The next morning, Aang went over to request a meeting with the Beifongs. A few hours later, he and his friends were invited to the Beifong estate for a late breakfast. They sat around a great big circular table. The head of the house sat at a midway point directly between Aang and the girl they knew as the Blind Bandit. Her mother sat to her right, and Master Yu beyond her. Iroh opposed the blind girl's father, and Zuko, Sokka and Katara crowded into the rest of the circle. It was a very large table, probably only used on very important occasions. The Beifongs seemed delighted to have an opportunity to break it out.

They waited decorously while servants served food. Since their quest was going so well and there seemed to be no problems, Sokka stuffed his face with abandon. Katara and Aang looked as friendly and civilized as they could. They had left Momo with Appa, along with some treats to keep him happy. Iroh drooled at the delicious food. Zuko wondered why his heart was pounding. Sure, this was the house of a very powerful family, but they were an Earth Kingdom family. Nothing like his own. Right?

As the last of the servants departed, the Blind Bandit's mother said, "Avatar Aang, it is an honor to have you visit us."

"In your opinion, how much longer do you think the war will last?" asked her husband.

"I'd like to defeat the Firelord soon, before another year passes," Aang said carefully. "But I can't do that without finding an earthbending teacher first."

"Master Yu is the finest teacher in the land. He's been teaching Toph since she was little."

"Then she must be a great earthbender," Aang said. Zuko watched him closely. He had told Aang that their usual 'walk in and ask for stuff' strategy wouldn't work. They must go along with the usual upper class indirectness, at least for long enough to convince the Beifongs that they weren't brutes.

"Toph is still learning the basics," Master Yu said.

"Yes. Sadly, because of her blindness, we don't think she will ever become a true master," Toph's father said while shaking his head.

"I don't know about that," Aang said. "Badger moles are blind, and that doesn't stop them."

"Badger moles are animals," Master Yu replied. "That's clearly different."

"Toph will have a full life despite her blindness," her father said. "She will marry well and become a great lady. But she will never be able to wander freely or defend herself."

Aang and co. looked confused. Before they could say something unwise, Zuko raised a hand and said, "E-excuse me. I haven't been feeling well these past few days. I'd like to sit out on the porch to get some air. If I may, I'd like to borrow the Avatar too. To tell him what I'm interested in. In case I miss something important."

The Beifongs took one look at him and believed him. He was both sweating and pale, looking visibly pained. "Of course," Toph's father said. "If you require anything, feel free to ask a servant." Zuko nodded respectfully, waited for Aang to get out of his chair and come near, then left the room with one hand on Aang's shoulder for support. They went out to the porch in silence. Zuko sat down and tried to catch his breath. The thing he felt below his chest and above his stomach pulsed and squeezed painfully. He swallowed to moisten his throat. His heart hadn't stopped pounding all dinner, and now it almost hurt.

"Are you really sick?" Aang asked. Neither of them heard the silent footsteps of a young girl creeping up to a nearby window.

"No," Zuko said. "Listen, Avatar. The Beifongs? You can't trust them."

"What do you mean?" Aang asked. "It's weird that they don't think Toph's a good earthbender even though she won Earth Rumble 6, but -"

"You don't understand," Zuko snapped. "Don't you know what that means?"

"That she doesn't tell them she fights? That's understandable. Her parents seem to worry about her a lot."

Zuko growled. "No. It's worse than that. A lot worse."

"Do you think I should keep it a secret?" Aang asked. "How am I going to ask her to be my teacher if I can't tell anyone how I know that she's a great earthbender?"

"Secretly. By getting her alone."

"What? But her parents -"

"Can't be trusted."

"I don't understand," Aang said. "Why are you saying that?"

Zuko clenched his fists. How could he explain the blindingly obvious? It was so obvious, so well known to him, a truth encoded in his bones, that he didn't understand what Aang didn't understand. How could he explain something if he didn't even know what needed to be explained? "I don't know what your problem is," he snapped at Aang. "Can't you see what kind of people they are?"

"Concerned parents…?"

Zuko wanted to scream. He restrained himself. What can I possibly say to make him understand? What does he understand? He's a sucker for sob stories. Maybe if I tell him a story, the message will penetrate his thick skull. "Do you remember that story I told Katara, about the accident that happened when I was little?"

