"This is bollocks and you know it."

Kazuma glanced over at Draco, who was glaring at him as they sat at the side of the quidditch pitch. "You're just jealous."

"I got my broom bloody well confiscated AND my dad refused to buy me a Nimbus 2001!" Draco ranted, waving his hands about in the air. "But YOU, who was right there with me when we accidentally helped blow up the bloody Dark Lord, my parents buy you a Nimbus AND now you're trying out to be Seeker. You know I wanted to be Seeker!"

"Ain't no rule that says you can't try out," Kazuma said with a shrug. "They need a chaser too."

"You never wanted to play quidditch! You were always just sitting around, while Dust and I were training every day!" Draco continued, his face flushed with anger. "And now that red haired minx crooks her finger and-"

"Oh Big Bro, I'm so excited to see you fly!" Ginny giggled and hurried up, plunking down next to Draco, at whom she batted her eyes. "Oh, I just know next year you'll make the team too, Draco, you were so brave and skillful when you fought Voldemort, I bet you and Big Bro Kazuma will be great at it!"

Draco blushed, and glanced at Kazuma. "Well, you know...I could borrow a school broom...try out too.."

Ginny grinned at him. "Oh, I know you'll look so cool Draco! I'll cheer you both on! You can do it!"

A stupid grin spread across Draco's face, and he stood up. "You know what, I think I will. You can be Chaser, Kazuma."

"Yeah, I don't think so. You'll have to fight me for Seeker," Kazuma said, glaring at Draco. "I'm the one Ginny is cheering for. I'm her real Big Bro."

Draco growled, and the two boys raised fists, only for Ginny to stop between them. "Oh, don't fight, Big Bros! You can both try! You have to work together, there's a lot of other people who want to get on the team. I believe in you!"

"Er, right, Lil' Sis," Kazuma said, lowering his hand slowly. "You can count on your Big Bros."

"Yeah! Come on, Kazuma."

With that, Draco and Kazuma both hurried over to Flint, dreams of quidditch stardom in their heads.

As they left, Dust leaned over from where he was sitting. "They don't even realize you're having one over them, do they?"

"What do you mean, Big Bro Dust?" Ginny asked innocently.

Dust snorted. "You're pulling the same thing on them I use on my big sister when I really want something off her. 'Oh, you're so brilliant, wow, you're so cool, show me how!' You know, that rot."

Ginny grabbed Dust's robe, her nostrils flaring. "Listen here, Goyle, I've got those two right where I want them! I always wanted to be the one in charge, and if that takes me batting my eyes and acting like an idiot little girl, then I'll do it!"

"Oh, no, I wouldn't dream of it. You're doing a brilliant job," Dust told her, giving her a knowing grin.

Ginny hesitated, loosening her grip on Dust and cocking her head to one side.

"Us younger siblings got to stick together, you know. Just slip me a chocolate frog or something every once in a while and I'll even help you out."

Ginny sat back, pursing her lips and regarding Dust, who gave her a cheeky grin. "You know, you're not half as dumb as you look, Goyle."

"Thanks! You know, I think I might try out for the team too, someday. You should too."

"Oh, I intend to," Ginny said, her eyes glowing as she looked back out on the pitch. "Someday, I'm going to be captain of the whole team, and I'm going to win the Quidditch Cup. It will have to be in the next couple of years too, since I intend to beat Fred, George, and Ron, and shove it in their faces. So I need to seed the team with my cronies now to ensure my victory."

Dust scratched at his head. "That seems awfully complicated. Don't you just, you know, want to have fun?"

Ginny laughed. "Oh Dust, don't you know that the real fun is beating your older siblings?"

"Huh. Yeah, that does sound pretty brilliant," Dust agreed. "Now they just have to make the team."

Down on the pitch, Flint was chewing something in his cheek, and eyeing the prospective recruits for the team. There were about a dozen Slytherins on the pitch, from a very overly enthusiastic first year, to several Seventh Years. Flint took a moment to blow a large pink bubble, then loudly pop it.

"Right then. Here's how this is gonna work. I'm going to split you up into two teams. You lot all play Chaser for a bit, then I'll set the snitch loose. Top scorer gets to be my chaser, the one who catches the snitch can be the seeker. Round`s over when the snitch is caught."

Kazuma frowned as everyone made to hop onto brooms and take off. He elbowed Draco, who glared at him as he got on top of an old Cleansweep.

