Kaidan sat in the Mess Hall, barely touching his food. His feelings were mixed up, confusing, and he couldn't understand why. He was angry about what happened several months ago, and the pain of those two years was going to be hard to wash away. His thoughts always fell back to Kacey, her story and everything in between.

He noticed something else too; Kacey seemed to be getting more anxious as the story progressed. He already knew why: Horizon. His stomach turned just thinking about it. For now, he and Kacey were on good terms, and he didn't want to ruin it. Garrus mentioned how the crew could feel tension between the pair. The memories of that day came flooding back.

And then there were those weird feelings he had; why was he so worked up of that random krogan getting too close? Why did it annoy him when Kacey mentioned how Mordin helped her focus? Was he really falling in love with her all over again?

"What's bothering you, Kaidan?" Garrus said, sitting across from Kaidan.

"A lot of things." Kaidan replied.

"I can tell."

"Where is Kacey?" Kaidan asked anxiously.

"Somewhere on the Citadel." Garrus said, "She got an email from Admiral Hackett to go to some Alliance lab on the Citadel."

"Why?" Kaidan's anxiety grew.

"I don't know, she didn't say." Garrus said, "So….spill it, Kaidan."

Kaidan nearly choked, "Spill what?"

"I think you know what." Garrus snorted, "You don't want to admit it."

"Admit what?"

"Don't act like I didn't see you getting distracted at the Cerberus base." Garrus smirked, "Or the monastery for that matter. We're the only ones on the ship right now so spill it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

The turian eyed the biotic curiously. Kaidan sipped his tea, just as Garrus smirked at him.

"Well, in that case," Garrus smirked at Kaidan, "I suppose I ought to tell Vega that he might have a chance now."

Kaidan choked on his tea. He glared at the turian sharpshooter as he continued.

"You know, if Kacey is free, and nobody else on the ship wants to be with her, then Vega has a pretty good chance—"

"He does not!" Kaidan blurted out, "Kacey isn't into people like that!"

"And how would you know Vega isn't her type?"

"Because I—"

He stopped as he realised what he was going to say. 'Because I'm her type.'

He had just played right into the turian's hands. He saw Garrus smiling at him, and Kaidan could feel his cheeks turn red in embarrassment.

"Sorry, what was that Kaidan?" Garrus laughed.

Kaidan grumbled, "Because I'm her type. There I said it. Happy now?"

"Almost." Garrus replied, "Would you be okay with someone else being with Kacey?"

Now that was a tricky question. His mind had already come up with a logical answer; if it was what the Commander wanted, then he would be fine with it. But his heart? It didn't want that. He didn't want that. Kacey was truly something else; one of a kind. He hadn't met anyone else in the galaxy that could compare to her. Her humour, her kindness, her compassion. It was second to none. Nobody could compare.

"I…"

"The last thing I want to do is muddy things."

Muddy things. That's exactly what he did. Kacey was always willing to bend the rules a bit, walk right up to the line, but never cross it. She was charming and courageous. Her charm was what drew people to her.

But it was everything about her, that drew him in.

"Yeah, well I always leave a way out, you know that."

He couldn't walk away from her. He did it once, he didn't like it. He remembered the coup, the moment Kacey had asked him to stand down. If she had tried to shoot Udina immediately, would he have been able to shoot her?

No.

No, he couldn't lose her again. Not again.

"I'll take the silence as a no then?" Garrus laughed as Kaidan snapped back into reality.

"You do that." Was all he could say.

"You should tell her how you feel, you know." Garrus replied, "Because I'm willing to bet that right now, she thinks there may not be a way back to that."

"I will." Kaidan said with resolve, "Once she comes back, I will."

…

He was already facing the door as Kacey opened it. She had seemly tried to avoid him on the Citadel, so he figured it was best to wait in the docking bay of the Normandy. At least she can't avoid him now.

"GAH! Kaidan!" Kacey jumped as she opened the door. He couldn't hide his smile as she walked over to him, "Hey, I wondered where you went. What's up?"

"I'm trying to wrap my head around what just happened." Kaidan replied.

Kacey's smile had disappeared as he said that, "You sound angry."

"Not angry." Kaidan corrected, "Just not every day you have an armed standoff with someone that you loved. How it all went down, it's got me…I don't know."

"Okay." Kacey replied, "Talk to me, Kaidan. Let's have it."

