Chapter 10: Untainted
Flares of lightning were reflected in Sokka's storming gaze. He stood firmly in the doorway, blocking any and all access inside, all of his senses on high alert. "W-What are you doing here, Master? How'd you make it here in this weather?"
"I wanted to make sure you three got back safely—"
"Who three?" his heart pounding.
"You, Yue, and Ummi," Piandao said, noting how quickly the tribesman's composure was becoming undone.
"You were following me?"
"I had to make sure you were safe—"
"How did you even know I was here?"
"Your receipt from Kungtuk's," was all Piandao said, handing him the slip of paper containing the address of the small home, "One thousand gold pieces for furniture and arrangements. Over five hundred gold pieces for extensive shopping expenses. Add in another five hundred for transportation of all furniture from the emporium and another thousand as the down payment for this place. At least, according to Sensu." Eyeing Sokka knowingly, "Apparently you told them she's your friend, but even then, no one spends over two thousand gold pieces on a regular day for people they don't care deeply about. And perhaps it is possible to care deeply about a friend like that, but I highly doubt even the best of male friends would go maternity shopping for a female friend."
Narrowing his eyes, "Who else knows about this?"
"Only Suki and Ty Lee saw her with you. Apparently, they stopped a carriage during their patrol of the checkpoints. They figured out that you three checked into A'irum Nights. They believe you're both married and that Ummi is yours, but not everyone is completely on board. Pakku is the most suspicious."
Swallowing his further panic, "I appreciate the information. It's storming really bad. You shouldn't be out here, Master. Go home."
"I'm only asking you these things because they know about you three. I'm looking out for you," Piandao said, frustrated by the tribesman's lack of response. "I don't understand, Sokka. I was the one who told you to live your life all this time…" Wearing a look of genuine concern and disbelief, "Why didn't you tell me, son? You always tell me everything. At least I thought. Did you think I would try to separate you two? Did you think I was going to rat you out? Or were you worried that I would side with Pakku and offer her and the child as bait—?"
"I don't understand what you're talking about," Sokka said, an edge to his tone.
"You don't know who Sedna Sunaiq is?" Piandao pressed. "The woman mentioned in the scroll?"
"I didn't read the scroll because I didn't support the mission—"
"So it doesn't ring a bell at all? Not even if I reminded you that you scribbled in her name in that note you wrote with your left hand?"
Sokka said nothing about the particular observation, glaring at the ground. "Yue and Ummi are gonna wake up anytime soon. I can't talk right now. Please try to understand."
Unmoved, "Look me in the eye and tell me that Yue and Sedna are different, and I will leave."
And so the tribesman did, bringing fierce resolve to the forefront, "The woman you're talking about is different."
"If they're so different, where was the need for you to replace the original scroll? Why did you have to go off the rails that hard when you confronted Pakku? Why did you quit? Are you really married to Yue?" And when Piandao still didn't receive an answer, "I thought I knew you, Sokka…But I guess I really don't."
Still disregarding him, "I have great respect for you, Master, but I wanna live my life now. You wanted that for me, didn't you? So please, don't ask me anything. I want nothing to do with anyone. You're always gonna be welcome here as my mentor and family friend but never in a million years as a Hound. I hope you understand."
Piandao stared at him for a long moment. "I've been in this mess despite my hatred for it. Despite being too old for it. All for your sake, Sokka. Ever since you decided to leave, I've practically left. I just have to say the word to Pakku, and I will be out of this. Right now, I'm standing here before you as a common man looking to break away from the one burden wearing me down. Do you still not trust me?"
Sokka, slowly but cautiously, lowered his guard, asking millions of questions with his gaze alone.
"I've eavesdropped on their conversation. They are planning to confront me about you three at some point after the storm. Of course, I could just say I have no idea and back out, but I know that if I don't give them an answer, they will try to find it on their own. And that is not a good idea."
The older man's hand rested on Sokka's shoulder. "Son, your silence should not put her in a vulnerable position. I know you're trying to protect her, but believe me when I say I am, too. I am on your side. You know this. If you explain the situation clearly to me, I will ward them off however I can, and I will quit the team and be of help to you. I promise you."
Your silence should not put her in a vulnerable position. Looking both ways, Sokka then took his master by the hand and led him out into the storm — a little ways away from the house but still close enough to keep watch.
"Did you tell her that you used to be…?"
The howling winds drowned out the tribesman's anguished cries, "How can I tell her?! She'll spit in my face when she finds out! She'll be terrified when she sees what I was… if she ever sees this," he ripped his shirt off in his rage— an act he instantly regretted as he didn't have his wardrobe here to conceal himself— and gestured to the whip scars that punctuated his back and chest, "You see what I am? You think she'll be okay with this? You want me to go up to her like this and tell her I was a gang member?!"
Piandao sighed brokenly, remembering the day he saw his pupil in unbearable pain following one of Pakku's harshest training schemes. The boy who had subjected himself to Pakku's demands and miraculously endured the struggle of inflicted whips had passed out in his swordmaster's arms that day, encapsulated by helplessness and grief. The tribesman had lost all motivation to heal and thrive and live to complain of his condition until now, until the advent of this mysterious woman.
"A-And that's not even the worst part of what I'm worried about," he stammered. "I'm worried that she'll think I'm another horrid abomination like Hahn and leave. I'm worried she'll think I'm like the other Snake-Bloods. Serial killers, serial rapists, money-laundering, dignity-stripping frauds. She's been through hell and back, escaping that jackass in all kinds of ways, running from him…And if she ever thinks being with me brings the same kind of hell…I don't know if I will be able to cope with that… A-And if she leaves me and puts herself out there, defenseless, it'll be easier for the Hounds or the Snake-Bloods to get to her and Ummi…"
The master swordsman could practically see the tremor in the younger man's inner being, "Will you ever tell her at all?"