"What?" Draco demanded.

Kazuma held out his Nimbus. "I don't want to be chaser. You take this, it's the best broom here by a country mile. I'll take that old thing and get the snitch."

"What?! But-" Draco hesitated, then took the broom. He blushed slightly. "Um, thanks."

"Sure. Good luck," Kazuma said, and waved as Draco took off.

Flint came up to Kazuma, frowning at him. "The hell was that, Crabbe? Why are you giving Malfoy the good broom?"

"One, because he's actually my best mate, and this is important to him," Kazuma said, watching as the others jostled in the air and formed into teams. "And two, because I already know I'm going to get the snitch."

Flint snorted. "Not likely on that hunk of junk. Jezebel Notte is on a Cleansweep 260, and she wants to be seeker too."

"You'll see," Kazuma promised, then kicked off into the air.

It soon became obvious after only about 10 minutes of playing that Draco was far ahead of everyone else on Kazuma's Nimbus 2001. There were a few good Cleansweeps and Comets, and Even a Nimbus 1700, but none of them were nearly as fast or agile. It helped that Draco was actually rather talented as a flier, and that he'd wisely put himself on Flint's team, as he was the superior keeper.

Kazuma just floated around the field, absently watching the contest. He occasionally waved down to Ginny, but she was more interested in watching Draco in the thick of the action.

Well, let her. It was always the one who caught the Snitch who was the big hero at the end.

"You really think they'll let a blood traitor like you be Seeker, Crabbe?"

Kazuma didn't have to look over to know it was Jezebel Notte who was taunting him. She was a sixth year, and had tried out to be Seeker once before, only barely losing out. Now she was the clear favorite, and she'd been practicing daily all summer.

"Dunno, but I figure it's gotta be better than letting an ugly shrew like you on," Kazuma said, turning his head up to glare at Jezebel.

She sneered at him. All the Slytherins practiced sneering like Snape did, but only Draco was any good at it. "I'll grind you into the Dust like your mudblood friends, Crabbe."

Kazuma gritted his teeth. "You know, I was just going to beat you and call it done, but I think this means war."

"It's only war if both sides can fight. You're too pathetic for that," Jezebel cackled, and flew off.

After another 10 minutes, Flint grew bored, and ordered the participants to land.

"Right then, Malfoy, go sit this one out. You're my Chaser," Flint ordered.

Ginny let out a woop and began clapping along with Dust, and Draco flushed with pleasure. He made to hand his broom off to Kazuma, but Flint stopped him.

"Oh, I don't think so. You two have only got the one Nimbus. No sharing. I'm only getting one Nimbus on the team. So, I'm not letting you trade it off. He's flying on that hunk of junk."

Draco glared at Flint, threw an apologetic glance Kazuma's way, then went to sit down with Ginny and Dust.

"Right then." Flint went over to a crate, opened it, and loosed the Golden Snitch. "Give it a minute."

After the Snitch was well and truly hidden and gone, Flint nodded, and everyone took off into the sky.

Kazuma hovered at high altitude, looking around for the telling gleam of the snitch. He felt a buzzing from within his sleeve, but ignored it. He was going to beat Jezebel. No, more than that, he was going to humiliate her and her asinine ideology. He wasn't quite sure how beating her at quidditch would do that, but it would make him feel better about things so that was what was important.

After about five minutes, Kazuma spotted the snitch. It was zipping about near some of the empty stands, only about 10 meters away from him. He shot into motion, racing after the tiny golden speck.

He wasn't alone though, and a half a dozen others moved as well. There was enough jostling that someone actually fell off their broom and hit the grass far below them. Kazuma, however, pulled away as the snitch vanished. Not this time.

"You've good eyes, Crabbe," Jezebel called. "But you're not fast enough!"

Kazuma waved jauntily at her, then went back to looking for the snitch. Below him, he could hear Ginny encouraging him, and his heart swelled. He could do this!

After another 15 minutes, Kazuma decided there had been enough waiting. He dove, but not too fast. He let out a whoop, as Jezebel was only a few feet away. She careened towards him, racing for the snitch she assumed was right below Kazuma.

Only, about ten feet into his dive, Kazuma realized the snitch actually HAD been right below him, and he suddenly dove faster. Jezebel was right on top of him, and they both reached for the snitch, even as they barreled towards the ground. Jezebel got closer and closer, inching ahead of Kazuma as they raced, her robes billowing about her.

