Ever since the frog incident, Aqua's defense against the Dark Arts class had become one of the most interesting classes in Hogwarts. The students had learned a variety of skills that Megumin heartily approved of, such as knot tying, cooking, sewing, and various and sundry performing arts skills that would surely aid an adventurer in their life of drama and excitement.

"You never know when you'll need to darn a sock because yours got torn while you're out defeating the Devil King!" Aqua explained.

"Can't we just use magic to sew it back together?" Dean had asked as he tried to thread a needle.

"Yeah, but this is more fun! Plus, now you've all been able to make yourself cute Halloween costumes over the past few weeks!" Aqua explained. "You look great as John McClane! You really get the spirit of Halloween."

"Die Hard is a proper Christmas movie!" Megumin protested.

"I've just explained this to you!" Hermione said, throwing down her mostly finished Arwen Undomiel costume. "Just because the movie takes place at Christmas doesn't mean it's a Christmas movie! It doesn't have any of the proper Christmas themes!"

"Well, it has some explosions and a villain meets a gruesome end, and what more could you ask for on Christmas?" Megumin demanded.

"Usually a new broom," Ron said, his tone somewhat philosophical. "Though I'm still pretty keen on the one Chris gave me, a Nimbus 2001 would be brilliant."

"I always ask for the same thing every Fortune's Eve," Darkness sighed, holding up her own rather simple costume of a bandage wrapped mummy. "But I never get it…"

"What?! I'll tell Eris to get right on that!" Aqua said. "See, this is why you should follow me, and not her! Plus, I don't pad!"

Before the minds of the tweens could be forever corrupted when Aqua revealed what exactly that meant, the door opened and Kazuma, Dust, and Draco trooped in.

"Well, how do we look?" Dust asked, scratching at himself. "This straw is really itchy though. Why'd I have to be a scarecrow?"

"You're just lucky you didn't have to be a lion," Draco grumbled. "Why couldn't I be a proper animal, like a snake?"

Kazuma fought to keep a straight face, his silver painted face twitching slightly as his metal joints creaked. "Oh come on guys, don't you get it? Seriously, you can't be this sheltered."

"You're off to see the Wizard!" Aqua laughed. "Just watch out for the flying monkeys!"

"Hmph. I think it makes sense that Kazutrash has no heart," Megumin sniffed.

"Oh, you're one to talk! You're dressing up as the Death Star! Who does that?" Kazuma demanded.

"Well, I wanted to be the Enola Gay originally, but Aqua said it would give you flashbacks," Megumin said with a shrug.

"Who's Enola Gay?" Kazuma asked suspiciously. "For some reason, the name makes me feel irrationally angry at you."

"You know what the Death Star is but not the Enola Gay? Hmph. You purebloods know nothing about history," Hermione taunted.

"You know, for a pureblood, you know an awful lot about this muggle stuff," Ron said suspiciously.

Kazuma blushed and opened his mouth, but it was Aqua who responded. "That's because he's a hikkiNEET!"

"I am not!" Kazuma snapped, whirling on Aqua. "Don't call me a hikkiNEET, you useless professor!"

The class sucked in their breath, and turned to Aqua, who was normally prone to tears and complaining if anyone said anything mean to her.

Instead, Aqua beamed. "Snape just told me I could give people detentions, so I'm giving you one, Kazutrash! That means you have to hang out with me for a whole evening!"

"Ha! Take that, Scumzuma!" Megumin cackled.

"Oooo, Megumin, you should have a detention!" Aqua said, clapping her hands excitedly. "We can hang out! Detention for Darkness too!"

"M-me!? What did I do!?" Darkness gasped.

"Probably something weird. You're into that stuff," Aqua said with a shrug. Then she stood up and stretched. "OK, everyone, that's it for today! Make sure to wear your costumes tonight, and look out for a special treat from Aqua and the Axis Hearts!"

"Wait...you're doing a performance?! A real performance!? With all the Axis Hearts!?" Kazuma said, jumping in front of an excited Lavender. "Will they sign my records!? I mean, um, well, I have some records, and I was going to sell them...I, er…"

"Oh don't worry Kazuma, I'll sign them for you," Aqua said, rubbing the top of Kazuma's head and grinning wickedly. "But you're not allowed to sell them!"

"He wouldn't, he listens to those records incessantly," Draco said, his tone disgusted.

Kazuma turned to glare at his friend. "You're just mad because YOU like Bright Show better than Fantastic Dreamers!"

"It's a better song!" Draco sputtered.

"There's enough of me to go around!" Aqua tittered. "Get going boys, I'm sure you'll enjoy the show!"

"Or not," Ron said darkly. "Might get more than you bargained for."

