Loki looked out at the field of stars from his cell, dreaming of a time where he saw a different patch on the Bi-Frost. He wanted to sob, to surrender to that monster's will. But even a disgraced prince had his pride.
The former prince of Asgard moved his arm, crying out quietly at the movement. Thanos' daughter had broken it and reset it painfully. Then he had been subjected to scrub the floors at Thanos' feet, leading to an agony that he was forced to keep to himself, rather than give the Titan the satisfaction to know that he was in pain. Once this was done, Gamora had once again broken his arm and the torment was repeated. Laughing, Thanos had ordered him to the next torture chamber, the one Loki feared the most; the heat cell.
It was this that was probably causing a fever to rise in his body. Shivering in his cell, Loki cursed Thanos' name when no one was around.'Damn him, damn him! Damn him and all his children!". He had no choice but to accept his fate and hope that it would pass soon.
Sweat began to slick down his forehead and neck while his stomach riled. Norns, what could he do to end this torment? Loki felt like he was going to faint. He had to think of something fast. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. But the heat was beginning to weaken him. It was like a thousand daggers, each one pushing further and further into his brain, stealing away his strength and resolve.
Loki passed in and out of consciousness, the heat slowly ebbing and crescendoing in frequent increments. Loki lost all track of time when he landed here, and more so with these 'sessions' The Sanctuary was a ironically cruel title for this ship, it was a floating Hel.
When Gamora came to his cell, she smiled sinisterly.
"Are you inclined to speak with Father, Loki? Or shall we have another one of our sessions?"
Loki shook his head weakly, his eyes filled with surrender. "T-tell T-tell him I am ready to agree to his terms."
The heat didn't dissipate though, it burned through his body with alarming force. He could feel something cool placed against his forehead and sighed with relief. He could hear in the darkest recesses of his mind a feminine voice humming and reassuring him, a hand touching his arm with comfort. Mother? Had he finally been rescued from the Titan's grasp and was home on Asgard?
The flames finally seemed to extinguish within his tortured body and he slowly surfaced to consciousness. Within the grays of awakening, he could hear something beeping close to his ear. Tiredly, he opened his eyes and looked at him. He was lying on a soft bed in some infirmary, though his eyebrows furrowed by glancing at it. The room was not like the infirmary at Stark's Tower, nor the one of Strange's Sanctum. Where was he? A Midgardian hospital?
His answer came when Ouroro Munroe came into his line of sight. Her expression was calm, almost motherly. "You're awake." She said quietly. He looked at her in confusion, unable to comprehend what was happening. She smiled gently and stepped closer, her hand reaching out to touch his arm. "It's alright, you're safe."
Loki's memory returned to the moment where he had been watching the meteor shower. He'd fallen into a great deal of pain and remembered being carried. His cheeks flushed slightly. He lay there for a few moments, trying to piece together what had happened. He was sure he'd find out soon enough. For a moment, Loki could picture his mother standing by his bed, humming and giving him sips of water. But she was not here any more, and Loki felt a pang of sadness creep into his face and his heart ached with the loss.
Ouroro's expression became concerned. She started to get up. "I should get Hank."
"What happened?" Loki asked hoarsely, ignoring his tangled emotions for a moment.
"You had appendicitis." She stated in a patient tone. "It's a small organ attached to your intestines. In humans when it becomes infected, it must be taken out. Hank operated on you. Your fever persisted until this morning."
Loki's eyebrows furrowed. He had a human illness? He knew his anatomy was much like the mortals, but it never occurred to him that their ailments could befall him. Not until he became a mortal himself. It was…unnerving to say the least.
Ouroro smiled kindly. "Take it easy, Loki. I'll go get Charles and Hank to look in on you."
When he was alone, his mind spun. Where was Thor? Why wasn't he here yet? He thought about having him called, but he knew Thor was probably busy. He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping for the best. Loki winced as a slight pang twitched on his right side and sighed. Loki was not lazy by nature, and he wondered how long he'd be confined to a hospital bed….again.
He looked up to see Xavier wheeling in alone and frowned. Hadn't Ms. Munroe said that she was going to fetch both the Professor and Doctor McCoy? He watched Xavier roll to his bedside. Loki had an uneasy feeling that something was wrong.
