and as always i'm as unreliable as ever, sorry to disappear again, i swear i'm gonna finish this story.
"Under the right circumstances you would be able to have children."
For a moment you felt like you couldn't breath, time seemed to stand still, if only for a few moments. You could feel tears streaming down your face, but for once they were in relief. After the last few years, hurting about the miscarriage, losing the last piece of Jace, finding out you'd never have a chance to be a mom, coming to terms with it only to have to confront Skylar's mother, to your new relationship with Cloud and your future together… A future that you have a chance.
"Dr. Knight…" You were quickly pulled away from your thoughts. "I know this is a lot to take in" Dr. Livingston said. "But I do want to go over the possibilities with you."
"Yes of course" you replied, "But I think I need to sit down" you admitted.
"Of course, " Dr. Livingston replied as he offered you his hand, you were thankful as you were starting to feel dizzy. He was looking around the room frantically trying to find a place for you to sit, until Dr. Winters ushered you over to the chairs where you had tea earlier.
"Come this way." Dr. Winters said. "You two take a seat, I'll go put on some tea."
As you sat down you tried to calm down, you've been hoping for this moment and you are so unbelievably happy but you were scared too. Theirs going to restrictions and you weren't sure how you would tell Cloud…
"It must come as quite a shock to you" Dr. Livingston began.
You nodded, "To be honest I've had a hunch for a few weeks, its been driving me crazy."
"You sound relieved." He added.
"I am… Now about those possibilities?" you asked.
"Are you sure you don't want to take a moment, maybe come back tomorrow and we'll go over everything?" Dr Winters asked as she returned with a tray with three tea cups, placing one in front of each of you before taking a seat herself.
"I need to know," you said quietly, "I finally have hope back in my life, I don't want to start fantasying only to find out that I'm limited."
Dr. Winters nodded thoughtfully before gesturing for Dr. Livingston to continue. "You sound like a very strong person Dr. Knight," he began, "Now to be clear you are not infertile. but it may be very difficult for you to get pregnant, your ovulation is very low, I would suggest if you were looking to try, fertility testing would help, artificial insemination would be your best option."
"But" you prompted.
"You have a very high chance of a very difficult pregnancy." Dr Livingston said. "You would have a high chance of another miscarriage and if you don't miscarry the pregnancy itself would be difficult, bed rest early on would be a definite and a very high chance of hospitalization."
"So its a very high risk but its possible" you said more to yourself. "Thank you Dr. Livingston."
He nodded, "I would suggest that if you plan to become pregnant, you should have some viable eggs frozen. Given the trauma you've already suffered a second miscarriage may render you infertile."
As Dr. Livingston finished a medical student knocked on the door, "Yes come in" Dr. Winters called as she stood up.
"Sorry to interrupt but theirs a man downstairs asking to see a…" one of the medical student said in confusion as she was about to continue she was cut off.
"She left out the part where the man is super hot and has such dreamy eyes" a second medical student barged in.
"Millie cut it out" The first scolded, "Sorry finals are brutal and theirs no hot guys in the pediatrics program."
"Don't try to make it seem like it was all me, you thought he was hot too!" The one you assumed was Millie said.
"Please explain yourselves" Dr. Winters said silencing their bickering.
The first medical student started again. "Sorry, he was asking about an Autumn Knight, but we didn't recognize that name"
"Oh no" you gasped, "I completely forgot about Cloud" you said as you frantically looked for your phone, that you discarded the second you entered the office earlier. "How late is it anyway?" you asked absently.
"About 10" Dr. Livingston replied.
"At night?!" you finally located your phone. He responded with a nod, clearly a bit taken aback by your frantic actions.
"Girls go call security tell them to bring him up here." Dr. Winters ordered, as they left you could hear the two medical students talking about Cloud's looks. You absently rolled your eyes before checking your phone, several texts and 5 calls all getting progressively more worried. He's been trying to reach you for hours, you felt so awful.
"Everything ok?" Dr. Winters asked.
You sighed, "Yeah, I just feel bad, Cloud has been trying to reach me for hours, he must have been so worried." She comforted you for a moment, before the two of you realized that Dr. Livingston is still here. "I'm so sorry, that must have been awkward for you."