"The one that nobody believed you about," Aang replied.

"Exactly. Everyone wanted to know what happened. I told them, but nobody heard me. They brushed off every word I said. Even my own mother didn't believe me. They all thought, 'He's so young. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Maybe a log shifted and he didn't notice it. Maybe he got too close and there was a draft. Maybe he stumbled and is too embarrassed to admit to it.' They all made up their own stories about what really happened, stories that seemed more believable than mine, and slapped those stories onto me, covering up what I actually said I saw. They made me doubt my own senses and abilities. They all decided I was incompetent and pathetic without even giving me a chance to be anything else."

Aang's eyes widened. "You think Toph's parents are doing the same to her."

"People like that can't be trusted," Zuko repeated. "They say they care about you. Sometimes they actually do. But they just don't have the ability to face the truth. If you try to tell it to them, they'll get scared. They'll get angry. They'll hate you for trying to take their story away from them. If her parents really do love her, they'll kick you out because you're the enemy and they need to protect her from you. And if they don't, if they love their stories more than their own daughter, they won't accept her even if she earthbends a mountain right in front of them. Some people care more about their comfort than their kids. These people won't listen to reason, not even if it means the world gets overrun by Fire Nation tanks. They won't let you invite her to be your teacher no matter how you phrase it. Or rather, they might let you. They just won't let her say anything about it at all, not even to refuse."

"You have no way of knowing any of this," Aang said, looking skeptical. "You're just projecting your own history onto her."

Zuko grabbed his hand. "Listen to me! Don't challenge them. Don't make them kick you out. Don't ruin everything. Just don't - don't…" He grimaced and clutched the spot just above his stomach, which ached and made him feel ill. "Don't make it happen again. Please. Or if it happens again, don't tell me about it." He let go of Aang's hand and turned away. "Don't let it happen again." He no longer knew who he was speaking to. "Anything else. Not that." He hyperventilated as a cold feeling like water sliding over his face made it difficult to breathe.

"Uh…" Aang sounded on the verge of panic. "Okay, uh, look. Her family is setting you off way too much. Stay out here for the rest of the talk. I'll tell them you're really sick. I'll ask a servant to bring you some water."

"No," Zuko croaked. "No water." I just wanted to find peace.

"Uh… Whatever." Aang turned away, then turned back, fidgety and unsure. "Do you need somebody to stay with you? This seems really bad."

"No, completely normal," Zuko forced out. "Just leave me alone."

"I-i-if you're sure." Aang leaped inside, leaving him alone. Zuko tried to take deep breaths, but his lungs wouldn't cooperate. He pulled at his hair, trying to keep himself from falling into the abyss. Fear filled him. Of what, he didn't know and didn't want to know. He only let himself know that something deep and dark and horrible and not to be remembered awaited him if he thought too much.

The feeling of impending doom eventually faded, leaving him with an aching head and an aching heart. He didn't question why his heart was aching. He didn't question anything at all.

.

Aang returned to the enormous table with shaking hands. He sat down, realized everyone was looking at him, and said, "He thought he could push through, but he was wrong. It's really bad. I think he needs a doctor, so I should just cut right to the point. I came here to ask you guys for something."

"Oh dear!" Toph's mother exclaimed.

"What is it?" Toph's father asked.

"A wise man told me that the best teacher for me would be someone who's everything I'm not," Aang said. He was improvising, cobbling together bits and pieces of things various people had said at various times into a story that hopefully sounded believable. "I was raised among the Air Nomads. I'm used to traveling freely and not worrying about anything. And since I found out that I'm the Avatar, I've been greeted by fans everywhere I go. I'm used to getting everything I want. He told me that in order to develop into a wise and well-rounded Avatar capable of balancing out the world, I need to learn from someone who's the opposite of me. Someone who can't travel freely, who doesn't get everything they want, who can give me a more grounded perspective. I'm not going to get that from a firebender, if I can even find one to teach me, so I need to learn it from an earthbender. I think your daughter would be the best teacher for me."

The Beifongs exchanged glances. Aang shot Katara, Sokka and Iroh a look that hopefully said I know what I'm doing, just go along with it. "Toph hardly knows her stances, and she can't fight in a war," her father said.