"Pff, you're just jealous I'm going to get my Axis Hearts records signed!" Kazuma taunted as they made their way out of the classroom. "Maybe I'll even give them to Ginny, just to prove I'm a better big bro than you."

"It's not worth it, Ron," Darkness said, putting her hand on his shoulder and holding him back. "We'll have a chance to ensure justice is done this evening. Wait until then."

"Yeah, fine. We'll win Ginny back," Ron agreed, lowering the fist he'd raised.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was actually the last class of the day for our intrepid...well, maybe not heroes, but at least protagonists. They all hurried to change not into their Halloween costumes, but their dancing outfits. The girls were all wearing color coordinated versions of the very same 80s jacket the Prince of Pop had worn in his famous music video, while the boys were wearing very 80s ripped acid washed jeans, along with some truly grotesque makeup that Aqua applied.

"Great, all we need is our DJ!" Aqua said as everyone finished changing. "Eris said she was busy, Chris had a game, and the real Axis Hearts are touring in South America, so I called in a special favor! Plus, they're extra spooky and perfect for Halloween!"

"Are they a dark and mysterious stranger from beyond space and time, here to cause misery and destruction?!" Megumin asked eagerly.

"Don't be silly, Wiz is a good lich. Even Eris likes her!" Aqua rejoined. "Hmm, I sense Death, and she's busy right now, so I bet that's her!"

Sure enough, the door to the Defense classroom opened, and Wiz the lich came in, dressed in her usual purple robes, but bearing a large platter of sweets. "Hello everyone! Happy All-Hallows Eve!"

"TRICK OR TREAT!" Megumin bellowed, and dove for the platter, snatching up an orange frosted cookie in the shape of a pumpkin, and a spider made of black licorice before Wiz could hand them over.

"You actually like that stuff?" Ron asked skeptically, making a face as Megumin inhaled the candy arachnid.

"I gladly feast upon the flesh of my foes!" Megumin said, grabbing another spider and thrusting it towards Ron. "You should as well, to conquer your fear!"

"No, I mean, black licorice. It's disgusting," Ron said, pushing the spider away.

"A true Crimson Demon relishes a variety of flavors, no matter how alien!" Megumin boasted as everyone else crowded around to take their pick of the expertly crafted and decorated treats.

"Well, I'm having something healthy," Hermione sniffed, taking some baked asparagus that had a sliver of almond shoved into the end to make it look like a broken off green finger.

"Oh, I'm so glad you all like it!" Wiz said happily. "I can't really taste food myself, but I do so love baking! It's good I haven't lost the talent since, ah…well, I stopped needing to eat."

"Why did you become a lich?" Megumin asked around a mouthful of cookie as she reached for a marshmallow ghost. "How old are you, anyway?"

Wiz jerked the tray away, looking very hurt. "I-It's not polite to talk of such things! I was 20 when I died, so, that's how old I am! And it's not unusual for someone who's 20 to be single, so it's perfectly fine I haven't found a husband!"

"But Bill said he visited your shop when he was my age, and that was ages ago. You can't be just twenty," Ron said, frowning.

"Nah, she's only like, one or two!" Aqua said, stealing a treat of her own off the tray. She shoved it in her mouth, but continued to talk, spraying crumbs everywhere. "I'm 16 myself."

That was so obviously false that the others all gave their teacher exasperated looks, save for Wiz, who was now pouting and looking very downcast. "...I'm not one yet…surely not…"

"Well, look, the point is, you're going to help me win back my little sister, right Wiz?" Ron asked. "We can't let Kazuma steal Ginny!"

"Oh my…" Wiz blushed, and looked at Aqua. "Um, is, er…you know…She here?"

"Uh? Megumin's right there, and that's Darkness. Can't you recognize them?" Aqua demanded.

"No I mean…you know…Belzerg?" Wiz said, whispering the last part.

"Oh, you mean Iris? Nah, I have her on standby. Cecily knows to send her if something bad happens somewhere else. Now come on! Let's go get set up!"

Aqua led the way through the castle to the Great Hall, where she proceeded to set to work constructing a stage, while Wiz opened a portal to her shop with a short incantation and gesture.

"I don't recognize that sort of magic," Hermione said, watching as a series of tiny black and white dolls lugged various sound equipment through the portal, each of them chanting "HUP HUP HUP HUP" as they worked.

"Hmm? Oh, er, um…it's, um…lich magic! Yes, um, I don't think any mortals in this world know how to do it!" Wiz explained, blushing furiously.

"It's remarkable," Percy said, studying the portal. "You can actually see through it to your shop. I didn't think it was even possible to portkey or apparate inside Hogwarts."

"Um, um, well, I, er…" Wiz was looking increasingly flustered and out of sorts, one of the hairs atop her head standing up stock straight like some sort of antenna. Fortunately, she was saved from further questions in that vein when Argus Filch barged in.

