Hello!
If you're a Love-reader, you probably read that this was starting next Monday, but...well, surprise!
So! Next book! Released every Monday (so, the next one should be on the 4th), with Love updates as frequently as I can manage in between.
Just a few things to note about this plot-wise:
- Amelia never moved to Seattle
- Derek was only in DC for a three or four months before he quit completely
-Derek went back to DC a few weeks later for his final meeting, which is when he called Meredith and said he wouldn't be coming back
Anyway...enjoy?
"What the hell are you doing here?"
There was nothing else to say, really.
When, one day, you were married with two kids and the next your husband was calling you from DC saying that he probably wouldn't ever be coming back, there was nothing else to say.
"Um-" He swallowed. When he rang the door bell, he wasn't expecting a nice greeting, but he wasn't expecting that either. "Hi."
"Hi?" She repeated with a crazed kind of grin. "You turn up after three months and you say 'hi'? Seriously? That's what you go with?"
"I um- I'm not sure there's anything I could have said that wouldn't uh...you know."
That was a good point. Anything he could say would make her lose it, really. He could say nothing and she still would of. But she had every right to. Who left their wife and two kids with just a phone call? Things definitely weren't sunshine-and-rainbows between them, but that was still no excuse. "So, are you going to answer my question of why the hell you are here?"
"I want to see the kids."
She rolled her eyes as she leant on the doorframe. "After all this time? It's been like three months, Derek, and now you care? Just after they've started to settle?"
"I have a legal right to see them, and I don't want to get a lawyer, but I will if I have to."
"I suppose." She sighed.
"So...can I see them?" He asked when she didn't continue.
"When are you free?" She returned back in an almost bored voice.
"Now?" He suggested, seeing as he was stood right there.
"Oh, no. I have to have an hour conversation with them about it now, so it's going to have to be a different day. And I told them that you probably weren't ever going to come back after your ominous and vague singular phone call, so now they're going to be mad at me."
He swallowed. "Yeah. I'm...really sorry about that."
"I'm sure you are. Or at least I sure hope you are." She returned. She would forever be mad at him about that. "I'm not going to say that you have to be supervised, but I'm not having them go...wherever you live now."
"In an apartment near Seattle Pres."
She nodded. "So...when are you free for the kids? Other than today. Unless this is just a one-day thing where you pop by, ruin the kids and then leave again."
"I'm staying in Seattle, and I want to see them. More than once." He clarified. "And I'm free whenever."
"Don't you have a job go consider?"
"Oh. Right." He breathed. "Yeah."
"You do have a job, right?" She asked. He'd answered that like a lie. Like he'd never even heard of a job before, in fact.
He swallowed. "Of course. I just mean I'll work around you, that's all."
"Right. Well, tomorrow after dinner would be fine. Sevenish?"
He smiled. "Yeah. Sounds good. Thanks."
"How was it?" She asked as she heard the sound of the door opening.
"Well, she's letting me see them. I did what you recommended- mentioning a lawyer and all, but I think she was going to let me anyway." Derek explained as he shook off his coat.
"So why aren't you smiling?"
"I just...I'm worried it might be a mistake. I already ruined them once and now- I mean-" He sighed. "I'm going to do it again."
She sighed, and rubbed her hand against his shoulder to try and comfort him. "Please don't say that."
"We need to be realistic."
"They'll find something, Derek. I'm sure of it."
He scrubbed his face with his hand. "They won't. But thanks for trying to make me feel better anyway."
"Dada! Dada! Daaaadaaaa!" Zola squealed at the sight of him at the door.
He smiled, dropped to one knee, and wrapped his hands around her when she met him. "Hello, baby."
"Hello, Dada."
His smile expanded. "You've grown so much."
"Best jumper no fit no more."
"Aw, man." He sighed. "Bet that's sad. But bet that means you get lots of cool new clothes too, right?"
"Dada new also." She said pointing at his face.
"These?" He took his glasses off, and handed them to her.
"For see?" She suggested. "Eyes broken?"
"Mmm, mmm. That's right. For seeing, because my eyes are not so great anymore."
She giggled as she looked through them. "Daddy look funny."
He pulled a face, and that only accelerated her laughter.
After she was done with her laughing fit, she handed them back to him, and he slipped them on. She smiled. "Dada is cool."
"I'm not sure about that." He muttered as he glanced to Meredith. She was smirking at the pair. "But thanks."
This time, he was the first one home.
She'd done the thing everyone did. She didn't want to go shopping, knowing that Derek would be back soon, and then when she finally decided to go, she of course missed him.
She dropped the bag on the floor before she could even close the door behind her. "Oh, Derek. What happened?"
All he could do was shake his head as he blinked and blinked in an attempt to get the tears out of his eyes.
She pulled a tissue out of her box on the table and passed it to him. "It's okay. Whatever happened, it'll be okay. I'll go and talk to her myself if I ha-"
"No." He just about managed. "No. It was great."
"So this is about-"
"They're my children...I-" He gulped. "I'm not ready. I...I can't-"
She sighed as she pulled him into a side hug, hand brushing his back. She'd love to say something reassuring, but there wasn't anything she could say. "Neither am I."
"Sorry; dinner was a little late." Meredith apologized as Derek entered the house and observed them. "We're just about to have dessert."
"We make chocy cake, Dada." Zola said. She slid down from her seat, and approached him.
He smiled. "Did you?"
"Yeah!" She said, her smile expanding. She reached up for his hand, and he dropped so she could grasp it. "You have some."
"Oh, no. I'm fine. I've already eaten my dessert today."
