Indy and Jonnnny continue walking along the road.
"Man, are we there yet?" Jonnnny whines. "We've been walking for like, a whole minute, and I'm already bored."
"Actually, yes, I think we are." Indy states, pointing at the gas station coming into view up ahead, which appears to be the only building for miles. Jonnnny immediately perks up and starts running ahead to get to the gas station faster, and Indy follows close behind. Upon entering the building, though, the two boys find it to be practically deserted with nothing particularly interesting inside. Jonnnny turns the communication device back on, now being connected to a different channel than what it was on before.
"Hey, we're at that place now, what do we do here?" Jonnnny asks into the device.
"Er, who are you? I have never heard your voice before." responds the voice from the other end.
"We're the new recruits, obviously."
"Oh, okay, I should have guessed. Well, there should be a poster on the wall advertising some store-brand soda, and if you press the top of the soda can on the poster, it will open up a tile in the floor. Don't tell anybody, this is top secret."
"Alright! Let's do this, Indy!" Jonnnny locates the poster in question, but finds that a very short person is trying to touch the poster with an extendo grabber.
"Kill that person." dictates the voice through the communication device.
"Alright, Indy, let's get our killiest summons out!" Jonnnny says. Indy summons Master Chief Halo, just as the short individual turns around, revealing himself as No legs 2. Master Chief Halo attempts to use his Energy Sword to attack No legs 2, but since it is currently not Energy Sword Sunday, the sword deals base damage, which barely depletes any of No legs 2's health. In taking this damage, it becomes apparent that No legs 2 has a ludicrously large health pool, being in the quintuple digits. While Indy tries to scan for a weak spot, Jonnnny decides to put two hot dogs onto No legs 2 where his legs would normally be, which backfires horribly, causing No legs 2 to evolve into Skinny legs 1, who has no visible weak spots. Master Chief Halo tries to grab on to Skinny legs 1's hot dog legs, but they're too greasy and slippery to get a grip on. Jonnnny throws a cup of soda into Skinny legs 1's face, but Skinny legs 1 simply wrings his eyes out.
"It's too late, dumphries! I've already opened the secret passage!" Skinny Legs declares, before jumping down the secret square chute next to him. Jonnnny and Indy stare down the chute, confused, since the poster was never touched in the correct position to open the secret passageway.
"Alright, well, pretend that never happened." The voice from the communication device says.
"How do we open the correct passage, again?" Jonnnny asks.
"The top of the can on the poster. Press it."
Jonnnny presses the poster, and a click is heard, as a proper secret passageway opens next to the one that Skinny Legs went down. Jonnnny and Indy hop down the passage, and find themselves in what appears to be an Order information hub, with only one other person in the room aside from the brothers. This person lowers their communication device, and speaks out, revealing that they are in fact the person who was talking over the radio.
"My name is Eddie Mercury, but you will refer to me as Hermes, as that is my code name. I am the head of recruitment for the Order of the Censor. And as we've already established, you are new recruits." The man says, crossing his arms.
"So what exactly do we do?" Jonnnny asks.
"Well, if you take a look at the screen…" Eddie presses some buttons, and information cards appear on the screen for Cybr, Dr. Woo, Wheel Woo, Mugsy, Worse Woo, and Boneregard. "These are seven of our current high priority Targets."
"Uh…we're here for orientation, though."
"Yes, this is how we 'orientate' our recruits. We send them after our most important objectives and see how they fare." Eddie says this in a serious tone, though it feels like he's being snarky and sarcastic.
Skinny Legs emerges from the chute in the bathroom, and immediately becomes quite upset with the fact that this does not appear to be a secret at all. He begins overturning every appliance in sight, eventually finding that by flushing one of the toilets several times in a row, the wall rotates around, spitting out Skinny Legs into the same room as Eddie, Jonnnny, and Indy.
"Oh hell yeah!" Skinny Legs proudly declares.
"Oh shit, nobody's ever found the toilet switch before." Eddie says, turning to look at the intruder.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing down here? I heard that you were ordered to kill me on the spot up there, and yet here I stand, so clearly I'm more qualified to be here than you are!" Skinny Legs exclaims, glaring at Jonnnny and Indy.
"Alright, go on, you two. Get 'im." Eddie says, waving for the Super Smash Brothers to deal with the intruder. Jonnnny summons Snake Metal Gear, while Indy whistles on his fingers to call Master Chief Halo down from upstairs. As Master Chief arrives in the room, Skinny Legs reveals that the extendo arm he showed off earlier is in fact actually his Stand, Long Arm. Skinny Legs immediately uses the Stand to grab Master Chief and place him on the same space as Snake, forcing the two to use a team attack, and leaving Jonnnny and Indy wide open for Skinny Legs's nasty fist kick. The brothers both gasp in unison as they barely dodge the attack.
"Hey, you can't attack us! That's against the rules!" whines Jonnnny, as Skinny Legs gets ready to attack again.
