Hey, Happy Saturday!

I know these chapters are a bit rough, but I'm really trying my best to keep the updates coming.

Thanks for your reviews, they are everything!

Happy reading!

Xoxo,

Nina

The following days just plain sucked, everyone had a rough time adjusting.

Kim's parents were going above and beyond to help her, at least to make feel comfortable. They were constantly hovering around her and in spite of knowing they had her best interest, she was beginning to feel smothered by them.

Although physically she was doing alright, mentally and emotionally Kim was a mess. She was sad and frustrated and felt as if she was letting everyone down by not remembering shit about the past years, and learning the truth about Andrew didn't really help.

"Kim, there's something I need to tell you." Sylvie was alone with her. They had all agreed that it would be best if it was the blonde who delivered the news to her friend and being just the two of them would hopefully help Kim feel more relaxed.

"It's about Andrew isn't it?" Kim shot back. The brunette had a pretty good idea that something was up. Not only the look on Sylvie's face when she asked her about her cousin, but also deep within her felt totally different.

"Yes." Sylvie swallowed hard and sat closer to her friend holding her hand. She really didn't know to break this to her, she didn't want to break her heart again and to be honest, she was completely terrified of seeing Kim go through the same process she went through before. "Um, this is a bit complicated to explain."

"He's not here, right?" Kim asked slowly and with a very soft tone. She didn't want to say it, she didn't want her gut feeling to become real.

"He is not." Both their eyes showed the pain they were feeling, it was like bursting open an old wound. "Kim, I'm sorry, but there's a little more to him not being at the hospital."

"I didn't mean the hospital." Kim wiped the tears that were rolling down her face. "How did it happen?"

"They were on some mission and apparently something went wrong with the plane he was flying. They didn't give us much information about it." Now both of them were crying. Reliving her cousin's death and hearing Kim's quiet sobs were ripping her heart apart. Sylvie reached closer and hugged her friend, who instantly wrapped her arms around her. "I'm so sorry Kim." She said after the brunette had calmed down a bit.

"It's ok." Kim trailed off for a bit, she wasn't too sure if sharing the next part was going to make her sound like she was completely nuts. "You're gonna think that I'm totally crazy, but I dreamt about him."

"Really?" The blonde asked and her friend nodded.

"He said he was ok and said something about being proud of me and that he loved seeing me happy, that it was all he wanted. That it wasn't my time to go, and my place was here." The tears kept gathering in her eyes. "And then he just faded." Both girls were overwhelmed with all the emotions running through them.

"Well, he is right to be proud of you. You did good Kim." Sylvie lightly rubbed the brunette's back, making her tears cascade freely down her face.

"How do you feel?" Sylvie felt almost bad asking this question, because the answer was pretty obvious.

"I feel like shit." She laughed nervously, trying to hide her sobbing. "But I think this is the only thing that makes sense ever since I learned that two years of my life disappeared." Sylvie looked at her friend trying to understand what she was saying and Kim picked that up right away. "I mean, I'm sad, I hate it that he's not here, but apart from that dream or in addition to that dream, it's like a part of me knew it already. I had this feeling, you know? Don't get me wrong, I love him, I was so in love with him, but it feels different." She sighed in complete frustration, she felt so guilty to be admitting that. "I don't know if I'm making any sense."

"Of course you are. Kim, you went through one hell of a process regarding Andrew's death. I think it's only natural that you kind of felt it."

"If only I could also feel the rest."

"You will. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Easier said than done."

Telling Gracie the news about Kim wasn't a walk in the park either. Adam had already told Kit and Anne, he wasn't so sure what to do with Grace. He knew he had to tell her, but he didn't know whether to have her parents tell her or if that should be done by him. It was usually Kim the one who helped him think about those types of things, right now he had to figure it out on his own.

In the end, he decided to be the one to speak to his niece, but to have both his brother and his sister-in-law right there.

All of them were having dinner at Adam's place. After they were done eating, Gracie asked the one question Adam knew was going to come up.

"When can we go visit Aunt Kim again?" The three adults looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Muffin, I need to tell you something super important."

"What?" The little girl asked enthusiastically.

"This may be a little hard to understand, ok?" Gracie looked attentively and nodded. "You see, Aunt Kim woke up already."

"Really?!" Gracie couldn't be louder even if she tried. "That's fantastic!"

"It is, because it means that she's getting better."

"So when can I see her? I'm sure she wants to see me too."

"That's the tricky part, love. Come here." He extended his arms and Gracie went to sit on his uncle's lap. "When Aunt Kim was in the car accident she got a big bump on her head and sometimes, when we hit our head really badly a little part of our brain that is in charge of our memory gets hurt."

