Despite the fact that Megumin had caused an international incident and Yunyun had assaulted a home with the intent to kidnap a child, both of them avoided punishment by virtue of the fact that wizards have no common sense.
However, that did not prevent a very real and looming crisis from emerging. Megumin assembled the troops in the living room while Yunyun and Vernon were outside improving the security perimeter. She had found an old tommy helmet in the attic and had it perched atop her head, and was pacing back and forth.
"Listen up, everyone. A dire emergency is taking place soon," Megumin said, smacking a stick in her hand. She'd wanted a swagger stick, but wasn't patient enough to make one.
"What's this all about?" Petunia asked, frowning slightly as she pet Chomusuke in her lap.
Hedwig was perched atop the back of the coach, her head cocked to one side.
"Do you not know!?" Megumin pointed to the calendar she'd set up on an easel behind her. "It's already the second week of June! We have less than 10 days to prepare!"
"Megumin, what did you do? You didn't blow up another quarry did you?!" Petunia asked, suddenly frantic.
"Don't be silly. I limited myself to blowing up some boxes behind the deli yesterday," Megumn sniffed.
"That was you?!" Petunia gasped. "Megumin, you-"
"Focus, Aunt Petunia!" Megumin snapped. "In only nine days, it will be Yunyun's birthday! And need I remind you that Yunyun has never had a proper birthday!?"
While Yunyun had birthday parties every year, the only people who had ever attended were Megumin, her parents, and occasionally Vernon's sister. The Dursely's reputation as insufferable busybodies and Yunyun's very peculiar habits along with Megumin's bellicose nature had driven everyone away year after year. Now, perhaps, she had a chance with the equally nutty wizards.
That drove thoughts of arson charges from Petunia's mind. "Oh! Well, I suppose we should do something. She does have friends now...right?"
"Yes. But to assemble them on such short notice…" Megumin nodded to Hedwig. "Your services shall be required."
It says something about how strange Petunia's life had become that she didn't even blink when Hedwig hooted, then saluted with her wing.
"I knew I could count on you," Megumin said, smiling. "Now, I have prepared a list of potential candidates. Much as I am loath to do it, we shall have to invite the Three Stooges."
"The who?" Petunia asked, blinking.
"Scumzuma, Draco Malodorous, and Dust Gargoyle," Megumin said, making a face. "I refuse to invite Smiley."
"Oh, well, ah...that's the boy Yunyun rescued, yes?" Petunia asked uncertainly.
"Yes. I shall handle this. However, I do not think our home is a proper place to have the party," Megumin said with a sigh.
Just then, there was a load bang, followed by swearing from Vernon. Then a smoke alarm went off.
"I-it's OK!" Yunyun called. "W-we just, um, I think the circuit breaker is overloaded…"
"I see your point," Petunia sighed.
"Yes, I have, however, come up with a suitable alternative location," Megumin stated, and produced a letter. "Miss Wiz had agreed to host the party at her shop, for only a small fee which I shall generously cover from my treasure vault."
"You'd best be careful," Petunia warned. "After that fine you had to pay for blowing up your school, you've spent an awful lot this year."
Megumin smacked her stick in her hand again. "A hero is always generous in her rewards to friends. Also, this is Yunyun's first party and Miss Wiz is only charging 10 galleons. Catering included."
Over the next week, Hedwig the Owl ran herself ragged flying back and forth all over England. Thankfully, Postal Owls are trained for that sort of thing, and all the appropriate invitations were delivered. Megumin insisted that it be a surprise party, because of course she did. The plan was for everyone to meet at Wiz's Shop for tea, with the Dursley's planning a trip to Diagon Alley on Yunyun's birthday to shop for school supplies.
"Y-you know, t-that's a very special day…" Yunyun hinted when Megumin informed her they were going shopping.
"Of course! It is when we shall acquire more tomes of mystic power to help us further along our path to glory!" Megumin laughed.
Yunyun looked rather crestfallen at that. "O-oh. Um, well, I was thinking...m-maybe w-we should-"
"We can always stop by Wiz's shop and see our friends there," Megumin interrupted. "Perhaps we could have a small tea party."
"A-a p-party!?" Yunyun gasped. "W-will there be cake?!"
"Perhaps we can have some biscuits. I'll get a pack of Oreos," Megumin said with a shrug.
Yunyun didn't seem disappointed at such a pathetic party. Which considering her history wasn't surprising. "A p-party with friends! It's everything I w-wanted!"