"Just a week or two somewhere nearby, then," Aang offered. "She can teach me whatever she knows, but more importantly, I can learn what it's like to be an ordinary person."

"Still, it sounds far too dangerous," her mother murmured. "Master Yu is more suitable."

"But also renowned and rich," Aang said. "The wise man who told me this was right about everything else. He knows how to learn bending and how to be a good person. I believe him."

"This is a very strange proposal, Avatar," Toph's father said. He sounded guarded now, no longer the friendly and welcoming host he had been. "We need time to consider it."

"Okay," Aang said. "Thank you for the meal. If it's alright, we'll go now and look for a doctor."

"Yes, that would be best."

Aang couldn't help but notice that Toph never said a word. She sat between her parents like a treasured porcelain doll. Thanks to Zuko, Aang was on the lookout for signs that she would even be allowed to speak. He didn't hear any pauses in which she could have gotten a word in. He didn't see them so much as glance at their daughter to find out her opinion. Judging from the complete blankness on her face, as if she habitually made no facial expressions, she was used to that.

Aang's party managed to make it out of the house without incident. Zuko stood up, still looking pale. He didn't ask them how the meeting went. He only walked down the steps, onto the path, in the direction of the gate.

"I thought we were looking for a doctor," Sokka murmured as they headed back to Appa.

"I'm not sick," Zuko snapped.

Aang reached out and held his hand. "You were right. Toph's family is a lot like yours. I fed them a made-up story about how I wanted her to teach me what it's like to not be able to travel freely and not get everything you want, which doesn't clash with what they believe at all, and still they all but told me to get out. They didn't let her speak, not even to refuse. Exactly like you said."

"Of course not," Zuko said. "People like that are horrible and evil."

"I don't know about that," Aang said. "But I do know they're not really going to consider my proposal. If Toph's going to teach me anything, she'll have to sneak around behind her parents' backs to do it."

"Of course. That's the only way to live." Zuko's statements were getting increasingly dogmatic and cryptic. He didn't look at anyone else. What little they could see of his facial expression was…bizarre. It wasn't clear what was going on with him.

They found Appa in the stables where they'd left him, chewing hay more from boredom than from hunger. Momo was asleep in the saddle. Appa got up and licked Aang as soon as he saw them. "We're not leaving yet, buddy," Aang said. "I know she's the best teacher for me. Even if it means doing something I'm not comfortable with, I need to learn earthbending from her."

"Nothing is earned without sacrifice," Zuko said.

"Zuko, you really don't sound okay," Katara said.

"Yeah, this is creepy," Sokka agreed.

Zuko turned to face them. His face was eerily blank. His eyes flicked from one person to another, giving them all chills. "It's not right to chain your destiny to someone else's say-so," he said in a calm but forceful voice. "Other people can't stop you from being who you are. Don't listen to them at all. Let's take the girl and get out of here, away from those evil people."

"What state is this?" Katara asked slowly.

Zuko didn't answer. He stared at her as if he didn't know her. Then he held up one palm and made spirit light. The light was not its usual vibrant golden-firey color. It was pale and sickly-looking. But it filled his whole palm without flickering. "Looks like a better one," he murmured.

"I don't think so," Sokka said. "Are you sure you can't snap out of it? Can you try that?"

Zuko stared at the light in his palm. After a good portion of a minute, it brightened, turning vibrant again. Zuko winced as if it hurt him. The light began to flicker. He lowered his hand and shook his head fiercely. "What - what is wrong with you people?" He shot them a look full of hatred. For a moment, his eyes looked just like they had before: cold and dark. Abyssal.

"Nephew," Iroh said slowly, sliding up to him with all the care of one trying not to provoke a tigerlion. He put a hand on Zuko's shoulder. "You may not be sick, but meeting the Beifongs clearly took a lot out of you. You should rest."

"What are you talking about? I'm fine," Zuko said, shrugging off his uncle's hand. "Her parents didn't let her go, did they? Just like I predicted. Try listening to me next time, Avatar." He crossed his arms. "We need to talk to her alone."

Everybody stared at him. "That can't be good," Katara said.

"What?" Zuko snapped back.

"You just entered a new state, one we've never seen before," she told him. "But that's not what worries me. You also have a new symptom. Memory loss. And I don't think a new symptom can be a good sign."

