***Canon Divergence Disclaimer: see disclaimer about Wolfsbane before Ch. 4

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Ch. 8 - A Miscalculation of Lunar Proportions

"Remus. Remus. Come on Moony, wakey-wakey," Sirius jolted him. Remus awoke in a haze and lurched up to sit.

"How...how long have I been out?" he grumbled wearily.

Sirius knelt down and put his hands on Remus' shoulders, looking a bit ill at ease. "Listen to me. I didn't realize it earlier - the full moon's tonight."

"...No, no that's impossible, it's not until the sixteenth," Remus assured him, shaking his throbbing head.

"Mate, today is the sixteenth."

Remus' eyes shot open, and he frantically scanned the front room for a clock. How could he have been so thick as to lose track of the days?

"You haven't taken your potion yet today."

"What time is it?" He staggered as he stood up and paced to the clock in the kitchen.

It was nearly six.

"I have to go," he informed him, panicked. He turned and nodded a silent 'thank you' to Sirius before disapparating.

…

Emmeline hadn't been able to get through more than thirty pages of her book all day, as she was too distracted to distract herself with another distraction. Nearly every time she finished a paragraph, she realized that she hadn't paid attention to any of the words she'd just read, and had to go back and read it all over again; sometimes twice or three times. Lord, if a book couldn't soothe her…

She considered getting dressed and getting out of the flat, but the thought alone exhausted her. It was too cold and she was far too glum. Noticing that the sun had set outside, she gave up on her book and was made aware of her growling stomach. Sluggishly, she arose from the sofa and traipsed to the kitchen in search of something to quell her appetite. As she passed it, she stared longingly at the spot Remus had disapparated from the previous evening.

"Perhaps I should just go talk to him," she thought to herself. They hadn't exactly left things the way she had hoped they might've, and in her mind they still had much to discuss. Leaving to speak with Remus would only further provoke Tiberius, however. He would be home from the ministry shortly, which meant they would have to talk about last night, and she was dreading that conversation too. It would be politically wiser just to send Remus a letter. She approached the window sill where where her barn owl Orpheus was resting, and gently stroked his neck feathers with her index finger. No, a letter would not be enough, and Remus deserved to hear everything from her own mouth rather than the mouth of an owl. She owed him that.

She continued on into the kitchen and perused the cupboard, deciding on a bag of crisps and digging in at once. As soon as she'd made it back to the sofa, there was a knock at the door.

Emmeline's heart leapt. She wiped the crumbs from her mouth and tossed the crisps aside before vaulting over the sofa up to the entryway. It's not that she wasn't pleased to see Marlene, but she'd sort of been hoping it was someone else.

"Marley," she acknowledged her, surprised by her friend's presence in her doorway. "What's the matter?"

Marlene looked rather somber, and threw herself into Emmeline's embrace before she responded. "I'm so sorry. Remus told us."

Emmeline hadn't the energy to be upset about this, and had half expected it. She'd been planning to tell Marlene herself anyway. Grateful for her friend and the loving touch of a hug, she squeezed her back. "Thank you."

Pulling herself out of the Emmeline's arms and looking her in the eye, Marlene then said something that shocked Emmeline to her core: "You are so brave."

Whatever she had expected Marlene to say, it wasn't that.

Emmeline's mouth hung agape. "...I'm not," she disagreed, shaking her head. "I ran away, remember? It wasn't brave at all. The opposite, actually."

Marlene pushed her bangs out of her face exasperatedly. "Oh dear, you Gryffindor types can be so thick sometimes," she muttered, before shutting the door, dragging Emmeline to the couch, and sitting her down.

"I trust you didn't mean to say that out loud?" griped Emmeline, unsure if she was more offended by the compliment or the insult.

"I don't know. Listen to me. You are brave. You left your entire life behind to protect your unborn child. What about that doesn't sound brave to you?"

Emmeline supposed she had never thought about it that way, but dissented nonetheless. "I didn't even think, Marlene. I didn't think about you, or Lily, and I especially didn't think about Remus. I didn't think at all. I just got up and left without a goodbye. It was the epitome of cowardice and self preservation."

She was simply not understanding what Marlene was trying to convey to her. "Emmeline." Marlene got down on a knee before her and took her hands again. "That not-thinking-just-doing instinct you felt was a motherly instinct. Was it wrong to abandon Remus without a goodbye? Yes. Horrid, actually. I won't defend you there. Should you have let your friends know what was going on? Absolutely. But I know why you did it, and it wasn't self-preservation. It was self-sacrifice. I think self-sacrifice is just about the bravest thing there is."

Emmeline felt her temper starting to flare up, but was not mindful enough to realize that this was triggered more by her own shame than by Marlene's attempt to reason with her. "I didn't even come back after I'd lost the baby."

"I'm not going to fault you for whatever your healing process had to be after you went through that, because I don't think I could possibly understand how difficult that must have been."

"Really Marlene, you're giving me far too much credit, and you shouldn't."

"Think about it. Emmeline. Do you love me?"

"Of course I do."

"And Lily?"

"Yes!"

"You love your friends, but you had to leave us, because even though you knew it would hurt us, it was not safe for you to be here fighting with the Order and it was not safe for your child to be here. Which is why I know that leaving must've been a hard, mature, brave thing to do. Because I know you, and I know the last thing you would ever want to do is hurt the people you love without good reason."