"If I hadn't backed down first," Kaidan said, "I feel like you would have taken me out."

Kacey's eyes had widened in shock, "Never."

"What?"

"I trusted you Kaidan, and I knew you'd come around. That's all that matters. Main thing is we stopped the coup and Cerberus is off the Citadel."

The air was tense. She was right, sort of. Kaidan could see she was deflecting. He couldn't understand why.

"But sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Shepard." He said. He knew he didn't have the right to be on a first name basis with her anymore, "Later, when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity—then it matters."

"You're talking about Udina." Kacey replied.

Of course, Kacey saw through him. Kacey could see through pretty much everyone in her crew. Kacey sighed before continuing.

"You think he would've come in quietly? Kaidan, he didn't give any of us a choice. I had to take the shot. You did the right thing. You acted with integrity. I saw the whole thing."

It was just like her to always make someone feel better. To be that shoulder to cry on.

"All right. Thanks." He replied, "Look, Shepard, there's another reason I'm here. Hackett offered me a position, but I'd turn it down in a second if there was a chance I could join you on the Normandy again."

Kacey smiled, "Couldn't imagine meeting the Reapers without you."

He was thrilled. He hoped he would get the chance to return.

"Thank you, Commander." Kaidan said, "And Shepard, I need you to know I'll never doubt you again. I've got your back."

"Glad to hear it," Kacey replied, "Welcome aboard, Major."

…

Kaidan didn't plan on eavesdropping. He had just left the Medical Bay when he heard Garrus' voice. He stood behind the wall as Kacey approached the turian, both staring at the memorial wall.

"Shepard. Hell of a day." Garrus said, "Udina loses his mind, the Citadel almost falls…and you almost had to put down a friend today."

"Got a little tense there." Kacey replied.

"If it had come down to it, could you have pulled the trigger?"

Kaidan was extremely curious to hear Kacey's answer.

"No, I couldn't. You know that." Kacey said, "I don't see how. We start killing our friends and war turns into murder."

"But it doesn't always give us the easy way out, does it?" Garrus mused, "At least Kaidan didn't have to join Ash."

"Let's hope she's looking out for us." Kacey replied.

…

It was only his first day back on the Normandy, and now he had eavesdropped on Kacey twice. He was within earshot of Joker and Kacey as Kacey was doing her rounds. He could hear Joker's chair spin round.

"So, Cerberus wanted to go into politics huh?" the pilot said, "Nice job shutting those assholes down."

"Didn't you use to work for these assholes?" Kacey smirked, "Something about "leather seats"?"

"Hey, I worked for Cerberus when they were vigilantes helping the helpless." Joker said, "Now they're a little too mainstream. And evil. The important thing is that you kicked their asses."

"Damn straight." Kacey replied as Joker swirled his chair back around.

"Oh, and Kaidan's back!" Joker said, which gave Kaidan a fright, "He even remembered the first rule of serving on the Normandy: Don't shoot the Commander."

"Go easy on Kaidan." Kacey said sternly, "He's been through a lot."

He was surprised at Kacey's response. He was surprised that she was defending him at all.

"Yeah, like drawing a gun on a superior officer, nearly getting the Council killed. That's not going to look good on the yearly performance review."

"Joker."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. And I will, don't worry."

…

"GAH...Ow!"

Kaidan hadn't realised he had fallen off the top bunk until he crashed onto the ground. Thankfully, everyone was still out on the Citadel to not see the absolute disaster that had just happened.

He quickly got up, ignoring the dizziness that had hit him in that moment. Garrus was right. He had to say something. His feelings were so clear. He was just so caught up in his pain, in the war, in everything that happened six months ago…he hadn't noticed he had fallen for her again.

He quickly accessed his terminal, pulled up Kacey's number, and texted her quickly.

Hey Kacey,

If you get a moment, we should head out onto the Citadel for a snack.

He sent it. He hadn't noticed how haphazardly he put it together until he saw that Kacey was typing back.

Hey Kaidan,

Yeah absolutely. Do you want to meet me at that café on the Presidium? You know, the one near the small merchant quarter?

He quickly typed back: Yeah, that'll be great.

Kacey was quick to respond: Start heading your way over there. I'll be there soon.

He quickly replied with an "ok" before leaving the ship. He now had one chance to clear the air.

And he was sure as hell not going to waste it.