While everyone else was causing a great hullabaloo about the Misdeeds of Megumin (real or implied), the Slytherins were not idle. Much to Kazuma's great disappointment.
"But Ginny, we've got the rest of the day off, we should just relax! Eat some candy, maybe tell spooky stories," Kazuma protested as he and the rest of the Misfit Minions trooped down to Hagrid's Hut, still dressed in their Halloween costumes.
"Kazuma, you have to know that my idiot brothers are planning something," Ginny lectured as they walked. For reasons that escaped most of them, Ginny was dressed in a blue gingham dress with her hair done up in blue ribbons, as well as bright red sparkling slippers on her feet.
However, thanks to her rather eclectic upbringing, Ginny had a vague idea of who Dorothy was, and heartily approved of her followers' costumes. She had a plan, because Ginny was perhaps the only true Slytherin aside from Kazuma to have been sorted in ages.
"What makes you think they're planning something?" Dust asked curiously.
"Draco, Kazuma, can you answer Dust's question?" Ginny asked sweetly.
"Dumbarse. They've been doing that weird thing with Aqua for weeks," Kazuma said.
Draco nodded. "Yeah, those morons are up to something. Ron keeps mentioning how he's going to wreak his terrible vengeance too."
"Yeah, but Megumin does that all the time," Dust pointed out. "Doesn't mean anything."
"Well, we can't let him steal our little sister. We stole her first, fair and square," Kazuma said, and Draco nodded in agreement as they reached the hut.
"Hello, Hagrid!" Ginny said, waving to the grounds keeper as he loaded up a large cart with pumpkins. "Did you manage to find them?"
"O' course I did!" Hagrid said, turning around and smiling as he dusted off his hands. "Wiz jes dropped 'em off. Cute little blighters. Though they're awful cold. Wiz said she knitted 'em all little sweaters and caps, and they're jes the most precious things ye've ever seen."
Hagrid led the group around the side of his hut, to where a large cage full of frantic, screaming occupants was found. It had large, thick bars that were closely spaced together, and reeked of rotten fruit and feces.
"Wait, are those-" Kazuma began, then looked at himself and his companions. Then he started laughing so hard that he sat down, tears streaming down his face.
"What's so funny?" Dust asked, reaching into the cage to try to pet one of its occupants. The furry little monster snapped at his hand, making him cry out and withdraw it.
"Filthy creatures," Draco sniffed, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "What do we want with a load of flying monkeys? Is this why you had us tucking away all those bananas for weeks?"
Ginny turned around, her sweet and innocent expression slowly devolving into a wicked grin. "The better question is, what can't we do with a load of flying monkeys?"
The three Slytherins began to evilly rub their hands together, while Dust just looked a bit confused. Finally, he perked up and declared, "Open a banana stand!"
Everyone else paused, and slowly turned to him. "What?" Kazuma asked.
"Open a banana stand," Dust repeated, nodding in satisfaction. "Everyone knows monkeys like bananas, and if they can fly, well, good luck keeping them out of your bananas. So, you know, we can't use them to open a banana stand. Which makes me wonder why you had us get all those bananas, anyway."
Ginny considered this a moment, then turned to Kazuma and Draco. "Why is he in Slytherin, anyway?"
"We keep asking ourselves that," Draco sighed. "Let's go plant the bananas."
Dust raised a finger. "Isn't this the wrong climate?"
"I think it's the right one," Kazuma chuckled, slapping Dust on the back. "Come on, it's time to teach those idiots to try to steal our little sister."
Back at the castle, the Axis Hearts were doing some last minute warm ups as Wiz tried to run the sound booth with the help of Lee Jordan, who had some experience with such spells announcing quidditch matches.
"I've never seen this muggle stuff, how's it work?" Lee asked, poking at the sound board with its myriad lights, toggles, and buttons.
"Honestly, I don't know. We didn't really have muggles in Belzerg, or on most of the places Aqua has taken me to," Wiz sighed absently as she tried to puzzle out the instruction manual. "Aqua insisted that we get top of the line sound equipment, and Cecily sent it over from her touring gear. Even though she's older than me, Cecily always understood this muggle lightning magic better than I do."
"What, you mean electricity?" Lee asked, frowning at Wiz. "How old are you? You sound like some of my really old relatives on my mum's side who haven't a clue about how electricity works."
Wiz puffed up, sticking her lip out and pouting. "I'm twenty! It's perfectly normal for a woman of my age-"
"To not know about electricity? Well, I guess you were a witch before you died or whatever. Are you really a zombie?" Lee asked, sounding interested.
"It's not polite to ask a lady things like that," Wiz sniffed. "I'm not a zombie."
"Good, because we are, and we hunger for braaaaaaiiinnnsss."
"EEEEEEE!" Wiz jumped up, summoning an icy spear the size of a telephone pole on the palm of her hand as she spun about, shrieking in terror at the two rotting corpses behind her.
"Oh, nice, that make up is spot on!" Lee said, grinning at the two walking corpses. "Professor Aqua do that?"