"What memory loss?"

"I told you as we were walking here that the talk with her parents went exactly like you told me it would," Aang said.

For a brief moment, Zuko was visibly bothered by that. But then he put his stern face back on. "Yeah. Of course it did. Anyway, what now? When are you going to sneak back and try to catch her? They probably keep her inside at night."

The deafening silence woke up Momo. He flew down to Appa's head and chirped. "Uh, late afternoon I guess," Aang said. "She probably has the most free time then."

"We need to revisit the whole matter of traveling," Sokka said to Katara, who nodded.

This alarmed Zuko. "With me," he said hastily. "I'll…tell you guys whatever I can."

"Good idea," Iroh said. "We saw a park when we were sightseeing yesterday. It would make a good place for your talk."

Katara stared at Zuko like she didn't know him either. "Lead the way."

.

Zuko led them to the park. Much of it was shaded by trees, making it a good picnic spot. They found a somewhat sheltered area between some trees. Upon sitting, Sokka declared himself to be in charge. "I'm the guy who deals with obvious threats," he said, "and you're being super obvious right now."

"I wasn't dangerous, was I?" Zuko asked.

"Not that we saw," Katara told him. "But you said a lot of odd things, looked creepy, and just after switching back to your normal state you snapped at us with a really cold look in your eyes. It was scary."

"You don't remember anything?" Sokka asked.

Zuko looked down. "I remember some stuff. I remember feeling awful after talking with Aang." He squinted. "Huh. I don't remember any details about it. It was just awful. And then I was angry, and… We left their house. We walked back. I was thinking about…something. Something important." He curled up. "I don't really want to remember it."

"You were thinking about your father," Katara told him. "You said it was wrong to chain your destiny to someone else's say-so. You called Toph's parents evil people and said running away from home was the only way to live."

"No," Zuko said automatically. "I can't say things like that."

"Which is probably why you developed a new state that can," Katara said. "Maybe you were right earlier. It was an improvement."

"I'd still rather not travel with Creepy McSnappy," Sokka said.

Katara raised a finger. "I have an idea."

.

By the time they landed outside the village on a remote mountainside, there was still at least two hours to go until the late afternoon. They had time to kill. "I can't do that," Zuko protested.

"Again, you're a spiritbender. It's literally your main ability," Katara shot back. "Summon back the creepy state from earlier. I know you can do it."

"It was caused by talking with Aang," Zuko told her. "I can't recreate meeting them, realizing what kind of people they were, and trying to warn Aang. That's impossible."

"You can try to recreate your feelings." Katara leaned against a tree to think. "Maybe if you talk more about the Beifongs…"

"Gaaahh!" Zuko yelled. "Fine. Everything is going wrong today, so I might as well add making a fool of myself to the list." He sat down crosslegged and closed his eyes. "Come on out, Creepy Self."

He sat like that for a while. The others sat in a circle around him. After a few minutes, Aang asked, "Is it working?"

Zuko opened his eyes, just a little. "Shut up," he snarled.

"Ix-nay on the raveling-tay," Sokka said to Katara.

Zuko shot him a look. "Say whatever you want. I don't care. I'm not putting up with this anymore."

"Nobody's done anything to you," Aang said.

Zuko gave him a cold look. "Are you really going to say you don't prefer me when I'm happy?" His eyes relaxed slightly, making them look wider and deeper. "I am allowed to be angry." Even as he said that, all traces of anger drained out of his voice.

"Looks like it's working," Katara said. "Hey. Um. Creepy-Zuko, or whatever your name is. I want to talk to you."

Zuko turned to her. "No, you need to listen. I'm done. I'm not going to be repressed anymore. I've been treated wrongly, and I'm mad about it, and I'm not going to hide either of those things anymore. I don't care if that makes you not like me. Even being stranded in an Earth Kingdom desert is better than pretending to be okay with everything I've gone through. I'm not okay with it."

"Alright," Katara replied.

He stared back at her. His blank face revealed nothing.

"I mean that," Katara said. "It's alright. We want you to share your feelings, remember? It's okay if you're angry and upset."

He continued to stare. "Hey," Aang murmured. "I think I know what's going on." Zuko turned to look at him. Aang scooted forward until he could reach out and place a hand on Zuko's abdomen, just above his stomach and below his chest. "This state is the spirit-knot inside you coming to life, isn't it?"