"That can't possibly be the case, because I love Remus and all I seem to do is hurt him-"

They both gasped. Emmeline covered her mouth with both hands and jumped up off the couch, feeling as though she'd sabotaged her own life all over again. "...Oh my God."

Marlene stood too. "...Em."

"What?"

"Go."

"Go, go where?"

"You have to tell him."

"No," she protested, beginning to walk away though she wasn't exactly sure where she was going.

Marlene pursued her. "Why the hell not?"

"Because...he just ought to find someone else. Someone better."

Marlene had caught up with her and ran around to block her way. "Someone better? For the love of Rowena, don't be so dramatic! Your complete and utter lack of a filter may have just saved your life. You're really going to resign yourself to being McLaggen's trophy wife when you've just said you still love Remus? Are you mad?"

"Tiberius-"

"Is a wanker Emmeline, honestly I don't know what you were thinking." Marlene looked as if she'd been waiting to say this for ages, and frankly Emmeline didn't think to disagree.

"...I can't. I don't know where Remus lives now."

"A few streets over from your old flat. I cannae remember the name of the road off the top of my head, but if you turn right at the end of Church Street-"

"Marlene," Emmeline said, much quieter. "I can't."

"You have to," she repeated, placing her hand on Emmeline's stomach. "I know this is heinous advice coming from me, but don't think, just do. What are your instincts telling you to do?"

…

Emmeline apparated to the narthex of St. Jerome's as she had for the wedding, then set out to look for Remus. It was an unusually chilled evening, even colder than normal for November weather, and her "instincts" had failed to mention that she should bring her coat. Don't think, just do. She walked briskly to keep her teeth from chattering.

It wasn't long before she reached the painfully familiar flat on Church Street. She stared contemplatively up at the second floor of the two-story house, as memories of crepe breakfasts and eggshell-colored walls and sleepless nights danced behind her eyes. She saw lights on inside. Some other couple had moved in there now.

Their old flat was on the corner of the street, so she veered right like Marlene had instructed and began checking the names scribbled onto mailbox cards of the surrounding buildings. Lupin...Lupin...Lupin...

She hadn't the faintest idea what she would say to Remus if and when he opened the door. She hadn't planned that far ahead. Don't think, just do. Her search for Remus' mailbox came to a halt when she noticed a townhouse on the other side of the street with its door ajar.

She eyeballed the entrance to the home momentarily, waiting for its forgetful resident to come shut their door. But nobody came, and there were no lights coming from the inside. Then again, she couldn't really tell, since it was so bright outsi-

She jerked her head up to look at the sky.

Full moon.

She knew exactly who the resident was.

With her wand drawn and at the ready, she let herself into the townhouse. "Remus," she called out. There was no response. "Lumos."

The sight was disturbing to say the least. Torn fabric and debris littered the floor, with evidence of Remus' transformation on every piece of splintering furniture. Proceeding into the kitchen, she nearly stepped in a puddle of deep blue liquid and shattered glass. She was sure it must have been the Wolfsbane.

She darted to the telephone on the wall, thankful that it was still intact, and scanned the little piece of paper taped next to it for a useful number. Aha! She remembered Marlene and Sirius had a phone, and luckily their number was on the paper. Most wizards did not own telephones, certainly not any pureblood families, but Marlene had always been curious about them and finally just bought one for Sirius' house. Emmeline vividly remembered Sirius' skepticism when Marlene first brought it home. She, Remus, and Lily, who had all grown up with at least one muggle parent, had to explain the concept of telephones to them (to this day, Sirius was puzzled as to why there was any use for them when they already had owls.) Emmeline was quite thankful that Marlene had purchased it, as there was no time to send an owl. She dialed the number. To her surprise, Sirius answered with the confidence of a seasoned telephone user.

"Hello?"

"Sirius."

"Em? What are you-"

"Remus missed his potion," she hollered into the speaker. She hadn't even finished explaining the situation when she heard the whoosh of an apparition and Sirius appeared in the doorway. Alarmed by the state of the flat, he swallowed hard.

"Merde," Sirius swore in French.

"Where does he usually go?" Emmeline asked, tearing through cabinets in search of more Wolfsbane.

"He doesn't. When he takes his potion he's able to stay home. He hasn't missed it once since he started on it this year."

There was a collection of filled bottles like the one broken on the floor in the last cupboard Emmeline checked, and she plucked out the one nearest her. "Can you grab him some clothes? Or a coat? Wait, make that two coats."

"...You're not seriously thinking about going after him."

"He might've hurt himself, or he might've hurt someone else. Don't think, just do."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Look, I'll go find him since I'm the animagus, and you'll stay put."

"Like hell I will. Last time I checked, you can't use a wand without opposable thumbs."

"Em-"

"We don't have time to argue about this." She was about to search for some sort of receptacle to hold the bottle, but Sirius stopped her.

"Emmeline, listen to me carefully," he instructed. "He's been drinking, and it's been so long since he went without the potion that he is going to be severely aggressive. When we find him, do not try to reason with him, and do not assume that he recognizes you. If you hesitate, he will kill you. Do you understand?"

She nodded, and tried as best as she could to conceal her panic.

"I need to hear you say it."

"...I understand."

"Good," he said, before tossing her a coat and a satchel of clothes from the entryway closet. He knew Remus always had one ready to go just in case. "We'll start in the woods."