This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair! Tonks stomped back and forth with Merlin knows what sort of expression on her face. Not that it mattered because people quickly went the opposite direction when they came across her. Tonks didn't know if it was because of her hair or because of the look on her face. Either way, she was kind of pissed off at their lack of fortitude because she felt like she really needed to pick a fight with someone right about now.

A good fight or even a simple argument would really help her blow off some steam and get her head screwed back on straight. She had excused herself from Training today, requesting a Library Day (or hopefully just a library morning if she could sort herself out) to do some bookwork. Which McGowan had freely granted. The woman had actually looked concerned to but Tonka didn't even know how to describe how she was currently feeling to herself never mind someone else so she just said nothing. Technically, she could have said that she was pissed off and she wouldn't be wrong but still. Wasn't really in the mood to say that. Also, that was kind of oversimplifying it. McGowan might try to make her work through it, which Tonks doubted would end well. Hence the asking for a Library Day. Something she probably should do more frequently, just to get caught up in reading and such but she didn't. Best laid plans and all that.

Which was a weird feeling, by the way. Because she wasn't used to library hours being granted without a fair bit of effort. Then again, she never really requested them that often from Moody because all she had wanted to do was practical work. But she wouldn't be able to do practical work today, not with the way she was. She was all over the place, that's what she was.

Which sucked but she couldn't change that. Well, she could just sort herself out but that was a bit beyond her right now. So deep breaths and not thinking about anything except whatever she chose to study it was today. Hopefully it shouldn't be too bad. She could normally funnel her emotions into reading and get a fair bit done without realising it and she hoped that would be the case today.

Her first clue about her mental state and how it looked like to others had been McGowan commenting on the rapidly changing colours of her hair. Something she had been unaware of and completely annoyed by. She really was better than that.

Thankfully, she had managed to get that under control fairly quickly. Though, it had taken it a while to budge from proclaiming that she was annoyed because, well, that's how she had been feeling. But she didn't need to be shouting that out to whoever was walking past. Urgh, that was just annoying. Which didn't help matters, by the way.

She really wanted to kick something. Or someone. Someone would be better. Especially of it was the one particular person she wanted to kick. The only person on her 'kick on sight list'. And yes, she had a list. Of course, she had a list. And just because she only had one person on it didn't make it any less of a list. Nah, she should start thinking about other people to put on it... no, that was not the point of it. That was not the point!

Why couldn't he have just let her rant at him the other day? Or even just explain himself? That would have been even better! But no, he didn't do that, wasn't ever going to do that and here she was with steam basically coming out of ears like she'd just downed a dozen Pepper Up Potions. Tonks took a moment to shudder at the thought of that. You'd probably be high as a kite if you drank that much. But anyway.

He just took that choice right from her, what did he expect from her? Just to sit back and take it? If that's what he thought she'd do then he didn't know her at all.

Except... she wasn't doing anything, was she. Tonks sighed and buried her head in her arms. No, she wasn't doing anything. All that fire and want to get answers? Well, it had all just kind of... fizzled out. Merlin, how pathetic was that?

Pathetic.

'BANG'

She suddenly slammed her hands down on the table, making a first hear a few tables over jump out of his seat. The stack of parchment he had been reading fell to the floor. Not that Tonks could really bring herself to care.

Then guilt pricked her and she gave the poor, bewildered first year an apologetic look.

"Sorry."

All she got was wide eyes in response and a scramble to pick up the parchment. Tonks got up, intending to help but that made the first year clear up the mess faster and kt was all done by the time she walked over.

"I'm good, Tonks," the guy said quickly - she didn't even know his name.

"Sorry again," she offered, feeling very guilty.

She hadn't meant to scare him after all. She had just been annoyed at herself. And Moody. And the world. Whatever. That didn't mean she got to scare random first years that maybe she should figure out the name of.

"It's fine."

He gave her this sort of frightened look as she kind of looked her up and down before he turned tail and basically ran out of the library. What exactly was that all about? Or were the first years just getting more and more pathetic? She was pretty sure that her and any of the other second and third years didn't look that scary. Honestly, you had to think about what was going through the Auror Department's recruiting sometimes.

Wait. How they looked.

Oh. Oh. She probably looked deranged or something, didn't she? The last twenty minutes had involved her running her hands through her hair a lot and muttering to herself as she got annoyed and the angry and then upset and then back to annoyed. So, who knew what colour and states her hair had gone through? Yeah, she would be scared of herself if she saw that happen too.

Definitely the mark of a crazy person. And then the was the whole Black family relation thing going on, something the first years had just found out about recently- she had known of this because of the uptick in the definitely not subtle pointing and whispers whenever she was around. Honestly, did everyone think that she just lost the ability to hear when they wanted to talk to her? Because it certainly felt like it sometimes.

The question was how bad did she look? Why oh why could she not be the type of woman who carried around a mirror in her bag? It would be very handy for situations like these. Argh.

She ran a hand through her hair and, sure enough, it got caught in a knot. Fantastic. Now she needed a hairbrush too, something she also didn't have. She really needed to listen to her mother more.