Zuko looked down at Aang's hand. He blinked. He got to his feet and walked away without another glance or word.

"Amazing detective work, Aang," Katara said. "He couldn't figure out what was causing the knot, so he somehow used his spirit powers to give it a voice so it could tell us where it came from! That's genius!"

"It can't be genius, because he didn't do it deliberately," Sokka said. "If that's what happened, then I'm impressed. But doing things like that without knowing he's doing it is also terrifying. If he can literally give his chi a voice, what else can he do? Create spirits? Give animals and trees voices? That's a really freaky power to use without control."

"Hmm," Iroh said, rubbing his beard. "Kalika told us he had a rare spiritual illness. Spiritual illness, combined with spiritbending powers, theoretically gives him control over his illness. Learning to control it, then, would qualify as a form of spiritbending practice. It would be self improvement and exercise at the same time." He smiled. "We only have a limited time to defeat the Firelord in, so efficiency is good! I shall praise my nephew for his smart thinking when he returns."

"If he has perfect control over it, then why does he have -" Aang cut himself off midsentence. "Are you saying he probably used his spiritbending powers to give himself this weird condition?"

"It helps him," Katara said. "They all help him. Even becoming a clone of his father probably helped him make his father happy and avoid punishment."

"So it's an illness, and also a spiritbending practice, which requires more skill to control than it does to make, so once he made it then he had to get better at spiritbending, and now that he is better at spiritbending he can make more of it to force himself to get even better." Aang's jaw dropped. "Woah. It's a self-reinforcing practice loop!"

Katara opened her water pouch and placed it on the grass in front of her. "Water, is Zuko the strongest spiritbender that's ever lived?" The water left the pouch and hovered in the air. It went to one side, then another. It split into two parts. One part made a circle, and the other part swayed from side to side as if shaking its head. Then it all went back into her pouch. As she recapped the pouch and put it on her belt, she muttered. "Yes and No? I guess I should have expected that kind of answer from Water, the element that has two different states. Hey, wait a minute! That's something they have in common. Zuko's really passionate, with tunnel vision and anger problems, but he also works on several different depths at the same time and changes state. We were wrong, Aang. He's not a Fire/Earth person. He's Fire/Water. He only seems to be as stubborn as Earth because he keeps doing the same things all the time… But no, he said in one of the lessons that there's a difference. Earth never stops doing the thing, while Water keeps repeating it." She facepalmed. "He doesn't do the same things all the time. He just repeats them over and over. How could I have missed that?"

"Sounds great, but I don't see how it matters," Sokka said.

Katara looked confused. "What are you talking about? Of course it matters!"

"We still have to get Aang an earthbending teacher, remember? It's nearly time to go."

Katara blinked. "Oh. I forgot about that."

"Before we go, what are you talking about?" Iroh asked Katara, looking curious.

"Lessons that Zuko gave me on the elements," Aang told him. "One of them was about how the elements can represent different personalities. Water has a broad perspective and does the same things over and over, while Fire is really intense and gets tunnel vision when it cares about something. Like Katara did just now. She's also Fire/Water."

"I'm sorry, Sokka. Maybe the nature of spiritbending isn't the most important thing to think about right now," Katara said. "You're right. We need to find him and go back. It's time to meet Toph."

.

A/N: This is a fictional story taking place in a fictional world where magical powers exist. That said, I sincerely believe that souls exist, that they can be directly manipulated, and that certain kinds of what is currently termed "mental illness" are the result of semi-intentional or unintentional manipulation of the self. (Completely intentional manipulation would be controlled in such a way as to avoid stigma, so it would not be called illness.) Yes, this means I believe that "mentally ill" people are among the most powerful of people, capable of things beyond the ken of all you normies. Capability doesn't always translate into action, though. In order to be diagnosed with anything, at least by an ethical doctor, whatever it is must be making your life worse. If it's making your life worse, then clearly you don't have control over it. People who are currently, right now, mentally ill are not going to perform superhuman feats. But if they learn to control it... I consider a history of past mental health problems that are currently resolved to be a good sign in a person. A person like that is probably much stronger mentally and spiritually than someone who never struggled at all.