"Yeah, she's pretty brilliant at this stuff," Fred the Zombie agreed. "Say, what spell is that, Wiz? Didn't even see you use a wand."
"It's, um…a-a Glacius charm," Wiz stammered, waving her hand and causing her spear to vanish. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"
With a sniff, she hiked up her skirts and went over to adjust some wiring, shooing away several Vanir dolls as she stooped to adjust the sound equipment.
The three boys watched her go, admiring the sway Wiz put her in her walk.
"You really think she's as scary as people claim?" George whispered.
Fred snorted. "Mum tried to tell me that You-Know-Who was scared of her, but I don't buy it. She's just too silly and scatterbrained."
"I mean, You-Know-Who did get his arse exploded by your little brother and his manic friends," Lee pointed out.
"Yeah, but Megumin is actually terrifying," Fred argued. "At least You-Know-Who isn't likely to blow you up because you took the last treacle tart."
"That is because a Crimson Demon requires constant nourishment, and it is proven that sweets are the most vital of food groups!"
All three boys jerked around to find Megumin grinning up at them, dressed in her costume for the performance.
"How can something so loud be so quiet?" George complained.
"Yes! I am silent, but deadly!" Megumin declared, grinning and posing dramatically.
All three boys exchanged a look, then broke down in sniggers. Megumin tried to maintain her triumphant pose, but suddenly went beet red as she realized just what she had said. "N-not like that! A-a Crimson Demon is not at all like a fart!"
"I dunno, you're usually a gas, Megumin," Fred sniggered.
"She's a right ripper," Lee giggled.
George opened his mouth, then gasped in pain as Megumin headbutted him.
"That's not fair," George gasped as he clutched at his stomach.
"Oh don't worry, I'll do the other two as soon as I catch them," Megumin growled, glaring as Fred and Lee ran off whooping.
"No I mean, you're supposed to use your wand. I wasn't expecting the headbutt," George complained.
"The Crimson Demon Clan always does the unexpected. Now stand still you two! I wish to wreak vengeance upon you!" Megumin sprinted after the two boys, chasing them until they decided to pick her up and dangle Megumin by her ankles.
"Unhand me, villains! I must wreck my vengeance upon you! Ron, rescue me!" Megumin demanded as Ron came over with his newly applied zombie make up.
"Oi, let her down you two. She's half your size!" Ron said, coming over to glare at his brother and Lee.
"So what?" Fred asked, shaking Megumin slightly and making her squeal and swear vengeance. "We put her down and she'll do us like she did George."
"Alright! Places, everyone!" Aqua called, coming in with Darkness and Hermione now that she'd finished putting on the boys' makeup. "It's time to start."
Fred and Lee dropped Megumin without further comment, and Ron had to dive forward to prevent her head from cracking the stone floor.
"Villains! You will rue the day you tormented Megumin Potter!" she swore, shaking her fist and trying to scramble atop Ron, who was still sprawled on the floor.
"Ow, get off, you're ruining my makeup!" Ron complained.
Megumin hopped up and helped Ron up, grumbling under her breath.
"Ugh. How do I look?" Ron asked, gingerly touching his face and smearing his mottled facepaint.
Megumin considered for a moment, then nodded. "Like a hideous monster."
"Brilliant." Ron chuckled nervously, glancing at the stage. It was all ready to go somehow, and was decorated as if it were an old abandoned graveyard, with mossy headstones, an open grave, and a rusty wrought iron fence as a backdrop. "Well, I guess…break a leg?"
"Do not fear, Ron! The Crimson Demon Clan LIVES to be in the spotlight! Come! Our performance will be so incredibly cool, Ginny will beg to join us!"
The dances assembled on stage, while the Weasley boys all crawled into the various graves.
"This is embarrassing," Percy muttered, looking down at the freshly dug pit. He shook his head and glanced at the students now filtering into the hall. "What if…what if someone sees me like this? And why are there all these bananas down there?"
"Then Penny will think you're super amazing for performing such an awesome dance! I bet she'll even agree to go on a date with you!" Aqua declared, giving Percy a thumbs up. "Don't worry, if she gets petrified, I'll just heal her!"
"But I'm the one who's petrified," Percy whined.
"Oi, Perse, what's that?" Fred said, coming up behind his brother and pointing over his shoulder at something behind Percy.
Turning, Percy frowned. "What's wha-AAAAAAHH!"
Fred grinned, waving down at Percy after having pushed him into the grave, where he landed with a wet squish. "Must have been my imagination, have fun down there!"
Percy muttered, "Bloody hell, why are there a bunch of bananas down here?" But didn't say anything further, simply wiping some of the smeared fruit off himself and grimacing.
Dumbledore glided up to the podium, dressed in a tacky black custom tux, a black felt cloak with a velvet red liner, and cheap plastic vampire fangs poking out of his mouth.