"Did that happen to Aunt Kim?" Her enthusiasm and excitement was gradually diminishing.

"Mm hmm." Adam answered while her parents looked at her carefully, ready to comfort her. "She's a little confused right now and doesn't remember much."

"And why don't you just tell her what she can't remember."

"Because it can be frustrating and overwhelming, and we don't want to upset her, right?" Gracie nodded and Adam continued. "So we do what the doctors told us and we wait. Ok?" Gracie nodded again only this time she was beginning to pout and shy tears were starting to pop out of her eyes. "I'm so sorry, muffin." He hugged her as she began to cry.

"Why can't I be one hundred percent happy? Why is there always something missing?" She asked, extremely mad. They were very deep questions for a girl her age to consider, but she was totally right.

"I don't know princess, I wish I had the answer for that." Her uncle said as her parents came closer. Anne embraced both of them in a hug and Kit squeezed his brother's shoulder tightly.

The days kept rolling by and there wasn't much improvement as far as Kim's memory was concerned. Adam couldn't take it any more, he already volunteered to go on all the undercover assignments that popped up. Anything to help him keep his mind off the current situation, he was willing to do. But since, apparently, he had no luck whatsoever there was nothing for Voight to assign him to.

He was torn between stepping away, just to give her both some time and space to breathe and staying as close as he could to her while respecting the doctor's instructions. He knew that the second option had all the potential to hurt him further, being closer to her and not being able to speak to her as he used to, let alone hold her and comfort her was a dagger to his chest. Nevertheless, he ended up doing just that. Finding the way to be close to her even if she didn't know who he was or even that he was right there.

Adam decided that the nights that Gracie wasn't with him, he was going to spend them with Kim. He waited until she was asleep and he would go and sit next to her fighting his own desire to rest, with the only goal of seeing her, knowing she was alright. He always found the sight of her resting soothing, the soft heaving of her chest, and the pure look of peace on her face. This was the only way he found of being close to Kim without going totally against what doctor Walker recommended, but it was also his own personal torture.

"So, are you ever gonna talk about it or you're just gonna hide behind Grace and alcohol?" Kevin blurted out. He finally managed to get Adam to go to Molly's to decompress a little. Ever since the accident, Adam had locked himself up and Kevin knew it was just a matter of time before he exploded. "Listen, if you're not gonna say anything, I get it. But at least come to the gym with me, let's go out for a run, let's do something that will allow you to let go of some of that frustration."

"She's being discharged." He said as he sipped on his beer.

"Dawg, that's great!"

"Her parents are taking her with them."

Phill and Amanda had talked to Adam about the possibility of offering her to go back home, until she felt better and confident enough to face her life again. Adam felt like that was the last punch needed to knock him out, but deep inside he knew that it was possibly the best thing for Kim right now.

"Oh." Kev grabbed his beer bottle and swirled it around before taking a pull of it. "And what do you think about it?"

"Does it really matter what I think? She doesn't even remember who I am."

"Bro…" Kevin didn't know what to say. Lucky for him, Adam interrupted him.

"When I told Gracie, she asked why she couldn't be one hundred percent happy." He bowed his head and played with the bottle on the table. "I think with that question she actually put into words what I am feeling. Kev, you, more than anyone, know what Kim means to me. Everything we went through, our ups and downs, our struggles, my struggles, how the whole Kit thing wrecked me completely and how I was able to overcome it, thanks to her and Grace."

"I know, man."

"And now, I have my brother but life has decided to rip my girlfriend right out of the picture. Do you have any idea of how that feels? That right now I am nothing to her, nothing, but she is still my whole world." He took a deep breath and finished his beer in one big gulp. "It totally sucks."

Both men stayed there a for a while. Kevin was desperate to pull his friend out of the place he was in, but he was aware that Adam was in a terrible position and he totally understood Adam's depressive behavior. All he could do was stay right next to his brother and let him know that he was in his corner no matter what.

It was Wednesday, and Kim was finally leaving the hospital. Neither Kim nor Adam could set their emotions straight about that. It was true that having her leave the hospital meant that, all things considered, she was doing ok and that made him happy. However, it also meant that spending the nights at the hospital as a way of being close to her, was no longer an option.

For Kim it was also weird. She felt like she was being released back into life, but then again she had no idea what life was, or at least what her life had been like the past few years. She was sitting on her bed, going through the pages of a book she was reading when she lifted her head up and saw him walking by in front of her door.