"Of course I will. It would be wrong to keep this from her in the long run…" He never kept secrets from her in all their years of knowing each other…save for maybe the feelings he had for her. And he did not want to break that trust.
"When will you tell her, then?"
"When she has healed. When she's in a better position than she's in now both emotionally and financially. When she has the capacity to relocate to at least an apartment in the middle ring. That way…if she decides to keep her distance from me for good, she'll be able to easily find a safe place in the middle ring. If I keep close to her now, I'll be able to keep her away from Pakku and his minions. She'll know exactly who to avoid…" He shook his head, "I'm not taking any chances, Master. I went all these years without knowing where she was. Now I feel like I have someone to actually live for… and if anything happens to her…"
"So… you really are her 'university friend' that the Snake-Bloods are looking for…?"
Moisture slipped from his bloodshot eyes, mixing in with the spatters of rain that swooped into the veranda and drenched his scarred body, "It's been days since she had anything to call food. Lost and wandering in the streets with a baby, no money or help whatsoever, running from a dangerous criminal who consumed her assets and her family, wretched people trying to take advantage of her…A-And then I see the the 'Grand Wolf's' mongrels and mutts slobbering over those two for their own selfishness…! They might be called Hounds but really they should be called 'Heathens!' And the last thing I would want is for her to think I'm like them…"
"If she was your friend from so long ago and for such a long time, don't you think she would understand where you're coming from? Wouldn't she know you enough to know you wouldn't do something like that to her or Ummi?"
"After going through all that hell? No, Master, I can't expect that from her. I shouldn't. She has every right to peace. Even if that peace means being away from me. I just…I just can't let her put herself in a vulnerable position…that's the only reason why I'm stalling..."
Frowning worriedly, "Sokka, do you know what will happen if the Hounds find out about you being her university friend? Sooner or later, at least Pakku will reach this suspicion. Right now, he's only thinking you're helping her because you're ethically against this mission."
Sokka did not elaborate, saying simply, "Whatever anyone thinks, I don't care. I was the one who wiped out Long Feng and Fong, and I'm not afraid to wipe out anyone else if necessary. If anyone else tries to lay a hand on Yue or Ummi— no, if anyone even thinks about doing that— they'll have to answer to me." Glowering into the violent storm, "If the Grand Wolf could exacerbate this atrocity of a group, the Night Wolf can destroy it in a second's time."
Thunder ripped across the swiveling skies, cementing his resolve, but the flashes of lightning made him freeze in place as he turned in the direction of the house, stiffening when he saw Yue at the edge of the veranda, her face pale. Her expression was unreadable as she stared in horror at Piandao, then at Sokka and the scars marring his bronze skin.
He wasn't sure how he managed to keep a clear tone — he honestly didn't think that he was doing a very good job of it. It took every ounce of his being not to break down as he told her everything. He kept a hand over his shoulder to keep the blanket that he'd wrapped around him from falling and bringing his scars to light.
"I was enraged and unhinged for a long time. I couldn't let it out because I had to be strong for Katara's sake. After I knew she was in safe hands, I lied to her that I was gonna continue engineering in Ba Sing Se. To this day, she doesn't know how I'm doing or even where I am, really, in Ba Sing Se. She probably thinks I'm somewhere in the upper or middle rings with a nice job…" Exhaling deeply, "I got into this thinking I could stop other people from losing their families. So I trained. I got better at combat. I started wiping out Snake-Blood populations that were harassing this place. For the first few years, that was all I did."
He took a moment to look at her, trying to sense her reaction, his gaze empty and lifeless. She did not look at him, her gaze hardened despite the tears that slipped continuously from her eyes. He wondered if she wanted to hear anything from him at all right now, but it seemed the universe demanded this disclosure now. He made it this far, and there was no going back.
"Even before I knew it was you that the Hounds were talking about, I never wanted this to happen…And after I found out, I thought I had the power to direct them away from you. But then I realized this wasn't something I could control. They told me to be the one to find you, but I wasn't having it. The moment they made it clear that they were coming for you, I broke away from them. This is the truth, ikkingutima. I broke completely away from them, and I came straight to the monorail station to pick you up and personally bring you here so they wouldn't get to you. The Hounds don't know I bought this place, so they'd never guess you're here, and I thought it would be the safest…" His tears escaped, "I swear on my anaana's spirit that I did not send Fong and Long Feng after you and Ummi. I just wanted to bring you two home."
She still did not look at him, her palm softly curled over Ummi's rising and falling belly.
"I want you to sleep peacefully at night knowing I won't let anything happen to the two of you," Sokka told her. "I want you to trust me without having to worry about anything. I want you to let me help. I know the ins and outs of what the Hounds want and where they're mostly situated, so I think I'll be of use… In the very least, I want you to use me for information…" Looking briefly at Ummi, "And most importantly, I don't want you to think that I won't treat Ummi right just because she's Hahn's and because he was responsible for my loss. It was never in my agenda to target innocent people, and…I'd much rather die than hurt or let anyone hurt you both."
Again, no response.
"You can hate me if you want with every fiber of your being, but please don't be afraid of me, Yue," he croaked. "Please don't think I'm out to get you or trick you. One of the very few things that kept me alive and sane all these years was the belief that you were out there somewhere safe and happy… even if I couldn't find you…even if the rest of the world didn't think you were okay… I-I could never forget or throw away what we had for anything…"
He wondered if she was even listening to him at this point.
"I know you're a mom now," he softened his voice, "and I know you wouldn't want to associate with people like me at all right now. I know my anaana certainly wouldn't have wanted to hang around me… if she was here today and saw me like this…" His efforts to keep himself together continued to falter, "I-If you don't ever want to see my face again, I understand. If you want me to be as far away from you and Ummi as possible, then I'll find my way out. But just know that I'm not like Hahn. I've never touched a woman in my life. I've never taken a woman's life. I only wiped out the deadliest of Snake-Bloods. And every bit of money I spent for you and Ummi was hard-earned money that I got from blacksmithing and making fancy swords for Piandao's swordplay students. I never took a single copper piece from any of the illegal money the Hounds confiscated during their missions. I never even went on missions that involved taking money. And I've certainly never defrauded or forced people into giving me their assets…" Swallowing, "I'd never hurt or trick you…and if you decide to give me a chance, I won't let you down…"
He waited several more minutes, saying nothing more, but she neither spared him a glance nor took the initiative to drive him out of the room. She cried silently, her attention flying to Ummi when the infant began to stir and wail. Yue brought her into her lap and reached for the milk on the table beside her.