"Velcome, vun and all!" Dumbledore said in an over-the-top Transylvanian accent. He smiled out at all the students, who were one and all dressed up in various costumes. Behind him, the professors were sporting Halloween garb as well, from Minerva McGonagall who sported a toga in imitation of her namesake, to Flitwick who had turned his skin green, elongated his ears, and had on a picture-perfect Jedi robe. Even Filch had on a clown suit and face paint, though he wore his typical scowl.
The sole exception was Severus Snape, who as the resident killjoy, was dressed up as an insufferable grouch who wouldn't know fun if it bit him on the hand. Which, with Megumin around, was entirely possible.
"Tonight, ve have a vunderful performance, from our very own Professor Avquva!" Dumbledore said, turning and indicating the stage. "As I have said, music is a magic greater than anything ve teach at Hogvarts. So, vithout further ado, let the feast and show begin!"
The students clapped as the lights dimmed. In the back, Wiz raised her wand (which was entirely perfunctory) and the ominous sound of a creaking door filled the air. Jordan set a record onto the tray, and a funky beat began to play as a wolf howled in the distance.
Of course, four miscreants were missing from the Slytherin table, unnoticed by anyone. Well, except Snape. But as he was a killjoy and rather disapproved of the whole thing, he certainly wasn't going to speak up, and was actually smirking in anticipation.
Outside of the windows, Kazuma and the others were listening as the music began.
"Now?" Draco asked, raising a cage filled with monkeys.
"Not yet, not yet," Ginny whispered.
Inside, the students began to cheer as Aqua and the girls began to dance, and the ghosts filled the Great Hall, as if drawn to the music.
"Wait for it, wait for it…" Kazuma hissed. The monkey in his cage rattled it, glaring at him.
"Hey, just wait. You smell the bananas?" Kazuma asked the monkey.
It shrugged, then glanced up at the window.
"That's right. There's a ton of bananas in there. Right under the stage. So you just get in there and eat as many as you want," Kazuma promised.
The monkeys hooted softly at this, rattling their cages.
Just as the singing began, Ginny cried, "NOW!" and everyone flung open the cages. A pack of howling flying monkeys raced into the air, darting through the windows.
Inside, everyone was watching enthralled as the zombies rose up out of their graves. Ron had just started to dance along with the others, when a troop of screaming monkeys came flying through the windows and descended upon him.
"AAAAHHH!" Ron screamed. "GERROF, GERROF!"
He spun about the stage, swearing and trying to peel off the monkeys, who were trying to eat the banana that was smeared over his backside from lying in the grave.
For a moment, there was pure panic. Megumin turned to the monkeys, her eyes glowing brightly. "Foul beasts! Witness now the power of the Crimson Demon Clan! Darkness blacker than-"
In the chaos, however, one woman knew what to do. For she had many millennia of dealing with pure monkey business.
"Wiz!" Aqua shouted. "Quick, the backup disk!"
"You mean Elvis's Greatest Hits?" Wiz cried, digging around frantically.
"No! Jungle Book! Track five!" Aqua snapped, then decked a monkey that flew too close to her.
"Um, um, oh, where is it, where is it!?" Wiz cried in panic. The students, meanwhile, broke out in gales of laughter, and Snape looked like the cat who got the mouse.
Then, Wiz found the right record, and quickly replaced the Jackson vinyl.
Immediately, Aqua began to dance back and forth, snapping her fingers.
Now I'm the king of the swingers, Oh, the Jungle VIP!
The monkeys froze in their attack, watching in fascination. The Weasleys and the dancers paused, watching as Aqua began to make trumpeting sounds with her mouth through her hands.
Then, Aqua suddenly spun, facing the flying monkeys, who were mesmerized by her antics.
"I WANNA BE LIKE YOU!" Aqua declared, and the monkeys jumped down, forming a line behind Aqua.
"Oh, oobee doo!" the monkeys sang, despite previously being incapable of speech.
Soon, Aqua and the monkeys were making nonsense sounds back and forth, dancing in time to the music.
"What do we do!?" Hermione hissed, looking panicked as she stared out at the baffled students.
Darkness blushed and shrugged. "Well, I guess we dance like monkeys."
Meanwhile, the four Slytherins slipped into the Great Hall, expecting to find a performance in shambles. Instead, all four of them watched, gobsmacked, as Aqua danced with a monkey. The students were all cheering wildly, and instead of spreading chaos, the monkeys were dancing with Aqua's troupe as if they'd been trained to do so.
"Wait, that's not what was supposed to happen!" Draco hissed, pointing as they monkeys clapped in time to the beat along with the original performers.
"This is so unfair," Ginny sighed. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find bananas in October in Scotland?"
"Yes, because you made us keep getting them!" Kazuma hissed, glaring daggers at Ginny. "Do you have any idea how much I had to bribe the older Slytherins to bring them back from Hogsmeade?!"
"Hey, I like this, it's catchy!" Draco said, snapping his fingers to the beat.
The song finished up, and Aqua fixed the monkeys with a firm look, planting her hands on her hips. "Alright, now, we're going to try Thriller again. Just copy the boys' motions, and you can join in. Afterwards, we'll get banana splits, OK?"