"JUST WANT IN THE BLAZING HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY HALL!?" the caretaker roared, stalking forward. "Potter! And her crew! I might have known! What are these little abominations you summoned?! Get rid of them, don't tell me they explode! And-ARGH! Get it off, get it off!"

One of the little dolls had rushed forward to Flich, and was now furiously humping his leg while giggling maniacally.

"Those things are evil!" Aqua snarled, jumping forward. "SACRED EXORCISM!"

"EEEEE!" Wiz squealed as bright blue light radiated off of Aqua. The doll that had been humping Filch's leg was instantly vaporized, while several others let out squeals of pain and then dissolved to dust.

Then the rest of them all started to blow up, destroying Aqua's stage, quite a few of the Halloween decorations, and ruining much of the sound equipment.

"DAMN YOU VANIR!" Aqua raged, rolling up her sleeves and stalking towards the portal. "I'm going to deck that stupid demon back to hell!"

"Wait, help, Wiz, she's disappearing!" Darkness said frantically, kneeling next to the body of the poor shopkeeper, who was fading to transparent colors.

"Oh. Um, well, she probably needs some vitality. I, er, may have overdone it on the holy energy," Aqua admitted, stopping and looking rather sheepish.

"Vitality?" Fred asked, hurrying over. "I'll happily, er, donate some to Miss Wiz!"

"Don't be gross!" Hermione snapped. "It should be a girl."

"Well, you're the only girl she can take vitality from here, the others have too much holy energy," Aqua said with a shrug.

"Um…" Hermione looked extremely uncertain about this, but before she could further debate, both Fred and George ran up and took Wiz's hands in their own.

"Miss Wiz, please, feel free, take as much of our vitality as you wish!" Fred said eagerly.

"Though maybe we should go somewhere more private first," George said. "And probably not at the same time."

"Where's your sense of adventure? Fred teased.

"You…you're sure?" Wiz asked, her voice tinny and almost inaudible.

"Oh yes, I've always dreamed of giving my vitality to a beautiful woman," Fred said eagerly, and George shrugged and nodded.

"Oh…thank you…Drain Touch…"

Both Fred and George gasped and twitched a bit as purple streams of energy were sucked out of their hands. After only a few seconds, Wiz sat up. "Oh, I'm so sorry…I hope that didn't hurt…but I was rather low on unholy energy…I do so hate feeding on the living, but it's the only way for me to replenish my hitpoints."

"HA! I KNEW IT!" Megumin said, jumping forward and causing Wiz to gasp and jerk back in fright. "How do you unlock leveling and XP!? What about classes!? I DEMAND TO BE AN ARCHWIZARD! Also, I have created Crimson Demons as my own custom homebrew race!"

"What? Don't you have your Adventurer's Card?" Wiz asked, looking confused. "Or wait…this is one of those strange worlds where…oh, I'm so sorry, I was, um, unwell. Of course there's no such thing as levels or XP! I, um…I like playing that game, the one with the dice."

Before Megumin could further investigate, they were yet again interrupted by Professor McGonagall sweeping into the Great Hall, her robe's skirts hiked up to mid thigh. "MISS POTTER! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SETTING OFF EXPLOSIONS INSIDE THE CASTLE!"

"It wasn't me!" Megumin protested. "I would never cause such a pathetic explosion. It was those little dolls!"

She pointed to the stream of automatons that were coming through the portal with various cleaning supplies, as well as some duct tape and glue. They were sweeping up the remains of their brethren, all the while still chanting "HUP HUP HUP HUP!"

"I…what are those things?" McGonagall said, blinking and taking stock of the situation.

"Vile hellspawn that should be cleansed from this world," Aqua growled, and raised a fist that suddenly glowed and swirled with a rainbow of power.

"Don't do that again!" Percy cried. "You'll make more of them blow up!"

"And what…is…" McGonagall trailed off as her eyes locked onto the portal, through which a seemingly endless stream of little dolls was passing back and forth. "Good heavens…"

"Miss Potter, what on earth are you doing?!" Professor Flitwick panted, skidding into the Great Hall. He nearly immediately spied the portal, let out a squeak, and had to sit down.

"Is every professor going to barge in here and assume that Megumin is blowing up the place?" Hermione said, looking a bit concerned.

"To be fair, I think it's a reasonable assumption," Darkness pointed out.

"Of course it isn't!" Megumin protested, which earned her several incredulous looks. "As we all know, if I had cast an Explosion in here, you wouldn't have to wonder if I was responsible."

"Got a point there," Ron agreed.

"Leaving aside Miss Potter," McGonagall said, as Sprout dashed into the room and was flagged down by Flitwick. "What, exactly, is going on here? What are these little…things…"

"And why did you build that thing in the middle of my hall?" Filch demanded, apparently over his shock.