Xavier had obviously sensed his unease and spoke pleasantly. "How are you feeling, Loki? You were very ill." The tone was not accusatory, but rather one of disappointment; like a father to a son.
Loki avoided his gaze, choosing to stare at the light blue hospital blanket. "I-I am sorry that I didn't tell you how ill I really was. But in my defense, I didn't think it was anything so serious that it would require surgery." He shrugged, hoping that it would be the end of the matter. Loki knew, however, that he would still have to explain it to Thor and the other Avengers.
"I accept your apology, Loki." Xavier returned, "And I understand that you might have not known how ill you were. But you really should have said something. Your brother is on his way. He is in New Mexico with Ms. Foster.."
Loki looked out the window where the sun had already risen. He hadn't thought much of his own health and injury when he was a god. He became sick and injured from time to time on Asgard, but it was fairly easy to recover with Eir's potions and magic. Loki had only been a mortal for a few months, and had gone through many bouts of both. Now he was as vulnerable as any human on Midgard. He hated it; being weak or sick as it was always a bane to him. This was his worst nightmare come true.
It wasn't long before Loki's eyelids drooped and he became sleepy. His head bobbed up and down as he fought to stay awake
"Get some rest, Loki." Xavier said gently before wheeling out of his infirmary room.
Loki nodded and laid back in his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to rest, but his mind was too full of worries and questions. He was exhausted from the pain. Finally, Loki drifted off to sleep, grateful for the reprieve from his suffering.
When Loki woke again, Xavier had returned to his bedside. Loki felt a surge of relief wash over him. He smiled weakly at the Professor, and thanked him for returning.
The Professor's smile faded and he seemed to be gathering his words before he spoke next.
"Loki, you were talking in your sleep, when you were in a delirium. You kept saying 'damn him.'
Loki's posture stiffened, eyes wide as he turned his head back to Xavier. "What did you say?"
"You were saying 'damn him and his children,' Loki." The professor's expression was inquisitive, but he wasn't pushing.
Loki frowned, "It was nothing." His voice was heard in hopes that the conversation would end there. He couldn't…he didn't want to return to that place in his memories; into that darkness that he had strived so hard to escape from.
"I-" Loki cleared his throat. "I don't want to talk about it." he said hoarsely.
"It pertains to who held you captive, doesn't it?" Xavier asked, sure that he wasn't going to get an answer. "If you talk about 'him', it will remain in confidence with me. I won't tell your brother until you feel ready to do so yourself."
Loki didn't look at Xavier, but cleared his throat as if ready to speak. This had weighed so heavily on him for so long. The time on the Sanctuary, the Invasion. He wanted someone to listen and to understand.
Finally, in a shattered tone, Loki clasped his hands together so that the knuckles were white. "Three years ago, I fell from the Bifrost…or rather, let go. That much you know. I fell, and found myself on a ship called the 'Sanctuary One.'
The story unfolded with a few stops for breath as he tried to not allow the emotions to overwhelm him. He finally shared all of his experience from those horrific few years since the fight on the BiFrost. Loki's voice had grown quieter as he spoke, but the pain in his expression was still visible.
When he finished, Loki felt tears overtake him, crying unrelentingly for a few moments until he got himself back under control. "S-sorry. He sniffed, running a hand through his greasy hair. He wiped the tears away with his arm and hoped no one would know that he had finally broken.
"So…." Xavier mused, "You meant to lose to your brother and the Avengers? You had no intention to rule this planet?"
Loki only shrugged slightly, "Perhaps the part of T-the Titan tapped into that desire, but…." He sighed heavily. "I do not wish to cause harm to those who do not deserve it. I merely wanted to be seen, to be heard, to be respected. I merely wished to prove to them that I was the more powerful one." He chuckled softly, "But it seems I underestimated their strength and my brother's determination."
Thor entered his room some time later, moving with soft footfalls that Loki didn't know the Thunder god possessed. Thor looked genuinely concerned as he ghosted a hand on his cheek.
"Loki? How are you feeling? The Professor told me what-" he stopped mid sentence, his blond eyebrows furrowing further. "Have you been crying?"
"No." Loki huffed, his cheeks turning red as he spoke. He let a pause pass between them before he continued. "A-are Stark and Banner angry at me?"