"Not true! I would argue that you two are the rulebreakers since you're putting the task of fighting me on someone else!" Skinny Legs retorts. Eddie shakes his head, and, not at all trusting these kids to get the job done, brings out his own Stand, Freddie Mercury, with whom he has a very complicated relationship. Freddie Mercury is a well-known music star, but Eddie Mercury is essentially a nobody, so he is forced to attend his Stand's concerts and events while blending into the crowds nearby. Freddie Mercury steps in front of Skinny Legs, intimidating Skinny Legs and lowering his attack stat as a result. With this lowered attack, Skinny Legs's nasty fist kick now deals less than one damage, causing it to be rounded down to zero, and actually go into the negatives when attacking the Smash Brothers, which would result in them being healed instead of harmed were Skinny Legs to continue his onslaught. Master Chief and Snake unleash their team attack on Skinny Legs unopposed, but it only takes a small fraction out of his massive health pool. This gives Indy an idea.
"I'll bet if we can swap around his stats, we can make his health lower, since all his other stats seem pretty weak!" Indy exclaims.
"Oh, yeah! I saw some stat-swap juice back upstairs in the store!" Jonnnny says. Indy heads back up to the store, and looks over the wide variety of stat-swap juices available. As he's looking at them, Indy realizes that putting all of those health points into any other stat could be very dangerous, so after some contemplation, he decides to take several containers of wisdom-health swap juice, which he purchases using a small monetary unit bill he found on the floor, receiving a few coins in change. Indy then heads back downstairs, selects the juice in his inventory, and attempts to use his own charisma to convince Skinny Legs to drink the juice. However, without the presence of any high-sided dice in the vicinity, Indy is forced to instead use one of the coins he got as change to determine the outcome here. Placing all of his hope into heads, Indy flips a coin, and walks towards Skinny Legs.
"Here, drink this!" Indy says. Skinny Legs peers past Indy, seeing the coin land on tails.
"How dumb can somebody get? I know poison when I see it!" Skinny Legs says.
"Here, let me try." Jonnnny says, also betting on heads and flipping the same coin as he walks over to Skinny Legs. "Drink this, nerd."
Skinny Legs once again stares past Jonnnny, waiting to see what the coin lands on. It's tails again.
"Not happening." Skinny Legs insists. Jonnnny hands the coin and the juice to Snake Metal Gear, nodding for him to try as well.
"Hrngh…this juice…you should probably drink it." Snake says, flipping the coin and once again choosing heads. Skinny Legs watches as the coin again clinks onto the ground in the tails-up position.
"I don't think I will." Skinny Legs remarks.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's three tails in a row, you know what that means, right? YOU have to flip the coin to see if you drink it or not!" Indy exclaims. Skinny Legs picks up the coin.
"Heads to drink the dumb fuck juice." Skinny Legs says, flipping the coin up and watching it once more land on tails. Indy inspects the coin to see if it even has a heads sign, but before he can get a proper look, Jonnnny blurts out.
"HE'S OBVIOUSLY CHEATING!" Jonnnny yells.
"Well, we already knew that, but it's obvious how to beat him, we just have to pick tails." Indy says. Jonnnny picks up the coin, and walks back up to Skinny Legs, taking the juice from Skinny Legs and putting his hopes into tails.
"Drink it now." Jonnnny says. Skinny Legs watches the coin now land on heads, and simply shakes his head back and forth, rejecting the offer. Master Chief suddenly grabs the coin and juice, planning to play dirty if he has to.
"I'm going heads." Master Chief says as the coin starts to flip, when in reality, he knows in his heart he is going with tails. "Now drink this."
Skinny Legs sees the coin land on heads, and starts to reach for the juice sadly, but Master Chief pulls it away.
"Dang it, I lied when I said that, I was actually going for tails." Master Chief sighs. Skinny Legs is confused by this action, and gets a bit thirsty as a result, but he sates his thirst by simply drinking from the nearby water fountain.
"Alright, enough of this nonsense, let me show you kids how this is done." Eddie says, snatching the juice and coin and flipping the coin into the air. "You will drink this when this coin lands on heads."
Skinny Legs looks at the coin, and this time, it actually does land on heads. Within seconds, Skinny Legs is practically on his knees slurping up the juice, causing his wisdom and health stats to be swapped. Snake promptly stabs Skinny Legs in the back, depleting his now-minute health pool instantly. In his dying breath, Skinny Legs flawlessly recites every word from every piece of literature in the English language, before collapsing onto the ground lifelessly. Despite the fact that Eddie was the definitive reason why the fight was won, he gives the credit for the kill to the two Smash Brothers, not wanting to have to deal with their antics any more.
Back at the World Crime League headquarters, Cybr walks upstairs to the room where El Diablo is, and sees an unattended bowl of Raisin Bran.
"Did you leave this here?" Cybr asks.
"Huh? No." El Diablo responds, leaving the mystery of the Raisin Bran hanging in the air.