Sokka eventually broke the silence, "I-I'll just sleep outside. And as soon as the rain stops, I'll get out of your hair. Please don't relocate. No one knows about this place, and it's safe…" He turned to leave, stopping by the door for a few seconds to add, "Yue, just remember that wherever we are, however far apart we are, I won't stop looking out for you and Ummi."
Piandao, who had been listening to bits and pieces of the conversation from the veranda out front, saw Sokka step out slowly— hopelessly— and close the door behind him to keep away the peeping rain. The young warrior then took his seat at the edge of the small veranda, not minding if the winds and the downpour encapsulated him. He closed his eyes and hung his head low, doing his very best to hold back sobs.
Piandao took his seat beside the tribesman, his hand on his shoulder. "What did she say, Sokka?"
He shook his head, "I don't think she has anything to say to me."
So that was a disaster, Piandao sighed. "I'll go talk to her—"
"No," Sokka stopped him. "This has to be her decision. If she wants to hate me, then she has every right to."
"She probably doesn't hate you. She might just need time to process this," Piandao said. "You have done nothing to hurt her, Sokka. She knows that."
Sokka said nothing, still wallowing in his misery.
"What are you going to do now?"
"Whatever brings her peace. I told her I'll leave when the storm's over… I guess the next thing I can do is talk to Sela and Gansu so they can look out for her and check on her regularly." Though he was probably going to have to spin some narrative if they ask him why he was keeping his distance despite initially jumping all over the place at her return. He might also have to bribe Fen more. Until Sela and Gansu convince Yue to take up the job in their school and offer some kind of babysitting services to ease her woes, Sokka had to make sure Fen keeps her mouth shut and treats Yue with utmost respect.
"Fen will do anything for money, so I hope that's not too much of an issue." Sokka said, "And… the most important thing is for me to be on guard duty. I'm keeping an eye on the Hounds."
"They plan on apologizing to you, apparently. They said they are willing to give you more deference and respect this time. Of course, I don't believe that, and they're not abandoning their mission—"
"Are you saying I should take their apology and act like everything's fine—?"
"Why would I suggest that? I've been trying to get you to leave them this entire time," the swordmaster said. "I'm only trying to tell you that they were planning on pestering us until you come back, and now that they're suspicious, they are going to be investigating. I have the opportunity to tell them to back off…but they will ask me again and again. They won't believe me if I keep saying I never knew anything about this. I have to give them an answer before I quit, too. What do you want me to tell them?"
Thinking, calculating, "That Yue is my wife. That Ummi is ours. Yue can't be the runaway Sedna if she and I were expecting at that time. That would put her… probably at eight months of pregnancy." Turning to the older man, "There is no better defense. I can't think of one. I know it might be awkward, but… if it's the best way I can protect them…we might as well…"
"And what if they confront Yue about this? What if they…I don't know, ask her about details like how you met or when you two were married?"
"Tell 'em that we're trying to lay low about it since I'd been a Hound. We're not giving away our status to anyone so it would be useless for them to ask her about it. Our priority right now is being safe, raising Ummi in a safe environment, and making it seem like we're good friends for a while… until we believe it's safe enough to reveal who we really are…"
"They will still be curious, won't they? At the very least, they will get to the bottom of when you two were married."
Sokka thought for a long moment before admitting, "I used to go up to the Northern Water Tribe for investigation purposes, but I told everyone I was going to Ingam two hours away for a several-day trip. There were no errands, no customers who wanted their swords hand delivered and stuff. I just wanted to get information about her without people knowing. You can just tell them that I met her while I was on one of those 'errand' trips at Ingam."
The wheels in his head began turning, prompting him to develop the narrative even more, "We'd been seeing each other. We realized we loved each other. We wanted to get married and settle down. I told her that I was the leader of the Hounds but that I'd do anything to be with her. She said she will marry me if I promised I'd quit and turned a new leaf. I promised her, and then we were married in Ingam. I told her I would save up money so she can move to Gansu…And then we found out we were having a baby. I wanted to protect her and the baby at all costs, so I didn't tell anyone about them. Not even you. I didn't do anything that would make anyone suspect I was about to quit. I did everything I could to get things settled here before the baby came, but I knew I can't make it seem like I was preparing for everything…"
After a long, thoughtful pause, "I also needed a reason to quit. Being the family man that I now am with a wife and daughter, the thought of putting an innocent woman and a baby at risk of the Red Fang's wrath infuriated me…And it was also the chance for me to walk out for good. Disguised as an ego clash between me and Pakku so no one would be suspicious..."
"That's quite elaborate," Piandao remarked.
"It's the best story we have. They won't believe any other lies. They'll keep being suspicious. But if they believe she's my wife and that Ummi is my blood…especially if they believe Ummi is mine… the Hounds won't even look in Yue and Ummi's direction."
Piandao nodded, "Yes… It's all about bloodlines. The Grand Wolf's bloodline is priceless. It's the main reason why they wanted you to join them. It's the only reason why Pakku is crushing his pride to apologize. He's not going to dream of putting Hakoda's granddaughter at risk."
"The nerve that imbecile had to say Ummi didn't matter just because she was Hahn's… That idiot would've known if he held a two-day-old baby at least once in the seven pathetic decades he'd been alive." A defensive wave crashed over his soul, "It was terrifying to think about what was going to happen next whenever I was holding Ummi. Spirits, she's so small and… It's terrifying to imagine Yue being on the run with her. Ummi can't be around all this! And…and Yue…" Moisture pooled in his eyes, "There's never been a time she wanted anything bad to happen to anyone. She doesn't deserve this!"