"Not at all, Loki." Thor seemed surprised at this. "They were concerned about you being ill. Bruce is reproaching himself for not seeing the symptoms sooner."
There was an awkward silence between the brothers. Thor glanced at Loki, who still seemed uncomfortable with the conversation. He sighed and placed a hand on Loki's shoulder. "It's alright, Brother. We all care about you, and no one blames you." Loki nodded.
"I hate infirmaries, Thor." Loki muttered.
Thor nodded knowingly. "I know you do, but you're going to have to stay here for another day or two before you can come home."
Loki looked up suddenly, "home?" his eyes lit up with hope. "Asgard?"
Thor's huge shoulders slumped and his look was apologetic. "Back to the Tower….if you wish." He shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. "Or back to Strange's Sanctum. You'll have to heal for two weeks, Doctor McCoy tells me."
"Two weeks!' Loki groaned.
"You're going to need to regain your strength, but…" He looked intensely at him. "I was hoping you'd come back to the Tower with me."
Loki seemed to hesitate. Banner, Stark, Rogers and principally his brother would be there, but he wondered if he would have a target on his back with Barton and Romanoff present as well.
Silently, he decided. If he were welcome there, Loki could at least tell them some of the truth. If they knew he was being manipulated….
Professor Xavier wheeled in. " Doctor Banner knows that light exercise will help a patient build strength and endurance, and going back to the Tower will provide a familiar and comfortable environment for Loki to exercise in. Additionally, being in a familiar setting may provide emotional and mental support, which is also beneficial for recovery."
"See?" Thor added with a grin, which made Loki roll his eyes.
Loki sighed, "Very well, I will return to the Tower with you, Thor."
At that moment, Loki caught sight of someone at the door. It was Kurt with a smile on his face. "May I come in, Professor?"
"Yes, Kurt, but not for long." Xavier advised.
The youngster had a grin on his face as he approached. "Are you feeling better, Mister Loki?"
"I am, thank you." Loki returned pleasantly.
The boy seemed to be rocking on his heels. "Zis is for you, from all of us." He presented a bouquet of flowers and a gift in a flat box.
Loki's eyebrows rose. To receive a gift from them was not only surprising, but very heartfelt. His mother and brother often visited and presented him with gifts, but The Warriors Three never bothered to do so. This made him feel…accepted. His past actions did not sway their friendliness towards him. Then he opened it, finding a Norse mythology by an author he did not know named Neil Gaiman. He was filled with joy, and thanked Kurt for the thoughtful gift.
"No problem. I hope you get better soon, Mister Loki!" He gave a thumbs up and stepped out.
Loki looked out the window where the birds were singing despite the wind blowing the bare branches even in the sunshine. It was a beautiful day. Despite this, Loki could not help but feel trepidation when he faced all of the Avengers.
When Loki and Thor returned to Stark Tower, he was greeted with warm welcomes from Tony and Steve, while Bruce asked how he was feeling. Natasha and Clint were standing stone-faced, their faces impassive. He felt a little overwhelmed (or perhaps it was his still queasy stomach) but asked if he could be excused.
"Of course. If you need anythin' you can call on JARVIS. He will be here to help you whenever you need him," Tony added confidently.
He began to turn on heel, but stopped. Looking at the floor, Loki chewed his lip. "Actually, m-may I speak with all of you?" He winced at his stumbling words.
The Avengers looked confused but all took a seat again and let Loki talk.
"I-" he winced, not knowing if he could actually speak all the words he had been practicing these last two days. Loki decided to forge ahead, nevermind the consequences. "Last year-the the Invasion of New York wasn't entirely my idea...so to speak."
Some of the Avengers looked gobsmacked while Barton snorted. "Yeah right."
Loki's face hardened. "Before ... .the base, I was tortured to keep me in line. You all perhaps already know that the scepter I had was manipulating me. I saw it in the lab when I was being marched to my cage. I am sure that it had the same effect on you as it did me."
All of the Avengers looked at each other. "It doesn't make up for the fact that he manipulated others in turn and killed 80 SHIELD personnel in two days." Clint snapped.
"I know that." Loki hissed. "I am merely trying to explain…."
"Save it," Clint snarled, turning away. "You killed more people than that during your attack on New York."
To Loki's surprise it was Tony who stood up. "It's not like he's the only one who screwed up. Right Natasha?"
