From the May 18, 2023 writer's prompt on the JE FF Facebook page. Write a one-shot using the words "asking for a friend". No longer a one-shot. Not by a long shot.

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. Mistakes are mine.

Asking for a Friend (aka AFAF) by Debra8652

Miscellaneous chapter - no longer AFAF - just questions asked by various characters, both canon and OC's.

Vinnie Plum: Where am I gonna find a friend to ask? Christ. Maybe I can ask Joyce. Or Madam Zaretsky.

Randy Briggs: I'm a nice guy. Why do people hate me? OK, I'm as mean as a snake. People keep destroying my apartment and my vehicle. I'm a computer hacker - just some harmless fun. Have some compassion - I've never been able to see at a parade or ride adult amusement park rides. At least my Chihuahuas look up to me.

Joyce: Why would I be friends with Vinnie? He's too weird even for my tastes.

Duck: Why is that sleazy looking guy making eyes at me? How can I tell a police officer when I can only quack?

Geese: When can we attack the curly-haired woman again?

Mr. Jingles: Where are those two women who brought me a bucket of chicken?

Kevin: Where is the woman who brought me lettuce?

Harry the Hammer: Why did my Lucille marry that sleazeball?

Lucille: Isn't my Vinnie the most handsome man ever? Johnny Depp has nothing on my Vinnie.

Lula: Where's my bedazzler? Tankie is on his way over and I am seriously underblinged.

Connie Rosolli: Where did that damn Vinnie hide the bugs this time? I'm going to call the Eye Spy shop and threaten them with one of my stink bombs if they sell him anything else.

Stephanie: How was this my fault? Will there be cake?

Ranger: When did I lose control of my company?

Bobby Brown: I have to give Rangeman personnel prostate exams. What do I do about Ella and Steph?

Abuela Rosa: Who can drive me to the store? I broke my wooden spoon when I hit my nieto Carlos for keeping Estafania away from his family for so long.

Mrs. Bestler: Oh, dear, I hate when they rearrange the store and I have to re-learn where everything is. Where is the millinery department? It used to be on second floor.

Edna Mazur: If I stand on my head, will it fix what gravity did to my smokin' hot bod and everything will go back to where it used to be?

Mooner/Dougie: We have no collective knowledge of anything falling off the back of trucks. Does anyone want to buy a coffeemaker for $10?

Sally Sweet: Does this dress make my ass look big?

Frank/Helen: When is Edna's next seniors trip to Atlantic City? We need some serious snuggle time.

Remy: Went to the park with Lester - cock blocked him again. Will Santos ever learn?

Freddy and Rex: We both like fruits and vegetables. Can Mom's Man afford to feed both of us?

Morelli: Where can I find a woman to give me babies, have dinner on the table at 6pm, and keep the house clean? After all, I am the Italian Stallion.

Angie and Bella Morelli: Why can't our Joseph find a good Burg woman? He is such a catch.

Bob-dog: What can I eat next?

Dickie Orr: What's all this crap about marital fidelity? I have needs.

Rangeman Ghost: Wanna see me disappear? Wanna see it again?

Hal: If I go to a tanning booth, will it hide my blushing?

Binkie: How much does it cost to get a name change?

Erik (Las Vegas Rangeman): Does anyone know the name of a good chiropractor?

Hector: Do I scare you? Bueno.

Jeanne Ellen Burrows: Why would I ever have to ask anyone for anything?

Ella and Louis Guzman: Where did we get all these kids? They're so big.

Mama and Papa Manoso: Where did we get all these kids?

Valerie and Albert Kloughn: Where did we get all these kids?

Mary Lou and Lenny: Where did we get all these kids?

Eddie Gazarra: Did I have a chance with Steph? If so, why did I marry Shirley?

Carl and Big Dog: Did we have a chance with Steph?

Chief Juniak: Am I qualified to be Stephanie's godfather? St. Jude would be a better choice.

Benny Gaspick: Am I the best cop you've ever seen?

Diesel: Why would I want to be human? Seems overrated.

A/N There were too many suggestions to continue a chapter per person/critter, so I changed the format. This could have been much longer. Feel free to add your character/question in Reviews. I look forward to your entries.

Thanks to Redickave and Rae for reviewing and making suggestions. Bonnie, thanks for your suggestion - I revised the summary for this and Even the Pup...