Megumin and Petunia conspired to keep Vernon rather in the dark about the whole thing, as he was almost as bad as Megumin ordinarily was about keeping secrets.
"Can't help but feel I'm forgetting something," Vernon muttered as they got into the family car for the trip to Diagon Alley.
"D-did you enable the security system?" Yunyun asked.
"Oh, too right, thanks love," Vernon said, and exited the car to punch in a series of codes into the keypad by the gate.
When Vernon got back in, he paused before buckling his seatbelt and glared at Petunia. "What?"
"Honestly," Petunia sniffed, looking away in irritation. "I'd think you'd remember. After twelve years…"
"What? That? Oh ho, you don't think daddy forgot Yunikins birthday?" Vernon chuckled to himself as he buckled in. "We're going to that diagonally place, so I thought, let's have a nice family dinner, and we'll buy our lovely daughter all the presents she can carry!"
"I-I don't need any presents. J-Just spending time with my family and f-friends is enough," Yunyun assured Vernon.
"Nonsense! What sort of girl doesn't like to go shopping? Besides, I've got every normal sort of security system known to man, and that damned Moody keeps breaking in. Going to have to get some of that magical rubbish and see if I can get it to work," Vernon grumbled.
"We should find some potion ingredients to brew up diabolical concoctions to baffle our foes!" Megumin cackled. She gave Yunyun a sneaky look. "I bet Wiz has some."
"O-oh yes! W-we should visit Miss Wiz and Mr. Vanir!" Yunyun agreed eagerly.
When they arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, there was a sudden gasp as Tom the Barman caught sight of the Crimson Demon Clan. He dropped the glass he'd had in his hand, causing it to shatter on the floor and sending the contents slopping over the old boards.
"MY BUBBLY!" a horrified voice wailed, but everyone else in the pub glanced at the door, which prompted a great deal of mutters.
"Ah-ha!" Megumin cried, running up to jump atop Tom's bar and making the poor man swear. "I see you have all heard! Yes, it is true! The Crimson Demon Clan shall-"
"You blew up Hogwarts! My son missed his NEWTs!" a woman interrupted.
"You bloody maniac, you nearly broke the damn Statute of Secrecy!" another voice called, and there were mutters of agreement.
"Ha! If the Statue cannot withstand even a minor Explosion, then it deserves to be broken!" Megumin cackled. She pointed at the angry faces, a wide grin on her face. "And without my power, you would once more be menaced by Lord Voldemort!"
There were more than a few winces at that, then Yunyun was up beside Megumin. "P-Please! M-Megumin is t-trying to train for when we have to f-fight Voldemort again!'
"Didn't you blow him to smithereens when you just about destroyed Hogwarts?" someone demanded.
"Fool! Did we ever locate the body?! Either time I have bested the Dark Lord!?" Megumin demanded.
"Er, well, no," the speaker admitted.
"They Voldemort is vanquished, but only for a time! He shall return!" Megumin declared.
"That doesn't sound right," Tom scoffed, and there were mutters of agreement.
"No, that's like, totally true!" The individual who had bemoaned the fate of their beverage piped up, and the crowd turned to a blue haired woman at the bar. She struck a pose, putting one hand to her chest. "That is why I, Aqua, internationally renowned Monster Hunter and Idol Sensation have agreed to teach at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry as the DADA Professor!"
There was a pregnant pause, then Megumin asked, "How is avant-garde art supposed to help me defeat a Dark Lord?"
"Huh?" Aqua frowned at Megumin. "What do you mean? Obviously, a super talented and amazing person like me is going to make a great Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor!"
"Ooooo," the onlookers said, a few nodding.
"WE LOVE YOU AQUA!" a male voice squeaked.
"And I love you, random citizen!" Aqua said, spinning about and blowing the young man a kiss, which made him sigh in happiness. "Remember, all love is good in the Axis Cult! Make sure to buy my-OW!"
"BEWARE, FIEND!" Megumin roared as Vernon tried to drag her down off the bar and Tom wailed about the glass Megumin had just used to bean Aqua in the head with. "I AM WISE TO YOUR SCHEMES! I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SOMEHOW AN ALLY OF VOLDEMORT!"
"WHAT!? How...how could you...I haven't even seen you in…" And with that, Aqua flopped down on the floor and started to bawl her eyes out.
"You little monster! You made Lady Aqua cry!" the superfan protested.