The monkeys nodded eagerly, and soon the performance was going off without a hitch once more. Defeated and dejected, Ginny and her minions slumped in their seats, the only ones (aside from Snape) not enjoying the Halloween treat.
No one, not even Megumin, noticed that there was an empty seat at the Hufflepuff table.
Outside the Great Hall, Yunyun peeked around a corner. She nodded to herself, then motioned behind her. "T-there's no one here, Slyvia, come on!"
Yesss, Mistressesss…
Around the corner, the giant basilisk slithered silently as Yunyun tiptoed over. The snake had a giant bucket of red paint in her jaws, and Yunyun was carrying a brush. As the music played in the background, the two of them hastily began to write on the walls.
Let those who would disrupt the tranquility of our bonds beware: the Union of Spreading Social Reform is now on the march.
In the back of Yunyun's mind, Tom gibbered and raged at the renaming of the Chamber of Secrets, but Yunyun ignored him. She rather liked the name, and thought it was a very clever play on words that was worthy of a true Crimson Demon. She even made sure to draw a banner, featuring all of the Hogwarts houses united under the clasped hands of friendship.
After they finished the painting, Yunyun stepped back, admiring their handiwork. She quickly took out the diary and scribbled in it, See, Tom? If we are all friends, things will work out so much better! I'm sure this will teach everyone a lesson.
But what about the mudbloods and non-humans?! This is undermining the entire movement! You're ruining the aesthetics! It's not even green and silver, why did you use so much red?! At least use black, that's a dramatic color!
Yunyun sighed and shook her head. If you keep using that word, I'm going to have to put you back in time out. All are friends in the Union of Spreading Social Reform.
No, please! I'll be good! It's so lonely when you won't talk to me… Tom begged, the page seeming to run as though he were weeping.
Remember, my parents are muggles, so they're your friends too. Everyone, both wizards, muggles, and monsters should be friends! Yunyun repeated that last bit out loud so that Sylvia could understand her.
That'ssss not what my old massster ssssaid…but they didn't bring me treatsssss or read me sssstories. Sylvia said as she used her tail to put the finishing touches on the mural. The ancient basilisk glanced over her shoulder to where the sounds of the concert could be heard. That ssssoundsssss….Interssssting. I like mussssic. Massssster would play the flute for me, sssssometimesssss, when I wasssss a hatchling.
"Well, we'll just have to find a way for you to go to a concert!" Yunyun said. She sighed and patted Slyvia affectionately. "Unfortunately, right now you couldn't watch because, um…"
I would kill everyone with my gaze, and they would ssssscream and try to kill me, Sylvia agreed. That issss why I mussssst be alone. Sometimessss….well. At leasssst I am not alone now. It wasssss sssso long…
Yunyun considered this. "Well, maybe there is a solution…I-I'll have to do some research, but…maybe…"
Before they could sneak back to the sewers though, there was a loud screech, and a flying monkey darted overhead. Sylvia's eyes snapped open, and she glared angrily at the pest. The monkey made the mistake of looking down at her, and immediately turned to stone, dropping out of the air with a loud crash.
Oooo, a ssssnack! Sylvia scooped up the stone monkey, swallowing it in one bite. Tassssty….
"We'd better go before s-someone comes to check…" Yunyun said, and the two of them hurried back to the secret lair of the Union of Spreading Social Reform.
Severus Snape had a headache, and for once it wasn't Megumin's fault. Instead, he glared down at four members of his own house, who were fidgeting nervously in his office. He opened his mouth to speak, but with a loud shriek, a pair of those damned flying pests zoomed into the room, apparently hellbent on ransacking it.
All four of the miscreants flinched, and Snape silently raised his wand. Two red bolts shot out, and the flying monkeys fell to the ground, stunned.
"What, exactly," Snape ground out, slowly lowering his arm, "possessed you to think that bringing those pestilent primates into Hogwarts was a good idea?"
"Well, you see, sir," Kazuma began. Snape fixed him with a glare, and Kazuma trailed off to incoherent mutterings.
"Well, we thought they could take care of the banana problem," Dust offered.
Snape closed his eyes and tried very hard not to grind his teeth as he allowed the other three children to slap Dust around a bit. When the sounds of Dust getting smacked upside the back of his head quieted down, Snape opened his eyes again.
"I cannot begin to fathom what your actual mental processes behind importing such a nuisance to this school could be, but you shall be having detention until such a time as every single one of these animals is captured and given over to Hagrid or Professor Kettleburn for disposal," Snape ordered.
Ginny looked rather rebellious at that announcement, going red in the face and clenching her fists, but Draco nudged her and she calmed down enough to grind out a "Yes, sir," with her companions.
"Now get out, and get those damn flying monkeys!" Snape ordered, and Headaches Four (Slytherin Edition) scampered out of the door. He sat back, rubbing his forehead and contemplating which of the various headache cures to use. He absently wondered if he shouldn't just set up a firewhiskey distillery and be done with it, then dismissed the idea.