"Don't bring me into this fight, Stark." Natasha huffed, her eyes narrowed in anger.
"I wouldn't dare." retorted Stark snarkily. " I mean it's not like any of us fucked up before, right? We all had to learn the hard way, so we could understand what it takes to be a hero. God knows I have. Same for Bruce and you Nat. Can't say the same for Cap though."
"Actually," Steve looked a little abashed, "I disobeyed orders and went after my friend when he was captured by the Germans."
"Why are you defending him, Tony? You don't believe this shit he's spouting, do ya?" Clint snarled.
"I do. Because he is different. I've been there. Not blowing up cities, but my missiles destroyed places and killed people, whether it was legit or not, Especially when terrorists got their hands on it. I was feeding my ego until it literally blew up in my face. Been there, done that. It's not pretty."
"So that's it? We're going to believe him?" huffed Clint, who had crossed his arms over his chest.
"He is eager to make a difference and prove himself, if not to us, then to Thor. I don't suppose you'd want to spend the rest of your life in prison. And I as captain of the Avengers think his cooperation is vital to whatever threat comes our way. Steve declared.
"Thank you, Captain." Loki said quietly.
"How can we be sure that he's telling the truth?" Clint responded, still clearly annoyed that the others were taking Loki's side.
Loki was calm as he spoke. "Why do you think I wanted to be captured in Germany, Barton? I wanted to know what your plan was. You, Hawkeye, told me everything about the Avengers, about SHIELD, the Hellicarrier, even Coulson. I knew that by using a big city like New York, you would do everything in your power to avenge your friend and not only defeat me, but the Chutari as well. I wanted to lose, because then they would not come back for me and I could be taken back to Asgard to die…or it turns out, imprisoned for the rest of my days; safe for the most part from being returned to them or their master."
He turned to Bruce next. "And I have to thank you for setting my mind free of the Stone's control when you thrashed me on Stark's floor."
"Don't be so cocky." Clint snapped, "Selvig has serious mental problems because of your control."
Loki's shoulders slumped. "I know. It can cause madness if used for long durations. Even the shorter one should not have affected him so." his eyebrows furrowed. "If I had my magic, I could perhaps heal his mind, or at least erase his memories of the time he was controlled."
'You said 'the Stone.' Observed Bruce, "Do you mean that blue one that was in the scepter?"
"Yes," said Loki. "It's one of the most powerful artifacts ever known. We must find it before anyone else does."
"Artifacts?" Steve inquired, brows furrowed. "The Stones weren't created now?"
Loki sighed, "There are six stones that were created from the Primordial Soup of the Universe after its creation. The Mind Stone, 'the blue one' as you so elegantly put it, is one of them. They consist of Space, Time, Reality, Soul, Mind and Power. Each is extremely powerful in their own right. If all six are possessed, it can wield unimaginable power. You've seen the results of possessing just one."
"Which is not a good look because we've seen what they wanted to do with the Tesseract." Tony remarked with arched eyebrows."
Loki turned on heel to the industrialist. "You gave my scepter to SHIELD?"
Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, we were damn lucky to convince them to return the Tesseract to Asgard."
"We need to get the scepter back, then?" Bruce added quietly.
"Yeah, about that….how are we supposed to ask for it? Say 'pretty please?" Tony snorted.
"It's safer in your hands than in SHIELD's, Stark." Loki agreed.
"That's all well and good, but just how do you suggest we get the damn thing back?" Clint added.
"Looks like I'm going to do some hacking into SHIELD computers tonight." Tony commented with a wave of his hand. "Take it easy, Rock of Ages. Might be needing your brain power soon."
Thor smiled. "Thank you for explaining, brother. I am glad that I now have the truth, and I am grateful for your honesty. I am sorry….I didn't know how much pain you were in." Thor realized that his brother had been struggling with his own inner turmoil and that he had been unable to express it.
Loki looked at Thor wearily. "There are still things that I can't…." he ran a hand through his hair.
" Thor nodded. "I understand. I just hope that you can find some sort of peace in the meantime." He paused, then added, "But if you ever need anything, you know I'm here for you." He patted his brother's shoulder. "A good night's rest is essential for your body to heal from illness."
. He could feel the warmth of Thor's unwavering protectiveness, and it made him feel secure.