With a last desperate push, Kazuma reached out and grabbed even as Jezebel tried to scoop the snitch up. He caught a handful of something soft and squishy, but then he had the snitch in his hands, and tried to pull up. Too late.

He ended up in a heap atop Jezebel, both of them dazed. It took Kazuma a moment to realize there was murder in Jezebel's eyes. He lept off her, even as Flint and the other hopefuls raced towards them.

"YOU PRAT!" Jezebel shrieked, jumping up and grabbing her broom, which she then began to beat Kazuma about the shoulders with.

"Ow, ow, stoppit, it was an accident!" Kazuma protested, trying to cover his head with his arms as she chased him around in circles.

"What's all this then?" Flint demanded.

"He, he...ooo!" Jezebel turned, her nostrils flaring. She forced herself back to calmness, smiling at Flint. "Well, it doesn't matter, because I have the Snitch."

She produced a bedragged golden ball, who's wings fluttered slightly.

"Nice try!" Kazuma cried. He held up his hand, which had a snitch in it as well. "I have it!"

"Cheater!" Jezebel accused, whirling on Kazuma. "You snuck in your own snitch! Mine is the real one!"

Everyone turned to Kazuma, who grinned and winked. "Oh, I did. But you see...that's why I have two snitches!"

Kazuma then produced a second snitch from within his robes. "You just thought the same thing I did, and brought your own snitch! In fact, I bet everyone did!"

"Is that true?" Flint demanded. He took out his wand. "Accio Snitch!"

Six of the older students grunted as snitches came flying out of their robes and into Flint's waiting hand.

Jezebel gaped, then hastily closed her mouth. "Well...well...I didn't! Kazuma just...he had two snitches!"

"Actually, I figured this is what would happen," Flint said casually, dropping the snitches to the ground, where they all fluttered weakly. "So, I marked the snitch I let out with a bit of red paint. So, let's see them."

Kazuma grinned, looking down at the snitch he had caught. His blood suddenly ran cold. No red dot! But he had sworn he-

"It was Kazutrash!" Jezebel gasped, suddenly clasping the snitch to her bosom. "He caught it! I lied! No need to check!"

Flint blinked, then shrugged, obviously uncaring. "Fine then, he's seeker. Right, practice starts next week. Now get lost."

Kazuma blinked, then made to hand back over the snitch, only for Jezebel to rip it out of his hands and give all three to Flint at once. She glared at Kazuma one last time, then stalked off.

Kazuma rubbed his head, now alone on the pitch, and somewhat confused.

"Big Bro!" Ginny cried, racing over, Dust and Draco hot on her heels. "You did it, you got on the team!"

Kazuma grinned, opening his arms to Ginny. "Yeah, Sis, aren't you proud of-"

Ginny's foot swung up, and connected squarely with Kazuma's boys. He crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath as Dust and Draco suddenly froze and covered their own assets.

"That was some good flying," Ginny said sweetly, standing over Kazuma. "But Big Bro, if you ever do that to me or another girl again, I'll have your guts for garters. Sticking your hand down Jezebel's Notte's robe is completely inappropriate. Even if she was hiding a snitch there. Do you understand?"

Kazuma looked up, tears streaming down his face. "B-but...L-little sis…"

"I won't have a pervert for a Big Bro," Ginny said firmly, folding her arms over her own chest.

"It...it was...an accident...I didn't...I didn't even know she had...a snitch...there," Kazuma coughed. "I was just...trying…to catch..."

"I'm glad to hear it," Ginny said, then reached down and helped Kazuma up. "I am certain my wonderful Big Bro will be a perfect gentleman from now on."

Kazuma nodded, still feeling sick to his stomach. Not for getting a handful of Jezebel, but from the incredible pain pounding through his body. "Yes, Little Sis."

"Great! Now, let's celebrate! I'll have you know, I'm a dab hand in the kitchen, so I'll make us all biscuits! I got Yunyun to tell me how to get the House Elves to let us in the kitchens."

Kazuma still wasn't exactly sure at what he had done, but he was sure of one thing.

His Little Sis was pretty terrifying when she wanted to be.