Piandao's worried frown remained intact, his voice softening at the breaking man, "You loved Yue, didn't you?"
A tender glaze in his eyes, a soft whisper, "I still do. I never stopped."
"I'll show him," Sokka huffed as he meandered cautiously across the campus to avoid being seen by the security guards. All the while, he cursed how the residential units were so far away from the library and planetarium building. The moon was full, making his surroundings glimmer, and although there was the danger of him stumbling in plain sight, he was still thankful that he was able to see, taking to hiding in the shadows in the event he was noticed by anyone.
"'My uncle did this, my uncle did that! My uncle got me these brand new broad swords, and I'm gonna kick your butt with 'em, Sokka!'" the young tribesman griped, "Thinks he can defeat me just 'cause he has a fancy, wonderful uncle and I don't! He might have the weapons but not the bone strength of a tribesman!"
He was determined to prove to the entire campus that he, Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, could outdo Zuko Agni in a spar on any given day…though Sokka also had to think about his own safety given his firebending friend's short temper and quick fire blasts. Sure, bending was not supposed to be involved in this spar, but it was most certainly NOT cowardice for Sokka to still protect himself and have a fair fight. To think that firebenders drew their power from the sun — and what sweet relief that solar eclipses were a thing! He just needed to figure out when the next solar eclipse was and call for a duel on that date and time (a part of him begrudgingly knew that someone was bound to point it out, but he was determined to play the coincidence card).
When he finally reached the desired premises, he quickly concealed himself in the shadows and looked around. Thankfully there were no guards around the area. He shuffled over to the front of the library and reached into his pocket, pulling out a wrench that he had brought with him. He fiddled with it within the keyhole, squinting in the shadows to position the wrench carefully with each try. He nearly froze, however, when he heard shifting — like someone or something moving— from the other side of the door.
What in La's hell? He scrambled back into the shadows. There can't be anyone inside now. It was past midnight, and the library was closed several hours ago. Despite reasoning with himself this way and raising his foot to tiptoe forward, he couldn't help but feel his heart stop again at the sounds of cautious footsteps. A rush of adrenalin prompted him to look into the peephole on the door…only for him to see another eye blinking at him.
"GAAH!"
"AAHH!"
The scream that followed from the other end belonged to a girl, Sokka noted as he fell back against the grass, his face blanched from their loud octaves, which surely rattled the area.
"BURGLAR!" the girl behind the doors screamed. "BURGLAR, SOMEONE HELP!"
"What?! I'm not the burglar here, you're the…burglaress!"
"That's not even a word!" she snapped. "And I'm a student!"
"Well so am I!"
"Says the person trying to break in—!"
"SHH, SHHHH, I'm gonna get expelled!" his voice dropped to a pleading whisper. It was a miracle he didn't hear any of the guards' footsteps just yet. "I'm here for something important! And I am a student! My student number is one hundred ninety-eight. It's all on the record!" Though he probably shouldn't have said that to someone who witnessed him picking a lock… "B-But nothing explains you snoopin' around—!"
"I'm a student, too! I've been locked in, and I can't get out! I've been hollering for hours, but no one came this way."
"Oh…really?"
"Yes, really!"
Frowning, "Hey, wait a second. I've never heard you around these parts. Nice try—"
"I'm a new student," she pressed. "I got here this morning, and I've been in this planetarium ever since. I don't remember my student number exactly, but I'm part of the science group. Tomorrow is my first day."
He softened his eyes, "Oh…I'm sorry… Look, I really am a student. I'm in the science group, too. My name's Sokka Urumiq."
"So you are Water Tribe," she noted with a degree of excitement. "You have a tiny bit of a Tribal accent… "
"You, do, too, come to think of it," came a hopeful observation, "So you're also Water Tribe?"
"Yes. I'm Yue Taqqiq. From the Northern Water Tribe."
"Cool! I'm from the South."
"Oh, nice! And you really are a student, Mr. Sokka Urumiq?"
"Yes, I promise. I'm not a burglar. I'm only here for some information." Though he could sense amusement in her tone more than accusation.
"Okay then, how about this? If we're seen away from our dorms right now at this hour, we'll get in trouble. Well, you'll get in trouble and I'll just look stupid and naive. But… I won't tell anyone you were out here if you pick the lock and help me out. No one has to know about this."
He nodded, "Yeah…that sounds good…"
"Good. Is anyone out there right now?"
"Nope," inserting the wrench back into the keyhole, "Not yet."
"Seriously? I expected better from a 'world class university.' At least a hundred guards would be charging at the library right now."
"Yeah, our guards slack when it comes to the library sometimes. They usually guard the front and the back most often."
After several minutes of him fiddling with the lock, "Is it working?"
"I'm trying. Pretty sure I made the wrench right…"
"And you were all set to break in with one turn. Why were you picking the lock anyway?"
'Cause I needed some info quickly. I need to know when the next solar eclipse is—"
"It's in 3 weeks. A day before the next summer solstice. From ten hours past midnight to noon." And to confirm, she slipped a piece of paper from under the door. The paper had the date and time written on it.
Sokka took the slip, "So you randomly carry dates of eclipses with you or…?"
She giggled, and Sokka felt a strange flutter in his heart. Her laugh was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. "I needed that date for something, too," she said. "But you seriously couldn't wait until tomorrow for that?"
Shaking away his charmed daze, "No, I couldn't," and he went back to jamming the wrench inside the keyhole, "I can't let people know I was looking for this."
"Why? What do you even need it for?"
"I was supposed to spar with my friend, Zuko. He's a firebender. Shoots fire out of his fists whenever he's mad and stuff. Lots of anger management problems in the past. He's been working on it recently, but…"
"Why still spar with someone like that? Why not wait until he has his fire blasts in check?"