Just as Snape was starting in on his own personal headache potion recipe, there was a timid knock on the doorframe, which stood open. "If this is potions business, enter. Otherwise, begone with you."
There was the hasty pattern of steps on the stone floor, and Snape glanced up, then did a double take when he saw glowing red eyes. For a moment, his heart leapt, and he hastily wondered if there was any chance there was a potion that could make monkeys spontaneously combust and if Megumin had already tried brewing it. Then he realized it was the other short, dark haired, red eyed girl.
And like most people, Snape forgot that Yunyun was a member of the Crimson Demon clan, and what that really meant. Despite being one of the only people in the entire world who had a good grasp of what that implied.
"Miss Dursley. What is it? I was perfectly clear on your essay instructions, and I will not discuss your grade nor allow you to modify it," Snape recited, though he was half wondering what the girl was doing with an advanced potions textbook in her arms.
While Yunyun didn't have Megumin's flamboyance or drive to brew ever more complex and dangerous things, Yunyun was one of his best students, quietly delivering excellence in every class. He found her to be something of a refreshing change from the normal inane babble, as she was typically quiet. The main problem was that none of the other students liked working with Yunyun, despite the fact that she always got top marks.
"Um, I…" Snape frowned at the stuttering, which prompted the girl to blush and speak up slightly. "I-I was looking through Megumin's advanced potions book, and um, I saw this…"
Yunyun opened the book and held it up, showing a potion that made Snape's eyebrows rise up. "An animagus potion? That's far too advanced for a second year. Not even your cousin has asked me about it yet."
"T-that's because Megumin says d-druids are lame, b-but I like talking with animals, and I think Wild Shape is c-cool," Yunyun said in explanation.
The unfortunate thing was that Snape more or less understood what she was talking about, as Lily had been obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons starting in their fourth year. He vaguely remembered druids being added in one of those supplements he'd gotten her as a present at some point, and that James had been especially obnoxious about playing one, even though that had been around the point where Snape had been drifting to other, less embarrassing company to his eventual regret.
However, getting Snape to admit that his past was that of a huge nerd was something he wouldn't do even under the Cruciatus. "A mere passing fancy to speak to animals is no grounds to attempt such a dangerous potion. Go. I have work to do."
"I-it's not for me! Um, it's for…a friend! S-she wants to, um…make new friends! And, well, to do that she needs to, um….turn into a new…creature!" Yunyun said hastily.
Snape glared at Yunyun, already irritated with the conversation. "It is obvious that you mean yourself. I have no more time to waste with you."
"B-but it's not me! I-I have l-lots of friends! Even if they are fighting…b-but my friend is really lonely, and-and I really want her and Megumin to be friends!" Yunyun begged, her eyes shimmering not with baleful magic, but tears this time.
Snape very nearly told Yunyun off. Then he absently touched the locket he kept beneath his robes, and thought of a time when his own friendship with one he still loved after all these years had ended when they drifted apart. He lowered his hand, forcing himself to remain only irritated. "And I suppose you think Megumin would enjoy brewing this potion with you, and that the two of you could become animagus together, or something equally nonsensical."
Yunyun started at that, and Snape concluded that he'd just sussed out her true intentions. He inwardly sighed heavily, and wished for that headache cure. "Child, if you truly wish to learn how to make an animagus potion, it will not be some simple thing you can accomplish in a day and a night, or even a month or a year. There is much you shall have to learn."
Yunyun nodded eagerly, sniffing and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and smiling at Snape. She looked rather like her mother in features, which meant that Snape saw more than a bit of Lily in that face, even though she was completely the opposite in personality. Despite himself, he began to explain the more complex steps to brewing and storage of long term potion ingredients, showing the store of items that were used by the NEWT level students, and that could be purposed for an animagus potion.
"But this potion also requires mastery of transfiguration. To learn that, you must seek elsewhere. I have no interest in this potion, for it is a waste of time and nothing but a cheap trick," Snape said, shutting his cabinet and locking it firmly. He had purchased some very good muggle locks along with the typical charms, and was rather certain they would thwart any attempts to simply pick the lock.
"T-thank you, sir!" Yunyun said happily, apparently satisfied at the explanations. Then, she hesitated. "Um, what about…what about if my friend…isn't, um…you know…human."
Snape's blood froze, and stiffened. He felt his heart begin to pound, and he forced himself to breathe and regard Yunyun levelly. "What are you saying?"
"W-well, um, I just…I was wondering…would it work…if you weren't, you know…a normal human?" Yunyun asked, looking down and scuffing her shoes on the floor.
Snape's mind began to race. Of course. He should have known, should have seen it. "The potion would have to be adapted, as would the transfiguration," he said absently. Yes. Yunyun and Megumin were not human. Lily, James, and Petunia must have managed it. It should have been impossible, but…it would explain things. Too many things. "Do not try to make this potion for yourself or for Megumin until you are certain. It may take years of study."
Yunyun nodded and turned to go, but Snape reached out and grabbed her shoulder, spinning her about. He loomed over the girl, fear making his voice hoarse and raw. "Do not try to make that potion, do you understand? Find another way to make friends with your cousin."
