Back to the Start
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Strain
Bella stared at Jacob in wonder, fascinated by everything he was telling her about his new werewolf abilities. "And you heal fast – that's a wolf thing, too?"
"Yeah, wanna see? Its pretty cool." Jacob, suddenly looking like the teenage boy he still was underneath all the muscle mass, grinned widely. He reached around Bella so he could get to the glove compartment and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.
"No, I don't want to see." Bella grimaced. "I can imagine it without you having to give me a practical demonstration." She shuddered at the thought.
"Oh, I'm sorry, honey." Jacob apologized, suddenly recalling Bella's aversion to blood. He shoved the knife back where it belonged. "It's a good thing we heal, though. You can't just go and see any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean your dead."
Bella shuddered again, hating the thought of Jacob being hurt in any way. She gazed at him thoughtfully, pondering all the changes she had noticed in him, his extensive growth spurt being the most prominent. It made of her think of Embry. "Being so big – that's part of it?"
"Yeah." Jacob's former humor faded. "There's no exact age when it's supposed to happen. It just builds and builds and then suddenly – "He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you really get upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything – I was happy." He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. It was coming face to face with those bloodsuckers in the meadow that set me off. Although, it was probably building up inside me before then – I was like a time bomb."
Bella reached out to comfort him, placing her other hand over his, he leaned his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. "Is it really bad, Jake?" She asked anxiously, wishing she could do more to help him. He had been thrown headlong into this new life, with nothing but a bunch of old men to guide him. He was having to find his own way, so far, he seemed to be managing fine, only someone who knew him as well as she did, could see how much the strain of his newfound responsibilities was having on him.
"Is it really bad, Jake?" She asked anxiously, wishing she could do more to help him. "Are you miserable?"
"No, I'm not miserable." Jacob opened his eyes again, sighing. "I'm glad that you know. Having your support has made the whole transition a lot easier." He became quiet for a moment.
Bella wondered what he was thinking about. His silky hair tickled the skin on her cheek. The sound of his quiet breathing was soothing.
"What's the hardest part, Jake?" She whispered, still wishing she could offer him more than just comfort.
"The hardest part is feeling….out of control." Jacob said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself – like maybe you shouldn't be around me, like maybe nobody should. Like I'm a monster who might hurt somebody."
"Jake, we've been through this." Bella chided him. "You are not a monster- you're a protector."
Jacob raised his head from her shoulder, just so he could look into her eyes. The chocolate brown orbs were burning with such sincerity, he had no choice but to believe she really felt that way.
"And then the way it comes so easily to me – does that make me even less human than Sam?" He continued hopelessly. "Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself."
This was hard for him to admit. He hadn't told anyone else he felt that way, not even his dad. It was so much easier to open up to Bella about his misgivings. She listened calmly. She didn't judge. She didn't expect anything of him. He didn't think he would have coped as well as he had, with all the changes in his life, if it weren't for her staunch support. She had been his unwavering champion through all the chaos, and he loved her even more for it.
"Is it hard? To find yourself again?"
"At first." He admitted. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth. Sam really struggled. But its easier for me."
"Why?" Bella wondered.
"Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."
"Quil?" Bella's brow furrowed in confusion.
"His great grandfather." Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin."
"But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"
"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. Its in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. It was always destined to happen."
Bella hated that he looked so bleak. She clasped his hand tighter in both of hers. "What's the very best part?" She asked, hoping to rouse him out of his maudlin state.
"The best part?" Jacob mulled over her question for a minute before answering. "I suppose the best part is the speed." He said, suddenly smiling again.
"Better than the fastest cars?" She teased lightly.
Jacob nodded, enthusiastic. "There is no comparison."
"How fast can you…?"
"Run?" Jacob finished her question. "Fast enough to hunt down those vampires in the meadow. I just wish I had been able to take all three of them down." His smile disappeared to be replaced with a frown.
"Jake, you can't think that way." Bella reminded him. "You were all alone. I'm so proud of the way you managed to keep your head straight during all the chaos. It takes an inhumane amount of inner strength to do what you did that day and come out relatively unscathed."
Jacob's eyes turned glossy. He blinked away the moisture in them, touched by her unwavering faith in him. "Thanks, Bells." He choked out. "I couldn't have gotten through any of this without you. You know that, right? If I'm strong, its only because you make me that way."