"It's for our performance," Aqua explained as she continued to glare at the little dolls. "But as usual, that stupid demon ruined everything."

"He's just trying to help!" Wiz said, looking hurt. "Aqua, you know Vanir is my oldest friend, you two really ought to try to get along more…"

"Never! It goes against my nature to tolerate one of his kind. Or one of his stupid dolls," Aqua said, and poked one doll with a finger.

It immediately cackled, then exploded in her face. The main effect seemed to be that Aqua's face and clothes were blackened by the bang. Aqua blinked for a moment, then sat down and started to wail, tears streaming down her cheeks in abundance.

Which was when Snape, Dumbledore, and even Professor Sinestra all sprinted into the great hall. Snape looked apoplectic, Sinestra like she was about to pass out from fright, and Dumbledore glided along, unperturbed.

"Ah, Miss Wiz. So good to see you this evening," Dumbledore said, smiling brightly. "My, my, are those some of your famous treats?"

"Oh, yes!" Wiz hastily picked up the tray from a nearby table and proffered it. "Would you like some, Albus?"

"I don't mind if I do," Dumbledore chuckled, taking a cookie from the tray and taking a large bite. "Excellent as ever. And…Professor Mizu. What seems to be the matter?"

"Vanir is a great big doo-doo head! I'm going to exorcise him and send him straight back to Hell where he belongs!" Aqua sniveled, wiping at her eyes.

"Ah, I see. You are acquainted with Miss Wiz's…companion?"

"That jerk's been tormenting me and my followers ever since…I dunno, a really long time! He's nothing but a great big problem!" Aqua complained.

"They have never gotten along," Wiz said with a sigh. "I know Vanir is, er…well, his people have a bad reputation, but he'd never actually hurt a soul! He promised me! And as far as I know, he's never harmed an innocent person since he made that promise. Kom-I mean, the leader of his people wouldn't allow it."

"Ah, we shall have to speak of this some other time," Dumbledore said. He turned to the portal, which was still rather active. "That is a most interesting piece of magic. I did not think that anyone could apparate within Hogwarts. Is it similar to a portkey?"

"Oh, I…suppose? I learned this from the Kirin-. Um, that is…from another order of mages. I…oh…are you upset with me? I…I can go fetch that special item for you, but I promise, it's been very safe!" Wiz babbled.

Dumbledore shook his head and smiled. "No, no, I am quite content with its location for the time being, and trust you still, Miss Wiz. Now, I must ask, what exactly is this all in purpose of?"

"We're going to perform a concert!" Megumin said excitedly. "And win back Ron's little sister!"

"Oh, you shall be giving us a private concert, Miss Mizu? That is, Professor Aqua?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh, yeah! We're going to do Thriller!" Aqua said excitedly. "I brought Wiz here because she can make some zombies for us."

"B-but I never- I refuse to raise the dead! How could you even ask that!?" Wiz gasped.

"Oh relax, I'll put them to rest afterwards!" Aqua said cheerfully. Then she looked guilty. "Just, um, don't tell Eris. Or any of the others. Especially, um, not you-know-who."

"Why would she tell Voldemort?" Ron asked, his own fear of the name rather gone now that he had personally seen Megumin vaporize him (or at least been around when it happened).

"Huh? Oh, him. No, I don't care about him. I mean the rest of-"

"I won't tell," Wiz sighed. "But…well, they would all be very cross if they knew you'd even asked…"

Wiz looked around, then pointed to the Vanir dolls. "Oh! What if we decorated some of these? I bet I could get Vanir to agree to it!"

"Ew, they're all unholy abominations!" Aqua protested, making a face.

"So are zombies. The Book of Fair Fortune is very clear about what to do to the undead," Darkness said. Then she blushed. "Um, well, present company excluded. I don't think Miss Wiz is evil, or suffering."

"Oh, no, I'm fine now, Darkness," Wiz said with a smile.

"Headmaster, you can't seriously be willing to allow this!" McGonagall protested.

Dumbledore stroked his beard for a moment, then smiled. "Why, I think a concert and dance party is just the thing to celebrate Halloween. Do see to it that there are no more explosions though, or I will have to remove Vanir's homunculi myself."

"Yes! The Crimson Demon Clan will blow you all away!" Megumin cheered.

Until Snape came up behind her and said, "Accio Potter's Wand."

"What?! Why!?" Megumin exclaimed, glaring at Snape. "I haven't even done anything!"

"Yet," Snape growled. "And I intend to keep it that way."

"Hmph. Everyone knows performances are better with pyrotechnics," Megumin complained.

Everyone else breathed a sigh of relief.

Well, except Wiz. But she did a decent facsimile of one.