"Um, I…I promise I won't make an animagus potion for me or Megumin," Yunyun squeaked.
Snape nodded and let the girl go. Then he turned back to his desk, and picked up quill and ink, his headache forgotten.
He needed to write Petunia.
Walking away from Professor Snape's office, Yunyun was rather disappointed, but still firm in her conviction. She would find a way to help Sylvia and Tom make more friends! She took out the diary, and hastily scribbled down what Snape had told her.
I never had much interest in the animagus potion, but I should be able to help you brew it, Tom wrote back. Modifying it will be tricky though, we'll have to do a lot of research.
We'll find a way to help Sylvia make friends, don't worry Tom! Yunyun assured him as she walked along the halls of Hogwarts.
She earned more than a few odd looks from other students, but she mostly didn't realize that they were staring at her. She had already earned a reputation as a loner and a bit of a stalker, and her recent habit of walking around while scrubbing in a journal was just another of her anti-social quirks as far as most of the students were concerned.
I don't see why you're worried. The Serpent of Slytherin has gotten along perfectly well alone, or with just me for company, Tom complained. I'm more worried that I'm just going to be stuck in this journal forever now. It sounded so cool to split my soul and have a book with all my darkest secrets, but now I just want out after all these years…
Yunyun nodded absently, wiping a bit of the red "ink" on her robes. She'd realized it was blood a long time ago, but she just made sure to drink some blood restorative potions and eat lots of iron so it was fine. I have an idea! We'll have a party to introduce more people to the Union of Spreading Social Reform! I'll bring you, and then we can take our new friends down into the Chamber! We can decorate it and everything!
WHAT?! The Chamber of Secrets is NOT-
Yunyun closed Tom's diary and scurried off. She was certain all her friends would come, and that they would love to meet Tom and Sylvia and join the USSR!
"We're not joining your stupid club, Yunyun," Ginny said a few days later when Yunyun gave her one of the fliers she'd made. "We're not a bunch of losers like you or your cousin are."
Said non-losers were currently carrying long poles, and were engaged in trying to capture the flying monkeys. So far, they had only some empty cages to show for it, despite having been at it all afternoon. Ginny had found them in one of the courtyards, where a particularly stubborn flying monkey had made its nest.
"W-what?! B-but I thought we were friends!" Yunyun said, clutching at the fliers. She hastily tried to give some to Kazuma, Dust, and Draco, but Ginny swatted them out of her hands.
"We're not a bunch of Hufflepuffs! Look, you could be our friend, or you could be Megumin's friend. Not both!" Ginny ordered.
"Er, Ginny…I do think Yunyun is a good friend…" Draco said uncertainly. "I think-"
"Draco, do you know who the least popular person in Hogwarts is?" Ginny demanded, spinning on Draco, and poking him in the stomach. "It's the person who doesn't have any friends except her own cousin who just tolerates her, and wanders around writing in a journal which is probably all about stalking her cousin. It's the one who puts up stupid murals while everyone else is having fun because she's so desperate. Do you want to be a loser with no friends, Draco?"
Draco went pale, and glanced at Kazuma and Dust, licking his lips. For her part, Yunyun was close to tears.
"No hard feelings, Yunyun, but you really do give off serious loner vibes," Kazuma said with a shrug. "You can hang out with us, but Megumin won't like it. And you've got to ditch that journal. It's weird."
"I vote we should be friends!" Dust said, smiling at Yunyun.
"You don't get a vote," Ginny informed him. "This isn't a democracy."
"Huh? Why not?" Dust demanded.
"Because you're a dumbarse!" Draco and Kazuma said at the same time. While they bickered, Yunyun's shoulders sagged, and she slunk off.
Ginny smirked as Yunyun left. She was going to be the ruler of Hogwarts. Not Megumin, and not Yunyun. Yes, she'd be quidditch captain, and the most popular girl, and a prefect, and one day…Head Girl. And her family would all admit that Ginny was really special, and not just because she was the only girl.
It was too bad about Yunyun, but Ginny didn't need someone that creepy and weird hanging around or distracting her minions. They had to stay focused on quidditch, which was what really mattered in life anyway.
Just then, something wet and smelly hit the back of Ginny's head, and she reddened. She whirled around to see a grinning flying monkey blow a raspberry at her. It waved its filthy fingers, and Ginny's wand snapped up, and she began hurling every jinx, curse, and charm she could think of in the general direction of the flying monkey. Normally, as a first year that wouldn't be very many, but since Ginny had been Fred and George's second favorite victim for years she had quite the repertoire.
"Got him," Ginny panted as the blotchy and twitching monkey lay at her feet, suffering from at least half a dozen minor hexes. "One down."
"Just how many of them are there, anyway?" Dust asked as he scooped the monkey up into the cage.
"Well, I told Hagrid to get twenty, so there should be seventeen or so left," Ginny said. Then she looked up at the nest, and went pale. A tiny little face was looking back at her. "Unless…unless they start to breed. How fast do flying monkeys breed?"
