Last chapter...

"Ok, senpai. I guess we need to summon Renge or something."

And now...

Renge did not, in fact, rise out of the floor on her powerful motor. Instead, she was conversing with a guard at the gate of the second Suoh estate, as he denied her entry to the compound.

"But I told you, sir, I'm being summoned in there!"

"And I told you, ma'm, that you don't have prior approval to get in like Mister Ootori and his guest."

"But they're the ones who want me here! I could just leave and then nothing would ever get done! Look, can you just call the main estate or something, and ask them? Please?"

The guard hemmed and hawed, and with a final harrumph, he picked up the phone. After speaking to no less than seven maids, he was finally transferred to Shima, who put them on hold as she went to knock on Tamaki's door.

"Young Master Tamaki, there is a lady on the land-line waiting at the gate requesting permission to come in," the stern woman said, the door to Tamaki's room ever so slightly ajar to let her voice carry clearly.

Tamaki and his friends looked up. The shinto priest and his assisting shrine maidens didn't. "Who is it?"

"She has announced herself as Houshakuji Renge, daughter of-"

"Renge is here?! Let her in!" Tamaki barked, to Shima's surprise. The maid narrowed her eyes, silently promising to review Tamaki's manners lessons after his guests left for the day.

"Yes, Master Tamaki," Shima said curtly, and bustled away to the abandoned house phone to approve the Houshakuji heiress's entrance.

Seven minutes later, Renge had finally gone up the long gravel drive and was assisted by a handy maid to navigate their way to Tamaki's room, by which time the Priest and his crew had packed up their things, bowed to the Hosts, and made their way out to collect "donations" from Shima for services rendered.

"Have no fear, students, because I am here!" Renge posed with her fists on her hips in the doorway to Tamaki's room, her poofy yellow skirt almost the width of the door frame. The three hosts stared at her from the interior of the room, arrayed about a small table with tea and scones laid out. There was an empty fourth chair that Renge traipsed to and settled herself upon delicately. "HeroAca anyone? No? Whatever. Now, gentlemen, how may I assist you today?"

Tamaki began to stumble over his explanation, of how he was missing time from the day and his suspicions of being partially possessed by an anime character. Renge's eyes grew wider and wider as Tamaki continued to speak, and when he mentioned the name Edward Elric, Renge let out a high-pitched squeal of excitement.

"The first thing I want to do is see if we can get you to change. Edward-sama might have some more information about what happened directly prior to him getting sent into your body. Hmm, I might have to rewatch Conqueror of Shamballa for this..." Renge mused, and the Hosts looked at each other.

"From your account earlier, Tamaki regained control of himself twice this afternoon." Kyoya mused. "I wonder if there was anything we could do to likewise trigger the change."

"When he came out he had either slept or Ed had been doing a very, well, Tamaki-like activity," Haruhi added. "I wonder if Tamaki doing an Ed-like activity could make it work in reverse?"

"Worst comes to worst we can always knock him out," Kyoya's glasses glinted. "Thanks to the Ootori family's medical technology we can make it quick and painless."

"Why does it sound like you're planning my death?" Tamaki asked awkwardly.

"No need, boys!" Renge crowed. "I know just what to try!" And with that, Renge clapped her hands.

Edward came to awareness very suddenly, and found himself sitting down for tea with Haruhi, Kyoya, and a strange girl he had never met yet felt inexplicably that he had known for a while. "wOah, what the hell? How did I get over here? Who's she?" Ed shot his questions rapid fire at the other teens, looked pleasantly surprised.

"Wow, Renge, how did you know that would work?" Haruhi asked the otaku, who merely smirked mysteriously.

"Who knows?" She tittered. "I definitely didn't just clap to punctuate my point and was planning to just put him in cosplay, no siree."

"Clapping makes some deal of sense, though," Kyoya mused, riffling through some of the printed pages about the Fullmetal Alchemist anime. "It appears to be how alchemists transmute, and has some kind of significance beyond that to the characters and some such nonsense."

"It's not nonsense," Ed frowned. "Not just anyone can do alchemy with only a clap, only those who have seen Truth. Actually, the theory behind it is making a circle with your body, mimicking the alchemical-" he elaborated before he was rudely cut off.

"Speaking of Truth, do you remember what instructions he gave you? In fanfiction he tends to give you a mission you need to complete before you can go home," Renge informed him, one finger loftily in the air as she "educated" them.

"Uh, not really. It seemed super vague and poorly thought-out, like if the author didn't know what they were doing with the story yet and just spouted some vague bullshit or something," Ed mused. "Wait, how did you even know Truth sent me here in the first place?"

"How the heck else would you get here, in another person's body no less?" Renge pouted. "Although it's already been established you seem to be from FMA Brotherhood, our current situation seems to be somewhat similar to the ending of the 2003 series..." Renge trailed off. "That... actually could be a solution. Certainly not an ideal one, but if it worked in one continuity, why not this one?"