She guided him to the table. "No. Dada gotta eat my chocy cake!"
He swallowed. "Okay. But just a small piece."
"Hey guys. Where's your dad?"
"He went bafroom." Zola explained as she stopped playing with her toys to look at her mom.
"Oh, okay." She agreed with an internal shrug. That was fine.
"But that long time ago."
That wasn't so fine. "How long is a long time?"
"Lots of time."
Her eyebrows creased. "Okay. I'm just going to go and find him. I'll be right back."
"Okay Mama." Zola agreed.
She headed for the downstairs toilet, assuming he wouldn't go upstairs, and paused outside. She knocked twice, but didn't get a response. "Hey, Derek. Zola told me you went to the toilet a whi-"
A loud, long fit of coughs cut her off.
"Derek. Derek, are you okay?"
"Yeah-" He just about managed to get out.
"Are you sure?"
"Choking on nothing. Don't worry." He called through the door. He flushed the toilet, washed his hands, and unlocked the door.
She opened it before he had the chance to, revealing a pale man with slightly damp skin.
"You look terrible."
"Thanks a lot." He muttered as he placed his hand on the door to stabilize himself.
"Seriously." She replied. Last time she had said that, she was angry and said it in a berating tone. This time, the only emotion in her voice was worry. "Do you need to sit down or something? Some water? Acetaminophen?"
"I'm fine. I choked on my own saliva, like an idiot. I'm just flustered with embarrassment, that's all." He dismissed. "Now, if you excuse me, I've got a game of princesses to return to and a fairly impatient little girl."
"How was it this time?"
"Not good." Derek sighed as he closed the door and turned to her.
"Why? Was it the kids? Meredith?" She asked as she met him at the door.
"No-" He shook his head. "It was the...thing."
She swallowed, and engulfed him in a hug. "Oh. Sorry, sweetie."
"It's okay." He muttered, although they both knew that it really, really wasn't.
"So...what happened to your style?" Meredith couldn't help but ask as he put his shoes and coat on.
He paused getting ready to leave so he could look at her. "What?"
"You used to be a jeans-and-t-shirt guy. Now you're a..."
"A jeans-and-hat-and-glasses-and-hoodie guy?" He suggested with a smile.
She smiled, but once it had naturally fell, she inquired, "What's with the glasses, by the way?"
"It's called getting old."
"You're not old."
"I am." He refused. "And my eyes know it."
She shook her head. "You're still young and handsome, Derek."
"Handsome, eh?"
They both laughed at that with dilated eyes and wide smiles across their faces.
For just one moment, Meredith was sent back in time to the time when they were happy and in love and together.
Five perfect seconds, where Derek wasn't in DC and Meredith didn't despise him and he was here for his kids and they were almost a family once again.
He could still give her that time of peace. And that fact made her want to pull him by his shirt and kiss him, right then and there. Then she'd rip off said shirt on the way to the bedroom, along with every other item of clothing he was wearing, and they'd do a little more than kissing. A lot more than kissing, even. Then he'd engulf her in his regular post-sex cuddle and she'd get that overwhelming sense of safety from him that she had been missing since the day he disappeared. Nothing came close to what Derek could give her.
But this wasn't back in the past when they were happy and in love and together.
They'd finally fixed themselves, and then he had just...disappeared. And she'd forever hate him for that.
But he'd also given her so many years of love. He'd given her two beautiful children. He'd given her joy. He'd given her laughter. He'd given her life. And she'd forever love him for that.
"So, I went food shopping today." She said as she entered.
Derek smirked, trying his best to find humour. "Way to kick a man when he's down."
She smiled as she sat next to him on the sofa. She kissed him on the cheek. "For you, not me."
"Oh." He breathed. He thought it was a little cruel for her to rub it into his face.
"I did a lot of research online this morning, and found a bunch of food that is, apparently, good for people with a poor appetite. I also bought lots of nutrition-filled stuff in the hope you can stop taking so many pills. I couldn't buy all the things that I saw online, partially because some of the food was way too expensive and partially because the shop didn't sell it, but I bought an awful lot of it. I'll buy a hundred of whatever you can manage."
He nodded, but didn't smile.
"It's okay. If you can't manage any of it then that's fine." She reassured him, trying to keep her voice as soft and forgiving as possible. "I just want you to try, okay? That's all I'm asking."
He smiled this time at the comfort.
"I'll uh- get your bowl incase you're sick."
"Wait-" He called as she left.
She paused in the doorway and looked back to him. "Yeah?"
"Is it okay if I just eat tomorrow? I'm just...really tired." He said, scrubbing his face with his hands. "My head is killing me. Need to go to bed."
She didn't speak for a second. She really wanted to say no and force him to eat. But she knew she couldn't. "You know you're only going to feel worse if you don't eat, right? You've already gotten so thin; the thick hoodies aren't hiding it as well as you think. Or at least from me. I know you far too well."
He swallowed. She was right, although he had also started wearing them because he got so cold so easily now. "I'm not sure you're going to be saying that when I throw up everywhere. Again."
"I'm not sure I care about a little sick when the alternative is you collapsing. I really don't want to call an ambulance. Again."
He sighed, but didn't speak. He didn't have a rebuttal to that.
"I'm going to get you some juice and biscuits, unless you think you can handle something else. Once you eat them, then you can go to bed, okay?"
"Okay." He reluctantly agreed.
"Derek, I have your-" She paused when she realized his eyes were closed. She placed the plate on the table and then pressed her fingers into his neck. His pulse was strong and roughly in the right range, so she sighed, and reluctantly covered him in his blanket so he could sleep.