Dumbledore stood in the hall, just beyond the open door to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. He had expected a number of things to come from classes in the middle of instruction in defense. Perhaps the sound of a droning lecture from an especially incompetent professor who was using Binn's as a model. Screams from students in the hands of an inept professor who had botched a spell. The growls of various animals in cages. Maybe even the scratch of quills on parchment.

What he did not expect was singing.

First came Mizu's voice, over the sound of an oddly distorted piano.

When there's something strange, in your neighborhood. Who ya gonna call?

"THE AXIS CULT!" her fifth year students responded enthusiastically.

"When there's evil near, and it don't look good. Who ya gonna call?"

"THE AXIS CULT!"

"Take it away, Timmy!" Aqua ordered, and one of the students stepped up to front, and began wail on a saxophone. Dumbledore peeked in to watch as the students began a coordinated dance routine. They had off their formal robes, and were all dressed in much cooler muggle clothes, but they were dripping with sweat as they sprang about.

"I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO DEMON!" the students cried, and struck a pose.

"Great job everyone!" Aqua cheered, two paper fans appearing in her hands, and water spurted forth. "I think that's enough for the day! Remember, spread the good word of the Axis Cult!"

The students enthusiastically agreed, and began to exit, smiles on their faces.

Until they saw the headmaster.

"S-sir!" one girl squeaked, trying to cover herself with her books. She was perfectly modest in a loose fitting shirt and skirt that came to her knees, but it was certainly not the Hogwarts uniform.

Dumbledore smiled and nodded to her though. "Miss Bell. You seem to have been enjoying yourself. That was very impressive."

"Um, t-thank you, Sir," Katie Bell squeaked, still looking terribly embarrassed.

"Well, I do hope you all learned something useful," Dumbledore said, smiling at the students as he stepped into the room.

The students all exchanged puzzled glances, but Katie Bell caught on quickly. "Um, yes sir. Very useful sir!"

"Good, good. I need a moment with Professor Mizu," Dumbledore said. He chuckled to himself and the students hastily departed, looking slightly guilty, but not sure why.

"Hi Dumbledore!" Aqua said, waving to him excitedly. She was not dressed in her professorial robes either, but in that miniskirt she wore as a performer. That would not do. "Do you want to join the Axis Cult too?"

That was rather an odd name for a fan club. And not what Aqua was supposed to be doing. Still, Dumbledore wanted to tread lightly here.

"Not in so many words. I wanted to speak to you about your conduct," Dumbledore said, easing himself into one of the student's desks. It was slightly uncomfortable, but his joints always ached when he had to walk up and down so many stairs.

"Oh, I'm a great conductor!" Aqua declared. "I can do choirs and orchestras!"

It took Dumbledore a moment to realize what Aqua was on about. He sighed and took off his glasses. "I do not mean your skill at music, but your performance as a professor at this school."

"Oh, well, obviously I'm doing a super great job! Did you see how good they were at dancing? That was after just two sessions! They were all really awkward at first, but I helped them loosen up and now they're a lot more confident in themselves!" Aqua said, nodding to herself in satisfaction.

Dumbledore opened his mouth, then frowned and closed it. They were much more confident, come to think of it. And there were a number of cultures, including wizarding ones, where dances played an important role in the expulsion of Dark Beings. Was she actually teaching her students important skills?

Then Aqua opened her mouth again. "Plus, they look so much cuter when they're not in those bulky robes! How are any of them supposed to find love if they can never show off how good they look?"

"I...well. I think we need to discuss exactly what the expectations of a Hogwarts Professor are, Miss Mizu, as you seem to have forgotten them since orientation," Dumbledore chided gently. In fact, Aqua had spent their various staff meetings napping, doodling, or performing party tricks. So she likely hadn't heard them in the first place.

"Huh? Wait, do you mean me? Just call me Aqua!" Aqua pulled up a desk and sat next to Dumbledore, giving what had to be the most vapid smile he had ever seen in his life. Surely the woman was toying with him.

"You see, as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, you are supposed to be training our youth in how to protect themselves from the more dangerous aspects of our world," Dumbeldore began.

"Well, that's easy! They just need to join the Axis Cult, and they'll always be able to beat up the bad guys!" Aqua said happily.

Dumbledore gave her an exasperated look and put his glasses back on, blinking twice. "I mean, Miss...Aqua, you should be teaching them defensive spells."

She wrinkled her nose. "Well to do that, they have to be my followers. Otherwise I can't grant them any spells."