"Its alright Dr. Knight" he replied. "I'm going to head out for the night, but here take my card, if you have any follow up questions or need another professional opinion, please don't hesitate to reach out. " he told you. You thanked him and said you goodbye.
Once he was out of the room, you started gathering the tea cups as Dr. Winters began gathering your medical records. She told you that she would digitize everything and email it to you, as well as set up your access to the medical records database so you can access and build on it once you open up your clinic in Edge.
You heard the distinct sound of footsteps and men yelling, Dr Winters gave you a curious look, but you have a pretty good idea of what had happened. Just when Dr. Winters was about to speak you heard a knock at the door.
"Come in" you called as you headed towards the door. Instantly the door opened and revealed Cloud, he seemed to be his usual stoic brooding self but you could tell he was worried. "Did you ditch the security guards and run up here?" you asked. Cloud didn't answer, just gave you a look as he pulled you into his arms, which means thats a yes.
"What do you mean run? We're on the ninth floor and nowhere near the elevators, you should be at the very least breathing heavy…" Dr. Winters trailed off.
"It was nothing compared to the stairs at the Shinra building" Cloud mumbled.
"Dr. Winters, this is Cloud Strife" You said, then turned to Cloud, "this is my mentor Dr. Winters."
"Nice to meet you Mr. Strife" Dr Winters said slowly, you could tell she was still pretty freaked out by the fact that he apparently ran here and shows no signs of fatigue.
Cloud reluctantly released you and shook Dr. Winter's hand."Nice to meet you as well, Autumn speaks very highly of you." Cloud replied quietly.
"Dr. Winters" You said catching her attention. "Cloud is a former SOLDIER, that little run would have been nothing for him." you told her. Then turned back to Cloud, "But you probably shouldn't have ditched security" you told him.
"I couldn't help it" Cloud said quietly as he wrapped an arm around you.
You felt pretty guilty making him worry so much. "I'm sorry, I lost track of time" you told him.
"I think we're finished for today, how much longer will you be in town?" Dr. Winters asked.
You looked back at Cloud, "I have another day's worth of deliveries and pick ups" he told you.
"Looks like I'm free tomorrow" you replied.
"Then lets get lunch, it looks like you have a more pressing matter to attend to right now" She said with a sly smile. You said your goodbyes and picked out the cafe that you liked when you a medical student for tomorrow before heading out into the hallway.
Once you were a good distance away from Dr. Winter's office, Cloud turned to you, "Did she just call me a pressing matter?" he asked.
You couldn't help but laugh, "Pretty much" you replied. Cloud was quiet, but not his usual quiet. You stopped him suddenly, he looked at you curiously. "I'm sorry I worried you, I really didn't mean to" you told him.
"It's alright" he replied, "I may have overreacted a little" he admitted quietly. You hugged him, after a moment he wrapped his arms around you. "I know you're safe now and I know you had a lot to discuss with Dr. Winters but I got scared when I couldn't reach you."
"Oh Cloud" you mumbled as you placed your hands on his face. "I'm so sorry I made you worry." you told him again.
Cloud put a hand under you chin, "Its alright Autumn" he told you with a small smile, but you still felt guilty, you lost track of time and made Cloud worry, you could have triggered his PTSD or… "Autumn" Cloud said catching your attention. You looked up at him. "Autumn, Its alright, let's get back to the hotel." he said.
"I'm really lucky I have you" you told him.
"I'm lucky too" he replied before pulling you into a gentile kiss.
The kiss only lasted a few seconds but as you pulled away you could hear whispers and a few giggles. You looked around to see several medical students whispering among themselves and Dr. Winters smirking to herself.
"Dr. Knight, I don't think that's the proper way to give an oral examination" She said, struggling to keep a straight face.
You could feel your ears burning in embarrassment, though Cloud seemed unfazed as usual. "I swear I'm going to be the first case of death by embarrassment." you mumbled more to yourself.
"You're embarrassed to kiss me?" Cloud teased.
"With an audience" you mumbled. "Goodnight Dr. Winters." You called.
"Goodnight Dr. Knight, and nice meeting you Mr. Strife." She replied as you and Cloud began to leave. "Oh and please have some fun, you've had a stressful day, I'm sure Mr. Strife can relieve that" she added.
