-the smell is g-garlic. T-to ward off v-vampires."
"We're going to learn how to fight VAMPIRES?!" Megumin gasped in excitement. She rushed into the room, eagerly taking a desk at the front of the classroom and leaning forward in her seat.
"A-actually, P-Potter, your desk is b-back there," Quirrell said, pointing to the farthest corner of the room.
Megumin looked disappointed, but went to her assigned seat.
Once everyone was inside, Quirrell went to the lectern and began. "W-welcome to D-defense A-against the Dark Arts, I- Yes, M-Miss P-Potter?"
"Are you going to teach us to summon demons?!" Megumin asked excitedly. She took out a book and thumped it on her desk. "The textbooks don't have anything on it, but I brought a copy of The Lesser Key of Solomon so I was prepared!"
Quirrell was so gobsmacked by this his jaw hung open a moment before managing"The what now?"
"I wanted to try a couple of rituals but I never got the chance, we had to order the book by mail and it came in just a day before we came to school," Megumin explained. "There's some really interesting sounding demons, but since we're new I think we should start with a simple one. Which do you suggest?"
"Wait, we're summoning DEMONS?" Dust demanded, sitting up and taking his finger out of his nose. "I thought this was Defense Against the Dark Arts, not the real stuff!"
"It is," Quirrell said fainting, staring at Megumin in continued bewilderment. "We are…" He cleared his throat. "M-miss P-potter, I m-must ask you to give me t-that book. Now."
Megumin eagerly hurried up and handed the book over. "I think Knight Furcas would be a good place to start for a beginner!"
Quirrell took the book, quickly paging through it. He looked up after a minute to find Megumin standing and grinning up at him, her eyes glowing brightly. "Er, g-go g-get out your t-textbooks and s-start reading from page f-four."
Megumin dashed back to her desk as everyone but Hermione got out their books (she already had hers out).
"Um, y-yes, Miss G-granger?" Quirrell asked.
"Can I read first, sir?" Hermione asked eagerly.
"Um...yes. Y-you may."
Quirrell took the book and sat down with it, paging through it and looking utterly baffled and incredulous. At last, he looked up, interrupting Darkness as she read. "M-Miss Potter. W-where did you get this? W-wiz's Shop and S-sundries, perhaps?"
"No, I got it from Waterstones," Megumin replied.
"W-Waterstones?" Quirrell blinked in absolute perplexity, clearly not recognizing the name.
"You know, the book store chain," Megumin prodded.
"They're a muggle shop, sir," Seamus explained.
"A muggle bookshop with a text on demonology?" Quirrell demanded, his tone suddenly sharp as his eyes bored into Seamus.
"Um, sir?" Hermione raised her hand and Quirrell gestured at her impatiently. "The Lesser Key of Solomon is a text from the 17th century, though many of the manuscripts are older. One of the main sources was Johann Weyer's work Pseudomonarchia Daemonum."
Quirrell blinked at this, then motioned. "Keep reading." He went and sat down at his desk, tugging at his turban and muttering to himself. After about 10 minutes he came back to himself and glared at Megumin. "T-this text is n-nothing but m-muggle trash! It's not a m-magical book at all!"
"Well do you have a book on demon summoning we can use then?" Megumin asked eagerly.
Quirrell's lips curled in scorn. "T-there are no d-demons, girl. N-now keep reading."
For some reason, right at that moment, Vanir the Shopkeeper broke out into gales of laughter, eagerly rubbing his palms together. At least until a customer came in and he started roleplaying again.