"It's just some bet we have going on. He thinks he's privileged by having the best uncle in the world, being a firebender, stuff like that. I wanted to show him how the Water Tribe kicks ass. I wanna build a reputation, you know?"
Chuckling, "Well what do you need the eclipse date for?"
"I don't want my face burnt off in the process. I also don't want people thinking I'm a coward." Shrugging, "We had a coin toss. I get to pick what day we fight. That's why I decided to suggest having the spar during the solar eclipse so he won't be able to bend and people don't have to call me a coward for ducking every five seconds."
"Wouldn't they guess anyway that that's why you picked that date and time specifically?"
"I'll just say it's a coincidence."
"But why would it still be a problem? Why would you be a coward? You're trying to fight fair and square."
"Yeah, but still..." Clearing his throat, "So, uh…what did you need the eclipse date for?"
"I needed it for a project for Professor Yugoda's astronomy class. I have it tomorrow at midday. I was working on the project since the afternoon, but I was so tired that I fell asleep in the planetarium. Somehow the librarians didn't see me."
"Professor Yugoda, huh?" he blinked, "I have that class."
"Oh!"
"Wait, what project do we…oh, you were working on that report thing?"
"Yeah."
"You need the eclipse date for that?"
"You didn't read the prompt? It's all about eclipses."
"Oh…"
"Sokka, you do realize it's due tomorrow."
"Eh, I'll ask for an extension. She's lenient with me 'cause I'm a genius."
"Genius, hm?"
"Rank number one the entire time I was here. Top of the mathematics department, the crown jewel of the science department," he boasted, puffing his chest up despite the fact that she wouldn't be able to see him from behind a locked door.
"Representing the Water Tribe, huh?"
"Yep," he grinned. "But I don't understand why you're doing that report. You're new here. Yugoda should give you a pass."
"I wanted to do it," she said, surprising him. "I'm trying to write a thesis of my own, and I want Professor Yugoda to be my advisor. That's why I wanted to impress her with a smaller paper. Show off my writing skills a little bit."
"But you're just starting her class."
"I'm a fan of astronomy," she said. "I studied a lot of it back home. The prompt didn't seem too bad."
"Impressive," he nodded. "Wish I could relate but I can't. I'm not much of a writer, more of a hands-on experience guy. You ask me to explain something to you, I can probably do it by showing it to you, but putting my thoughts on the page? Thesis stuff? Nah."
"But you're obviously still brilliant," she said, the comment widening his grin. "I know you didn't ask for advice, but you'll be better off ]calling off the bet with your fire friend. I wouldn't put myself at risk like that. If you're so worried about getting expelled, just steer clear of these things. Besides, the world already knows we have capable warriors. I think it's time we show people that tribefolk are good with brains as much as they are with their brawn. Kick your friend's butt in academics, not petty fights. Maybe also find a better friend group or something."
"Better friend group, huh? No one has time for the nonbender from the Water Tribe."
A pause before, "Well that makes the two of us."
"You're a nonbender, too?"
"If I wasn't, I would have freed myself hours ago."
"Oh yeah, good point."
"I wouldn't say we're unextraordinary for being nonbenders," she said. "You seem like a fun guy."
Smiling, "Yeah?"
"Well, minus the burglary part."
"I'm not a burglar, I swear," he laughed, "It's my first time doing this."
"Tribefolk need to stick together, right?"
He conjured the biggest grin he could muster, "Yeah…yes. You're absolutely right."
The conversation was interrupted by the rumbling of a stomach. And it wasn't his stomach, for once. "You hungry?"
"I'm starving," she confessed, "But the meal line is closed."
"I got some seal jerky on me," he offered, digging into his pocket. He then slipped the bag through the small slot through which books were often returned. "My mom makes it fresh for me and mails it from the South."
"Are you sure you want me to have it?"
"Of course. I got a lot more where this came from."
"Thank you so much." And she quickly went on to ravish the snack from the other side.
"Hey, Yue? I think there are some restaurants that are open past midnight. The real good ones are in the middle ring, though. Once I get this thing opened, do you want to maybe get some food there?"
"We can't leave the premises this late, though."
"We can sneak out. We're not doing anything wrong, we're getting food. I ran out of food, too. The seal jerky was my last snack, actually."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Here, let's share—" but before she could offer him some, she realized that she had finished the bag quicker than she thought, "Oh…sorry, there's no more left…"
"It's ok," he said. "If you don't wanna sneak out, you can tell the guards you were stuck here and they can get you food. I don't mind if you tell 'em the truth."
"No, I promised I'm not ratting you out."
At which his smile widened. His fingers worked desperately to jam the wrench at the right angle, spurred by urgency, but after more maneuvering, he thought he heard voices in the far distance.
"Spirits, someone's coming—"
"Hide, hide!" she whispered.
"Wait, I think I got it….Come on, just a little bit…yes, there we go—!"
"What's all that noise?" boomed a voice that was far enough away yet gaining fast, "Who's there?"
As soon as he pushed the door open, a hand reached out and grabbed his firmly, pulling him in and closing the door behind him. When he yelped loudly, her hand clamped over his mouth, "Shhhh!"
The library was dark save for the wafts of moonlight that slipped inside. It was enough light, though, for him to stare ahead blankly, for he found himself in the presence of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. It seemed like all the stars in the world were concentrated in the skies of her pupils. Her hair was long and white, woven into twin braids that were tousled from her sleep, and her big, baby blue irises peered cautiously at him. She briefly turned to look into the peephole, straining to see the faces of the guards. She was unable to, but they could hear the guards' voices from outside.
"Let's just wait a bit, and when they leave, we can go," she whispered, and when he didn't say anything, she looked up at him, realizing her hand was still over his mouth. "Sorry, sorry," she pulled away quickly, "And, um… thanks."
