It's so weird going through all this Hunger Games stuff when I am so not in my THG era. You know what I think is cool right now? K-dramas. It started off ironic but my sister and I just binge watched Boys Over Flowers and I am a TINY bit obsessed.

The beginning of BYS was really hard for me to write- I suck at montages. This chapter was a struggle, and I'm pretty sure the next chapter was the hardest one IN THE ENTIRE SERIES. Please bear with me, I know none of you are here for Gale but it's an important part of the story I promise!

I rejoin the party, deciding I can deal with Gale's other set of instructions later. I can't believe we managed to argue the very second he got home. It's so frustrating but also completely typical of us. Why do I even try?

Prim is right where I left her, but to my dismay, she is not alone. She's with Peeta- of course she is. Something shrivels inside me as I watch from a distance, not wanting to be a part of it, but not wanting to interrupt their fun, either. Even though I hardly speak to Peeta anymore, he's still close with Prim, who views him as the older brother she never had.

They're dancing together now…sort of. I can't hear what they're saying, but it looks like Prim is attempting to teach him some line dance sequence that doesn't go with the music at all. She performs the steps slowly, while Peeta watches intently, then attempts to mimic them but still getting the whole thing wrong.

It is comedic. It is annoying. These feelings coexist effortlessly, and I have no desire to delve into them any further.

I consider joining them, more to get back at Gale than anything else. I'm still embarrassed by the way he dismissed me earlier, and I know if he sees me hanging around with Peeta- which I have avoided because he specifically requested it- it will invoke the same thing in him. It's a bad idea, though, and I won't pursue it. With Gale, there's no "getting revenge". It just becomes something new to fight over. I can already hear him going off about me "running back to Mellark", and if he ever found out how closely Peeta and I walked the line between friends and lovers last summer, it would only get worse.

So where does that leave me? Gale won't speak to me. Prim is busy, and my only other friend is off-limits. I look around the square until I spot Mom, chatting with some other Mom-age women, but in the end I don't go over to them. It seems pathetic even for my standards.

I also notice Leevy, one of the neighbor girls around my age, in the crowd, but I shrink back from that option as well. I don't know her well enough to consider her a friend, and she's surrounded by people who probably do. I don't think my social skills are up for that, not tonight, maybe not ever.

Instead, I return to the buffet table and shovel desserts into my mouth until I feel positively ill. When I can eat no more, I look around at everyone else- the entire district- spinning around and having fun. I can't help but feel terribly alone even though I'm surrounded by people. A twitching sensation in my stomach urges me to get out of here, to be anywhere else.

I resist. I can't disappear without telling Prim I've left, and if I talk to her, she'll just convince me to stay. I'll stay on the sidelines. I'll let the night pass by.

I don't think going home would be any better, anyway.

§

Eventually, I decide to ignore Gale's warning and continue to hunt. It's not like I really have a choice. We need to eat, and Mother's healing business isn't enough to support us. Hardly anyone can afford to pay for her services, and even with the extra help Parcel Day, I need to go to the woods, as often as I can.

Gale is never there anymore, although I look for him. I check our spot every day, only to find it empty. I refuse to give his absence any thought. He was wrong, anyway. The woods are more or less barren, yes, but they aren't any more dangerous than they were before. I watch my back, of course, but nothing more threatening than a wild dog shows up, which I promptly take down with my bow and sell to Greasy Sae to make soup.

Everything continues in that pattern- shooting, snaring, watching my back- until the day Gale does show up. He looks angry- not uncommon for him- but he's here, sharpening his fillet knife in the clearing where we always meet.

"Gale," I say flatly, unsure and wary of where we're going from here.

"Catnip," he says, matching my tone perfectly. He looks up, and his expression is cold. "I told you not to come here anymore."

"I didn't have a choice. You might not have to worry about going hungry anymore, but-"

He cuts me off, silver eyes flashing. "It's not safe here."

"It hasn't changed."

"It's about to." Gale pats the log next to him, insisting I sit down. "When I was on the Victory Tour…I saw things."

Reluctantly, I sit. I'll humor him, for a while. "…what did you see?"

He lowers his voice to a whisper, even though we couldn't possibly be more alone. "Uprising."