That made absolutely no sense whatsoever, but conversations with Miss Mizu typically did not. Such as the fact that she seemed to forget that her name was Mizu. Utterly baffling. Didn't the Japanese go by surnames in most circumstances? Dumbledore was fairly certain they did.

"Well, there are the spells in the curriculum, but more practically, you should teach them how to apply them against various beasts, or even hostile muggles. And, in the most dire of circumstances, others of wizardkind."

Aqua blinked, clearly not understanding. "Why are the muggles hostile? Aren't muggles just like, people?"

"I...yes...muggles are people too," Dumbledore agreed. "They tend to be suspicious of wizards though."

"Why? Magic is cool! I do magic at my shows all the time and they love it!" Aqua said happily.

The revelation that Aqua was flagrantly violating the Statute of Secrecy at her sold out concerts for thousands of fans was deeply concerning, but Dumbledore decided he did not want to put on his hat of Supreme Mugwump at this particular moment in time, as he had enough of a headache already. Perhaps he should dismiss the girl on the spot and be done with it. He sighed and rubbed at his forehead, wincing slightly.

"Oh, are you hurt? Why didn't you say so! The blessings of the Axis Cult are available for everyone."

Dumbledore looked up just in time to see Aqua's lips brush his forehead.

No sooner than she kissed him than all of the pain left Dumbledore's body. It was as though he had been dunked in a pool of clear water, and all his aches had been instantly washed away. He sat up straighter, and for some reason, he could not only hear better, but see clearer as well.

He blinked in confusion, and Aqua leaned back, a smile on her face. "There! Now you should feel better!"

How was this possible? Dumbledore suddenly felt like he was less than a century old again. No, he felt like he was half a century at most. He took his glasses off again, and this time, he had no need of squinting. But...the best medi-wizards took care of his health, and he was skillful at healing magic himself. He took potions from Severus daily, and there were no better at brewing health tonics. Such was the practice of the elderly in the magical community. It was what allowed them to live twice as long as muggles with ease.

This was...beyond that. Aqua had cast no spells. She had applied no potions. All she had done was give him the quickest of motherly kisses. And it had been more effective than all the magical knowledge of the most accomplished wizard of the 20th century as well as its premier potioneer.

"I...thank you," Dumbledore managed. "That was...what did you do?"

"I just blessed you! You're not really a part of the Axis Cult, but I just know we'll be good friends! Even if you decide you like Eris or one of the others better we'll totally hang out still."

"That is…" Dumbledore forced himself back to the point at hand. "That is to say, I came here to speak to you about your instruction. You need to be teaching the students how to fend off dangerous monsters."

"You want me to teach the kids how to fight monsters?" Aqua asked, tilting her head to one side.

"I…" That wasn't the term Dumbledore would have used, but he seemed to be getting through to the woman at last. "Yes. To fight monsters, and defeat or disable them."

"Well why didn't you say so! I was totally a super awesome adventurer! I beat up all sorts of monsters, and defeated the Devil King!" Aqua declared, standing and doing a little shadow boxing.

"Your list of accomplishments, specifically slaying several vampires and other dark beasts, was the primary reason you were hired," Dumbledore said dryly. "The idea is for you to pass that knowledge on to the students."

"You got it! I'll teach them all how to be super awesome adventurers and beat up all kinds of monsters for loot and xp!" Aqua agreed. "I already hit max level because I'm so incredible, but everyone else could do with some questing!"

"Max level?" Dumbledore asked. Then he shrugged. "So long as you focus on teaching the students more about defeating deadly foes and less about dancing, I shall consider your tenure here a success, Miss Aqua."

"Ha! Those monsters will never know what hit them!" Aqua laughed. Then she paused. "Um, where are the monsters around here?"

"If you seek suitable specimens, I suggest you speak with Hagrid or Mr. Filch. We have been suffering a plague of spiders and frogs. It's almost biblical," Dumbledore chuckled.

A dark cloud passed over Aqua's face. "Hmph. Well, I'm better than that stuffy old fart. Thinks he's so cool with his books and his show with singing vegetables. Well, I'll have my own show with singing food! But with fruits, because those taste better than vegetables!"

That was confusing enough that Dumbledore just smiled politely, then excused himself. As he walked up the stairs, he marveled at how much easier it was. He really did feel half a century younger.

Though that just raised more questions about his Defense Professor.