As Loki arrived in the library for his usual sessions with Xavier, he was puzzled by art supplies that were piled on the table. Xavier seemed to sense his presence and turned when he entered the room.

"Ah, good morning, Loki. I have a small project for you today, if you'll have a seat." Xavier began. Loki did so, and the professor gestured to the art pencils. "Today, I'd like for you to draw a self-portrait of how you saw yourself before your...fall."

Loki frowned. "Why?"

Xavier steepled his fingers. "It's important we get an idea of your mindset and self-esteem during that period of your life."

"We've spoken about' my mindset when I let go on the bridge." Loki huffed, "Why do I have to retell it in drawings?"

Charles didn't seem bothered by this line of questioning. "Because it is part of the process of personal as well as emotional growth, Loki."

The former demi-god looked hesitantly at the sketchbook in front of him. "Very well."

"I'll give you about 40 minutes to work on it. "I need to have a conversation with Doctor Strange."

Loki opened the sketchbook when he was by himself, then paused to look at the empty page.

'Empty.' Loki thought, 'That's how I felt at that moment before..." Shuddering, he picked up a sketch pencil and went to work on his drawing.

It had taken him the better part of half an hour to complete it.

When he had finished a version he was happy with (if such a word could be used to describe how Loki felt at that moment), he set it aside and sighed.

One side of the paper had his Asgardian form, looking distraught, with the words 'lie-smith," 'pawn", "deception' and 'Ergi.' The other side was nearly all gray with a faint outline of his Jotunar form, red eyes and skin markings. He only dared to look at it once, but he memorized it all the same. Words like 'monster', 'demon' and 'runt' were etched around this side.

Loki genuinely felt his stomach twist as he gazed thoughtfully at the artwork. He instantly got out of his seat and started to pace, afraid to glance at the paper yet again.

Loki trembled and rubbed his face, noting that he had no marks or heritage lines like the Jotun. Only his fair skin distinguished him as an Aesir, if not a human.

A deepening darkness had consumed both Loki's mind and heart after the revelation of his parentage had come to light. When it was revealed that he was a Jotun, he realized he'd only be a monster to the Asgardians and anyone else. He had been swept away by the darkness and madness that naturally followed him wherever he undoubtedly went. What had it invariably gotten him?

"Have you finished, Loki?" Xavier inquired, causing Loki to jump slightly. How long had he been there?

Loki promptly handed the drawing to Professor Xavier without a word. The professor scrutinized it, though he mentioned nothing.

"Very good. "I'm going to give you another homework assignment now that you can finish before our next meeting," he chuckled, laughing at his own joke. "I want you to draw a representation of how you currently see yourself. Next session, we'll talk about both. Alright?" He turned to go, then stopped suddenly. "To help you, I've arranged for you and Thor to view a movie together on Thursday. My younger students were quite excited when they saw it."

Charles departed from the Sanctum. No more was said, leaving Loki standing there, perplexed.

-
Loki spent the entire night working on his second self-portrait. He finally fell asleep just before daybreak and followed the same routine the next day. However, he made little progress on his "homework." The paper was repeatedly crumpled and thrown aside when he was unhappy with his effort.

Loki's mind repeated, "How do I see myself now?"

There would be no long game in his future; he would either regain his powers or not. Loki would be forced to remain on this planet to fight alongside either Strange or the Avengers. The latter seemed less objectionable; all things considered. There would be no going off-world, however. There is no freedom, only scrutiny. That seemed like a dismal existence to him. But he would be with Thor, and perhaps he would, one day, be worthy of his companions, the Avengers.

A growing headache forced him to sag onto his bed. Loki closed his eyes and flung his arm loosely over them. Without turning his head back to the desk, he closed his eyes. Maybe if he took a break...

Before he realized it, a hand on his shoulder had been shaking him awake.

"Loki, you've got to wake up. You'll be running late to the movie, "Doctor Strange's deep voice stated.

He groaned and sat up, trying to rouse himself by quietly yawning. He saw that night had almost fallen and turned to look out the window saw that night had almost fallen and turned to look out the window. Oh no, he had slept all day. And the session was scheduled for tomorrow.

"Is there any way we can postpone the film until tomorrow night?" Loki asked.

"Nope." Strange replied, popping the "p" at the end. "Professor Xavier wants you to watch it tonight."

Sighing, Loki put his feet over the bed and stood, searching for your shoes.

"They're over there." Doctor Strange pivoted, pointing to a corner where the dresser was sitting.

Loki inwardly winced. He was a mess, and no doubt Strange had noticed, so Thor would as well. Oh well, he couldn't help that.

When he was finished dressing, Strange nodded, and opened a portal. From it, they could see Stark's movie room.