However, Yunyun hurried forward, offering Aqua a hankie, which she noisily blew her nose into. "Um, s-sorry. But, you see...our last Professor was possessed by Voldemort. And, um, well...we're kinda worried…"
"Don't you trust me though, Yunyun?" Aqua sniffled. "I thought we were friends! I got you a birthday present and everything!"
"I-I think we can trust her!" Yunyun said, turning around and smiling at Megumin. "S-she seems nice! We should be f-friends."
"Hmph. I still think she's suspicious," Megumin complained.
"W-well, at least she remembered my birthday," Yunyun muttered.
Aqua stood up, still whimpering and rubbing at her head where she'd been hit. "Well, let's go to Wiz's shop for the p-"
In a flash, Megumin had slipped Vernon's grip and put her hand over Aqua's mouth, making the older woman flail as muffled noises escaped her.
"Silence! Or I shall bring down a most terrible curse upon you!"
Aqua glared at Megumin, then rolled her eyes and nodded.
"Y-yes, Aqua should come too! Then I can have m-more friends!" Yunyun said happily. "I-I've never had more than just Megumin at my b-birthday…"
"What about Marjorie?" Vernon said, sounding hurt.
"Um, well, Aunty Marge is, um, very nice, but...she's family, not a f-friend," Yunyun explained.
That seemed to mollify Vernon, but Petunia seemed suspicious. "Who exactly are you, and how do you know our girls?"
"I'm Aqua! I'm like, super famous as an Idol Singer! Surely you've heard my album, 'Fantastic Days?' It went double platinum! As for 'your' girls, I'm a teacher at Hogwarts and I totally knew it was them who blew up the castle and was on TV for blowing more stuff up!"
That seemed to satisfy Petunia, even if she did look rather embarrassed about the whole thing. "Er, yes, well, let's be going then."
They exited the tavern, making their way down the back of the alley.
"So, Megumin, have you heard my latest album? It went double platinum, which is super great!" Aqua said.
"I probably heard it on the radio, it's alright," Megumin said with a shrug. She frowned at the wall for a moment, then looked at Aqua sideways. "Um, can you open the wall?"
"Huh? Don't you have your wand?" Aqua asked.
"It, ah, is...resting," Megumin said, fidgeting.
"Damn menace had it confiscated for her crimes against humanity," Vernon growled.
"Oh. Well, I can't usually remember the code…" Aqua admitted. She looked hopefully at Yunyun.
"Y-you just have to tap the bricks like this…" Yunyun pressed her finger to the right bricks, and as soon as she did so, the wall opened up.
"Ha! I knew the Crimson Demon Clan was up to the challenge!" Aqua laughed. "Now come on! Let's go see Wiz! Oh, I hope Darkness and Kazuma will be there!"
Megumin kicked Aqua, which made her start to cry again.
"Be quiet!" Megumin hissed, grabbing Aqua's ear and pulling her down to her level. "It's a surprise party!"
"You don't have to be so meeeeeaaaaan!" Aqua wailed.
"M-Megumin! B-be nice to our new professor! She's our f-friend!" Yunyun protested.
"She doesn't really seem fit to be a teacher to me," Petunia said, frowning at Aqua.
"Hmph! What do you know? You were always rotten to Harry, and I bet you were to Megumin too!" Aqua snapped.
Megumin blinked, exchanging a look with Yunyun as Vernon and Petunia both sputtered in outrage. "Who's Harry?" Megumin asked.
"You are, duh! Now come on, Wiz always makes super yummy goodies!"
Aqua led the way to Knockturn Alley, humming and skipping along. Despite Megumin's initial distrust of the woman, it was very hard to distrust someone who was so cheerful and upbeat, even if she did seem a bit on the dim side.
"So, are you going to teach us dark and terrible spells to lay low our foes?" Megumin asked Aqua eagerly.
"Huh? Well, I dunno. I just wanted to hang out and have fun!" Aqua said brightly. "Maybe teach you some secret Axis techniques for defeating evil!"
"Secret techniques are good!" Megumin agreed eagerly. Too eagerly.
"And then we'll learn party tricks!" Aqua continued.
Before Megumin and Yunyun could try to figure out what Aqua meant by party tricks, she flung the door to Wiz's shop open "Hey hey hey! How's my favorite unnatural abomination doing!"