She had no idea what was going on inside her, but seeing him made her smile, her mouth opened and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Adam?" She spoke with a smile on her lips and a hint of doubt in the tone of her voice. He was confused, he desperately wanted her to notice him again, but to be honest he wasn't expecting for her to see him, let alone call out his name. "It was Adam, right?" She picked up the quizzical look on his face instantly and felt embarrassed, both about the possibility of having messed up his name and about calling him. To be honest she had no idea why she had the impulse to do that, but right now she didn't have the energy to fight it. "I'm sorry I don't really remember much lately." She joked. Making fun of herself and the situation she was in was the only way she had found to cope with it all.

"Yeah, it's Adam." He answered with a soft smile.

"Good. At least my working memory is still doing its job." She chuckled nervously and he was still paralized outside of her room. "You can come in if you want. I won't bite, I promise." They both laughed, making Adam loosen up a bit and walking inside her room, close to her bed, but not too close that it would seem weird to her.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Bruises fading, cuts healing, nasty scar on my leg and a little pain now and then; and well, the big black cloud in my brain, but I guess you could say I'm improving."

"That's good." He smiled again, he couldn't help it when he was close to her.

"Were you able to get all the information you needed about the crash?" She seemed interested in the conversation topic. "Hailey came a few days ago to check up on me."

"Hailey?" Adam was surprised to hear Upton's name. She had mentioned wanting to go visit Kim and he knew what it all meant to her, so of course he wasn't opposed to the idea; he just didn't know that she had finally done it.

"Um, I think that's what her name was. Blonde, very pretty. Acton, Ecton. Something like that." She tried to explain who she was talking about and Adam chuckled lightly. Seeing how she scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember was adorable and kind of made him forget about the anguish he was feeling.

"Upton. Yes, that sounds like Hailey."

"Yeah, that." Kim said proudly. "So, the crash?"

"We managed to close the case. All the bad guys are either dead or behind bars, so that's a good thing." Kim smiled and looked directly into his soft eyes. "Probably the only good thing that came out of the crash."

"Ohh, come on. There have to be more good things that came out of it. I mean, the girl is alright, I'm going home…" She trailed off, she was going to say something else, but stopped because she literally had no idea where the comment was coming from. "Anyway, are you here to update me on the crash, like Hailey was?" Adam scratched the back of his head nervously.

"I was actually checking up on a victim, I needed to ask some questions." He lied to her, but he couldn't say that he was only there to see her. Besides, it was kind of true, she was a victim and he was there to check up on her.

"Oh…" She seemed a little bummed, and Adam thought he saw that, but he didn't want to get his hopes up so much. "That thing you said about going home, that's pretty cool."

"Yeah, I guess." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Hmmm, you don't sound too excited." He sat down on the chair next to her bed. That easiness that always existed between them was beginning to flourish right in front of their eyes.

"It's weird. Like, I'm older than what I remember but I'm going home to my parents' place like I'm some 10 year old."

"You don't want to go with them?" He was worried they had made the wrong decision for her.

"No, it's not that. I'm nowhere ready to face everything alone. I mean I'm catching up on current events and a hell of a lot has happened during the last two years." They both laughed. "Everything is so confusing." She took a deep breath only to keep talking. "And frustrating. Sylvie keeps telling me that I did so good during this time and I feel like shit for not remembering any of it. I mean I can't even remember the password of my iCloud to have access to everything I had on my old phone, which is currently shattered."

"I don't think there's anything I can say to make you feel better, and I'm sure you're tired of hearing people telling you that time is all you need, because, honestly, I'm tired of that crap too." She looked at him surprised at the words that were coming out of his mouth and started to laugh making him do just the same. "The truth is that what happened to you is crap, and I don't know how frustrating it may be to you, but I can imagine it. The good thing, from what I can see, is that you have one hell of a safety net. You'll come around and make sense of everything." He stood up because he couldn't be there any longer, having this conversation and not being able to hug her or kiss her.

When Kim realized he was about to leave she felt bad, she felt like she had said too much to a complete stranger; but mostly, she didn't want him to go.

"I'm sorry for throwing all of this at you. Maybe I made you feel uncomfortable."

"No, not at all. I actually really enjoyed having this conversation with you." He gave her a lopsided smile and she felt a strange burning in her heart. "However, I have to go back to the district."

"Ok."

"Ok." He repeated softly.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why was I with that girl?"

"Um…" That was a hard question to answer. How could he tell her that without telling her everything? "I guess you were taking care of her or something."

"Would love to know."

"You will." He looked down and then back into her eyes before walking towards the door. "Good luck at your parents'."

"Thanks, will probably need it." She said with a relaxed laugh. "See you around, Adam."

"See you around."