"After you." Doctor Strange gestured. Loki cautiously entered, and his feet touched the velvety carpet.

Thor got out of one of the comfortable leather chairs, ran over to his brother, and gave him a bear hug. Loki felt his bones creak. "Thor, let go!"

"Good evening, brother!" The thunder god shouted enthusiastically, ignoring the protest. When they had pulled apart, his expression became worried. "Brother, are you not well? You look pale!"

"That is what comes of not sleeping for two nights," Loki massaged his forehead.

"Perhaps you need this break then." Thor reassured him and motioned for his brother to take a seat while placing a hand on his shoulder. "I heard this movie just came out. Stark was able to get a... what's the word? Print?"

He sat tentatively in the chair next to his brother and waited for the movie to start, hoping that he could stay awake for the duration of it. Loki was slightly annoyed that they were watching a cartoon of all things but was soon surprised that it was taking place in their homeland of Norway. The girl-Elsa panicked at her powers, which Loki felt greatly when he discovered his own Jotun origins.

"Please, I know you're in there. People are asking where you've been. They say, 'have courage' and I'm trying to. I'm right out here for you, just let me in..."

Loki cast a quick glance at his brother. Thor's reaction to their mother's passing was never once brought up by him. The Thunder God could fight, but emotions were a completely different matter. They were both close to her, and he and his brother both likely mourned her loss profoundly.

"All you know is how to do is shut people out!" The sister-Anna, snapped.

Loki winced. He had kept people at a distance and did so even now. He could feel Thor's eyes upon him, perhaps trying to see his reaction, and it made him feel uncomfortable. Loki shifted in his seat, wishing the moment would pass quickly. He wanted to bury his feelings and keep them hidden away. It was easier that way, even if it was lonely.

The brothers watched as Quen Elsa panicked after revealing her ice powers, fleeing first the frightened party guests and then the citizens. Would that be the reaction when (if) he returned to Asgard? Would the citizens be frightened of him? They had heard and told stories of the Jotun monsters who were fierce and dangerous, so they might reject him even as a citizen of Asgard.

Not long after, Queen Elsa began to sing.

"I don't care what they're going to say! Let the storm rage on! The cold never bothered me anyway!"

Loki was awed by her slowly letting go of her royal cape and gloves while embracing her ice powers. Loki could see the transformation in her, and was awestruck by her sudden power and poise, her strength and courage. He sat with admiration, mesmerized and inspired.

When she tried to fight the soldiers, Loki could see her trying to stop the soldier from advancing towards her with her powers but was panicked and pained by having to use them on anyone. He questioned whether there was any other way he could use his ice abilities besides for malice.

"Don't be the monster they think you are!" The handsome prince shouted. Loki's stomach lurched. Could he be anything but a monster? A villain?

Towards the end of the movie (the plot twist was rather silly to him) Elsa was about to lose her life at the hand of the corrupt prince. Her sister, already turning to ice, stepped forward and stopped the final blow, turning into a frozen statue. Elsa's devastation made Loki shift uncomfortably again.

'Did you mourn?' Loki had asked mockingly.

'We ALL did.' Thor had answered firmly.

There had been anger and jealousy weaved into that sarcastic statement over a year ago. But looking back on another memory, he could see the hurt in his brother's eyes when on The Dark World. His last memory was one of agony with the wound to his chest, his brother holding him in his arms. His supposedly last thoughts were that he finally understood how much the loss of his brother had affected Thor.

He mourned you again...and you betrayed him. Loki's mind whispered. He closed his eyes for a moment. 'I know, and I will perhaps be making up for that for the rest of my days.'

So lost in thought was he hadn't noticed that Thor standing and stretching next to him.

"Interesting movie, wasn't it?" Thor asked.

Loki stood now too, "Saccharine. But yes, slightly enjoyable." They both didn't speak for a while but then Loki broke the silence. "Brother...Thor. I think there is much we need to speak about." He raised a hand to stop Thor from speaking. "Not now, but perhaps another time."

Thor nodded. "It is almost time for the Midgardian version of the Yule..." He paused, raising his eyes to think for a moment. "Christmas. Perhaps we can do so then?"

"That would be... agreeable." Loki offered awkwardly. Luckily at that moment, Doctor Strange appeared with a portal to break apart this strained exchange. With a small wave, he tried to smile. "Goodbye for now, brother."

That night, Loki worked diligently on his self-portrait, making sure to create a representation of himself that accurately expressed his true self. He created the details that made up his expression and the way he held himself. Hours, and eventually, after much trial and error, the drawing was complete. He tiredly stepped back to admire it, satisfied with the result. He dreamt of running through lush forests, and of playing in the sunshine with his Thor as children.

He awoke the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever came his way.

TBC.