Bella smoothed the loose hairs that had come loose from his low ponytail, and leaned forward, kissing him softly on the forehead. "You do the same for me." She whispered; her eyes overbright. "At least we have each other." She added, comforted by the thought.
Jacob was comforted, too. He could still feel the lingering imprint of her kiss on his forehead. "At least there's that." He agreed.
And when they were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled to do, which meant they had to spend long days apart, and the strain began to stretch them both to breaking point.
Now she was knee deep in the supernatural, Bella was finding daily life a chore. Without the daily contact of Jacob's steady presence to calm her shattered nerves, she found herself adrift. It was hard to make conversation with her friends these days, knowing what she knew, she found their worries inane, their squabbles petty.
Thankfully, the Cullens kept their distance. Even though she often felt Edward's eyes upon her during lunch in the cafeteria, he neither approached or tried to engage with her in any way. In biology, she had managed to persuade Katie- a quiet, reserved individual-to swap seats with her. If she encountered Edward in the halls, she kept her head down to avoid eye contact, walking past him as quickly as possible, so she didn't have to suffer his presence for longer than was absolutely necessary.
She was at work one afternoon when Mike suggested she go home early. "Why don't you take off." He said, his eyes focused off to the side, not really looking at her. Bella wondered how long that had been going on without her noticing. She had been so distracted lately.
It was a slow afternoon at Newton's. Now there were only two patrons in the store, dedicated backpackers from the sound of their conversation. Mike had spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands of lightweight packs with them. But they'd taken a break from serious pricing to indulge in trying to one-up each other with their latest tales from the trail. Their distraction had given Mike a chance to escape.
"I don't mind staying." Bella said, not really wanting to go home to an empty house. Even though she was fairly sure that Edward Cullen was no longer haunting her room, she still felt lingering fear whenever she was home alone.
The hikers broke out into loud laughter, making Mike roll his eyes, and Bella wince.
"I'm telling you," said the thickset man with the orange beard that didn't match his dark brown hair. "I've seen grizzles pretty close up in Yellowstone, but they had nothing on this brute." His hair was matted, and his clothes looked like they'd been on his back for more than a few days. Fresh from the mountains.
"Not a chance. Black bears don't get that big. The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs." The second man was tall and lean, his face tanned and wind-whipped into an impressive leathery crust.
"Seriously, Bella, as soon as these two give up, I'm closing the place down." Mike murmured.
"If you want me to go…" Bella shrugged, giving up.
"On all fours it was taller than you." The bearded man insisted while Bella gathered her things together. "Big as a house with red-brown fur. I'm going to report it to the ranger here. People ought to be warned-this wasn't up on the mountain, mind you – this was only a few miles from the trailhead."
Bella froze in place as soon as she heard the description of the so-called bear.
Leather-face laughed and rolled his eyes. "Let me guess – you were on your way in. Hadn't eaten real food or slept off the ground for a week, right?"
"Hey, uh, Mike, right?" The bearded man called, looking over at a chagrined Mike.
Bella took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "See you Monday, Mike." She mumbled.
"Yeah, bye, Bella." Mike turned to give the bearded man his full attention.
"Say, have there been any warnings around here recently- about bear activity?"
"No, sir. But its always good to keep your distance and store your food correctly. Have you seen the new bear-safe canisters? They only weigh two pounds – "
Bella quickly ran from the store, her heart pounding in her chest with increasing panic. She knew from the description of the fur alone that it was no bear that the thickset, bearded man had seen from a distance. It was a wolf. Jacob's wolf. He had been spotted, and now this idiotic man was telling his tall tales all over the place, and even worse, was going to inform the rangers about what he had seen. This could end up having serious consequences if Jacob, as well as Sam, were not more careful. They may be out hunting vampires, but they could end up being hunted by the very people they were trying to protect if there were any more sightings. She had to warn him immediately.
The doors slid open to let Bella out into the rain. She hunched over inside her jacket as she made a dash for her truck. The rain hammering against her hood sounded unnaturally loud, too, and it drowned out everything else. She had just reached her truck, fumbling in her pocket for the key, when she felt an icy hand land on her shoulder.
Bella let out a startled yelp, twisting around quickly, the truck's key slipping from her trembling fingers as she faced her assailant.
A/N-thanks for reading!