Hermione couldn't sleep. She was exhausted but she couldn't sleep. She had cramps and was emotional. Her mother always made her a hot water bottle at home when she wasn't well and she needed this home comfort now to connect her back to her muggle world. She'd filled it and heated the water with her wand then grabbing Hogwarts: A History she'd left the girls dormitory hours ago.
It wasn't just tonight that had Hermione feeling exhausted. This whole year had been an emotional rollercoaster. She'd naively thought during the weeks spent at the Burrow during the summer that this school year was going to be the best yet. She thought a certain red headed best friend was finally maturing and noticing her as a women. She thought there had been looks and flirting and moments. She was deeply embarrassed thinking back to that optimism, now thoroughly convinced she's been conditioned by love stories and romance novels and the reality of it with Ron was just her overactive imagination. There was nothing there, from his side at least. Any hopes were dashed when she'd got back to school, he'd thrown her invitation to Slughorn's Christmas party right in her face. Well actually he was face deep with his new 'girlfriend'…. Hermione couldn't even think about Lav-Lav without rolling her eyes. Anger at the relationship had been a welcome break from the sadness that had consumed her. She'd been crushed by Ron's actions. Yes, she was exhausted.
Tonight she was lying in the common room with her favourite book enjoying the peace and quiet and warmth of the fire. She wasn't really reading it but mulling over the last month. She'd rushed back to his side when she'd heard he had been poisoned. She'd held his hand all night waiting for him to wake up, cursing herself for their stupid arguments. She'd lost months of her friendship with Ron because she felt scorned by unrequited love. It wasn't his fault he didn't feel the same way. She had no right to fall out with him just because he didn't want her in that way. She resolved to push down her romantic hopes and revert back to friendship. But that was easier said than done.
She heard a noise from the boy's dormitory. Oh Gods, please don't let it be him…Oh Gods, actually please let it be him. Torn again. Hermione hated how his boy could control her emotions and drive her to distraction. She was hopeless.
She knew it was him from the sound he made padding down the stairs, she knew everything there was to know about him, even how he moved. How terribly sad.
"Bloody hell, what are you doing down here". He jumped.
"I could ask you the same question…I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to wake the others". She replied, but didn't turn to look at him.
"I can't sleep either. Can I sit? Are you ok?"
She smiled a little, it was cute how he seemed concerned and despite herself she was glad he'd come to join her. As much as she enjoyed being alone, here tonight she was feeling sorry for herself if she was honest he was more than welcome.
"I'll live" and lifted her head and shoulders off the sofa. Oh Gods what am I doing she thought. He did mean he wanted to sit here, right? Should I sit up properly? Or move to the armchair? Mercifully after a pause he lifted the pillow she'd had her head on and flopped down in its place. He positioned the pillow on his lap.
Hermione tentatively laid back, well this is new, an interesting development, they'd never sat like this together. Her mind was whirling, what does this mean? She felt open and bare lying with her head on his lap in her pyjamas unable to see his reactions, too scared to turn her head. She wouldn't think twice about lying across Harry like this. Of course there had never been any sexual tension between her and Harry. She didn't know what to do or say but thankfully she had her book and she could pretend to keep reading, pretend this was normal to have her head in his lap. Just sitting here so close to him was perfect.
She could smell his familiar scent. She could see his arm, strong from playing Quidditch, stretched over the back of the sofa lazily. She imagined his lopsided grin and messy hair over his eyes. Gods she wanted to jump up and snog him. Why was her body responding to his proximity? He hadn't even touched her but she felt yearning in her chest. She felt pathetic and prayed he didn't notice her hardening nipples.
"What's this" he asked dropping his hand to the hot water bottle placed on her stomach.
Oh Gods she wanted to die of embarrassment.
"Err...just a hot water bottle. You fill it with boiling water and use it to keep warm or put it on pains" she sighed.
"Are you in pain right now?"
She cringed but suddenly thought there's nothing to be ashamed of. Ron and Harry were both guilty of ignoring the fact that she was female. When they'd met as 11 year olds it hadn't mattered but as they'd matured, Hermione faster than the boys, there were obviously going to be developmental differences between them. Hadn't Hermione herself scolded Ron before the Yule Ball for seeming to suddenly realise she was a girl.
"Yes but don't worry, it'll pass. It's a girl thing"
Ron was quiet for a minute or two, possibly freaking out at the indirect mention of periods. She wondered if he'd twig on but simply waited to see what he'd say next.
"Oh right. Do you come down here often in the middle of the night then?"
He's worked out it's monthly…well done Ron. She was impressed he hadn't changed the subject.
"Only if it's particularly bad". It was cute he seemed concerned. She decided to give up on pretending to read, she closed the book and reached it down on the floor beside the sofa.
"And this bottle water thing is it helping tonight? It doesn't feel particularly warm" he said touching the bottle again.
"It was when I filled it but that was about 3 hours ago so it's cooled down. I forgot my wand by my bed so can't reheat it. You don't have your wand handy by any chance?" She chanced a look up at him. As suspected his ears were burning red, feeling awkward at this conversation but he was pushing through it to make sure she was ok and that made her heart swell.
"No sorry, I wasn't expecting to need it. I've an idea". He lifted the hot water bottle off her tummy and threw it to the end of the sofa. He rubbed his two hands together to generate as much heat as possible and placed his left hand where the bottle had been.
Hermione visibly gasped. She didn't know what to do or make of this physical contact. Her skin burned beneath his touch. How was she supposed to respect the friend zone if he was going to be adorable and caring and touch her? She finally decided it didn't matter and she loved this development. It was more important to be in the moment during these fleeting instances rather than waste them thinking. She would dissect every detail in the days and weeks to come.
"How's that feel?"
"Lovely… but can I just" and it was but it needed to be lower to help her painful cramps. In a moment of bravery, she covered his hand and gently moved it an inch lower just under her waistband. "Thank you, that's really kind of you". She wanted him to know she was enjoying the contact and appreciated his efforts.
"What are best friends for" she knew from his voice he was doing that goofy lopsided grin he owned. She couldn't resist turning towards him and giving him a shy smile.
"Best friends...I've never done this with Harry" this was all so confusing, he was just being friendly then?!
"I should think not. We're a different type of best friends, you and me."
Her heart soared, finally an acknowledgement there was something different between her and him compared to her and Harry. Finally, he seemed to have noticed it, even if she'd made the distinction in second year after he spent a day coughing up slugs.
"I agree"
As lovely as all this had been, Hermione was in pain. Her cramps were aching and she felt the need to curl into the foetal position. She rolled onto her right side, pulling her knees up to her chest. He didn't move his hand, instead leaning down towards her and allowing himself to be trapped to her stomach. After a moment he moved his thumb and started to cautiously stroke her tummy. Her whole body tingled at his intimate touch.
"Is this ok?"
"Lovely" she said again encouragingly.
They sat in silence watching the flickering of the fireplace. Hermione wondered if this could be a regular thing, she could pretend to have cramps any time she fancied a cuddle. She smiled and hoped this was the start of them growing closer and moving off the friendship path. She knew all this fantasising was senseless, time that could be better spent studying or doing something productive, but when it came to Ron there was a whole extra part of her brain and heart reserved just for him. She was so in love with him and she had no idea what to do about it.