"Oh, Lady Aqua!" Wiz flew around the corner to give Aqua a hug, and to Megumin's puzzlement, the shopkeeper started to cry. "It's so good to see you all again! All my friends, back together at last!"
"There, there, it's good to see you too," Aqua said, gently patting Wiz on the back. She pulled away from Wiz and grinned. "Besides, it's helpful to have someone who remembers me! Now I- Wait."
Aqua suddenly sniffed the air, turning about slowly. "I smell evil."
Aqua suddenly spun about, then dove for the counter, half jumping over it to peer behind. She had just enough time to shriek before a banana cream pie smacked her full in the face.
"DO-HO-HO!" Vanir chuckled, standing up and dusting off his hands. "Once more, moi has triumphed over thee, O foolish-"
"GOD BLOW!" Aqua roared, and decked Vanir dead in the chest. The man flew through the air, his flight coming to a sudden and abrupt end when he struck a weather vane, the metal rod piercing through his chest.
"MISTER VANIR!" Yunyun wailed. "Aqua, h-how could you! Y-you killed him!"
"He hit me with a pie!" Aqua snarled, trying to wipe cream away from her face. "That's low, even for HIM!"
"Please, don't fight!" Wiz cried, looking panicked. "This is neutral ground, you know that, Aqua!"
"Hmm, maybe there is something to our new Defense Professor if she can kill someone with a single blow," Megumin mused. She then gasped in shock, as Vanir's entire body, including his clothes, turned to dust and blew away.
Before more could happen, the door to the back room banged open, and a dozen people tried to hurry into the room.
"WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?" Hagrid bellowed, glaring around at the room. "Mizu? What're you doing here?"
Aqua didn't respond to him, instead taking ahold of Wiz's robes and using them to wipe her face off, despite the owners protests. "Hmph. Relax, Yunyun. You know he's not dead."
"B-but...he turned to dust…" Yunyun protested.
"No, I'm still here," Dust said, peeking around Hagrid. "Happy birthday, Yunyun!"
"IDIOT!" Megumin raged. "YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE!"
"It's too late now," Hermione sighed, coming over and offering party hats to the shocked Dursleys. "Happy Birthday."
"My friends!" Yunyun gasped, looking delighted. "You all came to my party!"
"Party's canceled," Moody growled, stomping forward. "This whole place is a crime scene now. We've a murder on our hands."
"Relax Boss," Tonks said, patting him on the shoulder. "Chris does that to him every time we come here."
"It's traditional," Chris agreed, then waved to Yunyun. "Happy Birthday!"
"Wait, what do you mean, does that happen every time?" Vernon demanded, finally managing to speak. "The man is-"
"Does something bother thee, O man whose vision encompassed only his next meal?" Vanir asked in silky tones.
Vernon let out a squeak of panic and spun about, trying to shelter his family with his outspread arms. "What the devil!?"
"Exactly!" Vanir cackled. Then he leered at Aqua. "Moi would enjoy continuing this, O Useless One, but moi has another engagement. Wiz! Attend to our guests! Moi will not lose their deposit!"
"Wait, but how...he was bloody well impaled! Turned to dust!" Hagrid protested.
"No, I'm still me," Dust repeated, patting himself down.
"Dumbass," Kazuma said, smacking Dust upside the back of his head. "He means that weirdo in the mask and tux."
"A mere impalement is not enough to slay one such as moi!" Vanir laughed. "Come! Confections and entertainment await thee, O mortals who celebrate that thy friend has come one year closer to her grave!"
"Vanir, if you ruin Yunyun's party, Lady Aqua won't be the only one to make you re-form today," Wiz said firmly as she passed a hand over her robe and magiced away the smeared pie. Then she smiled and clapped her hands. "Alright everyone, let's start by singing Happy Birthday to the birthday girl!"
Halfway through the song, they had to stop, as Yunyun was sobbing uncontrollably. "D-don't stop," she wept. "I-I...I'm just...s-so happy...I've never h-had a b-birthday party with f-friends before…"
"Well, we'll have one for you every year," Darkness promised, rubbing Yunyun on the back. "Just as long as you promise to come to my birthday next month."
They finally managed to finish singing, and headed to the back. To Megumin's mild surprise, Draco was there with Kazuma, and both boys sang along. Even Mr. Malfoy was there, though he refrained from wearing a hat or singing.
"You children enjoy yourselves," he said when offered one. "Draco, Kazuma and I are just here for well wishes. We left our gifts, but I am afraid we must depart. The hearing for Kazuma's custody is soon."