"How the heck should I know?" Kazuma demanded. "Can't be that fast, right?"
A sick feeling entered Ginny's stomach, and it wasn't just the monkey poo in her hair. "Right. Of course not. Because that would be ridiculous! Now help me get that baby down."
"Well, as much fun as it sounds like, Yunyun, I'm not going to join a club with those Slytherins there," Darkness said, folding her arms over her chest stubbornly. "You know how I feel about them. They may have helped us defeat Voldemort, but they tried to sabotage our concert! The nerve of them! I…I was most humiliated, as was professor Aqua! And as a Gryffindor, I cannot back down from such a challenge!"
"B-but you should all be friends!" Yunyun protested, holding up a flyer pleadingly. She turned to Megumin, who was looking up at Ron as he circled overhead with the Gryffindor Quidditch team. "Come on, M-Megumin! You'll come, right? W-we're more than friends…"
"We are friends, Yunyun, which is why I will promise to come and make everyone else come too, if you swear to cheer for Gryffindor next week in their match against Slytherin," Megumin said, turning and planting her hands on her hips. "We have to defeat Kazutrash and Dracslow."
"Dracslow?" Yunyun asked, confused.
"Sadly, unlike Kazuma, Draco's name does not easily lend itself to insulting nicknames," Megumin sighed. "I could just call him Malformed or Maladjusted, but that seems too easy. I shall have to consider this carefully, as a good insult is very important when addressing a rival."
"It is very important to support Ron, I think showing Ginny he's better at quidditch than her supposed new brothers will finally get her to admit she made a mistake becoming a Slytherin," Hermione said without looking up from her book. "Now, I've found several new quidditch formations, and perhaps those can be of some help in the upcoming match."
"B-but…" Yunyun swallowed. "I-I can't root against Draco, he's my friend too…"
"Then we're not coming to your meeting," Megumin said dismissively. "Besides, why should you care if you make more friends? You can just hang out with us. We're obviously way cooler than the Slytherins, as we have performed with an international superstar and got rave reviews in the Daily Prophet!"
Yunyun sagged. "But…I have other friends…and I want you to m-meet them…" She held up her journal. "Y-you could-"
"We're not going to meet Kazu-trash, Yunyun. You should just sit with us, we don't' have to talk about quidditch, we could work on homework too," Darkness offered.
But tears filled Yunyun's eyes, and she fled back into the castle. After considering it, she began to hang up her fliers, trying to put one in every corridor and hall. She even tried giving them out to some of the professors, though none of them seemed interested.
"Sorry, Yunyun, I've been giving out a lot of detentions so I can hang out with people more!" Aqua said. "I can give you one, if you'd like, then we could have fun together!"
"T-that's not what detentions are for…" Yunyun sighed. "A-and, um, my friends couldn't come too…"
"Eh, I can give you and Megumin a detention together later," Aqua said dismissively. "I gave Percy and Penelope a detention together though. They really need to just hurry up and start having fun together! You mortals make such a big deal about love. I don't really get it myself, but really if you'd enjoy it, why not just do it and worry about the details later? Is there a boy you like? Maybe I could give you a detention with him."
"I-I-I gottagobye!" Yunyun scurried away, fliers fluttering away behind her and leaving a trail in her wake.
Several days later, Yunyun sat alone in the Second Floor Girls Lavatory. Well, not quite alone.
"I don't see why you have to use mine as a place to have your meetings, '' Moaning Myrtle sniffed.
Yunyun sighed and looked up at Myrtle. "I-it's because the entrance to the Union of Spreading Social Reform's headquarters is in the back. W-we won't stay here."
"Well, it's a bit silly to have a meeting in the toilet if you ask me," Myrle sighed. She walked over to the door and stuck her head through it. After a moment, she popped back through, floating over to Yunyun. "No one's coming. You must be even lonelier than I am if the only person who will come to your club is a ghost. And I'm only here because that dreadful new professor doesn't have to use the lav."
Yunyun blinked in confusion, looking up at Myrtle. "What? All the professors are so nice! Um, well…except…maybe Snape…but he can be my friend too!"
"Oh, I don't care about him. I mean that annoying one who keeps making us move on." Myrtle shuddered, flickering to transparent and then back to visible briefly. "It's so frightening! I'm not ready to move on! I want to spend the rest of eternity here, at Hogwarts, so that I can solve the mystery of my death."
Before Yunyun could further inquire as to exactly what this meant, the door to the lavatory opened. Yunyun looked up hopefully, but Myrtle just shook her head. "Don't get your hopes up, love. It's probably just someone who has to use the WC."
"Hello," a voice called. "We're here for the secret club meeting."
Yunyun jumped up, opening the stall and hurrying out. She found Luna standing there, looking around absently, while Lavender Brown was making a face and looking rather disgusted.