I'm sure my fear shows on my face. Suddenly his cautin makes sense. "Uprising?"

He nods gravely. "The districts aren't happy, Katniss."

"We're never happy." He knows perfectly well how I feel about the Capitol. How everyone feels about the Capitol.

"Listen," he insists. "Ever since the Games…Madge set something off. I guess I did too."

I tense up. We don't talk about Madge. Never talk about Madge.

"People aren't happy she had to die. I mean- neither am I, but I've been too busy being grateful that I'm still alive…" Gale trails off uncomfortably. It's clear he doesn't want to talk about this either. "They're calling her 'the Mockingjay'. They want to fight, for her. In some of the districts, it's already started."

My breath catches in my throat. Uprising. Rebellion. Long live the Mockingjay. I hate the Capitol. I want things to change. But at the same time…

Rebellion means war. War means death.

"We're not ready to fight," Gale says, as if he's reading my mind. "We're disorganized; we're angry."

All of a sudden it's "we" and not "them". Is Gale part of this? I wait for him to explain.

"But it's not just that."

Because nothing is ever as simple as just rebellion and just war.

"It's you."

"It's me?" I repeat. "What have I done?"

I ask, but I already know. Our first kiss, unfortunately caught on camera. My show of sponsorships and scuffles with the Peacekeepers. The idea of people in other districts knowing who I am is bizarre, but I can see how it would happen, and I can see that the impression I had given would not be entirely positive. "They must hate me."

Gale shrugs. "Some do. Some don't care. Some think you're just another victim, and they think the same about me."

Victim. A word I never would have used to describe Gale, but I guess we're all victims of the Capitol in one way or the other.

"So what happens now?" I ask.

"Things change," he says grimly. Fortunately, he elaborates. "The Capitol's trying to quell the uprising. Stop it before people get hurt. Security will be tightening. And I have a role to play."

Of course he does. Haymitch warned us about that too.

"I have to play along. Convince them I've accepted the Capitol's ruling and that they should too." Gale shudders a little bit as he says it, and I know he's thinking of Madge. "Convince them that I love her, but not to the point of rebellion. Sad, not angry."

"But you are angry," I state. Not much to clarify. Gale is always angry.

"Of course I'm angry," he huffs. "Even if- the way- yes, I'm angry. And if it wasn't just me, I'd want to fight. But it's not just me I have to think about. I'll do whatever it takes to protect my brothers and Mom…and you."

For a moment I forget the situation. I forget it's not just him and me, forget the bigger picture. And I just want to kiss him, disregarding that it's been three weeks since I really saw him and even then things weren't all that great.

I resist, proving that I do still possess some common sense. Instead, I say, "I assume I have a role to play too?"

Sweet moment over. Gale's face hardens; I can see it. "You just have to keep your head down. And stay out of the woods."

My temper flares. "You realize what you're asking me to do, right? This is the only way to feed my family! And if I can't come out here, when am I ever going to see you?"

"We'll manage," he argues. "I can pay-"

"Absolutely not!" I insist, getting up to leave. I should have seen what he was leading up to. "We're not taking your money!"

"Katniss, this is much bigger than-"

I just shake my head, refusing to hear it. "No. Just- leave it. I'll keep my head down, and all of this will blow over soon. Okay?"

"I don't think that's exactly how it's going to happen," Gale says flatly. But he knows better than to argue with me.

"Then I'll deal with it as it comes," I retort. "I'll see you around, Gale."

I stalk out of the clearing before I can regret my decision. Gale has a way of getting in my head, convincing me to change my mind, but this is the one thing I won't compromise on. I don't need him to protect me. I don't want him to protect me. No matter what happens, I'm determined not to accept his- or anyone else's- help.

It's not that I don't believe him, about the Capitol or the uprisings or the consequences. All of that makes sense. I simply cannot deal with the information, true as it may be. I cannot adapt to life getting any harder or more dangerous than it already is.

Not to say things are perfect the way they are. Far from it. But I'm not ready for things to change. In my experience, it's never been for the better.

Yeah, I know. It's just Katniss and Gale talking. IT WILL GET BETTER!

…but not until next Monday, because I'm probably not going to have time to post this week. Maybe I'll surprise you (sometimes I do) but don't get your hopes up.