"Wait, you're taking in Kazuma?" Ron asked. "I heard about the whole thing, by the way. Bloody brilliant, Yunyun."
"Yeah, the Malfoy's are putting me up, it's no big deal," Kazuma said with a shrug.
"Dobby is so happy!" the little elf said. He too had not taken a hat, as no one had offered him one. Indeed, there were half a dozen elves running about and serving food, all of which seemed to know Yunyun rather well. "Dobby is returning to serve Good Master Malfoy, and Good Master Kazuma! Oh happy day!"
"Don't tell me you took in the boy just for an elf, Lucius," Augusta Longbottom said, looking down her nose at the Malfoys.
"A pleasure as always, Augusta," Lucius said with a crooked smile. He nodded to Yunyun. "Our presents are over there. Good day."
As his group was about to depart, Kauzma paused and turned around. He nodded to Yunyun and Hermione. "Hey, thanks. You...you did me a solid. I won't forget."
Lucius frowned at Kazuma, and he quickly turned around and exited.
"Oh, they'll m-miss the cake," Yunyun said, looking severely disappointed.
"More for me!" Aqua said happily. "Hey, as a special bonus, I'll do some party tricks for your birthday, Yunyun! Since you're my special friend and all!"
All in all, the party was a great success, even if Yunyun did keep breaking down into tears. Hagrid, the Longbottoms, Chris, Tonks, Moody, Ron, Dust, Hermione, Aqua, half a dozen house elves, and of course her own family all had a wonderful afternoon playing party games in Wiz's magically expanded back room.
Yunyun opened more presents than she really knew what to do with, crying over each one of them. There were so many that most everyone lost track of who gave what, but Yunyun thanked everyone profusely.
Towards the end, a dark haired, stocky girl who looked to be about twenty or so arrived. "What's all this then? I thought you said Draco and Kazuma would be at this party, Dust."
"They were, they left early," Dust said, hurrying over. "Hey everyone, this is my sister, Gertrude!"
Gertrude narrowed her eyes at Tonks and Chris, who were frowning at her. "Funny lot of people at this party, brother."
"Ah, they're great! It was fun, you should have stayed Gerdie!" Dust said. He waved goodbye to Yunyun. "Bye! Happy Birthday! It was a lot of fun!"
"Hmph. Well, you're lucky mum and dad are on holiday. Come on." With that, they left, and soon others had to make their goodbyes.
"I'll see yeh at school. Happy Birthday, Yunyun," Hagrid said, ruffling her hair. He turned to Aqua. "Want a lift back to Hogwarts, Mizu?"
Aqua blinked at Hagrid, then looked behind her. Chris promptly came over and elbowed Aqua.
"Oh, right, sure! I always wanted to ride in your flying motorcycle!" Aqua said to Hagrid. "Bye girls! I'll see you all again soon!"
Darkness helped carry the presents back to the car, managing the burden easily. "Happy birthday!" She said, then hesitated. "Kazuma...was he really…"
"He's safe now," Yunyun assured Darkness, giving her a hug. "D-don't worry. N-next time, I'll m-make sure you get to come on the adventure with me!"
"Yes. I would very much like to be there next time the Crimson Demon Clan pays Death Eaters a visit," Darkness agreed, looking rather grim. Then she forced a smile. "Happy birthday again! Goodbye!"
On the way home, Yunyun hugged Megumin as they sat in the car. "Thank you," she whispered.
"Hmph. I decided that it would not do to have my sister be lonely again on her birthday. Plus, I wanted to try Wiz's cake," Megumin explained.
Yunyun smiled and wiped away more tears, then sat back in her own seat. "Friends...I-I...I really do have f-friends…"
Once they were home, Yunyun arranged all her presents in her room, gazing at them fondly. When she went to throw away the bag though, she found one additional package. It was wrapped simply in plain brown paper, and inside she found a simple embossed diary.
"Tom Marvolo Riddle?" she said, sitting down on the bed. She frowned at the blank pages. "Who gave this to me?"
To her surprise, writing suddenly appeared in the journal. It read, Hello, Yunyun. My name is Tom. Would you like to be my friend?
Yunyun gasped, and eagerly got out a pen, writing back to her newest friend.
And in Malfoy Manor, Lucius smiled to himself. The future would correct itself, along with the stain on his family's honor. Draco would be safe. And one irritating mudblood would be dealt with.