You covered your face in embarrassment and Cloud wrapped an arm around you as the two of you headed towards the elevator. Once the doors closed, Cloud turned to you, "I could relieve some stress."
"Cloud!" you said in shock as you pinched the bridge of your nose.
"Kidding" he defended, "Unless you want to" he added.
You just hugged him until the elevator reached the lobby. Cloud kept an arm around you until you got to Fenrir to head back to pick up food then head back to the hotel. The two of you ate a quiet dinner together before you excused yourself to go shower, after all you do your best thinking in the shower and you needed to figure out a way to tell Cloud about everything that happened today. Something about the hot water and steam usually brings you clarity but this time it didn't help, it just brought up other fears. When you were finished you dressed in black shorts and grey t-shirt before heading into the room.
Cloud was sitting on the bed still in his shirt from earlier, though he did opt for a pair of pajama pants. You sat on the bed and began combing out your hair. You could feel Cloud move to sit next to you, you glanced at him with a smile.
"Something is bothering you." he stated.
"i wouldn't say it's bothering me, it more I don't know how to tell you, is what's bothering me."
Cloud took the comb out of your hands, placed it on the nightstand and pulled you in arms. He just held you until you relaxed in his arms. "You can tell me anything" he whispered as he rested his cheek against the top of your head.
"I don't know why I'm so scared to tell you." you mumbled.
"I'm here whenever you're ready to"
You hugged him tight as Cloud held you. He absently trailed his fingers up and down your back. You sighed trying to build up the courage to speak, you weren't sure where to start so you stopped thinking. "So we ran some medical tests today…" you trailed off awkwardly. "I'm a medical miracle, I'm not infertile anymore."
"what?' Cloud nearly gasped in a shock.
Then you panicked. "I'm not infertile.. we don't really know why, but the scar tissue is almost gone, which should be impossible, its scar tissue, scar tissue doesn't heal, that's why it's a scar. And all my hormone levels are basically normal, ovulation is low so it may be hard but it's viable. And oh god you're not talking, maybe I'm talking too much.." you grabbed the wolf earring on your necklace for comfort. "that was why I lost track of time, we ran so many tests and the results seemed too good to be true so Dr. Winters called Dr. Livingston in because he's a gynecologist for a second opinion." you squirmed out of Cloud arms and sat on your knees as Cloud tried to grab hold of you again. "I mean it would actually be a third opinion, because Dr. Winters and I both came to the same conclusion independently. So we went over the test results with Dr. Livingston and then he came to the same conclusio…"
You were cut off when you were pushed down onto the bed and Cloud was kissing you, not that you minded just a little shocked. Though you were even more shocked when he bit your bottom lip at the end of the kiss, he's never done that before. When Cloud pulled away he lingered a few centimeters above you.
"I'm confused," you said breathlessly.
"It was the only way to get you to stop talking" Cloud replied. You weren't sure if you should be offended or not. "I said that wrong, but it doesn't matter. " Cloud said as you sat up and pulled you back into his arms. "I didn't understand half of what you said."
You bit your lip, "But I.." you were cut off when Cloud kissed you again. This kiss only lasted a few seconds before Cloud pulled away. "You can't get me to stop talking by kissing me."
"Do you want to test that theory?" Cloud asked, though he didn't give you a chance to respond. "You're not infertile, and I'm so happy because I know how hard it was for you coming to terms with it and how hurt you were, but now that doesn't matter. You can be a mom one day." he paused. "What I don't understand is why you were scared to tell me" he said that last part quietly.
You really weren't sure why you were nervous, you just were. "I don't know" you said quietly as you rested against Cloud's chest. He just held you tight and kissed your forehead. "I was so happy when I found out, but the more I thought about it, I guess I got scared."
Cloud nodded thoughtfully, "Why were you scared?" he asked, he wasn't prying, more like he was trying to help you work through it.
You remained silent for a few moments trying to organize your thoughts. "I think I just accepted that I would never have kids, so now that I can and it's a medical anomaly, it's a big change, there's so many possibilities now and I now i don't have to feel guilty anymore…" you trailed off.