"Y-you came!" Yunyun cried in delight. "Oh, I'm so happy! T-thank you! I-I was starting to worry…"
"I only came because Luna insisted," Lavender sighed. "And as Axis Priestess', we have to stick together. Especially since Pavarti won't swear her eternal devotion to Lady Aqua. But really, Yunyun, why on earth are we meeting in a toilet?"
"Obviously, this is a secret meeting for a conspiracy," Luna said, her eyes drifting over to Yunyun as a slow smile spread over her face. "As I have always wanted to be a part of a secret cabal, I simply had to come."
"Um, well…it's not really a secret cabal," Yunyun said. Luna looked rather disappointed at that, so she hastily added, "B-but we will be doing things y-you can't tell the professors about! And, um, well…you have to promise not to scream, o-or make fun of my other friend. She's, um…sensitive."
"I am not," Myrtle sniffed, floating up in the air and jerking her chin up. "I never even said I would be a part of your silly club."
"Hey, do you think we should exorcise Myrtle?" Lavender asked, frowning at the ghost. "Lady Aqua says the undead are unnatural, and that it's the Axis Cult's duty to purge them from the mortal realm."
At that, Myrtle let out a panicked wail, then dove for the toilet stalls. With a loud splash, she vanished, sending a wave of water over the floor.
"Oh, ick! Yunyun, can we leave, please?" Lavender begged, trying to edge away from the flow. "Lady Aqua holds water sacred, but I seriously don't like toilet water!"
"Um, yes, I suppose," Yunyun agreed. "P-please listen, a-and I'll teach you the secret password to the Hidden Base."
"Excellent! I knew there was a hidden base! Do you have any hidden secrets, or legendary creatures, like a crumple horned snorkack?" Luna asked eagerly, suddenly bouncing on her heels.
"Um, yes, but…don't call her that, s-she's very sensitive," Yunyun said hastily. Then she turned to the sinks, and uttered the password. "Open!"
The other two girls gasped in delight as the sink folded in on itself, turning about to reveal a hidden opening. One with a freshly painted "Welcome, Friends!" sign above it.
"Oooooo," Lavender and Luna chorused.
"Um, you have to slide down the tube," Yunyun said. "I-I cleaned it, I promise! I-it's not a sewer…mostly…"
"Sewers are the preferred meeting place of ancient conspiracies," Luna stated matter of factly. "There's no better place for clandestine meetings."
"It's not gross, right?" Lavender asked.
"Grossness is just part of the fun," Luna said, then seized Lavender by the arm and dragged her to the tunnel, jumping down and pulling her fellow Axis Cultist after her.
Yunyun hurried after them, which meant that all three ended up in a heap at the bottom of the slide.
"Ow!" Lavender complained. "Luna, why did you do that!?"
"You were hesitating. And as everyone knows, that's how They get you," Luna explained as she disentangled herself from the pile of robes and limbs. She paused, gazing at the enormous shape hovering above them. "Oh."
Welcome to the Union of Sssspreading Sssocial-
Luna began to scream, and as soon as Lavender got her head out from under Yunyun's robes, she latched on to Luna and the two of them shrieked in horror together.
"W-wait! It's OK, S-sylvia is nice! She's a friend!" Yunyun cried, scrambling onto her own feet.
"I-it's a snake!" Lavender babbled. "I don't like snakes!"
"It's a basilisk!" Luna wailed. "We're going to die! I'll never see mum and dad again!"
"Um, well, Sylvia is a basilisk, but…she's nice! Right, Slyvia?" Yunyun asked.
Slyvia, whose eyes were hidden behind blinders made from a bright yellow tablecloth that Yunyun had "borrowed" nodded hastily, and liftered the end of her tail up, waving. Yessss. I sssserve the misssstresss. And I wish to make friendssss.
"Is…is it talking?" Luna asked, still shivering and clutching at Lavender. "I think…I think it's talking."
"I don't care if it's talking," Lavender wept. "Make it go away!"
"Slyvia isn't an it, she's a girl, and she's my friend, and you are hurting her feelings," Yunyun huffed. "Now are you two going to keep being silly, or are you going to let us show you our underground base?"
Luna hiccuped, then slowly let go of Lavender, who was still sniffing and cowering. "I…I like the idea of exploring an underground base…"
"She's not going…to petrify us?" Lavender asked slowly. Then she frowned. "Wait, why does the basilisk have a mask?"
Are they ssstile upssset, misssstresss? Sylvia asked, sounding uncertain. They have ssstopped making the annoying prey ssssound, but I am not sssure.
"We're all friends here!" Yunyun said firmly. "Now come on! I left Tom in the new base I set up! You can meet him, and I can teach you snake talk!"
"Who's Tom?" Lavender asked, glancing away from Slyvia.
"Um, well, he lives in a book, but he's very nice," Yunyun promised.
"This is a very interesting conspiracy," Luna said, nodding in satisfaction. "Can I write about this in the Quibbler?"
"Of course! I-I want everyone to be my friend!" Yunyun agreed, and led the two new members of the USSR deeper into the Chamber Formerly Known as Secrets to meet a proto-Dark Lord trapped in a horcrux.