"What are you talking about Renge?" Haruhi inquired as Kyoya rapidly rifled through papers, before finally pulling one out. "It appears that in the 2003 anime, Edward was sent to another world and landed in his extradimensional self's body. He appears to have managed to return when... Oh my, I see what you mean about this being... unideal," Kyoya's glasses glinted over his stoic face. "The alternate version of Ed perished under Edward's control, and our alchemist friend appeared back in his own world with that side of his gate severed or something or other."

Haruhi immediately glared at the body-snatching alchemist. "You can't kill senpai," she growled warningly.

"Well, Truth's vague bullshit explanation did say something about the gate being a part of me and there always being a price," Ed mused, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "But if I got back the same way, that would mean Tamaki has to die, and that would probably be a super-unsatisfying bullshit end to this mess anyways. Not to mention that I don't want to murder anyone."

"I don't think there's enough canon material to see if there are alternate ways to separate you," Renge broke back into the conversation, "but maybe we could induce a medical coma, or do it in a controlled environment so we could revive Tamaki immediately?"

"Although that seems the best solution we have right now, many things can go wrong with temporary medical death, even with my family's cutting edge technology and resources," Kyoya said firmly, glasses glinting intimidatingly.

"I guess since we don't really have a time limit or encroaching deadline, it's not really a problem, but I'm sure Tamaki wants his life back, and if I can go back home and be with Al... " Edward mused, a delicate golden pair of opera glasses inexplicably flashing across his mind.

"Really? No deadline? Even with all your character breaks?" Renge questioned innocently.

"Character breaks?" Haruhi and Kyoya looked at each other in confusion, and Edward tilted his head.

"Yeah, character breaks! It was Edward doing club duties this afternoon, right? I don't know if you guys noticed, but he was as smooth as Tamaki! I'm not sure if they've taken on some of each others' traits or some things have gotten scrambled up with Ed's arrival or if they're slowly intersecting and one will disappear or they'll become the same new person or WHAT," Renge took a huge gulp of air, "but I think there's some kind of timer on this. If we delay too long there will be vague, yet probably very-not-good consequences."

"Then I suppose it is fortunate then that the Ootori group deals with medicine. I know several of our more... loyal... employees who can get set up on short notice. If Tamaki and Ed here consent to the operation, of course."

Edward shifted even more uncomfortably, stretching back in his chair. "I think... this is Tamaki's decision to make. Of course I want to go home to Al and Winry, but... this is his body, and I'm just a parasite body-snatcher head-ghost or something. And as much as I would give to get back, Tamaki's life doesn't belong to me. So until we've exhausted all other ideas, or that theoretical timer reaches zero, I want to wait on possibly damaging this body!"

Renge fangirl squeals over Edward's unique brand of self-sacrificial charm as Haruhi scoffs a quiet "what other ideas?" Kyoya merely narrows his eyes, pulling his phone out under the table and rapidly fires off some texts.

Standing abruptly, Kyoya slides his phone into a pocket. "It's getting late. As today is Friday, there is conveniently no more school tomorrow. Thus, we will then return to continue the discussion then. I will meet you here at noon, and if all goes well with Tamaki, we can put you two under soon after. Renge, thank you for your assistance in this matter. You were invaluable," the cool type shoots the maiden a smile, and she squeals and fans her red face. "Haruhi, you will be here tomorrow to assist me in convincing Tamaki. There should be no reason to refuse with you there to hold his hand." The natural type rolls her eyes at her senpai. "If you will excuse me, I have arrangements to make. I am adjourning this meeting for tonight, and I will see you all, except Renge, tomorrow. Come, Haruhi, Renge" and with a snap of his fingers, he ushers the girls out.

"It was an honor to meet you, Edward-sama!" Renge squeals, giving Ed a big hug around his shoulders as he remained stiffly seated. The otaku practically skipped out of the room, leaving the alchemist alone in startled silence in the wake of the exit of his boisterous companions.

"I need to fucking sleep."

Tamaki felt numb. Unlike the other times he and Edward had switched, Tamaki could see through his own eyes as Edward wore his body, and his ears resounded with aftershocks of Renge's clap. As the clap faded out, his friends' conversation began fade in, and Tamaki began to grow concerned. For him to be normal again, he would have to die. Just for a moment, sure, but what other possible (or plausible) solution was there? What would come at the end of the time limit? He sure as hell had noticed his recent swearing habit, would he and Edward converge or would one destroy the other or what? He just wanted things to go back to normal.

"What would you think about this, Tamaki?" Edward mutters as he slides between Tamaki's silk sheets, brought with him from his home in France.

I'm sure you're a nice person and all, but I just want my life back.

"Me too, pal..."

The two minds sank into sleep together.

Hey everyone, I just want to say a quick thank you to everyone who keeps following, favoriting, and commenting on this story. Your support means the world to me, and I hope everyone is, has been, and continues to be as safe as possible during this crazy, scary year.

As for the story itself, I finally wrote out the rest of the outline, and the first paragraph of the next chapter is all set to languish in my documents for the next year, at which point I will rush to write the rest of the chapter to post on October 3rd.

Stay safe, wash your hands, and wear your masks!

Love,

GG