But he was still gawking at her, a rush of warmth having flooded his now-crimson cheeks. He was grinning at her, too, without realizing it, too stupefied to speak. Raising her eyebrows and tugging at his sleeve, "Sokka? Sokka Urumiq?"
"Huh? What?"
"Thank you for your help."
His eyes soft and still drunk on her, "Oh, uh…my pleasure…Yue…"
Upon leaning by the peephole and seeing that the coast was now clear, Yue then asked, "So, is there a way to sneak out without them seeing us?"
"Uh…" trying to fight off the crimson on his face as he rubbed the back of his warrior's wolf tail self-consciously, "There is. But I gotta stop by my dorm for a second."
"Why?"
"Nothing." Feeling very aware of his empty pockets, "Just something really important…"
Observing his fidgeting, "I have money. Isn't that what you're going for?"
"I…well…"
"What, girls can't spend money?"
"It's not like that…"
"Then what?" With a grin, "Besides, it's a special occasion. You're turning a new leaf, aren't you?"
"Well yeah," he beamed, his face once again turning a blissful red, "I'll pay you back soon."
"You can pay me back by taking me to a good restaurant."
Minutes later, they found themselves hand in hand, charging quickly across the campus, filled with an addictive kind of adrenalin rush with every tug and every pull into the shadows. When they reached the wall guarding the entire premises, Sokka hoisted himself up, her backpack slung over his shoulder. He reached down to help her up and was the first to land on the other side, catching her as she jumped after him. They laughed from the thrill of their escape, looking both ways before hurrying down the street.
They were not sure how much time had passed — it could have been minutes or hours. Either way, it felt like an eternity. Sokka passed the time by replacing the old lock on the front door with a new one, taking care to make sure the whacks of his hammer were no louder than the whips of thunder. By the time he finished his final touches, he heard the floorboards creak inside from soft footsteps heading in his direction. He looked up, seeing Yue approach with Ummi sleeping on her shoulder. Two towels were draped over the tribeswoman's other shoulder as she looked from him to the tools surrounding him. Her eyes were crimson from crying. "What are you doing?"
He scrambled up, his pulse shooting through the roof despite a degree of relief that she was at least talking to him, "Changing the locks. You said you don't like keyhole locks so…" gesturing to the new locks, "Deadbolts. Safest locks around. Just turn it from the inside," he said as he demonstrated, "And you don't have to worry about people breaking in. There's no keyhole on the outside, so no one can pick at the lock."
A violent crash of thunder seemed to rattle the house, the force of it knocking Piandao out of his sleep. The man, who had dozed off in the middle of the veranda, was also relieved to see Yue interacting with his student.
Yue handed Sokka one of the towels before handing the other to Piandao. "There's a spare room to the right of the lounge area," she told the older man. "There's no bed, though. You're welcome to share it with Sokka and stay until the storm passes."
Sokka widened his eyes. She was letting him stay?
"I don't want to be an inconvenience, Miss Taqqiq," Piandao said, more relief unfolding on his face, "I understand you wouldn't want a Hound to be in close proximity to you. But I thank you for your offer."
"I thought you said you came here as a common man. That you plan on leaving the Hounds behind."
Softening his eyes, "Well yes…"
"You're Sokka's family friend and mentor. I would hate to make you leave in this weather."
Looking at Sokka and then back at her hopefully, "Does this mean you are willing to look past…?"
With a weary look, "Can you please give us a minute?"
"Yes, of course. Thank you again, Miss Taqqiq." And he disappeared inside.
Sokka did not budge, still looking to her for confirmation. So she took him by the hand and brought him inside, leading him to the couch. She disappeared into her and Ummi's room for a moment, tucking the infant in before stepping back out with what appeared to be a lotion container.
"This is apparently good for scarring," she told him. "It's marketed as being for pregnancy scars, but looking at components, it's really no different than seaweed lotion. It doesn't really matter who you use it on as long as you're using it on skin… If it's okay with you, we can try it out…"
Blinking, "For what?"
He believed they were so far removed from the possibility of her ever showing him leniency again that he didn't fathom what exactly she meant. At least, until she took a few steps forward, slowly undoing the blanket that he had wrapped around his upper body.
"Do you want to try it out?"
Sokka gulped as Yue looked at him, waiting patiently for an answer. Every corner of his heart was bursting with affection. "They've been that way for a long time," he choked out. "I don't think this is gonna help, really."
"It doesn't hurt to try."
He stared at her, searching for some trace of anger or resentment or even disappointment, but she appeared more tired than anything else. She opened the lotion carefully, taking some into her hand and very gently smearing it on the scar on his left shoulder. "So what now? Are you saying I should start hating you?"
Warm tears began to plink down his chest. He thought he felt some on his back, too, but those were not his.
"I get that things are complicated," Yue told him, pain tugging in her heart at the blows that he had endured. "Things have changed drastically, and you took a decision you never thought you'd take. But if there's anything I know…You and Hahn are nothing alike. Other than being Water Tribe men. Even before I knew who he was, I never felt safe around him. Even now after you told me the truth, I'm not fearing for my life or Ummi's life around you. I know you, Sokka."
"I know you, Sokka." He felt a leap in his heart.
"You're serious about leaving it behind, right?"
He nodded firmly.
"Then leave it behind, and don't look back." Smearing more on his other shoulder, "There's an old Water Tribe saying. One who avoids tasting the bitter fruit is careful, but the one who has tasted the bitterness of the fruit and knowingly abandons it is wise. You realized that all these years of toiling away with the Hounds, you had never been at peace. And you made the informed decision to leave it behind."
He felt her soft touch, her palms resting on his cheek. "I…I thought you would hate me for the rest of our lives…"
"You make it sound like we're strangers. Like we had nothing at all between us," she echoed his words from earlier.
Sokka let his sobs escape as he grasped her hand, holding it tightly as if he would be separated from her if otherwise.
"Ikkingutima, did you really think I could hate you?"