Cloud's eyebrow knit together in confusion, "Why did you feel guilty?" he asked as he shifted to look at your face. You looked away, refusing to make eye contact. Cloud held your face in his hands as if trying to find the answer in your eyes. "Autumn, please" he prompted, his tone was soft and the concern was clear.
You absently bit your lip, "I took a possibility away from you" you mumbled.
"Autumn, I knew about that getting into this," Cloud said quietly as he wiped away a tear, you didn't even realize you had started crying. "and it didn't matter to me, even if it was still impossible it wouldn't matter to me because I just want to be with you."
"Cloud I.."
"Autumn, we spent so much time feeling guilty about our pasts and things out of our control, I could never be upset with you for something out of your control. I hate that I didn't realize that you've been feeling guilty about this but I don't want us to feel guilty about anything in our relationship. I really do love you, no matter what happens…" As Cloud's speech continued you blinked away the tears. Everything was suddenly clear, deep down you knew all along that you had nothing to worry about and the guilt you had been feeling was just a mask for your sadness and fear. It wasn't a matter of just accepting your past, there would be good days and bad days, the trauma would always be there and you know Cloud will always be there to help you through it just like you'll be there to help him. "I just want to be by your side, that's all that matters…" He was cut off when you suddenly leaned in capturing his lips in a kiss.
Cloud was caught so off guard that he fell backwards into the headboard as the kiss continued, he wrapped his arms around you and you tangled your fingers in his hair. You broke away for a moment to catch your breath but Cloud took this as an opportunity to pull you closer to him, spreading your legs so they were on either side of him, and pressing your chest against his before he pulled you into another kiss. When you pulled away the second time, Cloud held you close and you rested your forehead against his.
"What was that for?" Cloud asked, catching his breath as well. It felt pretty good knowing that a long sprint did nothing to him but a little kiss left him breathless.
"You were talking too much," you mumbled with your lips nearly touching his, "I wanted to test your theory." you added trying not to giggle.
Cloud just smiled at you as he gently caressed your face. "Are you feeling better?" He asked.
You nodded then tried to get off Cloud but he held you in place. "Cloud?" But he only responded by slipping a hand under your shirt and resting it on your waist. "Thats a bold move Mr. Strife."
Cloud just shrugged, "I like this view." You were a bit flustered as you absently bit your lip. "Autumn" he mumbled, then you realized what you had done.
"Oh" you gasped, "I'm sorry" you said as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp again but once again he held you in place and slipped his other under the waistband of your shorts and rested that hand on your hip.
"Why are you sorry?" Cloud asked, his stare was so intense. This time it was your turn to stay silent. "Autumn, it drives me crazy when you bite your lip." he said, you couldn't help but blush, as he spoke he slowly moved one hand along you back and the other from your waist, up and down you thigh, "You laugh about the shoulder thing," to which you couldn't help but giggle. Cloud gave a low chuckle before continuing, "it's just more of you that I get to see, because aside from your personality, your compassion, your intelligence, I also find you beautiful and extremely sexy." His words were so sweet and it did make you feel a bit relieved, a part of you is still pretty self-conscious, especially about your scars. "Come here" Cloud said suddenly as he shifted till he was laying down and motioned for you to lay with him. You moved to lay with him, once you were settled Cloud turned off the light and pulled the blanket over the two of you.
"You always know what I need" you mumbled as you cuddled into Cloud's chest.
Cloud moved a few strands of hair out of your face and kissed your forehead. "Let's get some rest" he said. You smiled to yourself and was about to relax when Cloud spoke again, "Unless you want me to relieve some of your stress"
"Cloud" you scolded, but you weren't mad, "Since when are you like this?" you laughed.
"I can't help it." he mumbled. You smiled at him, before unzipping his shirt, Cloud just gave you a confused look, "I thought.." he began but trailed off.
"I could use some stress relief" you told him, though you were thankful it was dark because he can't see you blushing.
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly as he caressed your face.
"I'm sure" you told him as you pushed his shirt away from his shoulders then traced his perfect abs with your fingertips. He absently shivered at your touch before kissing you. You could feel his fingertips at the edge of your shirt slowly removing it, breaking the kiss only long enough to get the shirt over your head. You were thankful the lights were off, now he wont be able to see the bullet wound scars.