"You didn't even look at me…I thought…"
Her eyes were glazed as she stared at his whipped form, "Because I couldn't handle what they had done to you…Because I'd never wanted to see you like this." Her head touching his, her eyes closing, "Spirits, Sokka, they're monsters…What have they done to you…? What…?"
All he could do was hug her, letting his walls of grief crumble on top of him.
"Everyone else felt sorry for me, but Pakku…he was just enraged. He said I was responsible for…what happened to her…" he mumbled against the pillow, lying on his stomach as the lotion dried on his back. "I wasn't there when she needed me. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't help…I could do nothing…I'm so ashamed…"
"Just because you weren't there doesn't mean you did anything wrong," Yue told him. "There is no reason for you to be ashamed. It's not like you knew this was going to happen and abandoned her anyway."
"But… if I had trained when they asked…Maybe I would've done something… Maybe I would've stayed behind in the South so that…when she was in danger, I could've…"
Yue sighed, her free hand brushing away the tear slipping from his eye, "You keep thinking about it from your side. Think about it from your mother's perspective. No mother would want her child hurt, Sokka. If you had been there, and if anything had happened to you as you were trying to protect her…or if you had been compelled into being a part of the Hounds earlier, she might have been physically okay…but for the rest of her life, she would have lived with the guilt that you were hurt and that your life was ruined. It's a mom's worst nightmare."
Which he couldn't deny. His mother had stressed to him numerous times to not take the path that their father did. This was the sole reason why he believed she would hate him from wherever she was in Tui's paradise. To think if he had been blackmailed or guilted into joining the group even after he managed to safeguard her somehow…it would've broken her.
But…
"But at least she would've been here. I would've found a way to redeem myself…"
Smoothing his hair, "What happened is tragic, ikkingutima. It was a grave injustice done to you and your family. But in her last moments, I know your mother had to have been relieved that you and Katara were not there for that atrocity. It doesn't make any of what happened right, and she will be missed…but if anything had happened to you or Katara, it would've broken her. It's just how parents are. I would never expect Ummi to come after me if I'm ever in danger in the future. I would want to make sure she is safe and away from that danger."
She tapped his shoulder once, signaling him to turn over to his back. She then took a seat beside him on the bed and applied the lotion over the scars on his front, "If you had trained and joined the Hounds to protect her… you might've gotten better at fighting, but for one, you would've had to keep your distance from her even then. You would've ruined your life even then. Pakku would still make you do this, too…" she gestured to his scars, "Can you even imagine how she would feel if she saw all this? I'm your best friend, and it hit me like a freight train to see you like this. She's your anaana. Just imagine. No mother would want to see her baby like this."
His eyes fell to a close. He tried to picture his mother, but the exercise was painful as his heart kept jolting at the memory of the blood stains that had tainted their Southern home for weeks. It was the only image that came to mind. "Well I didn't want to see our house drenched in her blood… No son would want to see his mom like that…"
Trapping her sob for his sake, "She did leave this world, and she had to in a very unfortunate circumstance that we don't wish upon even our worst enemies…but she left feeling very proud of you and Katara. She left knowing you two were her legacy, not your father's. She left knowing she raised you well and that you weren't going to take this path…"
"Except I did," he croaked, "I had wanted to take really good care of her after I got myself a stellar job. For everything she did for us, for every insult she faced just for being a single mom for several years. I knew I could never give back to her to the same extent that she gave us everything we wanted and needed…but all I wanted was to make her happy. Keep her happy for the rest of her life. And look at me now. She wanted me to be at my best…and I failed her…"
"No. You have been exploited. You were robbed of the opportunity to grieve when you needed to the most. You were blamed during a very vulnerable part of your life for something you could not help. But Sokka, I can't emphasize enough that you are not the reason for her passing. Whatever you think is your 'failure'... that wasn't the reason for her passing. It was a high price that came with being associated with the wrong people at the wrong time. A sick, selfish man crushed your dreams and aspirations, guilted you into being the reason why your mother suffered, used your services for his goals." Rage boiling in her eyes, "The nerve that idiot had to destroy your records and call your career a teenage fantasy..."
His tear-filled eyes turned to Yue, who gently squeezed his hand. "Your parents are never truly gone, Sokka. They live in Katara. They live in you. They live through the two of you. They're in your nieces and nephews, and they will be in your future children. They only wanted what was best for you; even your father regretted what he became a part of. I can't imagine the extent of his regret." Softening her eyes, "I know your parents are alive and well in the life you make for yourself. Away from the Hounds' clutches."
In the life you make for yourself.
"I couldn't protect the people I care about, either. I couldn't protect my father, and I couldn't protect my sister," Yue said. "But based on last night's experiences alone…if I started thinking again about everything I would have done differently to protect them…I would go insane. For a long time, I'd been guilty, too, because I was actually there and I still couldn't do anything…"
"You were outnumbered," he told her. "There's no way anyone can do anything in that situation."
"Maybe…But there's no point looking back to try to fix the past. We all have to move forward. I know I need to move forward for Ummi's sake…and I know that you need to move forward for Katara's sake." Yue took a look at Ummi sleeping in her cradle, "My people are still with me at this moment. They're in me, and they're in Ummi. I just take one look at her, and it seems like my entire world is with me again." Turning back to him, "I really think you need to meet Katara. Seeing her will bring you peace and healing."
"I can't…I don't know if I have it in me to…"
"At least write to her. Send your message through Master Piandao. He's very influential, isn't he? Maybe he can somehow get you a pass to the upper ring. You can meet her and Aang and your nieces and nephews in the safety of the upper ring walls. I promise you, Sokka, it will make you feel really good."
He thought for a long moment, longing brewing in his heart, "I haven't told her about any of this. Aang knows. He used to pop in every once in a while, but I always drove him away from me. I couldn't risk anything…" Running his hand through his hair in frustration, "Katara will kill me. Or rather she won't and would want nothing to do with me. What if she hates me…?"
"No one is going to hate you," Yue told him. "If I can understand, she can, too. She's your sister, she grew up with you. She knows more than I do about what kind of person you are. She only wanted what was best for you. If you ask me, she and your mother are not too different."
"They're really not," he agreed, "And that's what terrifies me. Anaana probably hates me right now. Wherever she is. She hates who I became…and if Katara hates me, too…"
"Your anaana would hate the circumstances you were in, and she would hate the people who did this to you. But she would never hate you. I promise you." Brushing the sweat and tears away from his face, "Your experience made you realize something very important. Loving your mother doesn't necessarily have to mean killing the people who hurt her. Loving her can also be guarding the pieces of her in you. You're a good son. You're her son. You were tricked into this, and you only wanted to help. You wanted to prevent other people from experiencing the kind of loss you faced. It's not too late. Live the life that she wanted you to live. She always wanted you and your sister to support each other no matter what, so do that. Fulfill her wishes."
A flutter of hope as her hand rested on his cheek, "Look, if I'm proud of you for finding your way out of this convoluted mess… Your anaana would be a lot more proud of you."
After a long time— far too long to keep count— he felt a peaceful rush of warmth flood through him. There were still so many uncertainties clouding his heart, but he was more hopeful at this moment than he had ever been. "Would you come with me? To the inner ring? It'll be safe there and…I don't know if I can face Katara…by myself…"
She nodded, her fingers entwined with his, "I would love to."
It would be ridiculous to say he never dreamed of his mother. He did— particularly of past memories, of the food she made, of the kisses she gave them and the jokes she made. He dreamed of the nights she hid her tears and told them stories, particularly after moving away from Hakoda. He dreamed of the home they'd come to embrace as the years dragged by. He dreamed of the days he left for Ba Sing Se University after the holidays— the way she packed him his favorite dishes, the way she always hugged him and cried moments before he boarded the ship to the Earth Kingdom. He even dreamed of all the things his mother liked: winter storms, arctic lilies in bloom, hints of cinnamon in her stewed sea prunes as she gazed at the blizzards from the windows, one arm around Sokka and another around Katara.
But he had never dreamed of her visiting him exclusively.
He felt awful about the realization. Katara had written many times that she dreamed of their anaana visiting her, talking to her for hours. Kya, though, didn't seem to want to do that with him. But now, as the fog cleared in whichever place he was in right now, whichever meadow of snow he was kneeling on, he saw in the distance a silhouette that he could never forget. Sharp blue eyes and dark skin that matched his… And he found that he couldn't move, paralyzed by disbelief and grief.
"Sokka! Inniga!" My son!
She wept for him fiercely as she raced over to him, trudging as quickly as she could in the snow. He remained where he was, his heart bursting, his hurt simmering in his eyes as he sobbed like a lost child.
"My baby, my baby," Kya dropped to the ground beside her son and brought him into her arms, planting a shaky series of kisses on his forehead.
"Don't cry, sweetie," she wiped his tears away, "Anaana's here. Anaana's here now."
He held onto her tightly, his throat nearly closed up from emotion, "I'm sorry. Anaana, I'm so sorry. I wanted to take really good care of you. I had all these plans. I-I thought we could all be happy. The three of us…" Sniffling, "I wanted to show you that I'm not like the Grand Wolf…And now I'm here in front of you as a pathetic ex-Hound. I'm not the man you wanted me to be…"
"Don't say that, Sokka," she whispered, shedding her own tears, "This is my fault. I wish I had done more to protect myself. I left when you and Katara needed me…"
"Are you serious? You didn't even dream this would happen—"
Your father… at one point…everyone was charging at him and…I didn't want anything happening to him. He told me to go, but… I was so focused on protecting him that I…I didn't think about the consequences…"
Swallowing, "He's the reason why we're like this in the first place."
"He knew that. Trust me, he always knew that. And it ate away at him. He might not have made an outstanding career choice, but he loved us all with every fiber of his being. He was loyal to us… and I couldn't leave him at that moment. I couldn't abandon him, I… I was willing to go anywhere with him. Even hell."
He wore a look of raw incredulity, but he did not question her.
"Pakku had influenced your father into joining the Hounds with promises of easy money. So we would all be happy. He was relentless in making sure you joined, too. Even before what happened to us, Pakku had pushed to have you initiated in the name of family safety and security. But just because that old idiot has been a sore loser and bitter loner all his life doesn't mean my husband and son have to be, too…"
Her rage did not surprise him. It was not new for her to express this rage whenever Pakku showed up at the doorstep unannounced or whenever Hakoda brought up any mention of him during his secret visits.
"Sokka, you were so caught up in making sure Katara became the woman I wanted her to be that you neglected yourself, and everyone else took advantage of you. But everyone knows that you are my son. That's why the Hounds gave you no respect. They're lost in their own goals, their own vengeance. The greatest honor one can have is to fail at resentment and to master compassion…and they don't understand this. All they care about is wiping people out…like life means nothing to them. Nothing at all."
Brushing her hand affectionately through his hair, "But you are very honorable, inniga. And you deserve love, peace, joy."
"Guess that's why you've been visiting Katara more," he mumbled.
"I love you and your sister more than anything in the world," she told him. "All these years, I have done everything I could to come back to you. I've tried and tried, but…seeing you like this, I couldn't. But now, I finally got the chance. I'm here to stay, and I'm never leaving your side, not ever…But for that, you need to promise me something."
He did not understand what exactly she meant, but he still choked out, "Anything."
"Promise me that you will make a life for yourself, and I will stay with you forever. I will."
Holding his mother's hand firmly, "I promise, anaana."
She beamed through her tears, placing her hand on his cheek, "That's my boy."
The hopeful smile he wore in his dream resonated through the real world as well. Despite having plans to share the room with Piandao, the tribesman had dozed off beside Ummi, holding her tiny fist, her other hand splayed across his cheek.